First, thanks to chas.in.g rain.bo.ws for the comment to my last post. I appreciate your insight because I follow your blog regularly and know that you have a nanny as well. I agree with you and appreciate your comments.
However since I wrote that post......Curveball One impacts nanny situation: I need to get a new job. I have said for a long time that my company was unstable. There has been a lot of uncertainty about our company/department, and last week I got wind that things are looking worse. So much so that I have launched a full on job search. I certainly prefer to stay in the city I am, but I have to be open to moving for the right company/opportunity. That clearly impacts my whole childcare arrangement. I can start to look for a new nanny now, but it really doesn't make sense until I know what where my job search may take us. I don't want to change too many things because I have a lot on my plate. I did talk to her the Monday after that post and she apologized profusely and said it would never happen again. She said she completely forgot to tell me and that she didn't hear her daughter tell me about the visit. She did seem genuine....well, enough for me not to fire her and just let it be for now. If I do stay here, I will be looking for a new nanny because I feel like her attitude is just not the best anymore. Another example: She told me this past Friday at 5pm she wanted to be late on Monday due to taking her daughter to school for first day. Totally get it, but I had already booked 2 meetings that am that were not moveable (well, not at 5pm on Friday). She stormed out of the house and slammed the door on way out. Whatever, but what bothered me the most is baby and I always walk over to the door and baby waves/or slams on the window/ when nanny goes home everyday. Nanny didn't even turn back around. She's also made comments that next year she is going to only work 4 days/week. Hey boy.
Curveball 2:
Regardless of my work situation, my number one priority is to build my family. I thought only a few minutes about interviewing while pregnant, what if I am hospitalized again, what if morning sickness is worse, starting a new job and then needing to go out on maternity leave so early, etc..and then just put it all on the backburner. I still have the IVF insurance and by god I am going to use it. Since I was planning to try in Oct/Nov, I had had my IVF consult on the books for today.
Here is the curveball: trying for baby number 2 is on--right now!!!
I assumed since we didn't do many labs last time I was at Dr. that this would just be a hey, you need to do XYZ lab, THEN we'll talk about protocol, you need to do a month of birth control anyway, etc.. Well, to my surprise, he had ordered whatever fertility labs last time and had all the data he needed.
GREAT NEWS: my numbers look great. I didn't go into too much detail about the numbers w/ him because I would obsess. That's his job. I know something is a 7.9 and he said he has women with 2-3 (totally not like me not to dive for more detail and know exactly what test it was, but I just didn't). He says that due to that, he expects we might get a good number of eggs. He is changing protocol from last time because of two reasons 1) if my numbers were this good, I should have produced more eggs last time (more than the 7) and 2) I had a blood clot last time.
The process is fast forwarded because normally he does 1 month of birthcontrol, but due to the blood clot, we are skipping that part and going right to getting ready for stimulating w/ drugs. What was so great was that after the Dr. visit, because we are fast-forwarding, he wanted me to see the IVF nurse who does the IVF calendar, orders meds, etc. Believe it or not they were able to work me in today right after I saw him. Then on top of that, they actually squeezed me in the schedule for this coming Tuesday for my hysteroscopy where they do a biopsy/scratch to prepare the uterine lining. They do it under light sedation so I will need a ride, but whatever. SO, all I need to do is wait for cycle day 1, which should come in its own in next few days OR, if it doesn't, after the procedure on Tuesday, because bleeding will occur, they call it cycle day one. OMG. It went from me thinking about it and talking to myself about being ready just this morning, etc.. and then WHAM! we are full on in baby-making mode.
I forgot to mention something new this time too is that he is starting to do less fresh transfers in order for women's estrogen levels to normalize, then do a frozen transfer the next month. For me, he said we will monitor my estrogen at retrieval, then decide on fresh or frozen at that time. He thinks he will transfer two. He seemed very confident I would end up with embryos (several), so I am following his lead and being confident too.
