Well folks....I did it. I injected my first dose of Lu.pron 10 units about a half an hour ago. It kind of snuck up pretty fast since I just had my hscope a little bit ago. The recovery from the scope was not at all like I remembered. I'm pretty sure in the past I went in, out, back good to go the next day. Not like that at all this time. I think my last post was right after the procedure and the Dr. said I should quickly just go back to my usual. I'm not sure if I maybe caught something, but I actually felt a slight bit nauseous, borderline fever, and discomfort in one spot of my uterus for about a week. In addition, I also had a lot of pressure-ish? feeling/bloated/uncomfortable. It wasn't until yesterday I actually said, hmmm, I kinda feel better. When the nurse called a day after procedure I told her how I felt and she said all that is normal, it will get better.
Over the past few weeks, well month actually, I've been trying to imagine how our household would be with another little one in it. How our routine would change, and what would it be like? Logistics like where would a new baby sleep since our spare bedroom is a toyroom (much needed toy room). Sitting at soccer today I was watching a group that had a baby and I imagined myself with a baby on my lap, one waiting their turn to the left of me, and watching one play. And I could see it......and yet, I'm also envisioning this will take some serious coordination. Things are going to be louder, crazier! I feel quite confident when I've had some rest and some energy back. But after the week I just had....it's much less so. I think this is all to be expected. I'm back on the highs/lows/and everywhere in between. I am putting as much thought and heart into this as I can and still say that if I feel it is not right at some point, I can always back out. Considering I took the shot tonight, guess that's not today.
There's been a bit of some miscommunication between the Dr. and his staff about the start of this process. He had been saying that because we couldn't use birth control for me due to the blood clot I had in 2012 at the start of my first pregnancy, they would start me on Lup.ron and do all the baselines at the same time. The staff has said to start med and once I start a cycle to let them know and then they will do the baselines. I wasn't comfortable that I was hearing two things so I scheduled a meeting with the Dr. a few weeks ago to line it out and he said baseline with start of rx. I told that to the staff and they said no, that's not the case. I ended up emailing a response to the staff and asking them to just send the trail to the Dr. because I wanted this cleared up before I started anything. I appreciate that the Dr. called me in person last night to go over what was supposed to happen. In essence he said what he did before, but when I told him his office said no baselines yet, he kind of waffled a bit and said baselines can be done at either time. Sheesh. So after all that, I will follow what the staff has recommended and wait.
What's different this go round is that I am very confident about advocating for myself i.e. I had no issue pushing back and saying hang on, we need to get this right. I have a long history with this office as I've been going there since 2006. Also, I'd say I'm not as wound up about the issue. It is annoying yes, because honestly why can't they make sure they are saying the same thing considering how often they do this...but I'm over it. I got an answer and I'm moving on.
Yesterday I went to the pharmacy and walked out with two huge bags of prescriptions. I knew it was a long sheet I turned in, but when you get that many it does feel a bit...much. Even the tech was like, 'you know you have 11 rx's right?'. I said yup, that's right. God bless insurance, that's about all I can say. Even though my insurance doesn't cover any of the transfer costs (office will charge approx. 3k), it has picked up all of the other procedures and the medication. I can't really believe it. So far, I've only paid out of pocket $325 for hscope, I will owe for the anesthesia, but all of the medication yesterday was only $95, the Lup $5. I was told with out insurance the injectable progesterone would be $46 per bottle and it's six for each fill. Each visit with the Dr. is $30, and I had a $50 initial consult fee. I haven't added it all up, but it's much less than what I was expecting. I am so so thankful.
Another good bit of news is that I had a bunch of labs run a few weeks ago and they all look really good. My fasting blood sugar was in normal range of 85, which it should be less than 100. My fasting has been higher so I was glad to see that. My total cholesterol is a bit high (this is not new), however the Dr. has said that is quite common for those w/ pc.os. I need to focus on eating a lower carb diet.
I actually was going to do a two week cleanse they had in their office just to 'reset' my body. I didn't start it last week, was going to this week....then I read the instructions and it said do not do if taking injections for treatment. Doh. Guess that will sit on my shelf for awhile.
