I just reread several of my last posts and the common theme is lack of sleep--both my son and daughter and therefore me too. Just last night I had a lightbulb and I think I've got it....
My son.
Not last night but the night before we had the most epic night--and not in a good way. My son had the worst night he's had since being a newborn. He woke up at 8pm, 9pm, 10pm, my daughter at 11-ish, my son at 12, my daughter or son at 1 can't remember and at 3am my son started crying again so I picked him up to feed him. THEN he started screaming like I've not heard him scream. I told myself okay, I can handle this....I tried to burp him...he just didn't want the bottle at all. Then I tried shushing him, rocking him, putting him in the stroller, putting him in his rocker, walking him, etc and not one thing was working. I started to get scared/panic a bit because I worried it was a pain cry. His cry was different and he just wouldn't stop. So, I called my babysitter after 45min at about 3:45am...she has always told me to call her if needed and I save it for really rough times. She came down quickly and after another 10 minutes she agreed something might be wrong. She suggested calling the Dr. line, which I did, and all the Dr. said was give him some tyl.enol and gas drops. I basically thought, WHAT? You think that's all this is???
In the meantime my babysitter had put him in his stroller, took him outside, and started hoofing it up and down the street--sometimes the stroller is the only way to calm him. I can hear him inside the house crying outside. I went out and gave him the tylenol and gas drops and my babysitter whisked him around again. I then gave her a break and she came in to check in my girl. I kept thinking the neighbors are going to wake and wonder why a baby is crying outside.
Lo and behold after about a half an hour of this he did finally calm down. Think the Dr. was right.
We came inside, she went back home, and I continued to rock him in the stroller--I did this by propping myself on the couch and held my head up w/ one hand and rocked the stroller w/ the other....back and forth....back and forth.....
THEN at about 5:30am my daughter woke up screaming. THEN my son started really crying again. At that point I could barely think straight and I simply called my babysitter again and said S.O.S.. I was a total wreck and due to the sheer worry and panic I was feeling and the fact I hadn't slept pretty much all night. She was back down again and took over w/ my son while I comforted my daughter back to sleep while laying on the floor. She went home again and my son slept for maybe an hour after that.
Then my daughter was up for the day.
To tell you I was exhausted was an understatement. There is a reason a form of torture is sleep deprivation.
I think back to my girl at this age and I have never had these kinds of issues....just unusual things that cause a momma to panic. My poor son, not only did that happen night before last, but last night after bath time my babysitter runs out and says come here....he had red welts all over his body and he was crying/itching/scratching. OH EM GEE.....I started basically to panic again thinking he's having an allergic reaction to something, is he breathing, etc....my babysitter took him to my neighbor who is a retired pediatric nurse and she said as long as he's breathing okay, it must have been something like a contact dermatitis (even though nothing changed in his routine or products except giving him the ty.lenol and gas drops). We put hydro.cor.tisone all over his rashes and he seemed to calm down after getting his bottle.
This poor poor baby. So, last night after such a steady decline in his sleeping and all the trouble we've been having w/ his eating/tummy issues I thought back to when it all started. At first I knew it was around the time change but then I realized......it was when we started putting him in his crib. I think all of the sleeping issues he's had over the past many weeks is due to his reflux acting up again because he's lying down (even w/ one end of his crib elevated).
I tested my theory last night and put him in his rock and .play to sleep which puts him at a 45 degree angle.
Guess what? He woke up at 8-ish, then at 11pm to feed, then slept until 6:15am!!!!!! He hasn't slept 7 hours in almost a month....about as long as he's been in his crib. I can't say for sure this is what's happening but I have a good hunch it is. I put him in his crib to begin w/ for two reasons 1) Dr. said he needs more room to move around and 2) I continue to worry about his flat head.
Based on how beyond rough it's been over last month--we're done w/ the crib for awhile and I'll get the kid a helmet to fix his head.
I do want to acknowledge that my girl just may be turning a corner......her major tantrum's have subsided at least for now. She is even whining a 'little' less and we've just been able to play together w/out major issue. Tonight we built castles out of stuffed blocks and made rivers out of paper that came from my shoe box. Great imagination building and she didn't whine the entire time.
She maybe has read this blog because she also has started to become more snuggly and verbally sweet lately. Just today she said to me 'I wuv you mommy' at least 5 times and said 'I missed you mommy' just as many. She came up to me and gave me many snuggles and laid next to me in the bed for awhile and let me hug her AND she came up on the table/chairs set and laid down on my lap while I ate my dinner.
