We made it to Spring Break (last week)....hard to believe considering how this year started, what's happened during, and that we only have a few months left until school is out. Like summer is coming in a few months!
The kids and I talked about what they wanted to do, and they had asked about visiting Amy. She had invited all of us over for whatever time we wanted to go, and for some reason, I really just wanted to stay home. I just wanted a break. It's ironic that I say a 'break' because the kids go to school from 7:55 and get off the bus/home by 3:25, but it's still a routine. For those that say, 'What do you do all day?'....the answer is plenty! The day gets filled quickly w/ grocery shopping, projects, errands, naps (!), and then the routine after 3:30 until bedtime. When I decided I wanted a break, I wanted a total break. I wanted full days and nights where I could turn off the mom ear. And I didn't realize how much I needed it until I had it.
So, the kids and I packed and drove about 3 hours to meet 1/2 way last Monday. Then I turned around and drove 3 hours home. The plan was for them to stay Mon-Fri, meet on Friday afternoon. I spent the first two days with a stomach bug that I must have picked up during the trip. Yuck. But after I felt better I spent a lot of time working on getting bids for the rental remodel (still trying to decide if I'm going to fix or sell), and had a consultation about getting a tooth extracted. I had a crown and root canal done on this tooth, but for some reason last year it failed and both dentist and endodontist said it needed to come out. Then covid hit and I put it on the back burner. I wanted to get it done before the end of our plan year March 31, so after the consultation they said they could fit me in on Friday. It was anesthesia so we decided that I would recover some and pick up the kids on Sunday.
They had a ton of fun doing crafts, activities, going to parks, swimming, eating snowballs......and lots of sugar. That is one area where Amy and I completely disagree. I'm okay w/ moderate i.e. a sweet treat here and there is okay. Well....omg they had sweet treats and multiples of them every day. It was nuts. Seemed like whenever I spoke to them they had candy, chocolate, cookies, sneaked a soda, snowballs, etc... When I think about it, it really makes me upset because she blatantly disregards my feelings about it and almost does it with wild abandon when I'm not there. She thinks it's 'fun'. We've had multiple conversations over the years to no avail. I haven't drawn a line in the sand, but I suppose I could. This is only the second time they've visited without me. I also weigh the fact that she did take both of them full time, gave me a break, and then I criticize the way she does it? That doesn't seem right either. I did give her money for gas/activities, so I do feel like contributed.
Anway, I spoke to kids by facetime everynight and was able to step out of mom mode and really just focus 100% on their stories and look forward to the conversation. There were SO many aha's during this last week that I thought I would list them here:
--I really am a second shift kind of person. I completely forgot what it was like to do something at 3:30-7pm. I made sure I did something during those times just because I could.....and I was SO productive. It's like my natural rhythm is get up around 10am, really 'get going' around 1 or 2, and wind down around 8-9pm, bed around midnight. It felt SO good to fall back into this natural pattern. I just tend to get my energy or wind in the afternoon. I don't need to feel bad that I'm not a morning person and don't love doing things at 8-9am.
--My patience tank completely filled back up! I realized after they were gone for a few days that I had been pretty short-tempered lately. I had been doing a lot more hollering than usual, raising my voice more than usual, which I really feel terrible about afterwards. I didn't realize that just because I'm not working a corporate job, that doesn't mean I don't have stress. I just recovered from Covid, just went through a freeze that destroyed 1/2 of my rental house, and all the other daily life stressors like bills, etc.. When I picked them up I couldn't believe how much my patience tank was back. I didn't react to the bickering, I was able to stay calm during tense times...I truly felt renewed. This was probably the biggest AHA and benefit of having a total break. I had no idea how worn down I actually was with parenting. I was starting to just be frustrated most of the time and I know they feed off of my energy. I can't say that because I am more calm, they've absorbed all of that.....but I do think over time they will.
--I nag way too much. In the absence of doing the daily routine, I realized how much and how many times I say 'get your pajamas'.....'did you get your pajamas'....'get your pajamas now'. Why can't I just say it once, and give them a chance to do it?? Well, I know why.....they do things much slower than I would like! But, it was a good lesson for me that I create some of the stress by nagging when it's not necessary. So what if it takes a few extra minutes.
--Parenting is a heavy load, even with an 8 and 6 year old. With the physically grueling days of diapers, naps, no sleeping, tantrums, etc.. a bit behind us, I felt like parenting a bit bigger kids was a bit easier. In many ways it is, BUT, while having a break I realized that just because they are 8 and 6, that doesn't mean it's easy. There is still a lot that is managed everyday--morning routine, snacks, lunch, figuring out dinner, afterschool, refereeing, baths, bedtime routine, storytime, etc.. I also didn't realize how much I still run our day by the clock. Asking myself multiple times a day, what time is it? What's next up? Oh let's not forget single parenting. Because I feel like I've been doing this for so long now, I really don't stop and reflect on how much I'm carrying by myself. I hold all the responsibility, which in many ways is good, but getting a hand now and then is also good.
--I pick up all. the. time. I'm constantly doing it. However, I had the cleaning lady over on Wednesday and I can't tell you how much I LOVED having the house cleaned and nothing moved (unless I moved it) for several days in a row. It was glorious.
--One of my favorite things to do is drive the kids to school everyday. Knock on wood our mornings are pretty good, kids know what to do, get themselves dressed etc.., and I have my tasks like filling water bottles, getting snacks, and masks while they eat breakfast, brush teeth, etc and we are on our way. It's only about a 10-15 minute ride, car rider wait but we get to just talk. No distractions. They talk about what their day might be like, what's coming up at school, what we see out the window, etc.. It's just a very peaceful (mostly) ride and I get a lot of joy out of that time of day. Even though we leave at 7:30am!
Those were just a few of my thoughts/observations over the last week. I truly enjoyed the downtime and the ability to completely disconnect and renew myself. I feel good about it.
