And just like that....

And just like that…..The kids started school today!  I now have a 7^th grader and a 4^th grader.  There was such a flurry of activity over the last few weeks that even though I knew it was coming, it snuck up on me in a hurry.  We’ve been so busy with endless Dr. appts, ortho appts, allergy shot appts, a birthday, windows started to get installed on Monday, and my daughter’s last year teacher Mrs. Jackson (her absolute favorite teacher-English) asked if she could help for 2 days-2 hour windows, meet the elementary teacher Monday night. I’ve been driving around like a maniac.

 So last night it was like omg, let’s get outfits ready, let’s get the tag on the backpack for my son—my daughter has had hers packed for a few weeks now. We were smart this year and did school supply shopping about a month ago, so no last minute crazy. They were super silly before bed last night.

 I, myself, was much less anxious starting this school year compared to last year. Mostly because the big change happened last year when my girl moved up to the middle school for 6^th so it was an all new building/location/teachers/schedule, etc.. I was very nervous for her, as was she. However, I am most impressed and happy with how her school year went. She maintained mostly A’s, and B’s in Math, had a social life, got involved in theater and found a new passion….she just blossomed.  The kid I have now is definitely a different version than the one I sent off in 6^th grade. Even comparing last year’s school photo to this one, both of them stretched again. We just had my girl’s 12 year well visit and she is already 5’4” and weighs about 106lbs. She’s got legs for days and is very lean. However, with the growth mentally, there are new things we are discussing like body image (she asks mom, am I fat?, does my hair look okay?). I’m very sensitive to how she views herself and self-image.  It’s of course natural for her to start to look around, notice others, compare herself, etc.. but I want to be sure we talk about distorted thinking i..e she isn’t even close to fat.  I’ve said listen, what you are going through is normal….it’s normal to look at others and then see yourself and question. Everyone has those thoughts like am I good enough? Someone will always be smarter, faster, better nose, etc.. but it’s about how you feel about yourself that is important.  This is an area we definitely need to keep talking.  I think back and I never had these types of conversations w/ my mom.  She was a care-taker, and an amazing one at that….but we just didn’t discuss puberty, boys, self-image, etc. and I feel like it’s important to open that discussion up. Let her share her worries/fears so she’s at least talking about them versus internalizing.  Funny enough, we went to go see the new movie inside out two for her birthday. She took 3 of her friends and we did dinner and a movie.  It was just the perfect theme for where they are in their adolescence and after the movie she says, welcome to my brain.  She definitely has struggled with anxieties in the past and this summer was pretty good….but with the upcoming school year and real stressers starting, we noticed she wasn’t feeling as good as she could. We’ve been working w/ her doctor and also he recommended therapy, which we are going to start. The two of us have had our struggles with our personalities being very different—me sports-minded, her creative. But the older she’s getting we are communicating better…and she’s still not too big to crawl in my lap in the recliner and we just connect. That touch is so important—for both of us. She’s pretty witty/funny without trying. I’ll laugh at something she said and she’s like, how is that funny? For example this morning I drove her to school and this year they have police directing traffic vs. a teacher. We slowly pulled up to the entrance….she looked and saw pretty heavy-set guy and says, “wow, lay off the donuts”.  Now I’m not a fan of making fun of someone’s weight (including mine), but she somehow knew the concept of police and donuts.  Made me giggle. I am very optimistic about this school year. I think the biggest challenge will be the continued growth of self-image and self-esteem. Academically and socially I’m not super worried.

 That leads me to my son. Hooo-boy.  He’s had his ups and downs this summer. He’s spent the last few weeks constantly provoking his sister (to be fair, she did a lot as well)…and for whatever reason, for him it’s a constant battle over stuff like when they were toddlers. If she has it, he wants it. This silly grey yoga ball has become a “hey, it’s MY turn”….”No, you already had it”….I’m about to pop it and throw it away. Not sure if that’s just where he is developmentally, but it hasn’t been easy.  He’s also still struggled w/ his irritability. He doesn’t have the most patience, and he’s certainly quick to let you know if he doesn’t like something.  I am starting to get the sneaky suspicion he is starting to have anxieties like I did when I was a kid…..at night he worries about something bad happening to me, etc. , and during the day he tends to follow me around the house.  I was just like that as a kid. I used to cry at night thinking something would happen to my mom and get up, go check on her to make sure she was ok. That started really young. He’s starting that same pattern where he comes out sometimes several times a night, finds me, then either sleeps next to me in my bed, or goes to the bathroom and I send him back to his. That worries me because I’m thinking that his irritability is just how his anxiety comes out.  Mental health is such a hard issue to deal with in adults, let alone kids. I wish I could wipe it away for both of them……I wish it was something easier to “fix”….just something I could fix.  For now, I’m just watching and waiting to see how he does. I do think therapy might be good for him, so I’m going to see how the therapist for my daughter is, and perhaps start him as well depending.

That’s not to say all is hard/bad…..he had a ton of fun this summer with all his camps, and I did end up scheduling him for an additional week long soccer camp in August which went over mostly great. He’s so much happier when he’s active and busy….he’s all boy, and I’ve said that from the get-go. Likes to be busy, struggles to entertain himself—wants a playmate at all times, loves sports, loves competition. We probably played hundreds of card games over the summer, as well as banana grams. When we were bored we’d head into my bedroom on the king size bed and all of us play cards together—crazy 8, war, slap jack, old maid, etc..just good wholesome fun. I think we all enjoyed that. I was surprised when we were getting closer to school starting that he seemed excited. When we went to meet the teacher he actually wasn’t irritable and genuinely smiled and talked to some of his friends. That was nice to see.

When both kids woke up this morning they were in good moods to start the year. That’s one thing I’m super thankful for….my kids do a great job of getting themselves up and ready for school. I don’t have to nag, etc. but I still have to remind: brush teeth, etc.. My son is the early bird and his normal wake up time is 6:30-7:00am so getting up this morning was not hard at all.

 As for me? I’m going to decompress these next few weeks, then decide what’s next for me……I do think my brain is ready for something. The windows are currently being installed and should be done next day or two….then I’ve got a guy coming to help choose new trim paint and front door.  I still stay busy w/ my projects, helping my sister w/ her work—she just had an abdominal surgery and is off for now. That’s been a challenge because I’m here and can’t do much for her. The surgery was right during our birthday/back to school preparation and while I technically could have made it there, she wanted me to, I wasn’t in the best place myself when we discussed me going….so for the first time I chose not to be there for her. It was hard, but I’m glad I prioritized me. She just doesn’t have much support or a large friend group, so my brother helped her and I’ve called her 1-2 times a day for last few weeks……wait a minute, I said I was going to talk about me, and there I go discussing my sister and what she’s going through.

I think I’m still a work in progress when it comes to focusing on myself. It’s so much easier to see what others are doing, help them, versus get my sh*& together. I’m not sure what that looks like for me. I think it would be helpful to spend my new alone time since kids back in school thinking about that!