Are we talking about the same kid?
I honestly think she was going through a brain growth phase or just growth phase in general. I can just notice a shift in how she thinks and communicates and I wonder if all of her antics/meltdowns/ attitude, etc. has been tied to growth. I believe this because I've noticed over the past week or so she is starting to be even more verbal.....her thoughts and commentary is blossoming into a little girl--more like a 3 year old and less like a 2 year old. As an example, I was trying to get a dvd to play and for some reason it wasn't. I said AGH! She said, 'It's okay mommy, it will be on in just a minute'. Just tonight as my babysitter and I were making dinner I said something 'colorful' and she repeated it. My babysitter and I busted a gut laughing and she looked at both of us deadpanned face and said, 'That's not funny".
Oh and I forgot to mention over the last week: both my daughter and son have head colds; I think something is wrong w/ my poor cat. I found him on my bathroom rug tonight and he won't move off of it--very unusual behavior; I put an offer in on a house; I set up a nanny interview for next week; got my Dentist appt moved for Tuesday morning; scheduled an inspection on the house; shopped almost everyday for a new wardrobe for work and clothes, etc for my children.......I am sure I'm leaving out a thing or two. All on the limited sleep of no more than about 2-3 hours at a time for weeks. And I start my new job next week.
Tired yet?
After writing all of this out I have to say I am kind of proud of myself. While in the middle of all of it I have just tried to weather the storm....but there really is a crap load of things I am trying to manage.
Kudos to this mama for keeping it together!!
Friday, March 27, 2015
Wednesday, March 18, 2015
Some Relief
Thanks so much for the comments. It really does help to know that my child's behavior is 'normal' and this is just something we have to live through--and pray to the universe it doesn't last long.
Yesterday we had one.....two.....three....four....five!!! tantrums. I couldn't believe it. I was not on the receiving end of them my babysitters were. One time my babysitter took her outside because I was trying to get my boy to sleep. She was sooo fired up that she decided to roll underneath the car and not come out. Seriously.
BUT, just when I think it's just out of control she goes and does this: I was sitting in the chair and she walks over w/ outstretched arms and wants to sit in my lap. Then when I came back from running errands she walks over to me and says "I missed you". Within all that toddler angst, there is a charming sweet little girl in there.
And today, much much better.....no tantrums at all. I tried to see if they were tied to sleep/eating, or what...and I can't find a pattern. We really enjoyed each other as I took them to the park to feed the ducks and play on the playground. Interesting social experiment the playground is.....I saw some scary parenting, lack of parenting, and some mean kids/ not very social ones. I guess I am just used to my child wanting to talk to kids and become 'friends' for the time they are playing. This one little boy kept telling her 'hey girl, I don't want you following me'. I get it they are kids and I stay out of it unless someone's about to get hurt but where are all the friendly kids?
She continues to surprise me too by things she says.....tonight we put her jammies on and I've been putting them on backwards w/ the zipper in back because she continues to take them off. Well, to make sure she can breathe okay I cut a little triangle out of the collar. I had her come over and as I was cutting I started to say, "here...I need to cut this so it doesn't...." and I got distracted and she said "choke me". She totally finished my sentence. It just took be by surprise because that's exactly what I was going to say and she figured out why we were cutting it.
Something I also needed to mention that was a first is that my son actually stood while I was holding him. He actually used his muscles to try and stand rather than have his legs fold like frogs. So exciting.
Something I'm frustrated about is that I am so tired after our sleepless nights that it's hard to get energy to do all the 'fun' stuff I think we should be doing before I go back to work. I have such a prime opportunity to spend time w/ them and on many a mornings all I can think about is more sleep. More sleep. Reading other blogs I've learned that being exhausted all the time is just part of being a mom to a 2 year old and baby. No amount of napping will make up for the interrupted sleep night after night. But, today was a perfect example....my babysitter came in the morning so I could sleep a few hours. Then this afternoon I decided to take both of them somewhere (which is a process in and of itself) because I actually felt like I could manage........REST will do amazing things.
We are hanging in there and the reality of it is.....it is so very hard some days. But, those little moments of a snuggle, or a kiss...or a smile....that's what fills me up.
Yesterday we had one.....two.....three....four....five!!! tantrums. I couldn't believe it. I was not on the receiving end of them my babysitters were. One time my babysitter took her outside because I was trying to get my boy to sleep. She was sooo fired up that she decided to roll underneath the car and not come out. Seriously.
