Smile

No matter what phase we are in the middle of, there are ALWAYS things that happen that make either  my heart swell or I find myself laughing out loud—even if it’s all by myself.

Today was a beautiful day—to make up for the rainy day yesterday that cancelled our home owners association park snow day which no one communicated was cancelled and the neighborhood showed up to, including us. Anyway today started out with the most glorious gift: I can’t believe it my son slept until 7:10!!!!!! It has to have been many weeks since the last time this happened.And here’s the even more amazing part: he took a nap for me yesterday too for the first time in a looong time!! You know what I think? He hit a wall and was just as exhausted as I was. 

What’s so cute, though, is in the middle of all the sleep issues his language/words are expanding. When he came in my room this morning he got up on the bed, gave me a big ole hug, then said....’mom. I have a question’. I don’t remember what he asked me but he told me all about diving in the pool where trees were at the bottom.

Some other funnies:

Today we took another family bike ride to sand park. I was worried because it’s a bit far but both of them pleaded to go on their own bikes so we did. At the park he was on one side of the teeter totter and no one would come to the other so he looks around and says.... ‘um a wittle help heyah pease!’ Haha! A lot of what he says has ‘yah’ on the end. ‘Why-yah?’this is what I hear at least 50 times a day. Even if I explain it, at the end he says , ‘why-yah?. Finally I say ‘because I said so’ and that seems to do the trick.

Last night he decided to use the potty before bed—something were trying to get back into. Well after I put him on he looks at me and says,”mom. I need privacy’. What?! Oh em gee I laughed out loud on that one. I said sure son, I’ll wait out here—with a huge smile on my face.

The other thing he does lately is he is now being verbally dramatic. If he has to give something to his sister for a turn, or has to put something down, etc he says, ‘Now I’ll NEVAH get my purple cah back!’ Or whatever it was he had. There’s this park we drive by that he still hasn’t forgotten some kids were not nice so whenever we go by he says, ‘ we’re Nevah going dah! Kids push me!’ I don’t recall him getting pushed—I think they threw mulch, but whatever....apparently we’re never going there.  ‘Now I’ll nevah get my book back’....with a big sigh, arms folded.

Inside I’m secretly smiling because it is just too darn cute.

The other thing that my girl does lately is knock-knock jokes. She makes up some seriously silly ones that don’t make sense, but hey...she has fun. This one yesterday, though, takes the cake...

My girl: ‘knock-knock’

Me: ‘who’s there?’

My girl: ‘mom’

Me: ‘mom who?’

My girl: ‘how did I get such a good mom!’

Awwwwwww, I soooo needed that yesterday after my son was up most of the night and up for the day at 5:30am. Maybe that’s why he napped for me.

On the bike ride home today my son says, ‘dis is da best bike ride evah!’

I’m so enjoying how they are loving our bike rides as much as I am.

And I’m not sure I can believe this one....as I’m sitting here in the recliner I do believe my son has fallen asleep and NOT gotten out of his bed 5+ times.

Now that’s worth a smile.

Eyes are windows to the soul

Back during thanksgiving when we were flying I had kind of an odd thing happen.  In my right eye something felt like it ‘popped’ and then just plain hurt behind my eye on the lower right.  I figured I’d see if got better on its own, which did, then it kind of flared last week again. The internet can be a great, informative place and simultaneously scare the crap out of you for things that ‘might’ be wrong. So I got worried and finally made an appointment w/ an ophthalmologist. Well, it hasn't just been the eye symptoms but tingling in face consistently for a few weeks now.

I went to the appointment today and Great news: my eyeballs are perfect!! Most likely dry eye related issues. AND we talked about my long history of weirdness that hasn’t come up with anything. It was nice to talk to a dr who seemed interested in hearing whole story. He said since mris have been clear that was very good and talked through some conditions he didn’t think were the case--which made me feel better. He said it is very possible I sustained nerve trauma from the dental procedure back in dec 2014–since it was significant and the other symptoms came after that. I’ve continued to wonder about that too. He said he’s not sure of any testing to confirm that, though. I suppose at this point it gives me something else to reasearch. I do have a 6 month followup w neuro in feb so will see.

It just would be nice to know why. I’m living w the flarey weirdness just fine, but if there was something concrete then I would know if there was something I can do.

On to more fun subjects—we went for our first family bike ride this weekend!! My son on his tiny little bike, my girl on hers, then me. We have great paths in our neighborhood so off we went after tightening/raising seats, filling tires, and getting water bottles. I felt a little anxious not having full control (in the past I’d take them both in the bike trailer)....because we did have to go across a road, and because we did have to take shortcut through neighborhood road w no sidewalks. But I told them the rules ahead of time—stay to the right, single file, etc. My girl was the leader and she did pretty well. I put my son in middle, then me.

