That's about all the creative flow I have to think of a title. I did not go to work today because I am utterly exhausted and don't feel well at all.
This holiday weekend had to have been the most challenging thus far....well, except early on sickness stuff, etc. but it just seemed pretty darn hard. I am whipped. Several reasons for this, for sure....
Being 6 months pregnant
Chasing an active, active toddler
Dealing w/ her antics
Most friends out of town this weekend so it was just us, not much downtime. Been awhile since that way.
It takes a lot to keep her entertained. She's reverted back to not being too independent while playing and wants me to be with her and play constantly. So, I did my best and am proud of what I was able to do. Went swimming several times in our babypool, read books, sang songs, built with blocks, colored w/markers, went out to lunch one day, she actually helped me empty the dishwasher, cleaned her room from top to bottom and vacuumed, she climbed all furniture everywhere, I am sure there were other things.........the only 'break' I had was when we rocked together and watched sh.r.ek several times when she started getting so whiny that nothing else worked. She ended up not napping saturday or sunday and that is where I struggled most. She is back in her room but it's not relaxing. I am constantly trying to figure out whether she's fallen asleep, or she just yells, sings, bounces, etc..no matter what I tried it didn't work.
On Sunday I did call one of her babysitters to come and get her for a few hours in the morning.
I just needed to vegetate for an hour or so. It did help some.
However, unfortunately I didn't sleep well at all last night, she woke up a few times, so by this morning I was absolutely exhausted. She woke up early and as I was getting out of bed I was just thinking I just can't do it all. Working full time, taking care of my one toddler, and the other baby not even here yet. I just feel overwhelmed. And when I feel like that I just don't function very well at all. I've mentioned several times the fatigue, but it seems more than that. No matter how much sleep I get it doesn't seem enough. I don't wake refreshed or energized, I wake up tired. All the time. There is no bucket of energy for me that I can find. I'm not even sure what to do about it. I will talk to the Dr. at my appointment this Friday, but it may just be that's how it is right now and there is nothing to do but power through it. As the baby gets bigger I am sure it will continue to be harder.
My temper was shorter this weekend also, so I got upset much quicker than I normally would and I am not happy about that. I know I will have harder days than others, but she's not used to be me yelling to stop her from doing something and she stopped in her tracks a few times. Not happy at all about that.
This may all be completely normal but I am here to say it is hard for me right now. The hardest part is really not even knowing what to do to make it better. Just getting more rest isn't helping. I've asked for help from friends here where I can. Given my last few visits w/ my sister, not really even considering that. She just hasn't been able to be there when I really need her. She's also dealing w/her own health issues w/ her kidney stuff. She's not taking care of herself and continues to be sick. I've noticed a shift in her over the last six months or so in that she's just more withdrawn, not happy at all, it's like pulling teeth when we talk because she has nothing much to say, etc.. Not sure I want to address w/ her given all I have going on. It just makes me sad that I have no family help or support at all. Well, just typing that out made me cry. Oy. I also think this holiday was quite lonely for me. I drove down the street and several cars parked in front of houses BBQ's galore. We didn't have anywhere to go and frankly, even if we were invited somewhere, not sure I would have had the energy.
One thing I did do was make all of my appointments and have been seeing Dr.'s....allergist, dentist, dermatologist, and new counselor. Just have new counselor left and will see her next week.
Trying to take care of what I can.
Anyone w/ suggestions, or even yah, been there and it is tough.....happy to hear.
Monday, July 7, 2014
Saturday, July 5, 2014
I suppose this was coming
With all of the 'phases' and 'pre-terrible two' behavior we've been dealing w/ for the last few months, here's a snapshot into what I walked into today......
Day after the 4th, lots of whining this morning so I said forget it, let's get in the babypool at our house. Okay, no issues there, had fun, she enjoys just getting in/out/in/out, etc..
We went out to lunch today and got home in time to get ready for nap......we read a story and I put her in her room. It was pretty quiet in there so I was almost hopeful that she went down easily. I kept hearing some noise but thought it was just the cat.
Sure enough, as I settle down and get comfy, I hear.....MAMA........MAMA.
I walk into her room and she had....POOP Smeared ev-ery-where. and I mean everywhere. you could smell it before I even got in her room. I looked at her and it was on her face, her hair, fingers....on the crib rails--all four sides, the wall, chunks on the mattress sheet and on the floor.