What I am excited about is that I feel good about it. It feels right, so I am totally going with it. I am going to try and not overthink, keep any anxiety that creeps up at bay, and jump in head first. I can't say I'm not a little nervous, but what I think is different this time is 1) I've gone through it before and 2) I already have the most wonderful daughter. I'm not freaked out that I will never be a mom. I AM a mom. Upon reflection last time, I realized how much anxiety I had the whole pregnancy.....I kept worrying about me not making it, baby not making it, baby being sick/having diseases, etc..I can now say that that is exactly what anxiety is and what it does to you. It makes you think up all these scenarios and stew in them like they could be reality. I didn't realize how intense it was for me until looking back when I don't have it now and can actually name it.
I'm just in a different place right now.
Curveball 3: I may soon have a walker. She took her first step this past Saturday. I was laying on the kitchen floor...don't ask....she crawled over to me, stood up, I let go, and she took one step towards me, unassisted. I clapped so wildly for her. So proud.
That's it for now. I am going to review my paperwork for all of the meds/the calendar, etc. and just become familiar again with it. I could be pregnant within the next 4-6 weeks. Whoooooo boy.
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
Sunday, August 18, 2013
Child Care: What to do
I'm gonna say it.....mama is pissed off. I'm not an angry person by nature...but you mess with me and my baby, it's on.
So, as you know I've had little things here and there that haven't gone smoothly w/ my nanny. It started out okay, but then as time went on I realized that she's hard headed and melts down when I try to have an open conversation w/ her about something I don't like.
Here are some of the issues that have occurred prior to this past Friday:
I didn't react.
Just answered with, "Oh, that's nice...sounds like you had a good day". Did not want to make a scene in front of her daughter.
In my mind I was boiling inside thinking, "How dare you take my baby ANYWHERE without asking for permission, how dare you think that it's okay for you to run personal errands WHILE YOU ARE WORKING, HOW DARE YOU THINK THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME WHERE YOU TAKE MY BABY??!!
Here's the thing, the nanny said nothing. Nada. Not a, hey I was going to tell you.....hey, I'm sorry I forgot to tell you....NOTHING. Even after she got busted by her daughter. Because guess what, kids don't lie. Here's the worst part, I just don't think it's the first time she's done it. One day she showed up at my house all dressed up....hair fixed, makeup, dress on. I asked her where she was going? She said oh, nowhere. It didn't sit well so I asked again before I left if she had plans....nope.
Yah right.
I'm not sure I've been that mad in a long time. I've stewed about this all weekend. But I can tell you basically as of Friday, I am so done. Just done w/ her. She's been pushing the line, pushing the line. That was part of my biggest fear come true.....that nanny takes baby somewhere in her car, without permission and something terrible happens to baby......obviously thank goodness nothing happened, but you never know...
So, my first inclination is to find a new nanny, so I started scouring my mom network...I'm on a few boards and a few networks. I sent a few emails and did stumble across a posting where a nanny just got back in country and is looking. I actually met her today. There always seems to be a....she's okay, BUT.......this one has a daughter who is going to start school near my home. However, she is a single mom and will need to drop off and pick her up everyday. Which means my baby has to be lugged out everyday, and the child would need to come here for a few hours everyday. I asked her how it would work if her daughter got sick and she looked at my blankly...obviously she hadn't thought about that. It would mean my baby would be around another sick kid, that's what it means.
Not ideal at all, and honestly I don't think the lady is interested. She said she's maybe looking for part time. Great. It also may be about the money. I emailed the lady she was with for 7 years and she told me they paid her 12/hr. ummm.....12x45x4 = 2,160 a month. No freakin way. AND, they allowed her to take her baby there all day with the other kids. So yah, good set up.
Finding a new nanny might be hard, especially because I can't afford that kind of money.
I thought about center care and I just haven't been impressed by those that I have seen. Unless I find one I could be comfortable at that doesn't thave a one year wait, then it's not an option.
