Recovery and since then.....

So to sum up two whole posts: I had an incarcerated hernia, ER visit, surgery the next day where they cut out some stuff, sewed things back together and sewed in some mesh, and left me a nice small incision. I stayed two nights in the hospital and went home on Sunday with some pain medication.

Let me just say, "recovery", though,  was a bit of crap show. First off, as a single parent to a 4 and 6 year old....there is no down time.  Our nanny stayed all day Sunday/Sunday night, but went home Monday at end of work day. Our old nanny didn't come until Wed or Thursday so I still was up and around w/ our regular routine to get the kids to bed. The hardest part I remember was I usually lie w/ my girl in her bed every night. She asked me to do it and I said I'd try....ouch on that one.
They do want you to get up and around and not just lie there but the biggest issue I had was fatigue. My body really just needed me to slow down so it could recover. I have no idea why I couldn't wrap my mind around that. I had major, open, abdominal surgery. Anesthesia, medication, etc....of course it was going to take time.

BUT, so much was going on during those first few weeks out. I wasn't having stabbing pain so I just pushed through.  The kids started a new basketball league on Saturdays and I just wasn't going to miss it. Yes, one week post-op I sure went and sat on some really hard bleachers to support my littles. Although I look back and physically, it was just a lot. I was still wearing the burrito wrap.  And the kicker is we were assigned a time slot of 7:45am.  For the past almost two months we've been lugging ourselves to our games at that time in the morning. WHY do they schedule like that?? They don't tell you up front--that's how they get you--they say oh, the games will start anywhere between 8:00-9:30am. I'm thinking sure, cool. This 7:45 bit is for the birds.
The other thing was this league was a whole new thing for us....it was SO crowded, the kids had never played on a basketball court and didn't really know what they were doing, their main coaches weren't there for some reason...I was really stressed out watching it so much so that I almost started crying. I think physically, mentally, and emotionally I was in a tough place. Thankfully it's gotten much better and they kids have really liked it.  I think it's ok. It's just not as structured and based on fundamentals as their soccer seasons were.

In addition to the basketball that Saturday I was also making a final push to get construction house finished to get on the market to rent. There were people in and out and I needed to be there several times to get a lot of things done. One day I spent 4 hours there.  All while trying to 'recover'.
The good news is.......it's on the market for rent, but I haven't rented it yet. I'm actually thinking of selling it in order to take those funds and perhaps do another one. Not right now, of course. The only reason I wanted to keep it at all was to let the market catch up so i would at least make some money OR potentially live there. I actually have the opportunity now to go live there and it just doesn't feel right...so will see what happens.

 Another crazy thing was when I was discharged from the hospital I had gotten a release from them saying I could go back to work the following Monday so off for a week. I thought that seemed so short, but hey, if that's what they said.  I was dreading work that coming Monday and just had no energy for it, but did it anyway (all from my bed, thankfully, since sitting up was not easy) until Wednesday when I had the surgeon follow up visit. That's when they told me ummmm why are you working? You aren't supposed to be released until you see the surgeon, and even then, most people are off for up to a month. They asked me if I had a c-section and I was off for probably 8 weeks with that. So what's crazy to me is why didn't anyone tell me that when I was in the hospital?  So I went back out on sick leave until July 8th.  Basically I was only out about 2 1/2 weeks.
And the bummer too is that when I was taking the pain meds it was fine, but weaning off of them was not fun...I usually get an emotional dip if i have to take them and sure enough, it got me again.

Overall it's just felt hectic. A lot going on, not a ton of support other than a few days from old nanny, and it took a lot out of me physically and mentally. It took about 3 weeks to even start to think I was getting better....4 weeks slightly better, but I have to say I'm still feeling some effects (some pings/zings, fullness, tenderness) now and I'm 6 weeks out. I am very thankful I went to the Dr., though, and didn't put it off longer. It was pretty serious and needed to be taken care of when it was.
Since then I've struggled a bit....I've been working from home a lot and my sleep has been pretty poor. So then I've been drinking caffeine, which makes my sleep worse, and the cycle continues. Just last week I thought I needed to do something different like perhaps add in Vit B and not take a multi vitamin. It has helped a bit in my energy level.

In case that wasn't enough....another major happening here: Last Thursday my nanny of 4 years decided to quit---just like that. At the end of the day she said she was done. No notice, no nothing. It's a long story and I'm just too tired to type it all out but what I will say is the shock and pain she caused my kids was horrible and inexcusable. I'm trying not to focus on negative feelings because at the end of the day, karma. And, after that tough night on Thursday they haven't been nearly as distraught as I thought they might be.. Honestly they've both been quite content having mama around. So.....onwards. Not looking back on that one.
A positive thing to come out of it is I've been so exhausted at the end of the day since Fri, Sat, Sun and tonight we've been together all day...I've actually slept.

The new babysitter through my work benefit of backup care starts tomorrow and she will be here to cover for this week and next. In the meantime I've been scrolling through applicants on my care ad. It may take some time, though.

Always something.

