Summer Break. Thank You.

I owe a lot to summer break from school right now. Mainly because it's the first time in months on end we haven't been sick! It's amazing how much nicer our days have been when they sleep, eat, and just feel better. SO many less fussies, tantrums, and stressful times.

When I think back over last many months it really was majorly hard. It started back November of last year and I don't think it stopped until a few weeks ago. I'm sure I've summarized already but both kids in ER and countless illnesses later--we just took a beating in our house. I wish I was being dramatic.

In fact my girl needed a dr sign off for her fall preschool paperwork but I wanted to actually talk w the dr. So she got a checkup and I wanted to see if all of this is normal, is it possible there's an immunity issue, do we need to start vitamins, etc.?

Basically dr said all of this is normal and it usually lasts a year and a half.

GULP.

I'm not ready to start this again in the fall. Can't they make some kind of something to protect against all this? Answer seems to be she is building her immunity and her brother's too. If so then why do I get sick too? 

Another thing that was more clear to me now that the clouds have parted is that as hard as it was on me, they were just as tired of it too. Their behavior was very frustrating at times but looking back I can see why. While living it, it wasn't that clear. Just emotionally exhausting.

So....thank you summer break.

So far I've gone on a trip to see some friends in Boston over Memorial Day. Spent thurs-mon. Can't remember last time, if I ever have, been away NOT on work travel. My patience tank filled right up.

My girl started swimming lessons!! We found a place that charged us group class price for 1:1 lessons. The instructor was willing to come in early because all classes were full. So we've done 2 weeks of those and it's been great. Nanny took her to the first one and I took her to the second. I'm a big mush. When I saw her in there doing what the teacher asked, beaming with pride, looking to see my reaction---I found myself just in tears, waving everytime she looked, and giving thumbs up the whole time. So proud of that kid! She loves it and she's progressing fast. She goes tue and fri. Well that's what she did, the instructor said I need to call about what's next so we will see. 

This is the first of any lesson we've ever done. Seems like I just need to open my checkbook from now on because all of this stuff is not cheap.

I started seeing a therapist. She was recommended from within our company medical group. I've had 3 visits with her now. The first one I was really impressed because she seemed confident she could help me. You spend most of the first few visits with background. I had high hopes but they are slowly fading. Mainly because I think she is very disorganized. She's said to me twice or three times now, so, you're married?. Um no. I've told her that a few times now. She was a no call no show last week. Said she left a message. Nope. Her phone goes off every visit and every visit she says oh man forgot to turn it off. She said yes, let's meet twice a week, think we could make progress--then last visit said, once a week should be fine.

Lady, read my file before I come and stop asking me things you should already know. I could overlook the smaller things if I thought she could provide great therapy. Hmmmm not sure on that yet. Great first visit, next one so-so, this last one no. I'm willing to try a few more times but things will have to improve. If not, I'll start over again. Ugh.

My old nanny was just here for a visit and my sister is coming Thursday.

When old nanny comes the funniest thing happens--I can't keep my eyes open at night. I feel exhausted like at 8:30pm. I've figured out its because I can truly relax with someone else in the house--who can help. It's like I really exhale....I went to bed like at 9ish the whole time.

The other thing we did was take my son for his speech evaluation. The state has a program where it's free for eval no matter income so I said why not. Family down the way went there too. He tested above age in receptive comm--understanding. But delayed in speaking. I could have told you this w/out the eval but fine.

He does need therapy. Problem with that service is if you do need therapy it is income driven then. Hundreds a month. No thanks. So I called around and we have to start over with new eval under insurance. Will do that Friday.

They did eval including motor--he loved this one.

I think his motor skills just fine. Here's his new trick.

We've also done a lot of swimming in the back yard and at the neighborhood pool. When it's scorching outside already that's about all we can do.

I've also decided that my medication is not working as well as it should. I'm much more anxious, a lot at night where I worry the what ifs? Worry about when I  travel, etc. I hadn't really put two and two together until a few weeks ago. It's been many months I've been feeling this and when I think back i think it started when I started taking generic. If anyone says they are the same don't believe it. My insurance had this rx as some type where it would have been 675/mo. We submitted an appeal and it got approved last week! So now it will be 120 for 3 months. Huge difference. I'm waiting for them to mail so I can switch and see if I notice changes.

I'll end with this--

My girl is continuing to say the darndest things. This morning I made them eggs and cut up strawberries with oranges. She says, "mom, you are a genius!" I ask her why is that and she says it's because I used rainbow colors.

If only that's all it took!

Family

It's official. On May 21st my son became a toddler. He had his FIRST haircut. On the day of I didn't really seem too sad but in the days after I have to say--I mourned the baby curls. I really just miss 'em. And what they say is true he looks so 'boy' now and not my cuddly wuddly squishy bear.

Can't believe how long his hair had gotten.

Before

During

After

What that haircut stirred up, well just continued for me.....is this the last time I'll have a first haircut? My baby's not a baby! I haven't written too much about my thoughts on family because I am a single mother to two awesome and healthy children. They are 3 and 1, a boy and girl--what more could I possibly want or hope for?

A few things come up for me--I have 3 embryos left that I pay a storage fee annually for. Growing up I just saw myself with 3 children. I'm 41.

Ive tossed the idea around of how insane it might be to consider another. I know i know. Where the idea even comes from is not wanting any life regrets, any thoughts of---shoulda woulda.

Some people say they know they are just done. I guess in the absence of having that feeling I stew on it.  It's not all consuming but I can tell you I haven't given away one baby item.

Something else that comes to mind is maybe a husband with kids already would add to our family. That sounds good to me also.

I'm not debating the idea that things would be crazy hard. It's crazy hard with 2. But, I wouldn't be hesitating at all (I don't think) if I were married and another person was helping me raise our family.

Keeping up with other blogs I know other  moms of 1 and even 2 still work through these thoughts. There's just a finality to it when you say this is my last...fill in the blank, first tooth, new baby smell, etc. ever for the rest of my life.

Most likely we are where we will be...but I've learned never to say never. And will continue to pay my annual fee.