I even thought about an aupair....however, my house just doesn't seem big enough for another adult. I only have one story and I really really need my space. That's how I unwind. I even thought, maybe it's time to bite the bullet and move to the suburbs so I can have more space and more options. But, then it makes my commute about 2 hours each day and that's even less time I can see my baby.
This is very stressful to say the least. I am bent over a barrell until I find a new childcare situation so I am not going to pull the plug w/ my current one. I will ask her tomorrow why she didn't tell me about going to the bank and see what she says. I will also tell her that I'm keeping the carseat with me and for now, I don't want her going anywhere. Maybe later on she can ask for it if needed, and I need to know everywhere she intends to go.
Not much else I can do right now....that I can think of.
I've been in a grouchy mood most of the weekend and my child either felt it, or she was grouchy too because oh man was she stubborn today. I tried to take her final monthly picture and she wasn't having it.....she twisted, turned...and the stupid battery was low anyway so I said to heck w/ it. She is now putting her arms up to shield me from putting on her shirt. It's her least favorite thing to do. I had to fight w/ her on that by holding her arms down so I could get it over her head. Then, she whined and screamed in the car on way home from the grocery store....then she screamed crazy when I tried to wash her body in the tub.
Mama is just tired, stressed, and a little beat down tonight. Am hopeful next week goes a little better. I am on my tenth day of dairy and gluten free per my Dr.'s recommendation. Turns out my adrenals are 'fatigued'--I didn't pass my salivary test (easiest way to describe it). And a multitude of things can be causing that--life stress, dietary allergens (gluten/dairy), infection in stomach, etc...The Dr. not sure what causing so they gangbusters try to treat everything...I am dairy/gluten free, now take vitamin D, omega, B12, and some immune boosting sprays, creams, coconut oil at night, etc...Might sound like nonsense, but I'm somewhat of a believer because my symptom of excessive sweating has decreased a lot. Not perfect yet, but much better.
Anyway, that's enough for now. Thought maybe typing it out would make me feel better....I actually think it just riled me up again.
So, as you know I've had little things here and there that haven't gone smoothly w/ my nanny. It started out okay, but then as time went on I realized that she's hard headed and melts down when I try to have an open conversation w/ her about something I don't like.
Here are some of the issues that have occurred prior to this past Friday:
- Started w/ the bottles. I did not want her to microwave, she kept doing it....even after I told her I didn't want it done that way. We had that blowout where I caught her doing it and she got all flustered, defensive, and mad. I think to this day she still does it because I see the micro with numbers on it (meaning it's just been used) and no one ever has tea or any food around
- The log book. I've asked over and over for her to put everything in the book. She simply just doesn't. Over last two weeks I knew baby had different food because nanny's daughter was with her and daughter says, " Oh, baby had my r.a.me.n noodle w/ shrimp". Would have been good to know. Also, last week I get a text at close to 6pm. I fed her eggs. Great. Thanks. Just in case she's sitting her in hives I'll know why. Honestly! I don't care that she is trying new food, just tell me about!! I really don't think it's that hard.
- She eats my food. I've never told her she couldn't, but over time I've noticed fruit missing, or carmel corn, or ice cream sandwiches....she never asks or says anything about it.
- She never really asked to bring her daughter with her over the summer. She just did. Now, it's not an issue because baby girl needs company, but would have been nice of her to ask.
- She is coming later and later all the time. She is supposed to be here at 7:30am and she gets her at 7:40, 7:45. Rarely on time now. It's not that big of deal except you add that up for one week X 4 per month and it adds up. I am sometimes late, but I am also sometimes early. Sometimes she'll go home like an hour and a half early if I have to take baby to Dr. or something and I don't doc her pay. I can't think in the last month maybe once she was early. I don't mind if it goes both ways because I don't want to be held to exactly 5pm, but it just hasn't happened that way.
- She got that second job where she said she needed to leave at 3, which then was agreed to 2:30, then all of a sudden when push came to shove, she actually needed to leave at 2pm, but didn't tell me until she started leaving at 2pm. Then said she told me that's what we agreed to. Ummm....no, it wasn't.
