Acne, Spit up, and more......

The baby, not me.....yes, I was so proud of my baby's soft skin, looking so perfect when she was born. My baby couldn't possibly get baby acne, right?  Well, she's got a small case of it....comes in patches, then goes away, then another set comes on. I am wondering if it's in reaction to anything I am doing, so will have to watch it.

Tummy troubles galore starting from week 3. On Tuesday we hit week 7, so that is about for the last month.  At first she started arching her back, pulling her legs, fussing a lot because she was so uncomfortable, had LOTS of stinky gas....pee-euw!..in addition, she didn't have a poopy diaper for about a week! I called the Dr. 3 times during then to make sure it was ok. Dr. said it was.  In addition, she had been spitting up sooooo much.  It started to become every single time I fed her, and sometimes it came up so strong it would come out her nose, poor thing. With all that, I thought maybe she had reflux.
Took her in to the Dr. and Dr. agreed and gave her 1 RX, didn't work....tried another....didn't work...tried a THIRD and it didn't work.  In the meantime, with the RX's really bombing out, I've been trying different formulas to see if that would help also.

In the last month we have tried going on 5 formulas now....she started on the simi for spitup, then I tried simi for gas and fussiness, then I tried enfa AR which is supposed to help w/ spit up since they put a bit of rice in it, then the Dr. recommended the specialty formula for cow milk sensitivity (not allergy). This stuff seemed to be okay, but man does it smell.....but tummy and spit up issues continued......so just last night I researched online and found a lot of people had success w/ the soy formula. So, got that today and we tried it in 2 bottles now.  It seems to have impacted the spitup as she only spit up once afterwards and was able to burp w/out her formula coming out w/ it!!
Crossing my fingers it helps.......

I also started reading some baby books---the whisperer book, the what to expect first year book.....some good information in the whisperer book. She talks about what type of baby you have, how to comfort/communicate w/ that type...what different cries mean, etc.. The one thing she said that is sticking w/ me is that your baby is an individual and you need to respect her space i.e. tell her everything you are doing. For example, if you are changing her diaper, rather than quickly undress, move her legs around, etc..which  might be alarming and confusing to baby, you simply need to explain what you are doing to her and walk her through it.  It sounds silly, but her philosophies are pretty interesting.....she is also an advocate of a structured routine...I don't want to say schedule, because it can be somewhat flexible....but it talks about eating, then play, then sleep, repeat....it will then get your child to sleep through night.  I actually found this helpful because I was thinking that after feeding she should go right to sleep and was wondering why she wasn't. Seems she was smarter than I and was already following the book.
I also learned that there are things that my baby can do now, even this early...I haven't been doing too much in terms of stimulation. I just assumed since she's so little she should be sleeping all the time. Well, she should, but she can also do way more than I knew....for example, I got a stuffed animal out w/ stripes on it. I showed it to her and she really stared at it intently.....then I moved it and she tracked it w/ her eyes. Then I took her hand and told her how soft it was, etc...It was actually really neat to be interacting w/ her like that. It just hadn't occurred to me....

I can say, though, that it's really easy to put a lot of pressure on yourself about what you are/are not doing....there are so many books and advice out there...what do you follow?  I'm at least reading some recommended books...step one....then trying some of those things out.  Heck, we don't come wired w/ knowing how to do all this stuff!

I've been super focused on her tummy issues that I haven't really done a whole lot else.....oh, my nanny started 2 weeks ago.  So far, everything is going well. She has come in, on time....done some extra things around the house (she asked me to buy a mop. I certainly didn't expect that she would do heavy cleaning). I need to pull together our agreement about what she does when she's here so that we are both on the same page....but right now since it's only 4 hours M, W, TH from 10-2, it's fine for now.  Honestly, what I do mostly when she comes is hibernate in my room and sleep.  It is just so nice to sleep w/out having to have the baby listening ear out. I can completely relax.

