Irritability from supplements?

I am wondering if the new supplements I am taking are affecting my mood. Seriously.  I am very sensitive to my mood and energy especially after suffering from depression in the past.  I've taken an anti-depressant for years and it really has helped me live a pretty normal life.  Several times over the years I tried to get off of the medication, but only for a short time, and the symptoms always come back, like irritability, feeling like things start to turn downwards, instead of upwards. So, as you can see paying attention to my mood has become second nature to me.

These last few days I have sort of felt a tickle of irritation, and today was full-on irritation.  The only thing different in my regime is I've add the liquid Vitamin D, folic acid, and fish oil all per my RE.  Initially I thought it was the multi-vitamin and stopped that.  I know it sounds totally weird for a vitamin to affect you, but they do for me.  But, now that I think over the last few days how I've felt, I think it's one of the other ones.
I may just try taking it at night, not mixed w/ my real medication and see if that helps. If not, I will try stopping each one separately and see if that makes a difference.

I actually had a follow up w/ my psychiatrist today who I've seen ever since moving to the South--so for about 8-9 years.  We talked about the depression med and if (when) I become pregnant what do we do. He said that he would recommend coming off of it, and see how that goes. He said 1/3 can stay off, 1/3 go back on during pregnancy but do pretty well for awhile, and 1/3 can't tolerate it. He said he'd like to give no med a shot.  That makes me nervous! I have had VERY hellatious (probably not even a word) times over the years when trying to stop, changing medications, trying to find the right dose and or combination.  Sometimes those side effects are WAY worse than the depression itself.  The thought of going off meds is freaking me out a little.  Clearly I will do what's best, but I need to soak on this one for a bit.

OY, I've got a lot to think about.  In the meantime, one last tid-bit.  SOLD MY HOUSE!! YIPPEE KAY YAY!!!!! They signed the documents and even moved the close date up a week.  FAB FAB!  I am so happy about that and relieved. 

Company

I figured it was time to make this blog more interesting by posting some pictures.  These are pictures of who's kept me company for the last 5 years. You might not be able to tell by the pic, but Siamese looking one is a bit overweight, and the tabby one is afraid of everything including himself.  They have their own personalities, but overall they are pretty good cats.  FYI they came from the same litter.

"Where's my Food?"

"Hey....you woke me up for this?"

Home Buying and Selling

I have a small obsession w/ looking at real estate. I do it even after I've bought a home. I go look at open houses, just because....I look at a real estate website everyday. I just love it.  And right now it is coming in useful because I need to find a new house.  I am pretty sure the deal will be going through w/ one I am selling. It's been on market 6 months and goal was to sell at what I bought it for (just not lose $$). Goal met and looks like the buyer just needs to sign off on the inspection report items they asked me to fix. Should know on Monday. If that is the case then I will be closing September 27.

There will be a few stressful weeks in there because I will be driving 4.5 hours over to old home to get packed up w/ moving company, close w/ relo company on Sept 27, have the rental furniture company pick up furniture in my current temp apartment Sept 30 (because I am not willing to spend 450/mo for rental furniture--call me cheap, I don't care), and HOPE that I have a new home to go into by then. Oh, and let's not forget that I will be starting my medication, etc. for the IUI.  I actually am glad in a sense because if I don't tolerate medication well, at least I won't be at work. I'll just be telling movers what to pack.

That's what I am working on today....looking at homes online and pricing out what total monthly costs will be.  Do I sacrifice space for cost?  I have found one home I am going to look at next weekend. It is a little over 1,000 Sq ft, 3 bed, 1 ba, 1 car garage, and not in "popular" area, but zoned to one of best school districts in city. It is small, yes, but would be about 1/2 the monthly cost of another one that just popped on the market that's 1450 sq ft, 3 bed, 2 ba, 2 car garage and IN "popular" area. School zone is still okay.

My whole goal is to give me flexibility such that when I expect things to work out w/ a baby, I will be able to work part time....or no time for awhile....if I want. That would be tough w/ a bigger house payment. But will I feel too crammed, claustrophobic, in a smaller space?

Guess will have to wait until next weekend to see.

Persistence

As with most things, if you want it, you've got to spend the time to get it. If it's hard, keep going.....if you get irritated keep going.....if you have to call the Dr. Office multiple times because they don't call you back AND have to explain your Prescription insurance account numbers are different than your Medical insurance account numbers.......keep going.
Hey boy.  Last week the nurse at the Dr.'s office gave me a list of medications I will need. This was so I could check if my pharmacy coverage would work.  GREAT NEWS...it does. Sounds easy. I tried to explain to the nurse that my RX account numbers were different than medical, but she was confused because for some reason only my Med account number was in the system.  AND I found out that one of the RX needs to get called into one mail order pharmacy, the others are "specialty" and need to get called into another mail order pharmacy. I had the one number, but not the other, so I confused the nurse even more.
Confused too?

