Proud

Lord have mercy....hold on....I am just trying to catch my breath, breathe, and take 5 minutes to collect my thoughts.  My babysitter was sick today so I had my boy and girl from sun up to sundown. It's been awhile since I haven't had any help at all, even a drop in.....so I am beat.  I keep saying this but I just don't know how stay at home mom's do it. I've been home after having the baby, yes, but I pay for help just about every day. It keeps my sanity and worth every penny.

I wrote proud in my post title because that's what I am.  I took the kids by myself to music story time at the local library for the very first time.  I had no idea how she/they would react or even what the program was. They just said music time started at 11am w/ a special guest. Sign us up!  AND.......I also took them to the other local library at 3:30pm for story/craft time. Two outings in one day!!  I have learned that getting out of the house is really the best way to keep us all going positively...even through the whining, crying....and did I mention whining. My son does much better when we are on the go, you'll see why in a minute.

So my boy--He is almost 4 months old. He is wearing size 2 diapers, size 6-12mo clothes depending on brand, drinks 6 oz at at time (has been doing that for awhile).  He is one of the most smiley babies I've been around. I just have to barely look at him and his whole face lights up--and it's just infectious. He is laughing too, which is just the cutest....but I haven't been able to catch it on video yet.  He sleeps through the night from about 7-8 until 5-6am. He loves to sit up in your lap and look around. He likes to watch and I've noticed his vision is getting better as he's catching things farther away.
Now, for his 'challenges'......he does...not...sleep...during...the day.  Oh my gosh have I tried everything. Well, here's the caveat...he WILL sleep if a) someone is holding him the entire time or b) he's moving in his stroller or car.  The minute I put that boy down he wakes up w/in a few minutes. Every time.  And how many have tried to hold a baby to sleep w/ a 2 year old around? Right, forget it.  I just about have him sleeping and she will yell 'MAMA' or start crying herself or whatever. It makes me sooo tense when I just need quiet for him. AGH.  I'm obsessed about worrying about his flathead.  The Dr. says it's not bad and we just need to give it time. He cries a lot during the day....why? because he's so darn tired.  He just can't stay asleep so he doesn't get the deep sleep time he needs to make it until bed time. Today was one of those days....he did pretty good while we were out, but I felt like he cried half the day. At least.

Now my girl--she is really getting quite verbal. She can carry a conversation, remember things....and her favorite thing now is when I put her to bed.."Wet's talk mommy, wet's talk". She wants to tell me what's on her mind. I try to speak and sometimes she just talks over me. Ahhhh, that's okay. I want her to know she is being heard. I'm really proud of her that she knows all her colors, shapes, and the alphabet. The next thing to learn is words! Just today she had a book and was making up a story w/ it outloud. Too cute. She also did a great job at the craft library time. She sat at the table, put the beads on the pipecleaner to make a snowflake. I didn't know if she could do it because the beads were really small....she needed some fine motor skills and she did it! Now, mama had to help or we'd have been there a long time, and under the table was calling her name....but I was just surprised and proud of how she behaved and what she could do.
It's interesting because at the a.m. music library visit she was much more timid. She sat in my lap, was quite shy, and really wanted to stay by me. Very unusual for her. It reminded me of when we went to daycare a year ago....I just don't think she likes a lot of kids and stimulation all at once.  At one point she covered her ears.  I think she's much more outgoing when she is confident w/ where we are--like at the park she will walk up to most any kid and say hi. Just yesterday she met a new friend and kept calling him little boy. Too funny. She is also interacting a lot more w/ her brother. She will go up to him and will want me to put her finger in his hand, or if he's waving his arms she'll put her head near so he touches her. She will get in his face and because he's such a smiley baby he smiles, she starts laughing, then he does too.....just...too...cute.
Her challenges----she continues to cry/whine constantly and she will not sleep through the night.  I don't know what's happened but she wakes up more than my newborn.  Anywhere from 2-5,6 times a night.  Sometimes she can put herself back to sleep but usually at least once per night I go in there otherwise she gets louder and louder and will wake the baby.  I did take her bed bottle away a few weeks ago but she was doing this when she had the bottle too. Taking the bed bottle away wasn't that bad either...I think my anxiety about it made it worse than it actually was......it took about three nights (first couple were pretty rough) and she learned that she's not having a bottle in her bed anymore.  Back to the sleeping--I don't have a clue as to what to do about it. I tried making sure she's full....she knows how to put her covers back on if she's cold.....I don't know.
The crying. The whining.  My new tactic to stop it......the minute she starts it I simply tell her 'stop crying' in a stern voice.  I had to have said it 25 times today. BUT, it worked. She would say 'OK trying' and stop crying/whining. Again, I have no idea if this will stick or make it happen less, but this has been an issue w/ her I swear since birth.  I also found a way to discipline that seems to work somewhat these days....'go to your room'. No kidding.  One day I told her to go to her room and she didn't want to....so AHA!  If she doesn't listen I ask her if she wants to go to her room.....most of the time she says no, but sometimes she will say yes. So, I haul her to her room. I don't leave her in there but a min or so and I ask her if she will listen? If she says yes, she can come out.

So, my thoughts today....parenting is dang hard. It is also fulfilling--as I sit here feeling accomplished from the day we had.

Oh, for my birthday (YES MY 40th!!) my two babysitters each took one child and I had a FREE NIGHT after 4:30pm until the next morning.  When they told me I lit up like a xmas tree because I haven't been childless at night since before my son was born.  The idea was much better than actuality. It was kind of weird.  The house was soo quiet. It gave me space to have some deep thoughts about how much of my life they are and to miss them, even though I get exhausted, frustrated, impatient, and a thousand other emotions.  I also got to think about the fact that I am 40 now. The number just sounds so.....well, older.  I didn't have a super big party, just out to dinner w/ some friends. The way I've decided to look at it is this--I appreciate that I get to be 40+...hey, some folks don't.  Lots to look forward to.