I am really really glad I have the nanny right now. It helps to give me some space and breaks. I actually could see her coming even more during next 5 weeks I have left for maternity leave.  The thing I am not sure about is that it is really expensive when I start back full time. I knew it would be, but I reasoned that daycares were about 3-400 cheaper per month, so for the convenience of not having to drag her to a daycare, the germs, etc.. it is so worth it.  That is until a friend of mine recently came over and shared that a daycare she uses quite close to me is less than HALF of what I will be paying the nanny for full time. OH WOW. When you look at it that way, that is a significant difference.
So, I plan to just go and check out the daycare and see what it is like. Get a vibe for it.  I also am thinking about networking to see if another family close by wants to do a nanny share....that may be a good solution i.e. can still have nanny here, but costs go down.....will see.

Wow...lots of things on my mind, I guess...I know this is a bit of a "debrief" post and I haven't really gone into my feelings.  What I will say is that the one thing I am obsessed w/ and think about a lot is that my baby is starting to look more and more like the donor. She has his eyes and nose, I think.  I don't know why this is sticking me so much.....and it's bothering me. Maybe it's the unfamiliarity of her being more like someone I really don't know well......maybe it was the expectation I had that I hoped she looked like me.....not sure. And yes, I do know that she is only 7 weeks old almost and she will for sure keep changing.....but I can't help it for now.

I am thankful for the followers that I have and those that comment. I read every single one.  I am also thankful that I don' t have a lot of followers. I would feel a lot of pressure to keep things interesting, keep lots of posts coming......so for those that read this, thank you. I appreciate your support.

It is now 1:49am and I need to sign off. I had caffeine today....oh boy.

Mommyhood

I am so happy to say the title applies to me.  Sometimes I look at her and think it's still hard to believe that I was already 9 months pregnant, gave birth, and she has been home and she is 5 1/2 weeks old.  It's like yesterday I walked into the living room where she was sleeping and just caught myself realizing I have a baby. It sounds strange to say, because of course I have a baby....but I think maybe it's all still sinking in.

There are also a lot of other things I am realizing....like it's so great to connect w/ other moms about what my baby is doing.  I had a photographer here (my friends gave me this awesome gift as a shower gift), and she recently had a baby too...hers is 5 months old.  We were talking about the reflux (which my baby still has and we still haven't gotten it better just yet) and her baby had it too. She told me all the things she tried, then the medicine routine (same as what I just went through), and told me about the rock and play sleeper that has been so helpful --I went out and bought one today.  For some reason it just felt soooo good to talk w/ her. I just felt such a connection and a relief to talk to someone who "knows".

The realization is that I need to get joined up w/ other moms.....the baby and I are sort of in our little cocoon--don't get me wrong we go out to stores, friends' houses, restaurants, and many people have come over to visit...but it would also be nice to meet up w/ other moms--in whatever way.  It just makes me feel soooo much better about what is happening, her growth, things I can expect, tips/tricks, etc...

Also, the love for this baby keeps growing and growing.  I looked at her the other day and she does this half smile and makes this noise like he-hehe. A bit like a giggle. Even though it is involuntary it is the cutest thing ever.My heart just swelled.

She is still pretty little....but she weighed 7lbs 5oz at last Dr. visit.  That's up a pound and a half.  That's great! But, she is putting on weight in spite of the reflux problem.

It's hard to get much done during the day. I spend a lot of time thinking about things I think I need to do, but crossing maybe one thing off every few days.  And the thing is, most of the "stuff" I think I need to get done is silly stuff like catalog some receipts, enter my cat reward points, call X, Y, Z, order furniture, etc......stuff that really isn't all that important, but for some reason I have this anxiousness about it like it really is...
It's hard for me to disconnect my mind from the tasks I've given myself and just be in the moment.   I have to consciously do it...which I have been successful many times....but it is not natural and takes effort.

I am hopeful others relate to this......I don't know why we do it.....

