We are off to a bumpy start to Spring Break. I'm sitting here just trying to refocus and breathe a little since our day was pretty hectic and frustrating. I would like my children to behave for me the same as they do for nanny. Just for a day even. I know kids act the worst for their moms blah blah....I just have such a short fuse when it comes to when they constantly do the same things over and over no matter what I do or say.
Lately they are into yelling at each other. "Stop It!" is one I hear all the time from both of them. I've noticed since my son is talking pretty well now they verbally fight so much more. Something as simple as "I'm first"...."Mine's the biggest"....I'll for sure hear..."No, mine is!" "No MINE is!" and louder and louder they go. They've also started wrestling and scratching and being more physical. I think it starts out in good fun, and someone ends up hurt. On top that, once my son finds something my girl doesn't like, you can bet he's going to do it over and over.
Today it was my son mostly. He didn't nap long and he just continued to do the opposite of what he was told most of the day. He didn't behave in the bike store (still trying to find him a helmet that fits him) since he has two bumps on the side of his head that make the toddler ones too small, and the youth w/ the chin straps not long enough....anyway we were trying to find a blue one of the model we think may work, since my son wanted blue. Long story short trying on helmets is one of his least favorite things to do....he sighs, he rolls his eyes, he stomps around, he starts getting louder....he gets on the little bikes and rides, I tell him to get off, I need to pay attention to the salesperson, I turn around and he's back on, I make him sit by me...he scoots away.....all that kind of craziness. Today it felt like I wasn't in charge and I don't like that at all.
Since he acted so poorly in the store I told him he had to sit in the basket at the next store. Would you know he fussed and moaned, and cried, and asked to get out the....entire....time. I tried distracting him, giving him a Band-Aid from the pack, shushing, etc..and nothing really worked. Sigh.
He got his cast off last week and he's been limping, which they say is normal. His little calf muscle is much smaller so it will take time to build back up. When they did the second set of xrays sure enough it shows the fracture plain as day. I'm beyond frustrated (pissed actually) that we were sent home after the original xray and it wasn't until I said this is not going to work, called the pediatrician, and then called to get an appointment into their ortho clinic 40 minutes away. That Dr. clearly said it was broken and casted it. They should have never sent us home considering he couldn't bear any weight and we couldn't even touch his leg. Actually, I'm filing a complaint w/ the hospital--it won't fix our issue, but it seems to be a pattern. And they are a children's hospital! We can't be the only child that has come in w/ a toddler fracture! This is the same hospital that two years ago the ER dr.sent us home w/ out an xray on my son's arm and sure enough when we went back to outpatient xray the next day, it was broken. Same hospital that we went to ER from ambulance w/ my girl when she had crazy fever and they triaged us, and sent us right out to the front waiting area as if we had walked in the back door. Terrible experience w/ them all around. We won't be going back again.
The other thing w/ my son is besides the healing w/ the broken leg....and let me tell you, it was much harder than I expected. He was in a LOT of pain throughout and it was just plain hard. He had it on for 4 weeks and after a couple of weeks, it started to smell a bit. I thought it was just because it was on his foot, but it actually had gotten wet somehow even though we used the cast bag every time for shower....the bottom of his foot had tissue breakdown that looked like cuts and a small black area.....think that is what we were smelling. Talk about feeling like a bad mom.
Anyway, even before the leg he started not sleeping well at all probably at the beginning of the year....just not going to bed until 1-1.5 later than he should have, waking up during the night, and up at 5 or 6 something for the day....just exhausting like a newborn.
He also played the.....I'm going to get out of my bed, and come out as many times as I can. No matter what I tried, he would NOT stay in that bed. My girl never did this, so it was new territory for me. I feel super triumphant....well, I can't take credit....my nanny got out the video baby monitor that I never used. I now have a camera where I can see what he's doing and as soon as I see his little leg I call out, "Son, lay down"....grumble....jump back down....but he did it!! I showed him the camera and how I would be watching him and for whatever reason, he WILL lay back down if I catch him trying to get out. So now, instead of coming out 7-10 times......he tries once, I catch him, tell him to lay down....and he stays in. MAGIC!!!!
The other AHA I discovered was his bedroom door. All along I've kept his door shut when sleeping since he was little, but I started leaving his door open a few months ago, really just because he asked me to. I thought fine, sister has hers open, shouldn't be a big deal. Interestingly enough, nanny happened to close it and my son slept until 7am the following morning! I thought maybe it was a fluke, so the next night I closed it after he went to sleep and he slept until 7:30am!! He hadn't done that in months. I just couldn't believe it. So now, you can bet that once he falls asleep I close his door and it has helped so much in getting him to stay sleeping longer in the morning. YAY.