BUT, just when I think it's just out of control she goes and does this: I was sitting in the chair and she walks over w/ outstretched arms and wants to sit in my lap. Then when I came back from running errands she walks over to me and says "I missed you". Within all that toddler angst, there is a charming sweet little girl in there.
And today, much much better.....no tantrums at all. I tried to see if they were tied to sleep/eating, or what...and I can't find a pattern. We really enjoyed each other as I took them to the park to feed the ducks and play on the playground. Interesting social experiment the playground is.....I saw some scary parenting, lack of parenting, and some mean kids/ not very social ones. I guess I am just used to my child wanting to talk to kids and become 'friends' for the time they are playing. This one little boy kept telling her 'hey girl, I don't want you following me'. I get it they are kids and I stay out of it unless someone's about to get hurt but where are all the friendly kids?
She continues to surprise me too by things she says.....tonight we put her jammies on and I've been putting them on backwards w/ the zipper in back because she continues to take them off. Well, to make sure she can breathe okay I cut a little triangle out of the collar. I had her come over and as I was cutting I started to say, "here...I need to cut this so it doesn't...." and I got distracted and she said "choke me". She totally finished my sentence. It just took be by surprise because that's exactly what I was going to say and she figured out why we were cutting it.
Something I also needed to mention that was a first is that my son actually stood while I was holding him. He actually used his muscles to try and stand rather than have his legs fold like frogs. So exciting.
Something I'm frustrated about is that I am so tired after our sleepless nights that it's hard to get energy to do all the 'fun' stuff I think we should be doing before I go back to work. I have such a prime opportunity to spend time w/ them and on many a mornings all I can think about is more sleep. More sleep. Reading other blogs I've learned that being exhausted all the time is just part of being a mom to a 2 year old and baby. No amount of napping will make up for the interrupted sleep night after night. But, today was a perfect example....my babysitter came in the morning so I could sleep a few hours. Then this afternoon I decided to take both of them somewhere (which is a process in and of itself) because I actually felt like I could manage........REST will do amazing things.
We are hanging in there and the reality of it is.....it is so very hard some days. But, those little moments of a snuggle, or a kiss...or a smile....that's what fills me up.
Monday, March 16, 2015
Is there something in the air...still the time change, maybe?
Lord. Have. Mercy. I wonder how many posts I've started w/ these words. These last few weeks have been some of the toughest yet. My children aren't sleeping, have been sick, my cat's been sick, and I need to find a new nanny and a new home in my old city.
Let's start w/ my girl. She had the most epic tantrum of her life the other morning. Lasted from 8:30am to 9:15am. Full on screaming/crying/flailing/not able to even listen/spitting/hitting/kicking....you name it. And nothing at all would work to calm her down. Nothing. It started so innocently too. I was sitting in the rocking chair w/ the baby and she decided she wanted to sit there by herself. I said no. That did it........it was all downhill from there. She yelled 'mommy you go', 'go away' over and over. I used a calm voice the entire time I was so proud of myself....wait a minute, I did yell once when I had to go back to her room and she continued to kick me while I was trying to put a new diaper on her because she had taken hers off and peed on the floor. I have no idea what's gotten into her because the tantrums have been almost one a day. And it can be over nothing. I want water!! Ok, and I give her water. Then she decides no, she wants milk. I say 'I already gave you water'.....cue meltdown. Perhaps all of this is because she is two and a half, but lord have mercy.
Parenting her is really hard right now. She changes her mind, says no a lot, meltsdown, doesn't want snuggle wuggle time as much (this one is hard for me, boo). I started to have thoughts about whether our relationship will continue this way.....will she continue to have sparks of defiance and willfullness to not do what I ask her to do? If I rewind to the beginning, she wasn't a snuggly baby, would rather be in her rocker, whined and still does, has been independent from the get-go. I have said outloud a few times I wonder if she even needs me? So strange to say but she's never been one of those kids to cling to me for dear life--well, she did that once on her second birthday. I'm not saying I want a needy kid....my baby's feisty and I think that's a good trait. However, it would be nice to just feel her needing me and want to be affectionate/hug and cuddle more.
She's really funny, though, because she will also show signs of being very in tune to my emotions...for example the other day after I said AGH about something and she said, "Mommy, are you frustrated?"...she used those words. Think she learned them from a a show. I told her I was. Also, if I've yelled or after she throws a tantrum and calms down she'll come and say "Sorry I mad" (sorry I made you mad)....or something to that effect and apologizes, unprompted. I always tell her I am not mad at her but I didn't like her behavior.