We went on Saturday and Sunday. It was pretty cool on Sunday because we made it back right before it started down pouring and my son said it was ‘so much fun’! What I loved about it is sharing with them something I’ve done my whole life, really—recreational biking. When I was little the first bike I remember I had was a banana seat ( it was light blue w clouds on the seat), then several ten-speeds after that, and finally the best bike purchase ever I made in college like in ‘96. I spent 350$ (A ton of money to me) on a Giant brand bike that I still ride to this day!! It has thousands of miles on it—it’s seen me through undergrad, grad school, starting my career, my mom living with me, finding myself after she passed, and two kids.

I have always found so much enjoyment at being able to just ‘go’...and back in the day you could do that in town without worry. I remember being 5-6 riding over to my friends’ houses, to the school, park, etc. maybe it was the freedom I loved. As I got older my favorite time to go riding was at dusk. Not the most safe, but with the sun-setting, cooling off.....a lot of good memories.

I just had a memory of riding to my best friend ambers house as a teenager. She lived about 5 miles out of town—14 years old, no helmet back then, on a two-lane highway..... off I’d go. Now, it was in a very small farming community in the Midwest, but still. Couldn’t imagine that today!!

Basically the point of my story is I’ve gone out on my bike for enjoyment as long as I can remember and now I get to do it with my kids!

Another first is: I said to another mom at the park, “I remember those days”. Since when are my kids old enough that we’ve past some stages! She was pushing her son in the swing who was two and holding a 7 month old baby strapped to her chest....and looked really weary. She said as hard as it is to get them out of the house, everyone feels better. Lady, I hear you. I totally remember thinking it was overwhelming to pack up a newborn and a toddler and all the stuff and all on limited sleep, but I did it anyway. We went to this one park back in city my son was born that had a tennis court and a little play area.I remember putting my son in the infant carrier and snap-go stroller and throwing pink tennis balls back and forth with my girl—her running and squealing after them.

It really is a big shift in parenting from newborn/toddler to 5 and 3. Back then many days were physically grueling because sleep deprivation was so high. Now that they are getting older it is certainly less physically demanding.

I thought that sleep issues were behind us but my son has something to say about that.

We are on a regression of sorts.

Back during the holidays my son was napping but then not falling asleep until 9, sometimes 930 and he normally went to bed at 8. So, I had the bright idea that maybe he’s ready to stop naps. After a week of no napping and him being completely miserable (thus the rest of us too)...I relented and said nap him. It was just too much crazy.

So he’s back to napping, which has definitely helped his demeanor, but he is now waking up in the middle of night often and coming to my room and/or getting up for the day at 5 something am. Oh heck no!! I’m not even sure what to do about it. Nanny mentioned he might be cold since we’ve had freezing weather and I turned heater to 68 and we normally have it around 71. That seemed to help, but it’s hit or miss.  I know this too shall pass but oh man does it take me back to newborn days. The other night he woke at 9, 10, 11, 1, and 3. I thought for sure he was getting sick because that sometimes happens...but no. Just ended up w mama feeling so so tired. FYI as I was trying to finish this post he just woke up calling for me at 11:10pm.

I did get to celebrate my birthday this year with two children singing the words to the song. I absolutely cried. They had gotten me a cake, decorated the table, and made me handmade cards. It honestly was one of the nicest birthdays I’ve had. I was so happy and just loved it!! My girl was SO excited about my birthday and couldn’t wait to celebrate. And couldn’t wait to taste the frosting!

Here we go....

I guess it was only a matter of time before sickness came back to our house. My son was just fine yesterday then towards evening he felt warm. By bed time he was burning up just that fast. Gave him some Mot.rin and he woke up at 9, 10, came in my room at 2 on fire again. Gave more med and he was awake until almost 4....just wanting hugs and to be next to me. Poor poor baby. He even said ‘mom, go dr now?’ At 230am.  He had his hands covering his ears so I was really worried about ear infection. After a lot of hassle w dr office and appt times was able to get him in at 1:30pm.
Positive for influenza a. CRAP!!!! My girl got the flu shot but he did not. This thing is scary. Even after a dose of Motrin at noon he still had a 103.4 fever in office. I’m SO thankful we took him in because dr ordered tam.i.flu and said the quicker it’s diagnosed the more likely it is to help. So we loaded up on popsicles, applesauce, meds, and spr.ite.
One thing good I learned is that I was under-dosing him for mot.rin. By the bottle shows 5ml and dr did some calc and he should actually get 8ml. That in and of itself should help.

I was so thankful nanny was with us because a)when you child is that sick it scares crap out of me (I cried in dr office just out of nowhere) b) she helps me remember things from visit because when I’m stressed I forget.

Timing is a bummer because I’m supposed to fly out of town tomorrow night until early Saturday. Our old nanny’s mom passed away and my girl used to call her Grammy. She was in a nursing home for a few years and just went downhill fast over last several weeks. Now of course when I told my girl I had to go visit Mimi (what my son calls old nanny) she wanted to know why. I didn’t lie to her and I told her Grammy died and there will be a funeral. Her little eyes got so big and she said , “what?!”....her reaction just made me cry. She then asked me why I was crying and I said it can be sad she then says, “you can have a piece of my candy”. This sweet sweet girl.
I most likely will still go but I’ll have to just play by ear tonight and tomorrow.