Quick update on construction house.....we are finally getting closer to finishing. Considering this project started June of last year....oh my heck. Instead of it taking 5-6 months, it will take 10. I've been working with a designer and he's been fantastic. I'm not the best at making decisions and when I do I second guess. He's really been able to get me to commit, feel good about it, and we move on. He's discovered my taste--very traditional, classic, and clean. That could be a post all on it's own about what I've learned through this process, but the biggest lesson: PLAN. Plan some more....then execute. The rework cost a lot of time and money. I have to say, though, I am really proud of how it is turning out and it is going to look amazing. I have cabinets again--remember we had to take them all out to pull up the crappy floor--and they've been in the garage for a few months. Well, they are back up and it's starting to take shape. We ordered lighting/hardware/painting is happening. I'll post some pics eventually but I need to get this thing on the market to rent. I am not sure how that's going to pan out, the market has been lighter for renting....but the timing is at least good. I also settled w/ the tile guy who was trying to sue me. After all the back and forth we had settled on 2k. However, he wanted a legal release from me and I said no. Then, I said ok, but I'll settle at 1k for it and he took it. Awesome......ironic that that is the amount I told him I owed him in the first place and said I would pay him 4 months ago. Big sigh on that one. It has felt like such a waste of my time and energy.
The only other thing that's cropped up recently is a few things regarding nanny. She's been with us since my son was not even a year and he's 4 now. Overall I think she's been a great fit for our family and funny enough I raved about her in my last post. Well......there's an issue that I thought we had handled but it came up again. She's been going through a lot recently, I'll give her that. She got evicted from her apartment that she lived in for 12 years due to her dad (long story), she is separated from her husband now, and her daughter is a teenager going through some crazy. However.......
Last summer my son kept mentioning a 'friend' that they would see all the time. Some guy friend. I asked nanny who it was and she said it was a friend of hers, he's really nice yadda yadda....but it was happening much more frequently. I finally told her that I wasn't comfortable with my son being around an adult male that I don't know and I thought that was the end of the story. Well, just the other day my son mentioned this 'friend' again. I was very surprised to hear that, but I didn't say anything. Then just yesterday at night my son said they ate lunch with this 'friend' again--twice in one week. I texted her last night to ask if it was true and she gave a story about how he's one of her few friends, needed his help etc..So the short answer, yes.
That may be true but why did I find this out from my son? The thing is, I have bent over backwards over the last few months trying to help her through this tough time. I gave her extra in her paycheck to help with the move, offered to physically move boxes, gave her time off no questions asked to take her daughter for some evaluations, etc.. I think this bothers me so much because a) we've already discussed this and she knew what I said b) she wasn't the one who told me and c) it feels like she's taking advantage of the leeway I've given her. I don't ask her to account for her time during when both kids are in school. Since I've been working from home often I know she usually comes back and cleans, etc.. but these past few weeks she's not come back during that time and she's not been grocery shopping. I finally called her and texted her the other day to ask her where she was and she didn't respond. An hour later she texted she was at the store. That didn't sit well with me so I asked her in person where all she went and she admitted she had to run several errands for her new apartment, etc..
So yes, I fully understand she's going through a majorly rough time.....I have sympathy for her. However, I don't think it's too much for her to comply with my wishes about not having my son around someone I don't approve of. This is her job and I think I need to just sit down w/ her face to face and be crystal clear on my expectations. Then, we'll have to see. I of course, do not want this to go south, but I also need to know I can trust she does what I've asked of her.
Okay, I think that's enough for now....overall I think I am doing....ok. A range of emotions, recovery from procedure not as good as I would have liked. For the last few months I've been envisioning what our lives might be like, how does that make me feel, really just trying to stay in tune to my head and heart. One step at a time, I think, is the best approach right now.
Saturday, February 23, 2019
Tuesday, February 12, 2019
Step One - Done
I’m sitting here, kids in bed, my son still talking himself to sleep, and not feeling all that well. Quite sore and twingey if that’s a word. My son earlier could tell I was laid out a bit so in order for me to play our game of shooting a stuffed baseball into a shopping cart he came over and “infused”me with energy by sticking his finger in my arm and making noises like he was filling me up. A for effort and I wish it could be as easy as that!
Today I had my hyster.oscopy, which was needed to check out my uterus, check for cysts etc. my appointment was at 10, but I was one of the last procedures so I planned on being there awhile. I had to have light sedation so could not drive. The one friend I would have asked had the flu, I didn’t want nanny to know exactly where I was going, so what did I do? Ub.er.
