Took longer than I thought

The kids have been back to school now for over a month for my girl and just under for my son. The thing that makes me cringe the most is all of those germs.  They are just surrounded by them from all of the snotty-nosed, sent back to school too early sick kids. And I was just waiting for it. I figured it would happen w/in a few days of the crazy.....but it did take longer than I thought.
It has now started. This past Sunday night my poor girl was vomiting half the night while my son woke up multiple times probably just due to the noise, fun times.


I have a feeling she picked it up from a museum we went to on Saturday. I happened to watch the news Friday night which I hardly do on tv and they mentioned it was the Smithsonian free Saturday for 2 people day. So I looked to see which museum of ours participated and we chose the Health and Science museum.  It's probably the first time in awhile where I felt like, hey, we can do this.....now that the kids are getting older, can listen better, etc. it is less stressful and exhausting going to something like this. We asked my only other mom friend who has the son the same age as my son...and we all went in my suv. First time we had a full car and can I just say, it was so much fun!  We drove downtown, found amazing free parking, and got there early enough so there weren't any crowds at all. It was only one floor of this building, but it had a massive heart, a big colon replica you could crawl through (although I initially thought it was just an artery!), skeletons, nervous system things, body parts, etc...it really was cool. My girl was in heaven. She calls herself a 'science girl'. Many many things to touch and discover. Hence, germ-city.  I really tried hard not to think about it, but I honestly thought, oh man, here we go. After we left we decided to do lunch, then they did the playplace---another potential culprit.


Then in the afternoon we decided to have charm school.  My girl's been into making charms out of whatever she can find....she found a plastic donut, tied a string on it, and put it on her backpack. If she can't find something, she cuts them out. She's always creating something and it's great because it keeps her busy. Her brain is constantly thinking up new things to color, cut, paste. Just tonight she made puppets out of popsicle sticks for her brother's upcoming birthday and designed a 'stage' out of duplo blocks. All on her own with no prompting from me.
Anyway, we had talked for a few days about having charm school where she would be the teacher and my son and I the students.  I'll just say it now, I was beyond impressed with what she did.  She put some thought and effort into the whole thing. She had set up in the toy room a table and chairs with our names taped to the back of each one so we would know where to sit. Then she had a box up front of the 'class' with all of her supplies.  We came in and she told us we had to sit and listen to the rules....like, no eating the charms, raise your hand to talk, etc...She had even found an old necklace bead kit that made the perfect tools for it all on her own. I honestly was surprised at how much thought she put into it and how well organized it was for a six year old! She did better than I would!


So after the museum and charm school I would have to say that last Saturday was one of the BEST days we've had as a family in a long time.  There just was minimal fussies (considering my son is STILL having sleep issues) and school just wipes my girl out to the point that tantrums have come back......it was just such a great day for all of us.
We needed it.


My girl is doing great in school--her first progress report came back with 100 in reading and 97 in math and 97 in science. So proud of her! She actually says regularly that she is bored, which isn't surprising because they are learning a lot of what she learned in kinder....same sight word, etc.. One thing she loves is they do computer lab (yes, at 6) and she talks about it all the time that she has a password of her own and can log in herself! I do know that academically she does really well and have researched their challenge or gifted program.  I'm not sure if she would qualify, but I do know that she is a pretty smart kid. Kind of a bummer because I guess they screen in kinder, but if you come to the school in first grade they don't screen until the spring and participation in the program wouldn't start until fall of second grade. Kind of a racket. I did check to see if there was anything they could do to get her screened now and they said if she had been tagged as gifted or had testing scores. They weren't super clear so I at least tried by sending in her records from kinder but apparently that wouldn't do it. Sigh.
I'm sure it will be fine and I know a lot of people probably get hung up in all of this stuff, but I feel like that's what I need to do--advocate for making sure she's getting what I think she needs.


I don't think I wrote at all about her birthday but I now have a six year old. Whaaaat?
We just had a small little party at the house and a few friends came over. Ironically one of my friends that used to live here (hi Carolyn) who moved away happened to be in town...and it was on HER birthday, so we got to celebrate both! I got her a skateboard that she's been asking for for about 6 months. It really was a fun little get together.

I can't believe how long her hair is...probably time to get a 3rd haircut since she's only had 2 her whole life!

