Siblings

I often find myself wondering what kind of relationship my children will have....Will they like each other? Will they have a close bond?  We had our first meaningful interaction yesterday and it was just so cute to watch. We were in baby girl's room and baby boy was lying on the floor. I was talking to him and she came over. One thing we taught her was to use only one finger and touch his head. She does this and says "gentle, gentle" while swiping her finger on the top of his head. But yesterday baby boy turned his head toward her and I said oh wow, look, he's looking at you!! She thought that was GREAT! She started talking to him, put her head close by and said hi to him, laughed at him.  She bent in to give him small kisses on his head and hugged him. The cutest thing was she then leaned over and got a purple toy and put it right next to him and said-ah go (here you go). I praised her for sharing. It really was the first time she interacted with him, at least in front of me. It was just sooooo sweet when we were all interacting together. I hope we have many more of those moments.

The other milestone was that I am pretty sure baby boy smiled at me intentionally yesterday.  I was holding him in my arms in the kitchen and talking to him....saying HI my boy, etc.  He looked right at me and smiled. I talked some more and he did it again....I kept talking and he smiled a third time! I didn't think he would have gas 3 times in a row, so I'm going to call it and say he looked at me, heard me, and SMILED!!!!
Oh it was too cute.

This poor baby boy has continued to suffer w/ his gas and tummy troubles. I spent the entire night in the recliner holding him on and off day before yesterday because he would wake up and cry every time I put him down. It wasn't just that he wanted to be held because he would scrunch himself up and you could see it on his face. Also his belly gets really tight.  I just don't know what to do as we've done everything our Dr. has said to do. The only thing left is to try soy formula and the nurse said we could, but warned that it can be constipating. That's the last thing he needs, so I think we'll try and stick w/ what we have. It seems he does better for a few days and then backslides. This last backslide might have been due to putting his za.n.tac in his formula instead of just in his mouth. It seems it works much better giving it to him straight, however, he doesn't like it at all and has spit/vomited it a few times.  Ugh. It is exhausting for the both of us when he doesn't sleep, or sleeps little naps.

On the job front there may be something w/better fit inside company and I've also been looking outside.  I am not sure where it will lead but I have  been open to looking at a range of things, but I am still focused on this city and my old one. It is going to be very important to be around a community of people that I know.

Snooze

That's all I want to do right now. It has been a rough week or so.  I wanted to at least take a minute to acknowledge in my blog that 2 kids is hard sometimes....especially when you have a newborn that has been suffering from gas and now the Dr. thinks reflux for 5 weeks now. It. Is. Exhausting. Gas drops, probiotics, cycling legs, burping often, keeping head up, formula changes 4 times, now zan.t.ac.....I feel terrible for him. And my reaction today is I just want to go in my room, close the door, and be by myself and regroup. The funny thing is, I did get to do that today for first time in while.....I got to sleep this morning while babysitter had both of them. I'm pretty hard on myself because in my mind I keep thinking....well, I should feel better and rested.  I have to back off of that and think about the fact that it's just unrealistic to think that a morning nap can 'fix' weeks of broken sleep.

I have to write this quick before my 2 year old comes back from babysitter's house and/or my newborn starts fussing.

Also, to acknowledge that just reading other S.MC blogs makes me feel so much better. I read another blog that talked about a mom and her worries.  It is amazing how much better I feel when I read about things that I worry/think about too. That's why this forum is so great. It makes me feel normal and it makes me feel like I can do this when it gets tough. The fact that I can relate to others in my shoes feels good.
I feel overwhelmed right now w/ trying to manage on the broken sleep and the reality of starting a job search is sinking in. I can tell stress level is rising because I have started snacking more.

Okay, baby starting to fuss. Gotta go.

I know it will get better--hey, maybe even tomorrow.

I remember a friend of mine who has an 8 year old and 10 year old said that I can just plan on things sucking for 2 years i.e. having a newborn w/ a 2 year old.  Well, I don't plan on that....however, I will plan on acknowledging that this is hard....even w/ help of babysitters!