If that’s not enough to make you feel super single I don’t know what is. I honestly didn’t expect to feel any sort of lonely going into today because it really was just a small procedure, but I kinda did. Even after going down this road twice already there’s something about not having someone there to give your purse to, you know? Also-Especially when the nurse said I better have someone waiting or anesthesia would not move forward. Ah well.
Some good things about today were that I was excited, although physically very hungry and thirsty. I felt good heading over there but also because, maybe, I haven’t committed yet and still can change my mind. Also, because they were so behind I had over an hour to sit on the gurney completely unplugged—no phone, no internet, no tv. Just me, my thoughts, and the wall. This was good because I can’t remember the last time I was so not distracted with something.
I think that’s why meditation etc must be so good for people because my thoughts were all over the place and at some points I just felt anxious. I was listening to the nurse complain about her headache. I heard the girl in the curtain next to me say she was on 4 blood pressure and 4 diabetic medications. Wow.
If I rewind a bit when I was in the waiting room there were some moments when I was feeling a bit anxious also. A couple had come in with a little over one year old. He was very active, wanting to get down, crawling everywhere, noisy, dropping crumbs everywhere, wearing diapers of course. I sat there and thought—oh wow—am I really really ready for this again.
I also talked to my cousin with the five kids yesterday and that probably wasn’t good timing. She said her experience going from 2-3 was hard, and now with five she has zero time for herself. I asked her if she has a best mom friend and she kinda laughed ie no time for that either.
However, I’ve always wondered if going to three with a two parent house seems crazier to them because they just become outnumbered. I was outnumbered already at two. I’ve learned a lot about managing a duo. She was also super tired and I think a bit overwhelmed with all that she does. Let’s not forget all of those kids are in multiple sports so she said she spends most of her time running someone somewhere. She certainly didn’t discourage me from pursuing and said everyone has to make their own decisions—I totally agree. But I think her point was around if I was still needing that me time, it just gets much harder to do.
The other thing I had an AHA about: my aunt has watched all of her kids for the past 15 years. and while I was envious of that (not to mention all the money they saved), it never occurred to me that she/her husband also have to spend a lot of their time cleaning, grocery shopping, doing laundry, etc. And when I told her my nanny handles most of that for me she said that a nanny is better than having a husband! Keep the nanny! I think this just reinforced the grass isn’t always greener, and I’m so fortunate to have someone in our lives who takes such good care of us. Yes expensive but worth every penny to keep me sane and afford me a whole lot of quality time with my littles.
A bit of a tangent but as I said, my thoughts were all over the place today. After coming home and not feeling so well I thought to myself, ready for 5 months of nausea? Ready to force myself to keep it movin with two very active kids even when my body says slow down?
Thankfully I have the luxury of a bit more time to keep thinking. I wouldn’t start any medication for another few weeks so I’ll just keep thinking and processing through.
Today I had my hyster.oscopy, which was needed to check out my uterus, check for cysts etc. my appointment was at 10, but I was one of the last procedures so I planned on being there awhile. I had to have light sedation so could not drive. The one friend I would have asked had the flu, I didn’t want nanny to know exactly where I was going, so what did I do? Ub.er.
If that’s not enough to make you feel super single I don’t know what is. I honestly didn’t expect to feel any sort of lonely going into today because it really was just a small procedure, but I kinda did. Even after going down this road twice already there’s something about not having someone there to give your purse to, you know? Also-Especially when the nurse said I better have someone waiting or anesthesia would not move forward. Ah well.
Some good things about today were that I was excited, although physically very hungry and thirsty. I felt good heading over there but also because, maybe, I haven’t committed yet and still can change my mind. Also, because they were so behind I had over an hour to sit on the gurney completely unplugged—no phone, no internet, no tv. Just me, my thoughts, and the wall. This was good because I can’t remember the last time I was so not distracted with something.
I think that’s why meditation etc must be so good for people because my thoughts were all over the place and at some points I just felt anxious. I was listening to the nurse complain about her headache. I heard the girl in the curtain next to me say she was on 4 blood pressure and 4 diabetic medications. Wow.