My girl....my girl did ok today....she tried to distract her brother, cleaned up when asked, did really well in bike store, etc. and got a lot of positive praise for it.....however, she had several times where she was bound to tell me SHE was right, get grouchy and moody, and it's really not until she decides to behave differently, then she does. We've had a good week of her really yelling at her brother (unacceptable in this house), getting fussy w/ me......just looking at me w/ her mad face. She has had a cold and if anything puts her into acting this way it's being sick or tired....or both. It's no secret my girl is not the easiest to parent. She was really tough at 2 and 3....4 was pretty glorious in comparison...and 5 has been in the middle so far. Part of it could be she still has been complaining about being tired since November. Dr. doesn't believe anything major going on since we had blood work few months ago. However, since she was still complaining I took her back in recently and Dr. explained that perhaps she is just now showing her 'preferences' i.e. rather than go out and play, she prefers indoors and she may take more encouraging. I'm not convinced.....but since her bloodwork came back normal and she really hasn't had any other symptoms other than sporadic tummy aches, there isn't much else to check on. It could very well be that the transition to all day school is enough to wipe her out...the only issue I have w/ that theory is she was in school Sept, Oct and first part of Nov and nothing....then it was right before thanksgiving where she had gotten sick and hasn't been herself since. I have noticed, however, over the last few weeks she's perked up a bit i.e. asking to go the park....being super silly sometimes, running a bit more in the house, etc..Nanny noticed it too. So, we'll just continue to keep an eye on her.
The part I am struggling w/ is when she does not want a hug, or my arm on her leg, or whatever.....she can get snarly. Like really fight if I try harder to give her a hug. She pushes away, flails, etc.. This changed a bit when she turned 4 because I swear she gave out all her saved up hugs and kisses.....she was very affectionate and it was just so awesome. And, I guess I was just used to that, and now it's reverting back a bit. I think it's more correct to say that she is still affectionate---on her terms again. Hugs etc are beyond fine when she comes to me. It is hard to deal w/ for me. Maybe because I had seen and experienced change....or maybe because it's such a different dynamic with my son because he is soooo snuggly and huggy and still sits in my lap...leans on me when sitting next to me, etc.. I worry about how the push/pull w/ my girl is having or could have on our relationship going forward? Or if it is now? I know it's hard for me so maybe it's hard for her too.
Back to Spring break...I'm going to try and keep us in a schedule this week I am looking for things to do in the morning and the afternoon. I will be home all week w/ them, as I decided not to go out of town. I don't have the energy for it right now and our friends' children are still in school this week. I found out there is a public indoor pool that is free! and we just have to sign up the day before. We are all ready for that and got my girl a new swimsuit yesterday. I wish I had taken a picture because my son tried on her suits too. Hope we like the pool because if so, we'll do that every afternoon. In the am tomorrow I have a car oil change appointment....and will be looking for craft time at a store as well. We will also take some family bike rides, go the park etc.. The challenge for me is cooking all day since nanny does their meals during week. We are stocked up w/ groceries so I'm sure it will be fine. Just not my most favorite thing to do.
The other thing that has happened over last several months is some changes to friendships. I'll have to write more about it, but the gist is I have a friend that I met at the start of my career back in '02-'03. We made fast friends and have been super close ever since. We've gone through a lot of life over the last 15 years....changing of companies, my mom's passing, he moved to Boston, he got married, birth of my two children, passing of his grandpa, etc....just a lot. Well, he's recently hurt my feelings pretty deeply and when I told him about it, he hasn't talked to me since then, and that was end of October. There's certainly more to the story, but it's been kind of hard because I didn't expect to lose a friend at this stage. I used to trust him unconditionally and it's been a hard thing to deal with that he's choosing to not communicate. The hardest part for me is this is who I have set up as a guardian for my children. So, I'll be updating my legal documents, etc.. because clearly if he doesn't want a friendship with me, it seems, that's fine, but it's non-negotiable when it comes to my children. In all honesty, it's not just what's happened recently...it has always bothered me that he and his husband wouldn't have been able to be a mother to my children...but I did what I thought was best at the time.
Things change. and not always in the way you would expect, but you just have to move on....
Another friendship issue, I'd say is w/ our old nanny....we've had ups and downs as all friendships do, but I'm struggling w/ her as well. We had a conversation this past week and neither one of us were budging. I don't normally hold a firm line on anything unless I believe firmly in what I think. The bigger picture, here, though is that she has her own issues to deal with and I think she needs counseling. She's the personality type to try and take care of everyone else but not focus on herself. Her family dynamic has not been super positive and it really has impacted how she thinks and feels about herself. It's sad, really. She said she will look into it and only time will tell, I guess.
It's been a bit tough dealing w/ these issues as it has made me feel w/out a 'rock'. It's not a comfortable place to be....little lonely, little sad. However, I don't plan to stay in this space for long....I really need to build my network of friends (and mom friends) here where I live---all but one of my good friends don't live here. I think I'm going to reach out to our school which is at a church to see if they don't have connections there. I also am looking into counseling myself more as a sounding board for parenting, developing goals, etc.. I think it would be really good.
Even though my note may not seem too positive, I really am looking forward to this week w/ the kids as we had such a good time last year...No work and I could just focus on them and us. I really really hope the time change and their schedule change w/out school and normal nanny doesn't disrupt their behavior too much going forward. That, and hoping they start feeling better from these colds they just can't shake. I am also proud of myself for planning ahead for us!
Here's to Spring Break.