- She doesn't really do much w/ the baby other than go outside or play toys. All day long. I remember she told me she really likes arts/crafts, etc. and only once have they done something like that.....drew one pic and put it on refrigerator.
- Finally, communicating sensitive things is difficult. She shuts down immediately and gets angry and defensive.
I didn't react.
Just answered with, "Oh, that's nice...sounds like you had a good day". Did not want to make a scene in front of her daughter.
In my mind I was boiling inside thinking, "How dare you take my baby ANYWHERE without asking for permission, how dare you think that it's okay for you to run personal errands WHILE YOU ARE WORKING, HOW DARE YOU THINK THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME WHERE YOU TAKE MY BABY??!!
Here's the thing, the nanny said nothing. Nada. Not a, hey I was going to tell you.....hey, I'm sorry I forgot to tell you....NOTHING. Even after she got busted by her daughter. Because guess what, kids don't lie. Here's the worst part, I just don't think it's the first time she's done it. One day she showed up at my house all dressed up....hair fixed, makeup, dress on. I asked her where she was going? She said oh, nowhere. It didn't sit well so I asked again before I left if she had plans....nope.
Yah right.
I'm not sure I've been that mad in a long time. I've stewed about this all weekend. But I can tell you basically as of Friday, I am so done. Just done w/ her. She's been pushing the line, pushing the line. That was part of my biggest fear come true.....that nanny takes baby somewhere in her car, without permission and something terrible happens to baby......obviously thank goodness nothing happened, but you never know...
So, my first inclination is to find a new nanny, so I started scouring my mom network...I'm on a few boards and a few networks. I sent a few emails and did stumble across a posting where a nanny just got back in country and is looking. I actually met her today. There always seems to be a....she's okay, BUT.......this one has a daughter who is going to start school near my home. However, she is a single mom and will need to drop off and pick her up everyday. Which means my baby has to be lugged out everyday, and the child would need to come here for a few hours everyday. I asked her how it would work if her daughter got sick and she looked at my blankly...obviously she hadn't thought about that. It would mean my baby would be around another sick kid, that's what it means.
Not ideal at all, and honestly I don't think the lady is interested. She said she's maybe looking for part time. Great. It also may be about the money. I emailed the lady she was with for 7 years and she told me they paid her 12/hr. ummm.....12x45x4 = 2,160 a month. No freakin way. AND, they allowed her to take her baby there all day with the other kids. So yah, good set up.
Finding a new nanny might be hard, especially because I can't afford that kind of money.
I thought about center care and I just haven't been impressed by those that I have seen. Unless I find one I could be comfortable at that doesn't thave a one year wait, then it's not an option.
I even thought about an aupair....however, my house just doesn't seem big enough for another adult. I only have one story and I really really need my space. That's how I unwind. I even thought, maybe it's time to bite the bullet and move to the suburbs so I can have more space and more options. But, then it makes my commute about 2 hours each day and that's even less time I can see my baby.
This is very stressful to say the least. I am bent over a barrell until I find a new childcare situation so I am not going to pull the plug w/ my current one. I will ask her tomorrow why she didn't tell me about going to the bank and see what she says. I will also tell her that I'm keeping the carseat with me and for now, I don't want her going anywhere. Maybe later on she can ask for it if needed, and I need to know everywhere she intends to go.
Not much else I can do right now....that I can think of.
I've been in a grouchy mood most of the weekend and my child either felt it, or she was grouchy too because oh man was she stubborn today. I tried to take her final monthly picture and she wasn't having it.....she twisted, turned...and the stupid battery was low anyway so I said to heck w/ it. She is now putting her arms up to shield me from putting on her shirt. It's her least favorite thing to do. I had to fight w/ her on that by holding her arms down so I could get it over her head. Then, she whined and screamed in the car on way home from the grocery store....then she screamed crazy when I tried to wash her body in the tub.