ER Part 2

I know when I'm reading a blog and someone goes silent, especially after something major happened, I always just wonder if they are ok. I should have put a post up sooner to say I'm okay. Surgery went ok and recovery....just ok, tougher than I expected.
To back up.....yes, I ended up in the ER much closer to my house. When I arrived there I thought I had made a great choice because there was only one other person in the waiting area. Turns out that they just triage folks faster and have a secondary waiting area once you've been assessed. So once I was in the back I kept wondering what now? I wonder if this is a major thing going on or they will just send me home. I was surprised that it really didn't take too long for them to come get me for labwork/start an IV, then shortly after they came to get me and said I needed to do a CT scan to see what going on. If you've ever had one, you know you get to drink two bottles of this very sweet liquid. Ugh. I chugged it as fast as I could because drinking it slow just made me feel yuck.
Once I was finished I had to wait awhile then the tech came to get me, in the machine I went, and back out to the same waiting area. Now, after I was done....that wait was much longer.
I had gotten up to pace a bit when the Dr. finally came back....it was really strange he just came up close, sort of ushered me forward and said they were going to put me in a room. He was very calm so I just thought, ok sure, I'll head back to a room. Once I got back there I finally asked if everything was ok and he said they need to check out a few things. I asked if I had a problem w/ the hernia and he said it looked to be the case. I'm not usually ok with vagueness, but for some reason I just did as I was told.
Once I got on the gurney the fun began....the Dr. said he was going to push on my stomach to see if he could shove things back where they belong. What the crap?! I'm not kidding when I say he started pushing and it felt like his fingers were pressing through my abdomen to my back. I hollered out a few times.  He said the nurse would come and give me some morphine and they would then try again. I kept thinking, oh my gosh....I'm here all by myself and this really hurts.
The nurse came in and gave me a shot of morphine.....and all of a sudden my throat started closing up and things got a bit spacey. I was soon able to breathe better again, but then noticed after she left my arm was turning red. It was traveling up my arm and my shoulder. I sat there a bit not sure what to do since no one had come back to check on me. Finally a nurse walked by and I asked if she could please help me.  She came in, looked at my arm, and said oh my goodness. I don't remember exactly what they did to help me but I was able to lay there ok. I had an allergic reaction to it apparently.
I waited and waited for the Dr. to come back and try again, but he just wasn't coming.
The nurse had stopped back and I asked her what was going on and she said she thought she heard Dr. say I was going to be admitted. Ah crap.  I laid there a bit longer and finally Dr. came back and said that I was going to be admitted for surgery the next day. He said he consulted with the surgeon and surgeon said they couldn't manually fix the issue--turns out it was an incarcerated hernia which basically means things came out and got stuck, which is not good.
So, off I was wheeled up to the surgical floor.

Then the scrambling came in.....this honestly is one of my worst fears as a single parent. Me being out of commission, having to have surgery, not knowing what exactly to do. I have no local family and I learned from last time being in a hospital, it just isn't a great place to be all by yourself. So, I checked in with the three closest friends I have here.  Turns out, all of them were out of town--one already out, one heading out of the country, and the other one heading out too. One of them was my realtor friend who happened to be the same one who came to the ER to be with me when I had the blod clot as 6 weeks pregnant with my daughter. I have to say I kind of panicked a bit. I texted my sister across the country as she was on a trip to Arizona and while I knew she couldn't get here, I could at least check w/ her. And wouldn't you know she didn't text/call back until much later.
Old nanny was 5 hours away but unless she drove through the middle of the night she wouldn't make the 8 am surgery the next day. We did talk and she thought it would probably be better for her to come a few days after surgery so she could help take care of me/kids.

I can say I haven't felt that alone in well.....I can't even say. I didn't want nanny to come by because she would have to bring kids and that just wasn't an option to me. The nurses kept asking if I had anyone coming and my answer was always no. Speaking of nanny, I had to work hard to convince her she didn't need to go to her second job the following night. She was trying to see if her daughter (the one she is having major issues with) could watch the kids so she could go. Not no, but hell no.  Finally I told her I would write a note or call her other job if I had to in order for her to be able to stay with the kids. She finally agreed. Once I got that sorted I did feel some sort of relief.

I basically just accepted that I would be having surgery by myself and that was that. They kept a lot of medication in my system so I did sleep alot anyway...I would say by the time I was admitted (maybe around 6 pm on the Friday) I had surgery already first thing the next morning by 8. It all happened really fast from Dr. appointment, to ER, to admitting, to surgery....all in less than 24 hours.
Since I missed the dinner window in the hospital they said they couldn't let me order anything from cafeteria. And I was hungry, darn it. So, what does a person do when they are hungry? Order pizza. They told me I wasn't restricted w/ my food and just don't eat after midnight. Ok then.  Of course in hindsight this was not a great idea because your digestion pretty much stops w/ all the medications and anesthesia.

On Saturday they wheeled me down and again asked if someone was waiting for me.  Felt about the same as when I had a prenatal check up and they kept asking where my husband was. Surgery in general went well, I had about a 4 inch incision above my belly button and was wrapped in a abdominal compression garment.

This is turning out to be a long post so I will continue with Part 3, and don't plan to wait another month to finish!