Suburbs

Nothing like going to a suburban bbq to make you feel like a single parent. I know I am one, but feeeling like it....yes, that's a different story.  

This past week our neighbor mom sent me a text and asked if we'd like to join them on saturday for a bbq. Sure thing....our girls are the same age, they seem really nice, so why not? I was a little hesitant because it started at 5:30pm. By that time both kids are fed and we are winding down to bath at 6pm.  I figured it shouldn't be that big of deal, we'll stay until 6:15 maybe. Earlier that day I went to the grocery store to bring some things to share....I said I'd bring veggies and dessert so I brought cucumber/carrots/watermelon/kid-size drumsticks, and an apple pie. Perhaps a little overboard. Didn't quite seem like it at the store, but as I was getting our bags ready to go over there I had two grocery bags in addition to the stroller, our backpack of stuff, extra outfits, bottles to be sure, etc.So. Much. Stuff. Just to get ready to walk out the door put me in a sweat.  Babygirl was in her swimgear because they were going to have a babypool out. Thankfully we could walk over...not right in our circle but close enough. 

So I thought it was just going to be them (mom, dad, 3 year old and 16 month old)....I shlep over there w/ my shorts/t-shirt, no make up, hairy legs, sweat rag resting on my shirt considering it is still about 90+ degrees.Well, as soon as we roll up an older gentleman introduces himself--it was the husbands parents. Then a little while later two more couples show up w their children. It was a full on party. And there I was about as frumpy as can be--had I known I would have showed up a little more presentable.

Cue feeling the single parent-dom.....when you have two children, and both are mobile.....good luck. My son wants to crawl a lot now...and frankly it was so hot that when he sat w/ me we stuck together. There was only grass and a hard patio....no real place to put him down so he could chew on some toys..he eats grass now. Had I known I would have brought at least a picnic blanket.  My girl jumped in the babypool which was great....but I was watching her, holding him, or trying to hold him, standing up the entire time....and S..W..E..A..T..I..N..G.  The mom w/ the 2 girls was walking around, pretty relaxed....and she is pregnant w/ her third...I couldn't figure out how she could be so chill.  Well, it took me 2.5 seconds after watching her and her husband that it became super clear....they tag-team.  He will watch the girls while she is inside cooking.....she'll come out and he'll set up the grill, she goes inside for more food and he'll walk over to the babypool. It was like a dance.  Not to mention his parents were there so they had a bunch of eyes and arms for the kids.

I don't really know them well enough for me to hand over my kids so there I was trying to do it all myself.  It was kind of crazy being around so many people and feeling somewhat alone. Now. I have to say the mom made me a plate of dinner while I was out watching my two, which was so nice. Just someone making me a plate of food made me feel like I could breathe for two seconds--while everyone else was relaxing in their patio chairs.

It was hard.  I tried to tell myself to relax, but honestly my stress level kept rising because dinner was getting later and later...my girl eats around 5-5:30...don't think we ate until 6:30, my son was starting to melt down because we normally have bath done and he's about to go into his crib at 6:45pm. The table was all hanging out eating dinner and I felt it would be rude to go right when everyone was eating, so I made do and threw some food down while holding my twisting, crying, sticky, and oh so tired boy.

In general I think the kids did wonderful for being totally off schedule and out in this heat. My girl really enjoyed the pool, no major meltdowns, and I found out she loves corn on the cob. My son did pretty well up until the end so I'm thankful they were just fine. Me, I felt exhausted, so hot like I'd never cool down, stressed out, and ready to just lie on the sofa in the coolness and vegetate. As much as I could, anyway, since our a/c is having problems and it doesn't seem to get below 80. Guy coming tomorrow to take a look.

It sounds like I had the worst time ever, which wasn't true.....I did get to talk a bit to some of the people and share some mom stuff.  It was just hard and a struggle at times w/ both by myself, I felt pretty darn single.

Perhaps it was just an emotional weekend. I just felt lonely....and that felt sad.  I miss not having friends around to just pop in and say hi...hang out w/ me and the kids. I have some friends here but they are pretty busy w/ their own lives and this a big city...not super-close distance-wise to most of them. The one I am close to distance wise, her kids are older and I usually go her way, not the other way around. Lot harder to do w/ two little ones. In a way it feels like starting over....even though I've lived here before I've never lived in the suburbs and we didn't come back to a nest waiting for us.  Finding new friends and social circles is just not easy...it takes emotional energy and time. I just wish we could find our niche faster.

I am proud of myself for being open to meeting the neighbors and going to their party. 

At least going to a bbq is a way to start......

It's happened....

My son is officially on the move.  He pulled himself to a stand for the first time yesterday on the bathtub.  He did the same thing tonight.....wobbly legs and all.
Then when I put him down after his bath he started to crawl and fell face first on the tile and now has a nice grout mark on his forehead.  Poor baby. Maybe he should stick to pulling himself up.

Someone had a birthday!!

My baby girl is 3. 3!!!!!

We had a nice little party at my friend's house.....no need to rent bouncy houses, go to chuck.e.chee.se's yet...no little friends to entertain. So we got to still do it mama-style: low-key, pizza, cake, and swimming in friend's backyard.  My girl had a great time as did most people, I think. I sweat most of it because I found myself constantly keeping my eyes on both of them, making sure they were ok, etc. I had even asked our babysitter to come so I would have dedicated help for my boy so I could focus on my girl and our friends. After a few hours babysitter took my son back home so he could nap and the rest of us opened more presents, then just a few of us went swimming. The pool was refreshing!

She looked cute as a button. I asked her what her favorite part about her birthday party was.....she said very quickly, CAKE!