If I rewind a bit when I was in the waiting room there were some moments when I was feeling a bit anxious also. A couple had come in with a little over one year old. He was very active, wanting to get down, crawling everywhere, noisy, dropping crumbs everywhere, wearing diapers of course. I sat there and thought—oh wow—am I really really ready for this again.
I also talked to my cousin with the five kids yesterday and that probably wasn’t good timing. She said her experience going from 2-3 was hard, and now with five she has zero time for herself. I asked her if she has a best mom friend and she kinda laughed ie no time for that either.
However, I’ve always wondered if going to three with a two parent house seems crazier to them because they just become outnumbered. I was outnumbered already at two. I’ve learned a lot about managing a duo. She was also super tired and I think a bit overwhelmed with all that she does. Let’s not forget all of those kids are in multiple sports so she said she spends most of her time running someone somewhere. She certainly didn’t discourage me from pursuing and said everyone has to make their own decisions—I totally agree. But I think her point was around if I was still needing that me time, it just gets much harder to do.
The other thing I had an AHA about: my aunt has watched all of her kids for the past 15 years. and while I was envious of that (not to mention all the money they saved), it never occurred to me that she/her husband also have to spend a lot of their time cleaning, grocery shopping, doing laundry, etc. And when I told her my nanny handles most of that for me she said that a nanny is better than having a husband! Keep the nanny! I think this just reinforced the grass isn’t always greener, and I’m so fortunate to have someone in our lives who takes such good care of us. Yes expensive but worth every penny to keep me sane and afford me a whole lot of quality time with my littles.
A bit of a tangent but as I said, my thoughts were all over the place today. After coming home and not feeling so well I thought to myself, ready for 5 months of nausea? Ready to force myself to keep it movin with two very active kids even when my body says slow down?
Thankfully I have the luxury of a bit more time to keep thinking. I wouldn’t start any medication for another few weeks so I’ll just keep thinking and processing through.
Wednesday, February 6, 2019
Secret Box
Can anyone guess what's in this box?...........It starts with a letter L.
Okay, I won't keep you guessing for long. Guess I'm feeling a bit cheeky tonight. It's Lupron. Most of those reading this blog will know exactly what that means. But in case you don't, I've decided to go for it. ( I think!). I'm going to see if my remaining embryos can make a baby.
This has been in the back of my mind for years. I've been thinking harder about this for the last year. And now, over the past 2 months the dial has turned. I've done about as much research as I can about everything I can think of.....being 44, adding a third child, adding a third child as a sing choice mom, community building, rates of success, complications due to age, being a bit overweight and pregnant, how age gaps affect children, am I too old, is it selfish, how will this impact my children, feelings of family not being 'done', ticking biological clock....etc. etc. and more etc.....
And you know....what it comes down to is this. It's my life. I will make the best choice for me and my children. I don't live with any regrets now and don't want to start. I'm feeling called/pulled to this, even though logically it may not make sense. I totally get that. Looking on the outside, someone might say what the crap, she's got two, healthy, beautiful children. One boy, one girl. What more could she want? They are just getting out of the infant/toddler stage and things are starting to get easier physically...why mess that up? Does she want to be a 50 year old with a first grader? Things were brutally hard last year and she's been sleep deprived for about 4 years....why start over? She hasn't had easy pregnancies, what if something happens?
Yes, of course I've thought through all of that. And yes, I worry about a lot of those things. I just can't explain it, though, other than, it feels like I should try. I don't want to leave those embryos behind and I don't want to do this any older. Sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith if you think it's the right thing. One thing I want to be clear about is I'm not doing this because my children aren't 'enough' or I'm not fulfilled in some way. They absolutely are my heart...and for that reason, I'd be okay if I proceed and it doesn't work and it was not meant to be for our family. I've fulfilled my dream of becoming a mom. I had a goal, went after it, and do have an amazing family. I'm just following my heart and that's really what it boils down to. Also, who knows.....maybe there are others out there who have two and are on the fence? Don't know....but if you are, would love to hear about it! I've talked to a few friends and you know what I find interesting? Those who are also moms say go for it. The friends that have no children have been more cautious with their words.
Interesting, huh?
So, back in October after I had a bunch of labs run to see how things were looking I had also spoken to the coordinators to understand costs and the process. They basically just told me about cycle days, approximately timeline, medication etc.. and said to call when I was ready.