She also surprises me by some of the things she is learning....as an example we were playing w/ the cat and I was showing her his teeth. I said, 'look how big his teeth are?'.....and she said 'I have small teeth'. We were walking through the kitchen today, she looks down at the floor tile and says, 'square'!. Yes, indeed.
Let's face it, she's not an easy kid. I know she'll continue to give me challenges. What I need to make sure of is that I continue to find ways to let her know and show her that I love her. I tell her regularly and try to hug/snuggle her when she lets me, etc.
Now my son, he seems to get the short end of the stick when it comes to this blog because I sometimes focus on my challenging girl. He's had some major milestones.....He has started 'talking', rather squealing. I can't handle how cute it is.....he tries to make a sound, tenses his whole body up, and screeches kind of. And he still smiles sooo much. It is just great to walk in the room in the morning to have that face smiling up at me everyday. I barely have to catch his eye and he starts smiling.
He is becoming a big boy. I had him at the Dr. today and he weighs 18lbs 13oz at 5.5 months old. I took him because we have started to have trouble w/ his eating and sleeping again. It is much like it was when he was a newborn. Up every 2-3 hours at night. I've had him to the Dr. twice and she thinks it is reflux bothering him again. She is not that worried because he is still gaining weight and really it's just a matter of time. This past week we tried the cereal to see if it would help and then the z.ant.ac. Neither seem to make a dent in him flailing his arms after a certain point w/ his bottle and fighting it. Dr. says it will just take time. Jeepers I thought we were over that phase!
And guess what.......the Dr. saw upper teeth buds!! I had no idea they were there and when the Dr. shined her flashlight on his gums I saw....it was exciting! Normally the bottom come in first so not sure which ones will make their debut, but we will see. He was so charming at the office w/ his smiles and screeching and humming and flailing his limbs.
I had to take a break to go feed my son and am back now.
I am working on finding us a place to live in my old city. My house I kept from the move over here has tenants and their lease doesn't end until April 30 and they want to sign another year's lease. I've decided that I want to try the suburbs but haven't found a place to buy so I am going to rent a house...I think. I am negotiating w/ landlord now.
Nanny search. This is probably the toughest part about moving. It is such a big deal to me to find the right person so I can have peace of mind when I go to work everyday. I am on a website and have networked w/ friends, etc. Nothing popped up yet and several I've contacted say they've just accepted positions. Jeepers.
Lots to do as I start my new job April 1st. Oh boy!!
Let's start w/ my girl. She had the most epic tantrum of her life the other morning. Lasted from 8:30am to 9:15am. Full on screaming/crying/flailing/not able to even listen/spitting/hitting/kicking....you name it. And nothing at all would work to calm her down. Nothing. It started so innocently too. I was sitting in the rocking chair w/ the baby and she decided she wanted to sit there by herself. I said no. That did it........it was all downhill from there. She yelled 'mommy you go', 'go away' over and over. I used a calm voice the entire time I was so proud of myself....wait a minute, I did yell once when I had to go back to her room and she continued to kick me while I was trying to put a new diaper on her because she had taken hers off and peed on the floor. I have no idea what's gotten into her because the tantrums have been almost one a day. And it can be over nothing. I want water!! Ok, and I give her water. Then she decides no, she wants milk. I say 'I already gave you water'.....cue meltdown. Perhaps all of this is because she is two and a half, but lord have mercy.
Parenting her is really hard right now. She changes her mind, says no a lot, meltsdown, doesn't want snuggle wuggle time as much (this one is hard for me, boo). I started to have thoughts about whether our relationship will continue this way.....will she continue to have sparks of defiance and willfullness to not do what I ask her to do? If I rewind to the beginning, she wasn't a snuggly baby, would rather be in her rocker, whined and still does, has been independent from the get-go. I have said outloud a few times I wonder if she even needs me? So strange to say but she's never been one of those kids to cling to me for dear life--well, she did that once on her second birthday. I'm not saying I want a needy kid....my baby's feisty and I think that's a good trait. However, it would be nice to just feel her needing me and want to be affectionate/hug and cuddle more.