Mama is just tired, stressed, and a little beat down tonight. Am hopeful next week goes a little better. I am on my tenth day of dairy and gluten free per my Dr.'s recommendation. Turns out my adrenals are 'fatigued'--I didn't pass my salivary test (easiest way to describe it). And a multitude of things can be causing that--life stress, dietary allergens (gluten/dairy), infection in stomach, etc...The Dr. not sure what causing so they gangbusters try to treat everything...I am dairy/gluten free, now take vitamin D, omega, B12, and some immune boosting sprays, creams, coconut oil at night, etc...Might sound like nonsense, but I'm somewhat of a believer because my symptom of excessive sweating has decreased a lot. Not perfect yet, but much better.
Anyway, that's enough for now. Thought maybe typing it out would make me feel better....I actually think it just riled me up again.
Sunday, August 11, 2013
1st Birthday!
We had a birthday folks!! I have had many thoughts about writing a blog over the past few weeks and just haven't signed in and typed it up. It has been pretty busy.....my baby had her first birthday!! My baby that now has 9 teeth, cruises on all furniture and pulls up on anything she can get her hands on, is eating more and more 'real' food, is getting so tall that she wears 18-24 mo clothes.
I didn't want to stress about invitations, venue, supplies, etc. so early on I had made up my mind we would have it my house, have a cake/balloons/hats, and get pizza for adults. My sister had come for 5 days (which was super nice), and I got a babysitter for the Friday before her Saturday party so my sister and I could do all the running around. First time we got to do just 'adult' stuff by ourselves in a year and it was really nice.
One thing I did stress about was her birthday dress....I ordered 2 online and they came the day before her party. One was ripped and the other was not cute in person. So, my sister and I went to the store shopping. We found a super cute dress at a department store, but when we got home and tried it on, it was too big. So, it just so happens that I texted my friend a pic of the dress and she said I should open her gift that day (hint-hint) --the day before her birthday. And wouldn't you know she had sent the most adorable pink birthday outfit and hat....oh this hat. It says "Baby's 1st Birthday".
Check it out....so cute.
For the party, I invited those friends of mine that see us regularly. We had a fancy bakery cake, dol.lar t.r.ee hats, plates, party favors, balloons--all for 14 bucks!Guest came, we chatted and ordered pizza.....then we did presents, then cake, then chatted some more. I was thankful my sister helped get me set up because she talked me into party favors....just little boxes that we put some chocolate and peanut butter candies. They were so cute and perfect.
All together it was about 2 hours.....
And.....just exactly how I hoped it would be.
One of my favorite pictures taken on her actual birthday.....
I didn't want to stress about invitations, venue, supplies, etc. so early on I had made up my mind we would have it my house, have a cake/balloons/hats, and get pizza for adults. My sister had come for 5 days (which was super nice), and I got a babysitter for the Friday before her Saturday party so my sister and I could do all the running around. First time we got to do just 'adult' stuff by ourselves in a year and it was really nice.
One thing I did stress about was her birthday dress....I ordered 2 online and they came the day before her party. One was ripped and the other was not cute in person. So, my sister and I went to the store shopping. We found a super cute dress at a department store, but when we got home and tried it on, it was too big. So, it just so happens that I texted my friend a pic of the dress and she said I should open her gift that day (hint-hint) --the day before her birthday. And wouldn't you know she had sent the most adorable pink birthday outfit and hat....oh this hat. It says "Baby's 1st Birthday".
Check it out....so cute.
For the party, I invited those friends of mine that see us regularly. We had a fancy bakery cake, dol.lar t.r.ee hats, plates, party favors, balloons--all for 14 bucks!Guest came, we chatted and ordered pizza.....then we did presents, then cake, then chatted some more. I was thankful my sister helped get me set up because she talked me into party favors....just little boxes that we put some chocolate and peanut butter candies. They were so cute and perfect.
All together it was about 2 hours.....
And.....just exactly how I hoped it would be.
One of my favorite pictures taken on her actual birthday.....
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