I honestly just couldn't believe it. I whisked her out of the bed and put her in the tub asap. Washed her everywhere.
Then, the task of cleaning her bed, etc.. Throughout all of this I didn't yell, I didn't say much because I was grossed out and irritated to say the least. I got out the ly.sol. and pi.ne.sol. and I started scrubbing everywhere--she had walked out of the room somewhere and soon was right behind me.
I said no, mama needs to clean this up.
Then I turned around to look and she had a washcloth in her hand--either she had gone to the bathroom to get one or there was one in her room already.
Either way, at least her heart was in the right place.
Day after the 4th, lots of whining this morning so I said forget it, let's get in the babypool at our house. Okay, no issues there, had fun, she enjoys just getting in/out/in/out, etc..
We went out to lunch today and got home in time to get ready for nap......we read a story and I put her in her room. It was pretty quiet in there so I was almost hopeful that she went down easily. I kept hearing some noise but thought it was just the cat.
Sure enough, as I settle down and get comfy, I hear.....MAMA........MAMA.
I walk into her room and she had....POOP Smeared ev-ery-where. and I mean everywhere. you could smell it before I even got in her room. I looked at her and it was on her face, her hair, fingers....on the crib rails--all four sides, the wall, chunks on the mattress sheet and on the floor.
I honestly just couldn't believe it. I whisked her out of the bed and put her in the tub asap. Washed her everywhere.
Then, the task of cleaning her bed, etc.. Throughout all of this I didn't yell, I didn't say much because I was grossed out and irritated to say the least. I got out the ly.sol. and pi.ne.sol. and I started scrubbing everywhere--she had walked out of the room somewhere and soon was right behind me.
I said no, mama needs to clean this up.
Then I turned around to look and she had a washcloth in her hand--either she had gone to the bathroom to get one or there was one in her room already.
Either way, at least her heart was in the right place.
Wednesday, July 2, 2014
I love the toddler phase
I love the toddler phase
I love the toddler phase
I love the toddler phase
I am thinking if I keep repeating it over and over I will feel better about what's happening these days. And today was one of those days.....well, not even all day because I worked. But the minute her babysitter brought her back home, jeepers.
She was soooo whining and clingy, but didn't want anything when she came in the door. I usually sit down in the rocker and debrief w/ her babysitter. But, while I do this she usually says 'hand' 'hand' and pulls my hand because she wants me to follow her. I, of course, do not because I am trying to get the low-down of the day. This ends up starting her in a tailspin because she can't get me to follow her.
Then, she says 'keeckle' 'keeckle' 'red'. She wanted a red popsicle. These have been her new obsession. She will ask for one almost the moment she gets up. Since it is right before dinner I have to tell her no, it almost dinner time....cue another meltdown on the floor.
At this point I just had the babysitter go and I just held her and told her we needed to make dinner.
She had a 2 hour nap today so I have no idea what her problem was....maybe just overstimulated, maybe hungry, all the above...?
But here's where I snapped a little. We actually had a decent dinner, she ate well, and I let her have her keeckle after dinner. Then we did bath. Well, after bath she decides that she should escape me, running around w/ nothing on while I'm calling her to come back. Once I got her in my grips I said we needed to put on jam-jams......she starts her wiggling around and crying again when I start putting lotion on her and when I picked her up to put more lotion on, she gets mad and slaps me. UM, what? Full on in the face slap. I looked her right in the eye and lowered my voice and said, no, we don't hit mama. This little thing looks me right in the eye and brings her hand up to my face and 'sort of' slaps it again. I raised my voice then and said another time no, we don't hit mama. Well that made her mad again because I hold down her arms and get face level when I tell her this. Then when I let go she did it again!!! That time I full on yelled---NO, we do NOT hit mama! She just kept crying more.....I was so mad at what she was doing and all I could think to do was yell back and say NO, we don't hit. Not one of my prouder moments because upon reflection, I knew she was upset, it's my job to stay cool. I should have just told her no, we don't hit and got up and walked away for a minute. But man that's tough to do in the moment when she full on knew what she was doing, knew she shouldn't, but did it anyway.
I am not going to be perfect and do everything right. Obviously need the space to make mistakes and do better next time.