I got her a bike for her birthday but the funny thing is, it is still in the garage not yet given to her. Why? Well, it's too dang hot to ride it and I wasn't sure on the size. I didn't want to get her all excited about it only to not be able to ride it. So, she had so many presents to open from our far away friends sending things in the mail and at the party, I just decided to hold on it. She will get it soon.

Latest thing she's been wondering about?: After bath the other night..."Mommy, will I go down drain?".
This kid's imagination.

We finally moved into our house the weekend before, so needless to say it's been a busy several weeks. Not to mention the triple digit temperatures. It's funny, everyone keeps asking me, so, do you feel better now that you are in the house?  The short answer is no.  Why? Because there are so many things still not done. We still don't have a stove cooktop, doorknobs, trim in several places, etc. We are here, but it isn't finished....and not yet like home. Boxes lined up in the front room. Contractor is set to do the punch list over next couple of weeks...It's an entire page long.

What I love about the house--the indoor colors I chose. My girl's room is a nice, soft lavender, my son's is a boy's blue, and mine is a soft greenish blueish grayish color. And the kitchen is a spicy red-orange color! No worries, the rest of the house is a calm beige color.My master bathroom is amazing. The custom vanity made by the carpenter is a great piece of work.
What I've been disappointed about: the floors. After all the agony on the stain, I have found that they scratch up way too easily. Beautiful, but not super functional. I've also learned I won't put hardwood in a kitchen again. That floor takes the most abuse and already there is a 3 ft scratch. The roof. I ended up choosing a dark/charcoal color rather than the standard grey that is everywhere. We put up three colors and none of them seemed to go w/ the brick color. Well....let's just say the black against the brick is...wow....dark. So, we changed the trim once because it clashed w/ the black roof....and now I think the trim is too dark too, so I may just buck up and pay to have it done again. I've been obsessing over trim color, no other way to put it.....and the new fridge is the noisiest thing ever.

I think when the list is done, boxes are put away, we have a table that fits in the kitchen, I can park in the garage again, etc.. I will feel a bit more settled. When we first spent the night over here the house felt so BIG compared to the apartment. I was worried I wouldn't hear the kids crying out at night. No worries, I can hear just fine :)

My son...he just turned 10 months old. And this kid is on the move!!!!!  He just started crawling for real. Like arms/legs all coordinated, moving across the floor crawling. I noticed he likes to pull himself up on his knees....the crib has teeth marks all along it now. He's got his two lower, one upper left and the upper right has finally poked through. Several rough nights and days w/ the teething. I just don't want him to lose his baby fat. I love it.  He finally got in for his 9 month appointment at over 10 months (had to switch Dr.'s offices since our first one wouldn't get him in until he was 11 months old--for his 9 month appointment)
....he weighs...24 1/2 pounds! My big boy.

See my tooth?!

I am proud of myself....last week one of our neighbors stopped by and said she had a 3 year old and a 16 month old. I was so happy to hear that. They don't live in our little circle, but close enough. So today we didn't have anything to do this afternoon so I walked w/ my girl and my son just to say HI and give them our number. She invited us in--I felt kind of bad because it was during their afternoon rest time, but we stayed just for 20 minutes maybe. Guess what? her husband and I work at the same company. Such a small world. She said she was expecting again....so she'll have her hands full. It was nice, though, because she used to work before kids, had both of them through IVF, and is 36. We have some things in common. And both our girls are TALL for their ages.  Was just nice talking to another mom--she went through the same thoughts about a bike for her girl and ended up getting her the bigger one too. I felt validated!
So, we'll see how it goes....maybe have some play dates, etc..

And, our nanny.....well I mentioned that no situation is perfect, and this has panned out to be true.  She's been with us a few months now and the hurdle we have is that my girl has not bonded to her much at all. As an example, some mornings my girl would rather watch her phone by herself than be out w/ the nanny.  The nanny is very firm and very structured, which I know is a different style than my girl is used to. I am just not sure what to do about it right now. It may just take more time.....the thing is, the nanny is super bonded w/ my son. She has said before she loves babies, etc..which I can tell. She has also said she hasn't watched a girl like mine before....very precocious, energetic, smart, and challenging. I think it makes her uncomfortable.
Some things are bothering me, some little, some not. When I come home I ask about the day, she says how perfect my son was and most of the time she says my girl had a good day.  I think it's mama bear coming out in me because I don't want my girl thinking her brother is perfect, and she's not.  Yes, I could tell her to not use that word, but I have found that she's also pretty resistant to feedback. As an example, I was trying to tell her that I didn't want my girl to eat pizza for lunch several times a week at the mall, but that going to the mall for exercise when it's this hot was still good. Well....I didn't get too much out when she snapped that they just wouldn't go to the mall then.  Ok, that's not what I was saying.  Sigh. I had to text her later what I was trying to tell her i.e. take some food and make a picnic there, go earlier so home by lunch time, etc.. but still go.
Funny enough our new weekend babysitter has turned out to be very connected to both kids. My daughter will easily allow me to stay in my room when she is here and not cry, try to get in my room, etc..and I can leave w/out much fuss. She is very energetic and does a lot of things w/ the kids....today I slept in and came out to see they were in the backyard in the babypools having a great time! I've not so gently asked her about whether she's thought of full time, etc. but she is wanting to build work history/money to buy a house and needs to stay where she is at until next year. I told her if anytime her situation changed to let me know.

I've said before, you can pay someone to take care of your kids, but you can't pay to bond them.

It's been super busy all the way around. I'm trying to make the last final push w/ the house and not lose my mind. I've been pretty whipped lately and just today I was feeling more tired than I have in awhile. It's understandable given all that's going on. I just keep telling myself soon....soon it will calm down :)