Thank you sunflower for your comment on my last post. It couldn’t have come at a better time because just as I was going to get to my blog tonight I was wondering if anyone still reads this. It’s nice to know someone does and interestingly enough, I read her blog too!! I love having the memories. I’m kinda glad Im not a huge blogger because I would think that would be a lot of pressure to keep up and be witty. Sometimes I try but honestly if I can capture what I want even if it’s a dry we did x, y, z it’s fine by me.

I actually think what would be cool is to network and meet like-minded moms. I had an interesting experience when I was at a lunch w work friends and some had kids some didn’t. I was just mentioning that mine were 3 and 5, but remember the newborn toddler phase being really hard. They all just stopped and kind of looked at me. It’s was kind of awkward because I just expected some others to jump in and say yes, I know..me too. Ummm, nothing.
I may just need to try harder in this space to find other sm.c friends locally. I would really like to connect w someone  who did what I did and just ‘gets it’.  I’m finding that even though I am trying to talk to the other moms at kinder, honestly most of them are stay at home. The few that aren’t I havent connected much with. Friendships take time, I know. But this is a space where I would love to find some new friends. I read other blogs where people say oh, I met up w other moms....they live in next apt to mine....they nanny share...,help each other. Sounds lovely.

And if it wasn’t enough for my son to be sick, I’ve been trying to figure out what’s going on w my girl since right before thanksgiving. She has been complaining of being tired, doesn’t seem like herself, not wanting to go outside as much, complaining of tummy aches  , etc. took doc few weeks ago and she put on probiotics to see if help. No change so we just did lab work for first time last week and all was normal. Whew, however still keeping close eye and just hoping it gets better.

Happy New Year 2018!

Shout out to myself!—I just figured out how to upload pictures on this blog from my phone again! I can’t tell you how excited I am about this. I used to have to email pics from phone to laptop, save them, then upload them here—now I can skip all that again.  Technology isn’t my thing, I know, but a friend told me about a go.ogle app that backs up your pics/videos and that might have been key. In any event it worked this time and all I can say is wahoo!

Some Holiday photos:

We saw two Santa’s this year so mom could get a picture she liked.

We had a pretty good holiday. My sisters visit was overall pretty good and thankfully no one had major flu, etc. My son actually Wanted to unwrap presents this year so it was so exciting to see them both throwing the paper. We went to my girls school’s church for Christmas Eve candlelight service and my son actually sat on my lap for 10 minutes at one point so we could actually exhale—for a few minutes anyway. They got a lot of presents to play with—keyboard was a big hit as was the scooter.
It was nice to have a true break from work and just focus on family, it’s a nice feeling when all the shopping is done, all is wrapped, and you can just be.

I reread some posts from last year at this time to see what I wanted to do or any goals for last year—one was to focus on my health. Not sure I did well w that because I said I’d like to join a gym which I didn’t do. I did focus on an eating program, but didn’t like it so ended that. It’s my follow through that suffers in this arena. It’s clear I need a plan if I want to make changes because just rolling along won’t work. However, I’m not big into making resolutions (for any area really) and have typically been a go with the flow type of person when it comes to not planning much out for the year. I hesitate to write solid goals because then maybe I’d have to do something! Really thought, it gives me some good reflection on well, I’m in similar place now as I was a year ago. So what now?

What’s also nice about blogging is to read and reflect on what was going on in our lives—and after reading back through I realized how much my job limbo was taking up brain space. I spent a LOT of time trying to decide what I should do, second guessing, talking w friends, making scenarios, etc. In the middle of it I knew I thought about it, but i didn’t realize just HOW much. It was on my brain since I knew things were going to change in Dec of 2016.  I had a couple of opportunities to think about in Midwest (none seemed right), I interviewed for and finally accepted an internal transfer in June-ish (same city) then agonized over whether I should actually take it or not. That got so bad that shortly after the hurricane I told old boss I couldn’t go—needed more time.
In the end I did start the job working remotely (which hasn’t been easy) but that wasn’t until October.  Almost a full year of that background stress. I also think I had mucho anxiety and some fears which exacerbated the issue and probably made it more complicated for me.
Glad that’s over!! So far it’s ‘fine’. That’s best word to use because right now I’m not in love but I’m not miserable. Now that’s not to say I won’t still think about changing companies or what to do ‘next’, but I’ve got time.

Last year through now with the kids I look back on 2017 as a good one. I feel like their ages and growing a bit older has made things easier ie much less physically exhausting. I felt like I was coming out of the newborn/toddler baby phase and just having more nights than less where they slept better. That right there will do wonders. It started to become easier to take them places and I started having energy to do so. We spent a whole week just us during spring break and it was great! They get their own snacks now—I can send my girl to see what her brother is up to. They can actually help put their laundry in the basket and put folded clothes away in their rooms, etc. just having that bit of help with things and being able to talk/reason with them is great. I also love being able to have conversations too.

Looking forward to 2018. Maybe this is the year I’ll get pictures on my walls, curtains, garage organized, boxes out of my room, new furniture...ok, one thing at a time.