I take my kids to school every morning, well...my son to the bus stop at 7:35am. His stop is not far at all from the house but far enough where I don't want to get dressed, deal with rain, mosquitos, cold, fog...any kind of element, I'm not having it at 7 in the morning. So, I drive him to the stop. I enjoy those times in the morning because it's just him and I. He's not arguing with his sister, provoking her relentlessly....we just get to chat without distraction.
We have very similar personalities where we find the same kind of things funny...are quite silly together, love sports, are competitive, and I think we enjoy being around each other. And sometimes kids say the darndest things. Yesterday when I drove my son to the bus stop we were sitting there, he starts in the back seat, and when we park he jumps up to the front seat, usually turns the seat heater on. Well, he looks at me and says, "Mom, I don't think you are going to do anything today". I'm not sure if it's because sometimes I say I did nothing that day regularly, or just how I tired I looked...not sure. But, he was so right. I slept most of the day yesterday.
Picking up from last post I ended up going with Option 3 and seeing my old Dr. to tell him how awful things have been for the last 3 months...really just not good at all. We talked through a variety of options and decided to transition to a new primary medication. I've started that for the last few weeks and while I think I feel slightly better, I do not feel any better or different with being tired all the time and having no motivation. I don't think we are on the right track. I'm holding out because I did end up making a new patient appointment with an in network dr. that had something end of March, and here we are....so will see how that goes and what he suggests. We've had some nice spring weather here so I couldn't justify staying in the recliner all day today so I did just go and take a 30 minute walk and then 15 minute stretch, then shower. It's at least something.
I find that when mom is struggling a bit, the kiddos aren't too far behind. My girl has been struggling w/ her anxieties again over the last couple of months. She's really hard to read sometimes because she internalizes things and has a hard time verbalizing how she's feeling. I think talking about anxiety in and of itself makes her anxious. I am looking at going to a therapist again with her, but she has to be able to talk, that's the whole point. She also got physically sick for about a week with a stomach bug after spring break and that was absolutely miserable for her. Started last weekend with fever, aches, etc.. and then the stomach issues. However, she can't stand the thought of missing school so she pushes herself to go, even when she should stay home. I did keep her home one day last Monday, but by Tuesday she said she was well enough to go. I let her, and had her wear her watch so she could text me if things got worse...by the time she got home I could see all over her face it was rough. Good thing is a she did finally get better after about a week.
We've had a few issues at her school I'm sad to say. In January my girl took her new b and b works spray to her gym locker. She forgot to lock it and the very next day it was gone. Well, fast forward a month ago she asked if she could buy with her own money a S.T.A.nley cup. It's all the rage and I had no idea what they were. Apparently "everyone" has one. I thought why not, so she picked it out, it's a beautiful tie dye blueish color and she couldn't wait for it to come. I'm sure you can see where this is going...once it came she was SO excited and thrilled--I have to say even I was impressed. Very cute. She had only taken it to school about a week and one day forgot it at the lunch table. She went back to look after she remembered and it was gone. She came home after school in tears when she told me the story. I told her to not give up, perhaps someone turned it in, and I would call the school the next day. I have to hand it to the school, I called and reported it at about 9:30am and by 11:30 I had a voicemail by the assistant principal telling me they found it, were getting it back to her, and the student was being assigned discipline. Turns out a kid did steal it. The thing is, her name is on the bottom so they knew. And now the cup sits nicely on our counter everyday because she's too worried to take it to school. I get it. It's violating when someone takes your stuff. I just hope she'll eventually feel better and take it again. UGH! She's got about 800 kids grade 6-8 at her school so it's not a big school, not small....but we never had any issues in elementary. Guess this is the type of stuff you start to deal with when they get older. Sigh.
Her brother can be so sweet (when he chooses to) ...when he heard his sister say her cup was stolen he went to our grocery list and wrote in big letters "MUST S.T.A.Nley". I asked him what that was about he and said we absolutely needed to get her another cup and he would even spend his own money to buy her one. Such a sweet soul. Thankfully she did get it back. He stayed home last week a few days too because it was after spring break and I think he was just worn out. The time changed messed with us all, as well. He's in 3rd grade and I don't much worry about what he'll miss. Anyway, I had brought him a requested sprite and as soon as I brought it to him he jumped up and poured half of it in a cup and ran it into his sister who was laid out on my bed. He also notices if she's cold and without a word will get up and wrap her in a blanket.