Totally random thought but I just have to declare that my son is potty trained during the day!  It took this summer of realizing that he did fine when he didn't wear any clothes. Nanny kept trying to put on underwear and shorts which he still ended up having lots of accidents. He couldn't seem to get to the potty fast enough. We even thought of trying a potty watch that the pediatrician recommended. However, he likes to run around w/out clothes so I had the bright idea to just leave him w/out clothes and see what happened. Sure enough, he didn't have ANY accidents.  So, nanny let him run around at home for a few days, which got him practice to say, ok, time to go to potty.....and he's been great ever since.  Now, at night I still put on something....for awhile it was pullups, but he was leaking through those so I would add an insert. Good news now is that we can leave him w/out anything up until bedtime, so I only have to use a diaper and an insert and it seems to work most of the time.  I think in due time he'll be out of diapers completely as he is dry some mornings, but I think it will still take some time. So much different w/ my girl because as soon as she was potty trained, she was over needing anything at night too.


As I reflect on this past summer and both kids starting school, it's been interesting....like, I'm sort of lifting out of the physical exhaustion of raising two littles....and it's just getting easier the more independent they become. Now, the mental exhaustion is picking up because my son was fine at 2, however 3's have been beyond with the talking, tantrums, attitude, etc..  With my girl, 2 was hard, 3 was insanity, 4 was glorious, and 5 was in between. But, I just feel less stressed being out and about out of the comfort of home where I know what they can get into, etc.. They have always been pretty well behaved in public, that's not it.....it's more lugging a whole diaper bag of crap, strapping all the seatbelts, wondering if I forgot a nuni, do we have diapers, getting the stroller, etc.....
Now? They both can buckle their own seatbelts. Sounds minor, but it's major! They can crawl through one side of the car and off we go. My girl could probably do a booster seat now even. I shudder, I'm not ready for that yet :) Not having two carseats behind me? not yet.


I will say that I had a little thought about....oh wow. I no longer have babies. My baby is in preschool. Am I ready to be done? Some people say they just 'know' that their family is complete. I've not gotten that feeling. I wish that I would, honestly. I'm 43. I did talk to my nurse who I love at my old Dr.'s office and she suggested this....why not just get your labs, get more data...and see?  I still have those three embryos that I think about on a regular basis. I thought that having another project like the construction house would ease my mind i.e. maybe I just needed something I was working towards. But it hasn't worked...that hasn't stopped my thinking. Part of me thinks I've lost my mind, the other part of me is just trying to see how it feels thinking more about it. I have all of the thoughts about am I too old, how would that change our dynamic, is it too much to take on, we're finally at a place of more independence, why disrupt that? On the other hand, the benefits such as....my daughter would have a sister or my son would have a brother, they would have each other, they are older now and it wouldn't be as crazy as having a two year old and a newborn, and frankly it just keeps popping up for me so I don't want it to be something I regret. I can truly say I have no regrets about anything else...I've done a lot of things despite having fear about it. So, more data can only help, right? I believe that if I didn't have those embryos this wouldn't be a discussion.  Starting over w/ IVF now, ummmm no thank you.


The other thing I've been thinking about....talk about life changes galore.....I just might leave corporate America.  I've been planning for this for a long time, well, really since I had children. It's been a good career, but it's not what I'm passionate about anymore. I want to be a soccer mom! And work part time, or not at all for awhile, maybe.....and have time for me. Get my strength back. Go to the gym regularly! The thing is, I'm not sure I'm ready. The thought of leaving what I've done since January of 2002 scares me a bit. It's a totally different lifestyle...so many pros and cons to this type of change. I've researched becoming a stay at home mom after working, tips, etc...and interestingly, more and more people are becoming sahm's when their kids are a bit older. It's natural to make that transition when they are babies, but for me, that was tough times. I had two hard littles and going to work was like a break for me, really. But now....now they are getting interested in more things, school trips, sports soon enough..I can't wait!
But, am I ready to take on all of the laundry, cooking (this is probably my least favorite domestic task), 24/7 it is.  Part of me says yes, why not try it? Another part of me says wait until I feel 'more ready' whatever that means.  I can always go back to work, right?


Well.....another life change I'm thinking about is where do I want to raise my kids? I've been researching a lot more going back to the Midwest. Closer to where I grew up. Things are just much slower and smaller. And part of me doesn't want to be home w/ the kids here where I don't have a network or support system. Yes, I'd still have to grow one if I moved, but I at least know people there. My sister, a few friends' parents who've known me since I was 4. That sounds lovely.


Now that I'm typing it out, it really is a lot. Maybe just too much all at once. Maybe I just need to focus on one of these things and keep the others consistent so I don't overload myself. Maybe I just need to practice meditating or somehow figuring out how to keep my brain from not being on overdrive with planning. I'm always planning/thinking/researching the 'what next'...what do I want to do now. What I have such a hard time doing is just settling in, not looking forward always....and just being at peace with this moment. This place we are at right now. I'd love to hear how others do it.


Now, on to planning for another birthday party for my boy....soon to be 4. OH MY!

