Procedure

I had my hysteroscopy today.  Wasn't sure what to expect for this, but the only thing I did know was I would have a long wait at Dr.'s office.  My good friend dropped me off at 10:30am (didn't leave until around 1:30). I had the medication class I was supposed to have on Tuesday, then waited and waited. I got pretty nervous again in the waiting room. It's hard to explain if it's an anxiety, fear, or combo....my chest gets a little tighter, my thoughts spin faster, there's a tiny tiny 'unsettled' feeling, and I constantly ask myself if I should keep going, how bad do I want this? There are women who are at the point and will do anything to make this dream come true.  I'm struggling w/ the "anything" part....maybe because I feel like I fast forwarded my journey by jumping to IVF. This process is so much more involved and invasive than I had even considered. Perhaps I need to go back to counseling to help me work through some of this, because this fear, anxiety or whatever theme keeps cominging up whenever I go to the Dr.'s office, or out of town for that matter.  It's funny, I feel most confident when I am safe in my apartment and reading SMC weblogs.  About the counselor, that's another story because while I've like my counselor for past few years, I think I need more. It's daunting to think about looking for someone new and starting over again.

Back to procedure....
They finally took me back and they have a whole surgical suite back there. Had no idea. It was really like you were in the hospital w/ curtains, gurneys, IV's, the whole bit.  I got on my hair net, my booties, and the gown. Why a lot of us take pictures of our feet, I don't know...but I just had to. I am pretty tall so they hung off end of bed!

There were two beds back there separated by a curtain, and another woman in the next one. I heard the nurse say "talk to your embryos, it's important". She told the nurse she had the retrieval on this past Wednesday. I suspect it wasn't her first one since the nurse said "this time" fresh transfer. My mind kept wandering to, "What is that woman thinking, feeling right now....? What got her here, does she have support?"
I actually wanted to pull the curtain back and just offer her a good luck. That's not like me either, but I just had some heart for this woman.

Then the anesthesiologist came in. He was really funny and had a bit of a German accent, I think. He kept cracking jokes, and I actually laughed outloud....and I'm not one to think that many jokes are funny.  He tried to get IV started in my hand and couldn't. He was so upset. He said it was physically hard on me, but emotionally hard on him since he couldn't remember the last time he didn't get it on the first try. He was so nice that I honestly didn't care. It did hurt in my hand, though.
My Dr. talked w/ me a bit before the procedure and said everything should go just fine. I like the fact that he is so soft-spoken, calming. Then I walked from my gurney to the back surgical room. Got up on the table in the right spot and the medicine was injected....I felt a little spacey, then out. Next thing I know the nurse asked me to scootch to the gurney and they took me back in other room. It only took like 25 minutes.

I stayed in my bed for another 15 minutes or so, got up, dressed, and my friend was there to pick me up. I am so thankful for her being there and supporting me. It makes a big difference in my spirits :)

I got home and pretty much laid on the sofa or my bed the rest of today. Of course now I am not tired since it is 11pm and I slept all day. I hadn't planned to, but my head felt a bit 'fuzzy' and it just made me tired. I do have some cramping and bleeding (which is normal he said).  Because I slept on and off I totally forgot that I hadn't taken the Lupron at 7pm. Shame on me. So, I took it at 10:15pm. 

I feel kinda crummy now since I had the meds and slept a lot etc.. but I think tomorrow will be better.