He can also be very not sweet. I think he's going through some phase, or something, but he's been very irritable again and sometimes downright not nice. He can be very negative, focusing on what he didn't like about practice, or who did something at school he was mad at. He also likes to complain a lot and whine a lot. It can be a bit much to be around when I'm the opposite and try to focus on what did go well, what's something he did like at school. Yesterday when he came home from practice he was in a massive mood. I was supposed to make chicken noodle soup but ended up having tamales. He was so distraught because of this change and unleashed by yelling. He struggles to find an outlet for his anger sometimes. It was not fun. To be fair, after I told him I was upset by his outburst he went to the table and drew me a picture and apologized for hollering. I thanked him, and it was over. I find that he very much writes his feelings and thoughts--it's much easier for him than talking. I'm constantly finding notes and pictures and letters. If that helps him, I'm all for it.
We had a busy spring break (week of March 11) the weekend prior the kids stayed at a hotel with Amy who was in town preparing for her sister's surgery, then all week we had dentist appointments, my son went to a movie with Aarav, my girl went golfing w/ Parker, I took a group of girls and my son roller skating, my son had an allergy appointment, I took the kids mini golfing, my girl had a dr. appt, she went to a birthday party (likely where she picked up a bug--those jumpy/bouncy places are the worst), and a sleep over at Parker's, and my son had an ortho appointment because his wire broke. Then the kids got sick after all that.
So, overall we are hanging in there. I'm just realizing that the kids are only in school another 2 months and they'll be home for the summer! AGH I need to look into some camps, etc. to keep them busy. Last summer went quite well with balancing some structured camps, with some downtime. My girl has requested basketball camp as many as she can....next year in 7th grade she's decided she wants to try out for the school team, so good on her. I haven't pushed it at all because she really likes to make up her own mind and learn her own lessons. I was the same way so I get it. I have to say I'm also impressed with how well she adjusted to middle school. I was very much worried at the beginning of the year about how will she stay organized--I tried to encourage a planner but she just didn't take to it. To her credit, she has gotten all her assignments turned in and stays on top of her work. She does homework at school so I hardly see her do it at home. I can access her assignments and grades online so I know she's putting in the work. I asked her how she keeps it all organized and she said she just remembers what to do and when it's due. Been a long time since my brain was that clear to have that good of a memory. She's taking all AP classes and is getting A's in everything except B's in math. That's totally fine with me. She's very on top of her grades because she wants to be sure she stays eligible to do theater. She's also pretty hard on herself--at times she doesn't do well on math tests or some of the work and gets discouraged easily. I even thought about getting her a tutor, but her teacher didn't think she needed it. She struggles a bit more with tests in general, but because she does great on her other work, it is balancing out. I'm very proud of her and have told her often. The first few months were a learning curve, but I'd say she's picked it up and is thriving. That is about all I could ask for this year.
As for me, I'm still hoping I feel better soon. I've got a lot of things in my head I'd like to do like organize the kids' papers they brought home from school for several years that line my bedroom. Boxes I'd like to empty, house projects I'd like to do....but in due time. I need to allow myself the time to just be and not pressure to be good. It's ok. I'm also in my feelings about the kids growing before my eyes. My girl is now 5'2" if not taller by now and weighs about 100 lbs--she's very lean and has legs for days like a colt. Her brother is not far behind in that he's put on some weight and is at 93lbs and about 4'8". He's just a solid boy. Very thick. I looked at him this morning and he just grew. Some days are like that where they just look older. Taller. Different. I'm believing now that yes, indeed, it sure goes fast. My kids are not littles and we are past that stage. I do like many things about them being older, conversations, a bit more independence, etc.....but it just doesn't stop. One phase turns into the next and in a few years I won't even have an elementary kid anymore. Yikes. I don't know how to embrace these changes without the sadness and feeling like I'm losing something that I will never get back. There's so much to look forward to, but there's also so much that's happened already. I don't think about these changes all the time, but when I look at pictures, old videos, etc.. it's hard not to shake my head and how much has changed these last 12 years. Perhaps I'm also thinking forward to a milestone birthday of 50 next year. What the heck, how did I get this "old"?