Champ

My son has been a total champ!! Our first week of pre-k 3 is over and we are now starting our second week. Great news: he has not shed one tear! That first day he walked in, started playing, and hasn’t been phased at all. I was a hot blubbering mess, but that’s just how it goes for me. When I was at the door for pickup on the first day I was reaching my head as high as I could to catch a glimpse of him, then I asked the teacher ms Delania if he did ok, did he ask for me???
She leans in and says, ‘hate to tell you this mom but he didn’t ask for you at all”. I said awesome and breathed a massive sigh of relief. That was so good to hear because I could hear the wails of some of the kids—probably crying from the morning. I was so thankful my son just took it all in stride.
I was so happy to see his little face when he saw me at the door and his face lit up, my heart just burst. He wanted to go to ‘mcdogdogs’ for lunch so of course we had to go for his special first day. Then he told us about one of the kids tried to hit/kick the teacher and had to sit in a green chair. I wasn’t sure if he was making it up so the next morning I asked teacher and he was right.
He also again told me it was boring!

I was still hesitant to call victory because the first day can be fine, then when they realize oh, this wasn’t just for one day, it can be harder. But not for my boy. He waltzed on in for day 2 and 3, hung up his backpack, and got to playing.

I’ve tried to ask him questions that aren’t yes or no like: what was your favorite part of your day? He says he likes ‘the home center’ where they have cute little salt and pepper shakers, an oven and a sink etc. it’s funny because he also usually tells me about the kids that misbehave because apparently even today two little boys were arguing. I usually respond with, no way! And he gets this big smile and says yes mom they did!! His expression is like he’s saying—, can you believe they did that?!
I also try to make a lesson and ask him if what they did was nice or not? And he knows what is the right behaviors at school.
Day two the teacher said he went up to her and told her he loved her. Awwwww. She said it reminded them of my girl too because apparently she used to do that a lot at school.

I am really really proud that he’s done so well. I tell him often how great he’s doing, that the teachers say he’s doing awesome. He’s such a boy because his response is like, yeah ok. Cool.

Today I picked him up and when I peeked into the door and we made eye contact his face just lit up and he ran over to me and we hugged....these moments just bring tears to my eyes. I literally had to stop myself from full on crying! I’m such a sap.

His personality is already expanding and he can be hilarious and clever. As we were walking out today he asks where we were going to lunch? I said I’m not sure....he says ‘hold on, let me check my phone’ and proceeds to stick out his hand palm up and ‘scrolls’ on it with his fingers. Then says ok, can’t tell you until we get into the car. It’s a surprise.
This kid.
Then later tonight we are playing this snail game and his sister comes out right before her bath and he says ‘No vaginas. No vaginas allowed’. I’m sure he’ll love me for that story someday.

And today we really did have such a sweet, awesome lunch. Yes we went to his favorite place just the two of us and he snuggled right in next to me, both eating our lunches, rain outside...I just felt so content hanging out w my snuggle bug. So many hugs and I love you’s.....
4 (well almost 4) is such an amazing age. The fussies are less, you can reason with them more...I am hopeful that after the little head colds go away they both have he will start sleeping through the night again. I hope!!

Looking forward to school continuing to go well and he continues to enjoy/like going, etc.
I love the school and am glad we still get to be a part of it.

First Day of Pre-K

It's only 10am and I've already cried like a baby today. My son started his first day of pre-k today. He's been funny about it....I tried to get him excited by talking about it, telling him what he'll be doing, making friends etc. and for some reason, his response is 'It's boring'. No matter when I've asked him, or how I ask him.....he's used the word 'boring'. I have no idea why.


I really was doing well this morning....nanny and my son dropped my girl off at school this am. Her school starts earlier this year i.e. starts at 8am and goes until 3:20. Last year the public school went 8:20-3:40 (which I much prefer due to giving more time in the morning) but now that it's earlier, we have to leave the house no later than 7:35-ish to make sure she gets to class before the bell rings. I told her still no bus this year. Anyway, I did ask if she wanted to go with brother to take him to his first day of school--he is in the same classroom w/ the same teacher she had when she was 3--and she was too worried about being late for school. So, they dropped her off, then came home and we left around 8:30. His school is from 8:30am-11:45am Monday through Thursday. 
When we got there we took pictures in front of the fountain.

His reaction when talking about school.

At least we got a smile!


There is a long hallway before getting to the classrooms and he at first was running his hands along the wall--it's a metal wall that makes a cool sound when running your fingers over it...but as we got closer to the director he hid underneath my shirt. So we kept walking that way and when we got to her, she says, 'well hello my son's name'.....'I can see you under that shirt and we are so happy you are here'....If he could have hid his whole self he would have.  The funny thing is he's spent the last 2 1/2 years running up to her, talking to her, giving hugs etc...I guess this is just his way of saying, 'If I can't see anything, it doesn't exist'!