I ended up just going over to their office this past Monday because I assumed I would need some labs or something anyway. Turns out I did not yet, but was able to meet with the new IVF manager there who supports the Dr. since he is so busy. She is new from last time, and I really liked her. She is a year older than I am, interestingly enough. I wanted to know about if I moved forward, how would they assess embryos, etc and she said since I have 3 grade B day six.....sometimes when they thaw them, they lose cells so mostly likely they will thaw 2, see how they do, but likely would thaw the 3rd and implant what they can. And that would be that.
It would work, or it wouldn't.
I was also given a laundry list of medications from the coordinator that I would need from my local pharmacy. I almost forgot about all that you still have to do, even with a F...ET. I have to admit that when I took it all home and stared at it I got a bit overwhelmed like oh wow, am I really ready for this. It is a serious commitment to move forward. I put it all away and decided to look at it again on Tuesday. By then I was back ready to go.
So that's where the box comes in. I have insurance, but not insurance that covers fertility. So basic medication will be covered like estrace, progesterone, etc.. but what is not is the Lupron. The office recommended 2 pharmacies, one in the U.S. and one in Turkey of all places. I called both and the Turkey one was $275 including shipping and the U.S. one was $575. When talking to the U.S. one I asked if insurance was taken just to try it and guess what??! She clicked away and came back and said your new total is $5. FIVE BUCKS. Such a crazy nice surprise. I ordered it so fast before she could realize she maybe made a mistake or something. I figured in any case, better to have it and decide ultimately to change my mind, than to say no and have to figure it out later.
At the end of the day, I always reserve the right to change my mind. I've told myself that I should move forward as long as it seems right, and if not, then just stop.
I also forgot how much of a roller coaster of emotions this can be.
It's all coming back quickly, though.
I actually thought twice about putting all of this out here and just waiting to see what I ultimately chose to do...if it worked....if things moved positively, etc.. because this makes me feel vulnerable. Everyone these days has an opinion and aren't afraid to be ugly. I don't want ugly.
Also, if you know me in real life, please don't share this info. It is deeply personal.
However, I figured this is my blog and a place I've captured my life over the last 8 years....it has been a great way for me to process, think out loud, digest, reflect. With the bonus of others' comments along the way. It's been therapeutic in a way. Back in the old days.....we used paper for this kind of thing.
And finally....
I got this out of my girl's backpack tonight. A Leader is Nice and Kind......And she drew me!
What a fabulous way to end the day.
Okay, I won't keep you guessing for long. Guess I'm feeling a bit cheeky tonight. It's Lupron. Most of those reading this blog will know exactly what that means. But in case you don't, I've decided to go for it. ( I think!). I'm going to see if my remaining embryos can make a baby.
This has been in the back of my mind for years. I've been thinking harder about this for the last year. And now, over the past 2 months the dial has turned. I've done about as much research as I can about everything I can think of.....being 44, adding a third child, adding a third child as a sing choice mom, community building, rates of success, complications due to age, being a bit overweight and pregnant, how age gaps affect children, am I too old, is it selfish, how will this impact my children, feelings of family not being 'done', ticking biological clock....etc. etc. and more etc.....
And you know....what it comes down to is this. It's my life. I will make the best choice for me and my children. I don't live with any regrets now and don't want to start. I'm feeling called/pulled to this, even though logically it may not make sense. I totally get that. Looking on the outside, someone might say what the crap, she's got two, healthy, beautiful children. One boy, one girl. What more could she want? They are just getting out of the infant/toddler stage and things are starting to get easier physically...why mess that up? Does she want to be a 50 year old with a first grader? Things were brutally hard last year and she's been sleep deprived for about 4 years....why start over? She hasn't had easy pregnancies, what if something happens?
Yes, of course I've thought through all of that. And yes, I worry about a lot of those things. I just can't explain it, though, other than, it feels like I should try. I don't want to leave those embryos behind and I don't want to do this any older. Sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith if you think it's the right thing. One thing I want to be clear about is I'm not doing this because my children aren't 'enough' or I'm not fulfilled in some way. They absolutely are my heart...and for that reason, I'd be okay if I proceed and it doesn't work and it was not meant to be for our family. I've fulfilled my dream of becoming a mom. I had a goal, went after it, and do have an amazing family. I'm just following my heart and that's really what it boils down to. Also, who knows.....maybe there are others out there who have two and are on the fence? Don't know....but if you are, would love to hear about it! I've talked to a few friends and you know what I find interesting? Those who are also moms say go for it. The friends that have no children have been more cautious with their words.
