It's A.........????

G-I-R-L!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Totally surprised as I fully expected a boy. Don't know why, but that's what I kept thinking.  What ended up happening was on Monday at the Dr. appointment, since they didn't have the CVS test to confirm--Dr. said she thought she knew based on the ultrasound. I asked her to go ahead and tell me and she said it looks girl-ish. So, I wanted to wait until the call on Tuesday w/ CVS test results to confirm it was a GIRL. And yes, it was!! It was so sweet the nurse said I can go ahead and buy pink :)

Also, the CVS test for chromosomal abnormalities is completely normal.  Such a sigh of relief. Now, the only other screen they will do is a blood screen in about 3 weeks to check for neural tube. The Dr. didn't seem to be concerned about that at all.

A girl........not going to lie, it made me a bit anxious.  I had gotten my mind around boy. Then I started thinking about girl issues like self-esteem, body image, boys, etc. and I got nervous. I realize all of this is years away, but it's important to me to try and raise a confident girl.  Also, thinking about how the absence of a father might impact her.  I'll have to really work on exposure to positive male role models. I thought there may be books on the subject I can research.

Next check-up after Easter.

Phooey

Awwww man!  I waited and waited and waited for this appointment. Wouldn't you know..they didn't have my CVS results!!!  It's possible that the results are tucked nicely in the Dr.'s office right down hall from my Dr. (the one who actually did the procedure), but they were gone by the time I was in my appointment (5:30pm). And, they couldn't call the lab where the testing was done because they were closed.

SO, they promised to track down where the results are and call me tomorrow. They said that it is okay we haven't heard from them because if there was a problem they typically call right away. Not much else could be done except wait.

I still had the check up blood pressure (good) and ultrasound (good).  The baby totally looks like a baby  now, it is super cute.

And I'm having a........?  The Dr. told me what she thinks it is, but I'm going to wait for confirmation from the CVS before I say.

You'll have to wait!!

P.S. queasiness came back big and bad today right on schedule around 11:30am. Phooey.

Light?

Could I really be seeing it...?  Is it possible?.... I've hesitated putting this in writing in case things change drastically...but I need to celebrate small successes.

I just may have some energy back. It's been so incremental, hardly noticeable. BUT, I actually went to work at the office all 5 days last week (that was my small goal last week).  It has been such a major effort just to get up, shower, get dressed, do hair/makeup...and get to the office.  That wasn't the real reason, though...it's because after going to office every day, I actually went to the bookstore on Saturday.  And WANTED to....for the first time in about 3 months I wanted to do something other than sit on my sofa and vegetate.

Like I said, small successes.  Also, I have noticed the queasiness has let up some. Is it gone, no. BUT, it is much more tolerable than it has been.  I am able to say in hindsight how bad I really did feel, now that it isn't so intense.

I have my followup OB appointment tomorrow where I should find out the results of the CVS testing. I am actually a bit nervous. I don't have a feeling that something is terribly wrong, but you never know.  I can also find out what the baby is....and I think I will.  I want to know the baby is healthy...then what the baby is. Apparently there is still some more testing that needs to be done because CVS doesn't test for neural tube defects. From the paperwork of the CVS, there is a blood test that should be done soon to check for that.
I am going to ask all those questions tomorrow.

I am still not showing. It just looks like I have a gut....and of course second gut above it has grown...and just add on my chest has grown, so yes, I look bigger....but it just looks like I gained weight.

Wish me luck tomorrow. Hopefully good news all way around. For me and baby.

100

If the math is correct in my blog, this would be my 100th post. Who knew?  It has been a great place for me to express my fears, thoughts, and just what's happened on this crazy journey.

Physically: I've grown another stomach above my stomach. And not because the baby is big enough to do this. Oh no....I've gained weight from all of the crap food I've eaten for comfort over last two months. It really has been just over 8 weeks now that I haven't felt well. My chest has also grown. It's time to get a new bra--the underwire in my current one is digging in and very uncomfortable.  I've also not worked out in 2 months minus one 3 mile walk.  I feel the most unfit I've ever been in my whole life. Just weak and so easily winded.
I will say that were I to ever do this again, I would know how important it is to be in tip top shape/low weight before getting pregnant...knowing many things will decline, especially if suffering from morning sickness.
My pants around mid-section are pretty tight...and my second stomach hangs over my waistband...especially when I sit down. Have not had it this bad before and I'm not a huge fan. I know things will only keep getting bigger, though. I am now doing the rubberband closing on my fat pants. Hey boy.