Then the classroom was right around the corner so we waited our turn to check in. He still kept covering his eyes w/ his arm. I just stood next to him, making sure he knew I was close by. And here's when the waterworks started...I saw another mom walk by all red in the eye, and that just did it. My tears just sprung. Of course I was wiping them away as fast as I could because I certainly didn't want to alarm my son or worry him. We then walked in the classroom and I helped him find his cubby and hang up his backpack. He then ran over to the kitchen area to start playing.

He didn't seem to be too sad or concerned at all.  We had done a meet the teacher day last Thursday so he was able to go in and see the classroom, play with some blocks and some toys, and meet some of the other kids. There will be 12 boys and 3 girls. Oh wow.

Nanny and I stood in the room for a minute and I decided it was best to go while he was playing, so I walked over to him, hugged and kissed him, told him I'd be back soon, and walked out of the room.

Why do these things get me so much? I am crying now reliving it. My heart just starts aching because I worry when he realizes mom isn't there, will he be ok? Will he cry? Will he ask for me?

I did stand at the door just to make sure if he looked up and didn't see me that he would be ok. He had gone to another table to play with different blocks....so as I stood there in the hallway w/ tears just streaming, I decided it was okay to go....so we walked down the long hallway back to the car.  Some of the teachers or helpers were standing in the hallway....they were so sweet when they saw me wiping my tears I heard one say 'awwwwww.....you did good mom, it will be ok'. I waved, but honestly I felt so sad. And kind of empty. It felt so strange to be walking down the corridor w/out a little one with me. When we got to the car and there was no one in the back seat, I just cried some more. I have had a child, and then a second child in tow for 6 years. It's such a huge change to have a silent backseat.

I haven't gotten any calls from the school, so I am really hoping he is doing okay. It's about 10:45 now and we will leave here in about 45 minutes to go pick him up.

I took the day off of work.  Not just for this, but I'm glad I did so I can take him and pick him up. I also think we will go have a special lunch to celebrate.

Guess this is why sometimes people decide to have another baby. Ha. Can't say it didn't cross my mind this morning....however...let's get through this change. I know he will be ok and it probably is harder on me......but that's what all this is about right? getting them ready to grow and learn.

Speaking of that, I think my son has gone through a developmental stage over last several months. His verbal skills have just taken off (saying he's invisible, saying how bugs are so 'interesting') and he is doing more make-believe play, asking lots and lots of questions about 'how do they make....X'. Windows, rocks, babies, etc.. At night when I sit next to him we talk and he's got a lot to say.  AND, he's been not sleeping well since January, but I noticed over the last 3 weeks or so he is finally sleeping through the night again. I'm thinking, hoping, that we are over the hump of whatever that was, because we've both been exhausted.

Interestingly.......we went to the pool on Saturday and Sunday for labor day. My sister came to visit since she wasn't able to come for my girl's birthday, and it was a good visit. Side story but she's finally seeing a doctor that is helping to get to the root of some of her issues and changing her medication. She's been diagnosed w/ a mood disorder (kind of like, duh..) and it's been a big positive change just addressing that, and they are still working through her other things too. She still has issues w/ medicating, not feeling well, getting quiet, etc.. but seemed to be doing better. She sometimes has a hard time w/ my girl because my girl is very stubborn/hard headed, and so is my sister. The thing I have to keep reminding my sister of is.....my girl is 6. She's only 6. Unfortunately my girl's behavior this weekend wasn't the best. She had a few calm downs. I think she's still adjusting to going to school full time.

Anyway, we went to the pool and my son and I were swimming together....he saw a little boy and asked me what he was doing.

Me: 'Playing with his daddy'.

Son: 'Do we have a daddy?'

Me: 'No, we have a mommy, a my girl, and you'

Son: 'I wish we had a daddy'.

Me: 'You do?'

Son: 'Yup'.

Me: 'Well son, all families are different. Some families don't have a mommy, can you believe that?. And some have two daddies, grandma's, etc..'.

And that was the end of that. He just started swimming again and there you go.  The first time he's ever verbally expressed that he noticed a) we don't have a dad and b) that he wanted one.  I feel good about how I handled it, just matter of fact, really. And he didn't seem upset at all.

I know it will come up again, and we'll keep talking about it......If I remember correctly, this was about the age my girl started noticing and verbalizing about a dad...around almost 4. Interesting. I wonder if it's due to a developmental stage they go through?

Okay, and now it's getting close to going to do pick up. I sure do hope he made it ok. I'm sure he did.