Interesting, huh?
So, back in October after I had a bunch of labs run to see how things were looking I had also spoken to the coordinators to understand costs and the process. They basically just told me about cycle days, approximately timeline, medication etc.. and said to call when I was ready.
I ended up just going over to their office this past Monday because I assumed I would need some labs or something anyway. Turns out I did not yet, but was able to meet with the new IVF manager there who supports the Dr. since he is so busy. She is new from last time, and I really liked her. She is a year older than I am, interestingly enough. I wanted to know about if I moved forward, how would they assess embryos, etc and she said since I have 3 grade B day six.....sometimes when they thaw them, they lose cells so mostly likely they will thaw 2, see how they do, but likely would thaw the 3rd and implant what they can. And that would be that.
It would work, or it wouldn't.
I was also given a laundry list of medications from the coordinator that I would need from my local pharmacy. I almost forgot about all that you still have to do, even with a F...ET. I have to admit that when I took it all home and stared at it I got a bit overwhelmed like oh wow, am I really ready for this. It is a serious commitment to move forward. I put it all away and decided to look at it again on Tuesday. By then I was back ready to go.
So that's where the box comes in. I have insurance, but not insurance that covers fertility. So basic medication will be covered like estrace, progesterone, etc.. but what is not is the Lupron. The office recommended 2 pharmacies, one in the U.S. and one in Turkey of all places. I called both and the Turkey one was $275 including shipping and the U.S. one was $575. When talking to the U.S. one I asked if insurance was taken just to try it and guess what??! She clicked away and came back and said your new total is $5. FIVE BUCKS. Such a crazy nice surprise. I ordered it so fast before she could realize she maybe made a mistake or something. I figured in any case, better to have it and decide ultimately to change my mind, than to say no and have to figure it out later.
At the end of the day, I always reserve the right to change my mind. I've told myself that I should move forward as long as it seems right, and if not, then just stop.
I also forgot how much of a roller coaster of emotions this can be.
It's all coming back quickly, though.
I actually thought twice about putting all of this out here and just waiting to see what I ultimately chose to do...if it worked....if things moved positively, etc.. because this makes me feel vulnerable. Everyone these days has an opinion and aren't afraid to be ugly. I don't want ugly.
Also, if you know me in real life, please don't share this info. It is deeply personal.
However, I figured this is my blog and a place I've captured my life over the last 8 years....it has been a great way for me to process, think out loud, digest, reflect. With the bonus of others' comments along the way. It's been therapeutic in a way. Back in the old days.....we used paper for this kind of thing.
And finally....
I got this out of my girl's backpack tonight. A Leader is Nice and Kind......And she drew me!
What a fabulous way to end the day.
Saturday, February 2, 2019
Sarah
So this morning everyone got up around 6:35am. My son wakes up a happy camper most days and my girl....well, she doesn't really. It takes her some time. Anyway we all came out of my room to the living to watch our morning cartoons and as my two were walking out at the same time my girl quickly says, 'Let's play follow the leader'....my son says 'OK'....then as soon as he is behind her she runs to the rocking chair. And of course that's where he was headed. She's getting tricky, this one. I said she either needed to share or move to another chair, that of course brought about some fussing.
So, as she's getting up from where they are both sitting my son leans over and puts his head down on the armrest kind of hunched over and says, "I need to pray to Jesus".
I couldn't help but laugh out loud......he then looks at me and says, "Mommy I prayed that we have a good day". This kid can be hilarious.
We did in fact, have a good day.....something a bit miraculous. I finished up cleaning off the mantel this morning and cleaned off our tall counter in the kitchen last night. This sounds completely minor in the grand scheme of things but for me, it's pretty major. For so long I've been focused on so many other things that it just fell to the bottom of my priority list i.e. I really and truly haven't cared what's on the mantel. For example, we had our Christmas countdown calendar up there where it stayed from the year before. Now, our nanny from time to time goes through things, but in all honestly I haven't been too worried about what papers get piled up on those surfaces. So over the last few days I finally had the energy? will? motivation? to go through it all. Not really sure, but it felt so good. There is nothing better than a completely decluttered countertop.