One thing I just thought of regarding her sleeping issues is I need to go back to putting her in bed no later than 7-ish pm. I just tried it 3 days ago and it seems to be working better. She has 'let' me leave the room w/out epic meltdown and has taken a nap 3 days in a row. So, maybe this is helping. These kinds of learnings are funny......because why didn't I just think of that sooner? What had been happening is one of her babysitters stays sometimes to do bath routine. Then we get to talking and her bed time had been slipping. 7:15-7:30, sometimes up to 8pm. I knew we were having rough times w/ sleeping but didn't put it together at all. Not saying this is the answer but I have to say it's been better already. I am going to stick w/ it and see how it goes.
I am looking forward to having some sort of energy again in the future. Fatigue has been tough. In addition to the general fatigue, I actually started an allergy medicine (after seeing allergist last week) this past weekend only to have it make me so exhausted I couldn't stand it and stopped taking it. Just what I didn't need. I am hopeful the next one is better.
The holiday weekend is coming up and we have no plans and will stay in town. We'll find something to do but it sure is hot around here so unless it involves swimming, we will certainly be indoors.
I love the toddler phase
I love the toddler phase
I am thinking if I keep repeating it over and over I will feel better about what's happening these days. And today was one of those days.....well, not even all day because I worked. But the minute her babysitter brought her back home, jeepers.
She was soooo whining and clingy, but didn't want anything when she came in the door. I usually sit down in the rocker and debrief w/ her babysitter. But, while I do this she usually says 'hand' 'hand' and pulls my hand because she wants me to follow her. I, of course, do not because I am trying to get the low-down of the day. This ends up starting her in a tailspin because she can't get me to follow her.
Then, she says 'keeckle' 'keeckle' 'red'. She wanted a red popsicle. These have been her new obsession. She will ask for one almost the moment she gets up. Since it is right before dinner I have to tell her no, it almost dinner time....cue another meltdown on the floor.
At this point I just had the babysitter go and I just held her and told her we needed to make dinner.
She had a 2 hour nap today so I have no idea what her problem was....maybe just overstimulated, maybe hungry, all the above...?
But here's where I snapped a little. We actually had a decent dinner, she ate well, and I let her have her keeckle after dinner. Then we did bath. Well, after bath she decides that she should escape me, running around w/ nothing on while I'm calling her to come back. Once I got her in my grips I said we needed to put on jam-jams......she starts her wiggling around and crying again when I start putting lotion on her and when I picked her up to put more lotion on, she gets mad and slaps me. UM, what? Full on in the face slap. I looked her right in the eye and lowered my voice and said, no, we don't hit mama. This little thing looks me right in the eye and brings her hand up to my face and 'sort of' slaps it again. I raised my voice then and said another time no, we don't hit mama. Well that made her mad again because I hold down her arms and get face level when I tell her this. Then when I let go she did it again!!! That time I full on yelled---NO, we do NOT hit mama! She just kept crying more.....I was so mad at what she was doing and all I could think to do was yell back and say NO, we don't hit. Not one of my prouder moments because upon reflection, I knew she was upset, it's my job to stay cool. I should have just told her no, we don't hit and got up and walked away for a minute. But man that's tough to do in the moment when she full on knew what she was doing, knew she shouldn't, but did it anyway.
I am not going to be perfect and do everything right. Obviously need the space to make mistakes and do better next time.
One thing I just thought of regarding her sleeping issues is I need to go back to putting her in bed no later than 7-ish pm. I just tried it 3 days ago and it seems to be working better. She has 'let' me leave the room w/out epic meltdown and has taken a nap 3 days in a row. So, maybe this is helping. These kinds of learnings are funny......because why didn't I just think of that sooner? What had been happening is one of her babysitters stays sometimes to do bath routine. Then we get to talking and her bed time had been slipping. 7:15-7:30, sometimes up to 8pm. I knew we were having rough times w/ sleeping but didn't put it together at all. Not saying this is the answer but I have to say it's been better already. I am going to stick w/ it and see how it goes.
I am looking forward to having some sort of energy again in the future. Fatigue has been tough. In addition to the general fatigue, I actually started an allergy medicine (after seeing allergist last week) this past weekend only to have it make me so exhausted I couldn't stand it and stopped taking it. Just what I didn't need. I am hopeful the next one is better.
The holiday weekend is coming up and we have no plans and will stay in town. We'll find something to do but it sure is hot around here so unless it involves swimming, we will certainly be indoors.
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