Oy

That's about all the creative flow I have to think of a title.  I did not go to work today because I am utterly exhausted and don't feel well at all.

This holiday weekend had to have been the most challenging thus far....well, except early on sickness stuff, etc. but it just seemed pretty darn hard.  I am whipped.  Several reasons for this, for sure....
Being 6 months pregnant
Chasing an active, active toddler
Dealing w/ her antics
Most friends out of town this weekend so it was just us, not much downtime.  Been awhile since that way.

It takes a lot to keep her entertained. She's reverted back to not being too independent while playing and wants me to be with her and play constantly.  So, I did my best and am proud of what I was able to do. Went swimming several times in our babypool, read books, sang songs, built with blocks, colored w/markers, went out to lunch one day, she actually helped me empty the dishwasher, cleaned her room from top to bottom and vacuumed, she climbed all furniture everywhere, I am sure there were other things.........the only  'break' I had was when we rocked together and watched sh.r.ek several times when she started getting so whiny that nothing else worked. She ended up not napping saturday or sunday and that is where I struggled most. She is back in her room but it's not relaxing. I am constantly trying to figure out whether she's fallen asleep, or she just yells, sings, bounces, etc..no matter what I tried it didn't work.
On Sunday I did call one of her babysitters to come and get her for a few hours in the morning.
I just needed to vegetate for an hour or so. It did help some.

However, unfortunately I didn't sleep well at all last night, she woke up a few times, so by this morning I was absolutely exhausted. She woke up early and as I was getting out of bed I was just thinking I just can't do it all. Working full time, taking care of my one toddler, and the other baby not even here yet.  I just feel overwhelmed.  And when I feel like that I just don't function very well at all. I've mentioned several times the fatigue, but it seems more than that. No matter how much sleep I get it doesn't seem enough. I don't wake refreshed or energized, I wake up tired. All the time. There is no bucket of energy for me that I can find. I'm not even sure what to do about it. I will talk to the Dr. at my appointment this Friday, but it may just be that's how it is right now and there is nothing to do but power through it. As the baby gets bigger I am sure it will continue to be harder.
My temper was shorter this weekend also, so I got upset much quicker than I normally would and I am not happy about that. I know I will have harder days than others, but she's not used to be me yelling to stop her from doing something and she stopped in her tracks a few times. Not happy at all about that.

This may all be completely normal but I am here to say it is hard for me right now. The hardest part is really not even knowing what to do to make it better. Just getting more rest isn't helping. I've asked for help from friends here where I can. Given my last few visits w/ my sister, not really even considering that. She just hasn't been able to be there when I really need her. She's also dealing w/her own health issues w/ her kidney stuff. She's not taking care of herself and continues to be sick. I've noticed a shift in her over the last six months or so in that she's just more withdrawn, not happy at all, it's like pulling teeth when we talk because she has nothing much to say, etc.. Not sure I want to address w/ her given all I have going on. It just makes me sad that I have no family help or support at all. Well, just typing that out made me cry. Oy. I also think this holiday was quite lonely for me. I drove down the street and several cars parked in front of houses BBQ's galore. We didn't have anywhere to go and frankly, even if we were invited somewhere, not sure I would have had the energy.

One thing I did do was make all of my appointments and have been seeing Dr.'s....allergist, dentist, dermatologist, and new counselor. Just have new counselor left and will see her next week.
Trying to take care of what I can.

Anyone w/ suggestions, or even yah, been there and it is tough.....happy to hear.