2014....2015

I don't usually take time to reflect on the year I just had and think about what I want for upcoming year. I am somewhat of a 'it will be what it will be', not a big planner type of person. However, I've been reading other posts wrapping up 2014 and looking forward and decided it's time I do it. I think it could be helpful in thinking through--what do I want....and putting those thoughts in the universe could help, who knows, right?

So, when I thought about what all happened in 2014 I think I'll call it the year of change. Ton of it.
--January of last year I had my embryo transfer that created my son.
--We relocated to our new city and I started back working w/ my old company.
--Tried out daycare for a few weeks w/ my girl and it was tough experience for both of us. She was such a baby back then only 18 months old. She was constantly sick while going there w/ stomach bugs, sinus infections, etc.. Missed my first day back due to sickness I got from her.
--Lived w/ my friend for a few weeks while I figured out where we were going to live....ended up in a 2 bedroom apartment from Feb-April because I couldn't find a home to buy. Turned out to be a blessing.
--Struggled for months to find good child care.  Interviewed over 10+ people and still didn't find right fight.
--Fought a lot of morning sickness.
--In May we moved again into our current rental home and flew to my niece's graduation in the midwest w/ baby girl.
--June learned about global reorganization and a few weeks before birth found out my job impacted.
--Became a family of three--had baby boy in October and didn't sleep much for 8 weeks.
--Got a new tenant in November for my rental in old city (lots of work went into coordinating this one).
--Stayed home, no travel, for Thanksgiving and Christmas.
--Started my new diet in December (and doing really well).

Whew.  So many additional details w/in and in addition to what I wrote but I think that hits the high points--moving, becoming a family of three, and now our future is wide open.

2015--Looking forward.
--Fist and foremost all of us stay healthy. I am on the right track w/ my diet plan (almost 13 lbs so far) and I am so proud of myself for staying the course during holidays and did NOT eat anything off plan...no cookies, no pies, no cake balls (even though I helped make 5 dozen of them).  Yay for me.
If we can master this one, the rest is all bonus!
--Along w/ above continue to make my health a priority.  Focusing on weight is one, but making time for myself is another. Continue to do the things I like, get massages, read in the bookstore, ride my bike, etc.. I like to recharge by escaping and think I do a pretty good job here.
--Be open to possibilities for future career that may not be what i've always done.  I've been thinking more about changing careers. My preference would be to create some stability by going back to what I know....then explore more.
--I've always been one to follow my 'gut' and let my intuition lead. I have thoughts/ feelings that I should return to my old city this year.  I would love to get settled in and stay put before my girl starts preschool in the fall of this year at 3. OH M G.  On the flip side I might just stay put and not work for awhile.
--I'm going to put it in the universe.....it would be nice for love to find its way to me. Even typing this gives me anxiety but I'm going to stare it in the face and say it anyway.
--There are several other 'givens' that I don't necessarily need to type out like love/enjoy my children. You always hear it...the good ole phrase 'enjoy it, they grow up fast'.
--Oh yeah....I turn 40. Eek!

I am sure if I dug deeper there would be other things that would surface, but the above is all just what popped into my mind. If I think of more I certainly will add.

Can't write a post talking about the future w/out including a picture of my loves......my family.

Picture for our 2014 Christmas ornament

Changed my mind

We are done w/ bottles in the crib. The other night she starts crying, yelling mommy, etc. so I go to see what's wrong. She had bitten the end off her bottle-again. It made me nervous because she could easily swallow that and I shudder to think if it got stuck. So, that overrides any worry I have about how the transition will go. We are done.

Tonight was exhausting to say the least. It was over an hour since I put her to bed and she still wasn't sleeping. I don't really know what to do. She's always had her bottle.  How will  she calm herself down? What can I do to help her transition?  The only thing I thought of was a) keep my tiredness in check and b) try to do something to take her mind off that she doesn't have the bottle.  So, before we went to bed I prepped her that we wouldn't take a bottle anymore.  Then, I laid down next to her on the floor and we just talked.  She liked it so much, though, that when I left the room she yells out "let's talk mommy".  I went in/out several times trying to soothe her while she cried and screamed on and off--which woke the baby too. There was a time when both of them were screaming..AGH!  One time I thought I heard "I naked". Sure enough I went in there and she had taken off her jammies and diaper....and peed all over her bed. Jeepers. This was what I was afraid of, but it must be done.

The other thing is my tooth hurts/throbs something terrible.  I had gone to a new dentist (referral from friend) right before holidays. I knew I had a cracked tooth and probably needed a crown. Experience has been seriously miserable.  He initially put on a tin can, as he called it, for the temporary. The ones they normally use broke or something when he was trying to fit it to my tooth. Well, it transfers heat and cold! I couldn't stand the pain so as soon as they opened back up after holiday (about a week) I went back and they had my mold and fit me w/ another temporary. Well, when he did the first and second temporaries-- he put in the numbing meds and hit my nerve causing an electrical current to run through the right side of my face. Hurt like heck. I searched the int.ernet to see if that was normal. I don't think so. And to top it off, the second temporary is broken in the back--I honestly think it was when I left there because I could feel something jagged in the back.....and now I think food is stuck because my tooth hurts something terrible. Again.
Jeepers.

I had this nice long post ready to go and frankly I'm just too tired. I'll just share some pictures of our holidays.  I've thought about 2015 and will write more on that later.

CHRISTMAS 2014

NEW YEARS EVE 2014

Pictures are fun!

Just Kidding. Stop it.

And here's the latest in our food journey.  Here's what she decided to do w/ her eggs tonight.