Other than my mind straying and thinking I need to get a bunch of stuff done....I have spent  alot of time holding my baby and just looking at her.  I love doing that.

1 month

W-O-W.  Tomorrow will be 1 month since having baby girl. I can believe it, and I can't.  Since first week was spent in the hospital, we have actually been home about 3 weeks.  The transition home w/ a new baby has gone really really well. I am not sure what I expected....maybe a screaming baby 24/7, me tearing my hair out, crying because I am so overwhelmed, depression creeping in....I don't know. But, honestly none of those things have happened. 
I am quite surprised at how 'easy' this change has been for me. It feels natural and calm with her, so I am not stressed out.  Where I do get stressed is if we are coming home from somewhere and it is past her feeding time and she is really crying...that has happened only once and it made me a wreck...so I try to avoid at all costs. Maybe it's my mindset, because I often remind myself to "be calm"....and I do believe the baby feeds off of my energy.

I think what's helped is I've done my best to incorporate 2 pieces of advice that almost everyone says....sleep when baby sleeps AND enjoy these newborn times since they go quickly.  Yes, there is a lot of laundry. Yes, I am tired.  BUT, when I hold her and caress her arms or feel her little feet kicking on my leg, it is quite wonderful.  I'll be honest and say that it is challenging when there are times I just want her to go back to sleep because it's the middle of the night, or I need to eat dinner myself......but I keep it in the front of mind always that when I am tired to take a deep breath, relax, and know that sleep will get better.

The hardest part has been when I have had people here, and then they go home.  I quickly get used to having a second pair of hands, then when they go, I get anxious realizing it is just me again. By myself.  I had my good friend here for the birth and she stayed almost two weeks. The amount she did for me is incredible. She took care of all those things I wouldn't have even thought of...and more. I cried buckets when she went home.  Then this past 5 days my sister came to visit. It was also wonderful having her here because a) she loves my baby and it was the first time she met her b) she made me get organized and clear out all boxes left over from the move. She also did a lot of other things, cooked, cleaned, loaded up the car so I could take donations to thrift store (and it was 2 carloads!). She did a lot of the heavy lifting, no pun intended, and it was just so nice to have her here to talk to, relax with, share baby care duties, etc..
She left this morning and I cried a lot again.  There is this sadness/emptiness that washes over me when someone I care about goes home. Certainly more pronounced since having the baby.  Perhaps hormones have something to do w/ it because I continue to sweat a lot too! Right now I have to keep wiping my forehead.

It just makes me think about my proximity to extended family and my future here. I am here for a reason now 1) to become pregnant and have baby girl and 2) my career 3) give myself option of having baby number 2 w/ the company I work for because they have insurance for IVF.  But, I just see myself wanting/ really needing to be closer to family however that turns out.  I continue to look at job sites back home, but realize the type of career I have here wouldn't be the same there--industries are much different.  And that may be ok.  I honestly could see myself moving back, buying a house outright so no mortgage to worry about, working part time (with health insurance) and spending the other times being a mom.  That is what I can envision for myself.

In lieu of family here, I have sought childcare options. I put an ad on one of the websites for nanny care, and I have also tapped into my network. Through the network I've been in touch w/ 2 nanny's and I've interviewed one. She seemed very positive and could be a good fit. I interview the second one on Wednesday this week, then I will decide. I plan to start one part time (about 12 hours a week) until I go back to work, then full time. But, I still haven't made up my mind about whether I go back to work full time right away, do part time, reduced schedule, or take another month of two off.  I actually only have 8 weeks left for maternity leave. I am so thankful I have so much time--12 weeks total--. I'll think about it some more.  My worry is the nanny I choose will not want to do part time for that long and I'll have to find someone else.  Cross that bridge when it gets here, I suppose.

Baby is stirring so time to check on her. I am amazed I got this post written w/ her sleeping through.

Lots of changes, but I'm hanging in there and feeling pretty good.