I don't think that it's a coincidence that I have had TWO children sleeping through the night pretty much for about a month. A whole, glorious month. I'm not sure that's ever happened in 4 years. Seriously. For me, I think it's a sign that I'm coming back around. Hey, I may even get to the boxes that have been stacked against my wall for 3 years....hold on, maybe I should pace myself ;)
Something that is going on now that is not so great.....some issues at the preschool. My son has been talking about this boy Elijah since school started. He'd come home saying this boy was hitting the teacher, kicking someone, and even a few weeks ago said he spit at someone. The teacher has confirmed at least some of the stories, but of course she can't say much. So at Christmas party I mentioned this boy to his teacher and she was clearly frustrated too. She told me that I didn't hear it from her, but if I was concerned I should elevate it to the director.
So, a few weeks ago I said hey look, my son continues to share these stories, etc etc..and I'm concerned that it is affecting my son. She sent an email back saying she'd look into things and follow up. I got nada.
THEN, on Wednesday this past week as soon as nanny picked up my son nanny sent me a text saying that the boy had spit in my son's face during class. I was like hold up....what!....are you kidding me?! I was waiting for the emailed incident report to respond. I basically just said look, this kid's pattern of behavior is unacceptable. I highlighted a few weeks ago an issue, didn't hear anything back, and now my son was spit at. Something needs to be done and I will no longer allow my son to be around this child. So.....I didn't send my son on Thursday (so we all had a pajama day since my girl was exhausted and I let her stay home too) The director emailed back saying they'd discuss some things and I said just let me know when there was a plan. Haven't heard back so we'll see about Monday.
Look, I get that they have progressive discipline procedures, etc. but at the end of the day, I think repeated, nasty behavior should escalate things. And the thing is, I don't blame the child. Every event I've been to his parents don't show up and the poor kid is asking the teacher where his mom and dad are. Sigh. So sad.
Something else that is clearly not great.....when I was growing up around 4th grade I met a girl at school named Sarah. We became fast friends and her mother and my mother became besties as well. When I look back, I think her mom was definitely my mom's BMF--best mom friend. They had a lot in common and someone my mom could really trust. Fast forward a few years after meeting their family, they moved away to a neighboring town about 40 minutes away and shortly after that, Sarah's mom was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. She only lived a few years after diagnosis and died when Sarah was 14, I was 15. After they moved away and her mom passed, we lost touch over the years. Every now and then Sarah's sister would reach out, but that's been a long time as well now.
A few years back I stumbled on a blog Sarah was writing that she started when things were really difficult on her life.....her son had a lot of undiagnosed developmental problems for one, and also that she was diagnosed w/ breast cancer. Thankfully it was stage 0, caught extremely early, but she opted to have a double mastectomy. Given her maternal side of the family had a lot of cancer, she wrote that she figured she would get cancer at some point, but just wasn't sure when.
So after that, life continued, kids were growing, etc. and then I read last year's update....the cancer had come back, which is extremely rare. That was the point of the mastectomy, but she just happened to find a hard lump. Again. She's done surgery, radiation and chemo for the last year.
For some reason, this news hit very hard. Even though we don't stay in touch, my heart just ached for her.....she's a mother, wife, and 43. I remember back when I was going through random health issues and how fearful that made me, and to think about being diagnosed w/ something, twice. It also just made me think how much cancer freakin sucks. Took my mom. Her mom. And she's fighting it now.
Shake ups can make your perspective much clearer.
I'm thinking about my embryos. The thought won't go away, even with my attempts at distracting projects. I've seen the Dr., run some labs-which were great. I asked them about age and they said I was middle range. They have many patients mid-late 40's. Wow. I've been scouring the internet about how having 3 kids changes things. Turned over in my mind all the pros/cons.
Sometimes logic doesn't compete... It's a heart tug that some days screams pretty loud.
So, as she's getting up from where they are both sitting my son leans over and puts his head down on the armrest kind of hunched over and says, "I need to pray to Jesus".
I couldn't help but laugh out loud......he then looks at me and says, "Mommy I prayed that we have a good day". This kid can be hilarious.