Zofran helped just somewhat. It has a terrible side effect of constipation--almost worse than dealing w/ the nausea. So, I stopped taking it and will hold on to it for emergencies...

Emotionally: Actually better than I've been. I had a pretty low point a few weeks ago...probably during a radio silence day. Wondering what have I done to myself, feeling soooo sick, emotionally exhausted, and just sick of sick. Forcing myself to make it to work, just to get back home and sack it on the sofa until bedtime.  I am sooo thankful I decided to go back on my medication. I can't imagine how I would have coped w/ this w/ out it.  I don't feel hopeless, in fact hopeful for the day I start to feel better.

Still taking it day by day.  I'm starting to think about this baby making it and being more comfortable about it. I get my results of the CVS testing next Monday at my next OB appointment. Hopeful all goes well.

Light

I've been silent again. Just know that means I'm not feeling well and we'll leave it at that.

I had my CVS (chorionic villus sampling) yesterday. The point of this test is that you can do it much earlier than amnio and it checks for chromosomal abnormalities like Down syndrome. They go into your placenta for a sample and send for analysis. You can also tell the gender, but I haven't figured if I want to be told this way, or to see it on the ultrasound later. Results take about two weeks. Not going to lie I was pretty nervous about the test because there is 1/300 chance it could cause miscarriage.

I went in in the morning, waited awhile, then was called back to the Dr.'s room. There are several Dr.'s in one clinic so they have a big waiting room, then each Dr. has their own waiting room.
Anyway, finally was on the table and the Dr. came in. They first have to check and see where your placenta is, upper or lower. Mine was upper--which means they put the needle through your abdomen. Ouch is right.

He numbed up a little area w/ injection, then there is this big long needle he pushed through several layers of my abdomen. Your skin layer, muscle, into uterus, then placenta. He pushed it in very quick, but there was a lot of pressure/pain where it went in. Once in right spot, then they get the sample, make sure it is enough.....then withdraw the needle...done.  All in all, it took only a few minutes. Then they check the baby w/ ultrasound afterwards. Then bed rest for the rest of the day.

So far, the baby tolerated it.

However, they say if you have severe cramping, fluid leaking, etc.. to call them asap. Wouldn't you know I had a bit of both starting this morning into this afternoon.  I thought I should maybe see if it got better, but by 3 o'clock I was really miserable.  I called them and they basically said come right away.

I drove over there straight from work and they got me right in back on the same table.  HUGE SIGH OF RELIEF that the fluid looked good around the baby. That's the big sign things aren't going well--if fluid around the baby is low. He said we should just keep watching and if my symptoms persist or get worse, I need to go back in.

I am now laying on the sofa again. My stomach very bloated/puffy and still crampy.

It was pretty scary driving over to the Dr.'s office wondering if my baby was not okay. I felt quite panicked and anxious to say the least.

I also am at the end of my rope for the sickness. So, I asked the Dr. if they prescribe zofran. She said she would ask my main ob and if so, they will call it in. Simple as that. I know some women it works, some not. But I'm ready for some help, if possible.

I also told my boss about baby today. He was very very supportive and excited (genuinely I think). What I explained was that I chose to do this on my own, I am what's called SMC--single mother by choice, and it took a few tries w/ the Dr., but it finally worked. I told him that I am a bit emotional about it because it has been very complicated so far w/ the blood clot, etc..  I also said I had been planning this for a few years...and my choice to do this came after losing my mom and realizing what I wanted out of this life.
I was still worried about all of the days I've missed (13 so far this year) due to sickness and he just kept brushing it off and saying that this is an exciting thing.
Interestingly enough, he shared w/ me that he and his wife tried several IVF's but were unsuccessful.  They decided to adopt a few years ago. He said he understood how raw, emotional it can be....but he said he probably felt only 10% of what his wife went through. We commiserated about all the shots--he helped his wife w/ them and learned quick you can't do them slow or they hurt.

I wasn't nervous about telling him, and I'm thankful I was talking to someone who could actually empathize.

Oh, this post is called Light because I just am putting out in the universe I'd like to see my light at end of sickness tunnel. That's all.