I find myself again sitting in the recliner with so many thoughts going through my head. I've got so many projects going on (just got roof repaired at apartment yesterday), so much to push forward (still sitting here waiting for someone to get texture right so I can keep things going in our house)....getting frustrated that I can't get followup and movement from contractors, etc.. We are in the 6th month of our remodel now and frankly, people can build a new house in this amount of time.
I wanted to follow up from the last post and share that I did indeed finally talk to my sister. I finally just called her because it was clear she wasn't reaching out to me. I expressed my concerns but in summary, I swept it away and chose to just move on. With the exception of....I said she has got to find someone local that can have a key to her house. I just can't go through the " haven't heard anything is she ok" situation again from 18 hours away. So, she agreed that her friend Kelly (that I had forgot about actually) lives about 20 min from her would be the person. She has yet to confirm that but I ask her each phone call.
And we did start therapy with my girl beginning of November. I knew she would not be happy so I chose to wait until the counselor actually confirmed our appointment. She didn't do that until that Friday night before the Saturday we were supposed to go, so then I told her Sat am at soccer that we were heading to therapy afterwards. "Why?!" "I don't need that"...followed some more by whining and "Why?"..... I always answer with, "Therapy is good for everyone" I also wasn't upset about waiting to tell her because I knew this would not be good news to her. The plan was to drop my son at home, but we got delayed after soccer--I ended up letting them get a donut to help the mood....and we all headed over there. She was still complaining in the car so I asked my son to tell her about it....and he told her hey, it's not that bad. (Internally I was clapping that that is what he said).
In summary, it went well.....she of course was quite nervous at first so I went in with her....over the course of the appointment I could tell she was relaxing step by step....fidgeting with her hands slowed down, she started answering with sentances instead of one word, and by the end, she was talking in multiple sentences. That is my tell tale sign she is more comfortable. The other thing that helped so much was the therapist met her where she was. Acknowledging she knew my girl didn't want to be there....and acknowledging that for anxiety doing breathing exercises just doesn't work for her, etc...and that, I think, helped my girl understand what she was thinking and feeling was ok. We are headed back tomorrow for appointment 2, so will see how it goes.
I truly have been wrapped up deeply in pushing the remodel/rental apt things forward. It takes a ton of followup, persistence, money, patience, phonecalls, texts, etc.. that it takes most of my days. however there were some things I thought about that I wanted to share:
--Phase one of braces is a joke (for us). Both my girl and my son had it (cost around $2500 each?) and wouldn't you know my son's canines on the top are growing out through the side of his gums. I took a picture and sent it to the ortho and they were like oh, don't worry we'll address in phase 2. Isn't the point of phase one to make space so there's room for teeth to grow in properly? When we went to the dentist a month ago I asked her the same question on Phase 1, i.e. why? and she said well, it doesn't always help all the teeth and it's better than it would have been. C'mon. I Feel like its a total scam. An expensive scam.
--Speech therapy is not quite a joke, but I wonder what in the heck they were doing the last 3 years. My son is in speech at school because of his Z's and S's. They come out sounding like "th".About a month ago he and I were talking and I said hey, make a snake sound....at first he couldn't do it...but after trying a few times he did it! I heard him properly say an S! It was so exciting! So he went back to speech and showed his teacher. She noted it was much improved, although he makes the S sound with his toungue going down, instead of up. Apparently some kids do that? But I was just thinking....all I did was ask him to do a snake and he did it. What was he doing in therapy all that time?
--I met up with 2 women who were previous coworkers of mine-from different times of my career-for lunch. It was great to catch up and talk shop since my brain had let that go several years ago. However, I found myself sitting back, listening to all the drama that was happening, all the stress they are living with, some self-imposed, how wrapped up they are in it....and I was left thinking....holy cow that was me, that's really unhealthy, corporate america teaches you that nothing you do is ever enough...you find yourself always looking forward....going for that next promotion, that next project, that next level of XYZ, wondering if what you are doing is good enough, it's very competitive, and overall, not good for single parents or your mental health. I am SO GLAD I am not working for 'the man' right now.
--I feel disgruntled with how single moms are discussed on many reality shows. For example, it seems like when someone talks about their life story and says how when they were raised by a single mom, it's usually a story about struggle and perseverance. She worked 3 jobs, I never saw her, she was gone all the time working, I know she loved me but missed out on my activities at school, we had no money, etc.. Now, don't misinterpret that I'm trying to negate their stories...it was just an observation of mine that rarely do you hear about someone saying, hey I was raised by a single mom, we didn't struggle financially, I had everything I needed, she was a stay at home mom sometimes while growing up, she came to all of my events, we owned our home, etc... Because that's how our life is. I worked so I could be financially independent, have choices, raise my kids the way I wanted to raise them. I get that our experience is not the norm....but is it so rare that you don't hear really anyone talking about how great it was to be raised by a single mom without all the struggle? I am really curious to hear someday from my kids what are they going to say, what do they think when they look back on how they grew up? What will their story be?
Okay, out of my thoughts and on to getting back to my day. We are preparing for the holidays....we were just invited by a friend I've known since grad school to her house for thanksgiving. We are going to go there and likely order a meal you can take home and bake. Neither of us are cooks, so that works for me. Also, Christmas has been up in the air because a) my house is a mess I don't want drywall dust in the tree and b) my sister may not come for christmas because of all the crap she is dealing with. She asked about us flying up there, I thought a few minutes about it, but wow the flight cost. And, I just don't know if I have the energy for all that. So, if she doesn't come here that might be ok because I don't want a repeat of last year's challenges with the unpredictable nature of how a visit can go. I think I'll just see what my girl will be comfortable doing (meaning what can we do so she doesn't feel jipped) because she really is the holiday person in the house. My son doesn't care too much, and this year....if we didn't decorate at all, I'd be ok....but I will do it if they want to, for sure.
Happy Holidays to you all.....