We did in fact, have a good day.....something a bit miraculous. I finished up cleaning off the mantel this morning and cleaned off our tall counter in the kitchen last night. This sounds completely minor in the grand scheme of things but for me, it's pretty major. For so long I've been focused on so many other things that it just fell to the bottom of my priority list i.e. I really and truly haven't cared what's on the mantel. For example, we had our Christmas countdown calendar up there where it stayed from the year before. Now, our nanny from time to time goes through things, but in all honestly I haven't been too worried about what papers get piled up on those surfaces. So over the last few days I finally had the energy? will? motivation? to go through it all. Not really sure, but it felt so good. There is nothing better than a completely decluttered countertop.
I don't think that it's a coincidence that I have had TWO children sleeping through the night pretty much for about a month. A whole, glorious month. I'm not sure that's ever happened in 4 years. Seriously. For me, I think it's a sign that I'm coming back around. Hey, I may even get to the boxes that have been stacked against my wall for 3 years....hold on, maybe I should pace myself ;)
Something that is going on now that is not so great.....some issues at the preschool. My son has been talking about this boy Elijah since school started. He'd come home saying this boy was hitting the teacher, kicking someone, and even a few weeks ago said he spit at someone. The teacher has confirmed at least some of the stories, but of course she can't say much. So at Christmas party I mentioned this boy to his teacher and she was clearly frustrated too. She told me that I didn't hear it from her, but if I was concerned I should elevate it to the director.
So, a few weeks ago I said hey look, my son continues to share these stories, etc etc..and I'm concerned that it is affecting my son. She sent an email back saying she'd look into things and follow up. I got nada.
THEN, on Wednesday this past week as soon as nanny picked up my son nanny sent me a text saying that the boy had spit in my son's face during class. I was like hold up....what!....are you kidding me?! I was waiting for the emailed incident report to respond. I basically just said look, this kid's pattern of behavior is unacceptable. I highlighted a few weeks ago an issue, didn't hear anything back, and now my son was spit at. Something needs to be done and I will no longer allow my son to be around this child. So.....I didn't send my son on Thursday (so we all had a pajama day since my girl was exhausted and I let her stay home too) The director emailed back saying they'd discuss some things and I said just let me know when there was a plan. Haven't heard back so we'll see about Monday.
Look, I get that they have progressive discipline procedures, etc. but at the end of the day, I think repeated, nasty behavior should escalate things. And the thing is, I don't blame the child. Every event I've been to his parents don't show up and the poor kid is asking the teacher where his mom and dad are. Sigh. So sad.
Something else that is clearly not great.....when I was growing up around 4th grade I met a girl at school named Sarah. We became fast friends and her mother and my mother became besties as well. When I look back, I think her mom was definitely my mom's BMF--best mom friend. They had a lot in common and someone my mom could really trust. Fast forward a few years after meeting their family, they moved away to a neighboring town about 40 minutes away and shortly after that, Sarah's mom was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. She only lived a few years after diagnosis and died when Sarah was 14, I was 15. After they moved away and her mom passed, we lost touch over the years. Every now and then Sarah's sister would reach out, but that's been a long time as well now.
A few years back I stumbled on a blog Sarah was writing that she started when things were really difficult on her life.....her son had a lot of undiagnosed developmental problems for one, and also that she was diagnosed w/ breast cancer. Thankfully it was stage 0, caught extremely early, but she opted to have a double mastectomy. Given her maternal side of the family had a lot of cancer, she wrote that she figured she would get cancer at some point, but just wasn't sure when.
So after that, life continued, kids were growing, etc. and then I read last year's update....the cancer had come back, which is extremely rare. That was the point of the mastectomy, but she just happened to find a hard lump. Again. She's done surgery, radiation and chemo for the last year.
For some reason, this news hit very hard. Even though we don't stay in touch, my heart just ached for her.....she's a mother, wife, and 43. I remember back when I was going through random health issues and how fearful that made me, and to think about being diagnosed w/ something, twice. It also just made me think how much cancer freakin sucks. Took my mom. Her mom. And she's fighting it now.
Shake ups can make your perspective much clearer.
I'm thinking about my embryos. The thought won't go away, even with my attempts at distracting projects. I've seen the Dr., run some labs-which were great. I asked them about age and they said I was middle range. They have many patients mid-late 40's. Wow. I've been scouring the internet about how having 3 kids changes things. Turned over in my mind all the pros/cons.
Sometimes logic doesn't compete... It's a heart tug that some days screams pretty loud.
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