2

Let me start off THIS post by saying that naive mom strikes again.....I was so delighted last post that I hadn't seen any rough/aggressive behavior from baby girl towards her brother that I thought we were in for smooth sailing....HA.
Over the last several days we have had a few incidents where baby girl has not been very nice. And what I mean by that is--she dumped the baby out of his roc.k an.d pl.ay, headbutted him, and side swiped his head with her hand while running by.  I am about to research toddler behavior w/ new baby and see what can be done to help her understand more that this is obviously not okay.  I've taken the approach to sit her down immediately and tell her NO, that hurts the baby. She says okay and moves on......but then does things again. As an example, the headbutt. She leaned over his rocker onto him and I said no, that can hurt the baby. She stood back up, but then quickly leaned over him again.  I physically pulled her back up and said again, NO, that can hurt the baby, we don't do that.  Well, she proceeded to lean over again much faster and knocked her head against his--I don't think she meant to headbutt on purpose, but she certainly meant to defy what I was telling her. It is clearly to get attention because she does it when the adult (me or babysitters) are near the baby i.e. she does it right in front of us all.  Maybe she initially thought the new baby was new and cool and now that she realizes he's not going anywhere she's reacting. Will see what I can find.
Also open to any suggestions for those of you who have two and have seen this from your own little ones and what might have worked.

We have continued to have tummy trouble w/ baby boy. He seems to be fine one minute then gas hits him and he screams out....it wakes him up and keeps him from sleeping.  He has a ton of gas and his toots are manly.  At his one month appointment the Dr. recommended we switch to a low lactose formula (also a suggestion in one of the comments) and initially it seemed to help (this is his 3rd formula now). Where it has gone awry is now that he is trying to digest to the point of pooping....OH EM GEE. yesterday was terrible for him. At times he was inconsolable.....and finally he pooped late afternoon after 2 days of not pooping. Was a little better then he started up again early last evening....I thought he was hungry. Babysitter said no. Babysitter was right because we gave him one ounce extra and he barfed all over everything--and pooped again at the same time. I had just bathed him before the bottle, but he was so yucky that we threw him back in the sink and started over.

With two there are things that are so amazing and awesome and things that are really challenging....here's a snapshot of what I've learned so far:

Challenging:
--not enough hands. When both are screaming/crying/need something I have to say to myself, zone defense
--not enough sleep.  Baby boy eats every 2.5-3 hours (eats 4 oz.) and it takes about 30 minutes....then he doesn't always fall right back to sleep.  Baby Girl is still waking at least once a night, it seems.
--stress level when both are cranky-fied.
--keeping a two year old occupied all day long when you have to man a newborn.
--being limited with going out (even outside) because the baby should really stay in until a little older.

On the flip side.....even though some days are tough.....There are things I love about having two:
--sitting in the rocker with baby boy on my left and baby girl on my right--sometimes reading
--baby girl walks by and kisses the top of baby boy's head, or when she gently holds his hand
--watching my girl play and holding baby boy against my chest
--seeing the excitement for baby girl when time to change his diaper--she has to jump up on the table too
--when we are all sitting together baby girl says Picture!....she wants one taken

Overall I will say it is hard, but very worth it. I know it will get better when baby boy is sleeping more/better. I am hopeful that baby girl does too.
It's funny how when I only have one I now think it's a break.

As an update on the job front, the company talked to me about a position that really isn't a good fit for a single mom w/ two small children (far commute and big big job) so I actually withdrew from consideration. Most likely that means I will be leaving my company end of year. I have already started talking w/ recruiters about new opportunities. My preference is to stay here for next 2.5 years or so because I have such a good support system and it is just necessary when they are this little. But, I have to be open to move for the right opportunity. I am only considering here and my old city. I need to be where I know people.
Will see how all of it progresses.
I am trying my best not to let the job situation stress me out such that I don't spend time enjoying the time while baby boy is a newborn and I am off of work (and still getting paid).
That is what is important right now and I remind myself of that often.