Worse

This virus is awful. I went to the ER over the weekend (with the kids of course because what else could I do) and after chest X-ray they said I had pneumonia. The good news to come out of that is my oxygen levels were good enough to keep me out of the hospital. The Dr told me there’s no room anyway. So, thankfully I’m not lined up against a wall, I’m at home.

I don’t have the energy to write too much but I do want to say the emotional toll of this virus is just as bad as the physical. Worrying if today’s your last day, watching your pulse ox go down, wondering if this is it? Having your son walk toward you, then shy away because you are sick.....having your kids ask you if you are going to die? And, seeing their faces when I tell them the truth—that it’s possible, but I hope not.

Not much worse.....I’m emotionally and physically depleted. Lots of tears. For all of us.

I’ve learned after day 14 of this it truly is day by day. You might think symptoms are easing (for me it’s the malaise, headache, fatigue, dry cough when trying to take a deep breath), but then you spend the entire next day on the couch...again.

I finally finally got a primary Dr call yesterday (too long a story to even begin—I need a new Dr office) and he started me on steroids and antibiotics. I hope it helps. I’ve used my albuterol inhaler almost daily for several days now and the only other thing that’s really helped thus far is Tylenol every 4 hours.

Day by day.

I was wrong

Turns out my sister was Negative. She took the 2 day test so I’m confident in those results. Also, I didn’t think about the fact that there is an incubation period. I went to neighbors on the 25th and started feeling symptoms on the 25th. So....Not from the neighbors.

I don’t know and likely won’t.

At a time like this we need to have grace, understanding, and support for those who become ill. Im on Day 9 and this thing has knocked me down. The malaise, lack of appetite, and headache is constant. Other symptoms come and go, but I think I’ve had most of them. A few days I lost a bit of taste ie I could tell it was a popsicle and sweet, but not the full flavor.

The hardest part is not having any help with me or the kids. No one can come in. I’ve been blessed with neighbors and friends dropping off groceries and meals which have been a lifesaver. But the house has started to close in since everyday is pretty much the same. Sleep fitfully, take a shower in am and use all energy I have for that, and then move between the recliner and couch for the rest of the day.

The only thing that helps a bit is Tylenol. I tried everything else and it doesn’t make a dent. It’s also been isolating medically because I can’t get through to primary care, it’s taken multiple phone calls. I tried urgent care to get virtual and system down. I just ran out of energy. I need some help so will try again.

This is hard. So hard. I did go outside today for the first time in a week and the fresh air was good. 

I’m digging deep to make sure the kids are fed and I stay hydrated.