I had my son’s patent teacher conference and it went great. They said such positive things like he goes with the flow, such a good helper, listens really well, and redirects if needed. That’s just the kind of kid he is and it made me proud that they love having him in class. Makes me feel like we’re doing some things right over here.
What I’ve spent a good week doing is gathering more information about my fertility. After the first follow up with my dr I was feeling encouraged, even though I didn’t have a plan yet about next steps. Then, after the coordinator emailed she offered for his colleague to call me to talk further about process, etc. in a nutshell, I walked away from that conversation totally deflated. She started out by asking what did I want to hear, what would make me feel positive. Ummm well, just be open. So she then shared that due to my age, even though my amh tested well, my age is a big factor in quality. If they get a good embryo chances are high, however trying to get a good embryo is the key. She threw out on high side 10% chance, more like 3-5%. Oof. Like really? Those odds not so good.
I told her I still wanted to see what the financial piece would look like so she sent me to coordinator and that was that.
Then, the biggest kicker of all—I have a known donor who donated at a bank years ago. It occurred to me that I should call to see if there was any supply left because if I couldn’t make a biological sibling that would be a deal breaker for me. And I found out the bank closed. Like permanently closed!! My stomach actually sank when I found that out online. Of course my mind raced to—well, the supply had to go somewhere, right? Long story short I reached out to the parent organization, got bounced around a few times, but learned that anything they had went to a ‘holding’ facility and even if it was there or not, laws would prevent them from distribution. Like crap. Double crap.
My only option would be to reach out directly and ask if he would donate some way somehow now. So much more complicated.
So after all that I decided you know what? Rather than just calling it quits I decided I needed to have another follow up with my dr. for my own peace of mind. I wanted to see what he had to say about his colleague’s info, my donor situation, the cost sheet, the protocol, etc.
So, I’m so glad I met him again. When I verbatim told him what his colleague told me that a) in her 3 years they haven’t had any success with own eggs at my age, and some have tried even older and b) the percentages of probable success he basically said no, no,no. He said most of the older women had age plus diminished ovarian reserve like 0.3 AMH that you can’t easily compare. Plus he’s known my history, we’ve had success, and he thinks it’s reasonable to try. I also asked him I don’t mean any disrespect but if I were to pursue, could he confirm that he would be calling the shots and he said yes, he would be. He also said working with a donor is not hard and they have protocols for that. I said sure, the hard part is trying to see if he would donate.
So yeah, if I were cynical (which I’m not) I could say he’s just trying to make money. However, since I’ve known him 13 years, we’ve been successful, and I trust his professionalism, I don’t think that’s the case. In addition, when I showed him the cost sheet that they had discounted some, he said they could work with me more on that since I’ve done so many procedures with them. Don’t know what that looks like but I sent off a note to the coordinator.
And, I emailed my donor.
I’m a firm believer data can only help. Once I know if I have any options I can decide from there. The bank certainly threw me for a loop but I’ll just see. I told the dr that I’m not sure what it is but I thought I’d be fine if the last transfer didn’t work. There’s something inner pushing me this direction so I’m just listening right now. At the end, I may not have a choice due to the donor, but again, will just see.
Besides all that, once again I was getting frustrated with my sister for not reaching out. I wanted to see how long it would take if I didn’t call her. And it had been a week so I finally called today and come to find out, she’s not been doing well. I can always tell when she’s taken some medicine and I started asking questions. Apparently she’s been falling again and passing out. For like a week now. It took awhile to get it out of her but she finally told me she fell in her bathroom last night, was bleeding, and didn’t know how long she had been that way. WTF.
I didn’t want to come on too strong because she would shut down but in my mind I was screaming oh my god what the heck, did you call the dr?? She said she hadn’t called DR even. WTF again. She should be in the hospital not her couch. Something is clearly wrong. I made her promise to call the Dr in the morning and I would call her after. She said she would call my dad for a ride. After we hung up I even called my dad and said he needs to check in her in the morning. He at least said she had called him.
I don’t even know what to think of the situation. She’s had some really rough issues lately and they seem to be more frequent. It’s very concerning. She lives by herself, which isn’t good, and I asked her if she’s been eating and she said no food in house, she was eating applesauce. Omg.
She’s just not thinking clearly if she hadn’t even called her Dr.
I am just hoping I hear from her tomorrow that she’s on her way to the hospital with my dad.
She just continues to struggle with her chronic illnesses.
Oy vey. I’m mentally tired now. I guess that’s enough update for today.