Gone are the days you could take a piece of paper to the local drug store and get your meds. Anyway, I do believe we've gotten it under control. I will know if the meds show up in my mailbox and they aren't hundreds of dollars. That's the good part about all of this....think the meds out of pocket would be 300-400. I am estimating mine to be around 75 due to insurance.  Worth the hassle.

I also had my first appointment w/ a new pain Dr. I went to the office yesterday and almost started crying. In the office.  I just looked around and saw soooo many people in pain, hobbling, everyone saying uuuugggh when they got out of their chairs. And these were not all elderly folks. Some in 30's, some younger.I kind of freaked thinking....is this my future? How could I possibly run after a toddler like that?  I talked to one of the girls in the waiting room and she told me how she's had back problems for years, rods in her spine. I finished w/ my Dr. appointment (well physician assistant appointment) because I found out that rarely does the Dr. do the office visits. He is primarily the procedure guy. And the PA said my bad history w/ the steroid injections is unusual so he wants to review my case w/ the Dr. DUH! THAT's who I was wanting to see in the first place.  In any event, he did say that a lot of their patients are seeing them because they had the wrong procedures w/ the wrong doctors.  Good thing I've had no surgeries on my back.

UGH. Keep going..... These are only little things, but it's only the beginning of me working my way through this maze. By myself.  It's not that I'm not used to it, but man wouldn't it be nice to say, "honey, you go figure out the meds. Just do it".  That seems like heaven to me :)

Appointment Confirmed

I did it~~! I called the RE office today and scheduled the start to my first IUI for next month.  I need to go in and get the baseline ultrasound and take the medication class one week prior to a cycle.  So, we have it scheduled for Monday September 12 @ 3pm.  Perfect timing because I am taking that day off--will be flying back in town from Boston after seeing mi amigos. Yippee Kay Yay! 

For the medications, I am taking Letrozole, then a trigger shot, then some kind of suppository (TMI, sorry).  I am doing this medicated because my body doesn't work normally and I do not ovulate. This is due to the PCOS.  So I take the Letrozole on cycle days 3-7, then trigger so my ovary will bust out an egg, then IUI, then other.  I read in another blog Letrozole can be explained as miracle grow for my eggs.  There is an increased risk of multiples, but that's the risk I have to take if I want to move forward w/ this.

Things are a movin!

Glad

I have felt a lot of relief since I changed the weblog, I am really surprised. I didn't realize how much anxiety I would feel about my extended family reading about my path and worrying about what I should/shouldn't say. I am not very close with them so probably should have known that the best support would come from my awesome friends.  They have held me together when my life was falling apart. Took me a really long time to work through grief of my mom, then depression, then flat out resigning from my job (many reasons for this) and took 10 months off to "find myself". THEN, realized my career choice is fine for now, but wanted to move back to the city I couldn't wait to leave.....to finally be at a place in my life that I am really at peace. I have longed for that for YEARS. I can't even find the words to describe what a long journey this has been.

BUT, this has all gotten me to a place that makes me confident in moving forward w/ motherhood. Totally unconventional, yes, but making the best out of my lot right now. In fact my counselor told me I'll probably go on and have a baby THEN meet the "one" for me. I think she may be on to something.

Why this Blog is called the Real Deal?

Okay folks....I actually started a new blog (not this one) when I was all excited about my path to motherhood about a month ago----and assumed everyone would be on the same page as I was. I was so excited that I extended the link to all of my family and friends thinking what a great way for all of them to stay posted on my journey. 

I had really not thought about the fact that not everyone would be in the same place I was i.e. had been researching seriously for a year (hence the wallpaper as books) before making this decision.  I know some of my family were well-meaning, but their comments struck a nerve with me.  After they had read my other blog they asked if I considered adoption.....asked if maybe I should look at big brothers big sisters to see how it really would be to have a child. Deep down I know they were well-meaning, but it made me realize that they don't know me like my friends do.  They don't know me enough to realize that my questions out loud were to help me work through this path, not to get off of it.

So, I decided to start this one new.  I am not planning to censor anything in it because no one in my family will be reading it. I'll still keep them updated in the other one, but my fears, thoughts, etc. will come out here.

That's why this blog is called The Real Deal. Please come along and support me.