Busines.s. of Bab.y Sun.flower.....not sure if you read my blog, but I have tried to comment on your last post at least 3 times as an anonymous writer but for some reason it won't accept it. I can't say for sure if it's the site not accepting or my user error. However, as soon as I read your post I was trying to send my condolences about your father. Losing someone you've feared losing your whole life is beyond devastating to the point of no words....unless you live it and feel it, you can't describe to someone what that pain/yearning for/big giant hole in your heart feels like. It just turns reality upside down and trying to find your way becomes your new normal. I am SO sorry you are going through this loss and my heart goes out to you and your family. Even though I don't comment much, I do follow your story.
I hope you see this here.
As for how things are going since the start of this year....I have to say, I think we have turned a corner here in our house.
One of the major changes is that my son LOVES his new color clock and has been sleeping through the night (mostly)!!!!! Blue means bed and he gets so excited for it to turn blue at 7:40. Our nighttime routine starts around 6:00-6:30pm for my girls bath, then after that for my son--I separate them now because it's much less stressful...at 7pm we do snack/shows. Then at 7:30pm we brush teeth, potty, book, bed, tuck in each separately then ni-night!
He's come in a few times at 2 or 4 am, but that was only a few....and also he's come in a handful of times at 6:00am-ish....I just send him back and tell him he can come in when it's yellow. I started yellow to be 6:00am, then 6:15am, and now it's 6:30am.
He usually comes in at 6:31am. Believe it or not there's even been a few times he's slept past 7am.
Now that I'm starting to come out of the fog of the 'beyond' sleep deprivation, I'm realizing how bad I really was sleeping and it's no wonder I felt like I was struggling and overwhelmed most of the time. I mean, it really was bad. I pretty much had a 4 year old newborn for all of 2018.
I can only hope this sleep pattern continues for all of us. I have to imagine he feels more rested too? I don't know why but he's been the physically exhausting kid and my girl has been the emotionally exhausting kid. Although my son's 3rd-4th year was a doozy. No sleep, a lot of tantrums for him, lots of whining and fussing....just...a lot.
The other change regarding sleep that has helped is he was finally able to function until bedtime without a nap. Taking out his nap has made it so that by 8pm he's exhausted and ready for bed. It's not like I didn't try taking out the nap a few times this past year, but his demeanor became intolerable such that it wasn't worth it, so that's why we took so long transitioning out of it.
I always wonder about those parents that say oh yes, my child's been sleeping through the night at 6 weeks old, never cries unless hungry, such as easy kid.....really???? Ok maybe they do exist but considering how tough in different ways my kids have been, perhaps I just have challenging ones. Who knows.
So the sleeping....good news, check.
Also making progress at construction house....the new crappily-installed floor was ripped out, everything has been abated, self-leveling is completed such that when you walk through you don't feel any major dips like before....and it's ready for new wood floor installation hopefully by Wednesday. Flooring has been ordered. I've met with the designer a few times and we've chosen tile for kitchen/laundry, paint for interior house, lighting for most of it, part of kitchen counters. I met my lawn guy there this past weekend and he is going to work on the trees (many of them overhang the house). I also met the framer who will install the beams in the great room. It's gonna look really great when it all comes together, but I suspect it will still take another 8 weeks at least to finish.
I finally got a new tenant at rental house. The last couple moved out end of October and of course nov and dec are the worst times to find new folks....so in January I decided I should drop price slightly and wahlah! got an application--single professional male, my age actually.
Speaking of that...I had a birthday. 44. This number has hit me differently than the other 40's numbers. For some reason, saying it just feels old. I'm sure when I'm 54 I'll look back on this and laugh at myself, but hey, it's where I am at now. It's starting to feel mid-lifey of sorts. I'm just going to keep processing through my feelings.My kids got me a purple water bottle....my girl really wanted to get me something so I hinted that I could use one. And they got me that, plus a cake and icecream. I really feel so lucky that I get to have them/nanny do birthday for me.
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| My girl's finger in the frosting take 2. Same thing as last year! |
We started a new soccer season for both kids and have gone to 2 practices now. we. just. love. it!! The kids are doing so well and we are all having so much fun. I wasn't sure if my son would like it and/or be athletic, but he's really getting into it. He made a few blocks, is listening well to the instructor, and he's actually a fast kid! Maybe running from his sister has helped him. His class starts at 10:30-11:15 and hers is from 11:30am-12:15pm. It is outside, which I can handle only in the winter season. And this past Saturday we had super cccccold days so we bundled up in blankets, scarfs, hats, mittens, etc.. Probably this weekend we'll be back to shorts again. We all have our own fold up chairs, water bottles...and we bring snacks. My son's class has about 15 kids? and my girl's only has 5. That is great because the coach can give more individual attention to them. What I like about the program, socc.er shot.s is that they have trained coaches that teach them fundamentals, in addition to playing scrimmages. We all look forward to Saturdays and it is also helping with the weekend battles I had been having w/ my girl. Maybe coincidence, but over the last few weeks things have calmed down a bit and we've had much better, more relaxing time over the sat/sundays.
I had mentioned I was going to seek out parent therapy and I did schedule and go to a psychologist. It was only the initial appointment, but it was just.....okay. Not sure what I expected, but I was hoping for some sign that YES, this is worth the 200/hour cost. And perhaps that's part of my issue. Most psychologists in our city do not take insurance. I rationalized that I have about 900$ to use from my healthcare flex account that is use or lose, so I figured, why not this......but the concern is that once I get past 3-4 visits and build a relationship w/ this person, am I willing to spend that kind of money? I just don't think I do. I might be better off shopping for a therapist that's in network....there has to be a diamond in there somewhere, yes?
What I did learn from the visit that was helpful is 1) a few books to read on how the brain develops that might explain some behaviors and 2) I get the sense that our issues aren't that severe. I made that conclusion on my own by listening to what the psychologist was saying about 'dealing with a child that has big feelings'. When we talked through and broke down what was going on it tended to be a trigger like sickness, hunger, etc.. that preceded the tough behavior. I think what made me feel better is that I realized that this seems to be normal behavior and there are tools out there both of us can learn, but the urgency I was initially feeling has gone away some. I was debating on just going back for one more visit, or just trying someone from the network.....will see.
We are now upon preschool registration for the Fall. They do it here so early in the year. My son will be in pre-k 4 even though a month after school starts he will be 5. I was debating on whether I wanted him in school 4 or 5 days a week. They apparently have this teacher everyone raves about-Ms. Holly-but she only does 5 days a week. AND, registration starts tomorrow at 7am for current students and apparently people come the night before and early morning to sign up. That just feels nuts to me. So, I think Ill turn in our registration at 7am--well, have our nanny go over there--and see what happens.
Overall, w/ the last several weeks of sleeping more, progress at construction house, soccer, less fussies on the weekends, it has felt lighter in our house. I am praying for it to continue.