She's really funny, though, because she will also show signs of being very in tune to my emotions...for example the other day after I said AGH about something and she said, "Mommy, are you frustrated?"...she used those words. Think she learned them from a a show. I told her I was. Also, if I've yelled or after she throws a tantrum and calms down she'll come and say "Sorry I mad" (sorry I made you mad)....or something to that effect and apologizes, unprompted. I always tell her I am not mad at her but I didn't like her behavior.
She also surprises me by some of the things she is learning....as an example we were playing w/ the cat and I was showing her his teeth. I said, 'look how big his teeth are?'.....and she said 'I have small teeth'. We were walking through the kitchen today, she looks down at the floor tile and says, 'square'!. Yes, indeed.
Let's face it, she's not an easy kid. I know she'll continue to give me challenges. What I need to make sure of is that I continue to find ways to let her know and show her that I love her. I tell her regularly and try to hug/snuggle her when she lets me, etc.
Now my son, he seems to get the short end of the stick when it comes to this blog because I sometimes focus on my challenging girl. He's had some major milestones.....He has started 'talking', rather squealing. I can't handle how cute it is.....he tries to make a sound, tenses his whole body up, and screeches kind of. And he still smiles sooo much. It is just great to walk in the room in the morning to have that face smiling up at me everyday. I barely have to catch his eye and he starts smiling.
He is becoming a big boy. I had him at the Dr. today and he weighs 18lbs 13oz at 5.5 months old. I took him because we have started to have trouble w/ his eating and sleeping again. It is much like it was when he was a newborn. Up every 2-3 hours at night. I've had him to the Dr. twice and she thinks it is reflux bothering him again. She is not that worried because he is still gaining weight and really it's just a matter of time. This past week we tried the cereal to see if it would help and then the z.ant.ac. Neither seem to make a dent in him flailing his arms after a certain point w/ his bottle and fighting it. Dr. says it will just take time. Jeepers I thought we were over that phase!
And guess what.......the Dr. saw upper teeth buds!! I had no idea they were there and when the Dr. shined her flashlight on his gums I saw....it was exciting! Normally the bottom come in first so not sure which ones will make their debut, but we will see. He was so charming at the office w/ his smiles and screeching and humming and flailing his limbs.
I had to take a break to go feed my son and am back now.
I am working on finding us a place to live in my old city. My house I kept from the move over here has tenants and their lease doesn't end until April 30 and they want to sign another year's lease. I've decided that I want to try the suburbs but haven't found a place to buy so I am going to rent a house...I think. I am negotiating w/ landlord now.
Nanny search. This is probably the toughest part about moving. It is such a big deal to me to find the right person so I can have peace of mind when I go to work everyday. I am on a website and have networked w/ friends, etc. Nothing popped up yet and several I've contacted say they've just accepted positions. Jeepers.
Lots to do as I start my new job April 1st. Oh boy!!
Monday, March 9, 2015
A first and toddlers
My son just had a first!! He ate cereal for the first time today. So exciting!!
I've been stalling for awhile mostly because my girl really didn't take to it. She wasn't sure if she liked it...I just looked at our video from then and it was too cute....she did some shakes and shudders and it took awhile before she ate that way.
Not my boy.....I put the cereal in his mouth....he moved it around a little, swallowed....looked like he was deep in thought like "Hmmmm....what is this....do I like....um, yes....like...give me more". He actually opened his mouth for more after a couple of spoonfuls, I could hardly believe it. The nurse said they have to learn how to eat since sucking from a bottle is quite different, never thought of it that way. Looks like this kid learns quick. I asked the babysitter to feed him also so I could take some pics too.
I wanted to start out w/ the positive because I have to say this last week w/ my girl has been exasperating. One of the hardest weeks yet. Mostly because we dealt with sickness the first part of the week and we have had tantrum city like no one's business the latter part. Just this morning I was on my last nerve and yelled--"we're not doing this again today, I'm sick of it." I feel bad for yelling (wasn't the only time) but it's just been exhausting. It started last Sunday night/Monday morning when she woke w/ a fever and I took her to Dr.. She ended up having a bad urinary tract infection. She was pretty sick for several days and she had to actually get a boost of antibiotic shots in her legs because her fever wouldn't go down. Well, it took until maybe this past Friday for her to show signs of feeling better. She was up on/off most of the nights, not eating well, just plain sick. When she was feeling so crummy I relaxed on the bottle rule we have now--bottle in the morning and bottle at night. That's it. Well, over the last few days she's been throwing herself on the floor, writhing around, yelling, kicking, crying, spitting....when I tell her no, we have bottle in morning and bottle at night. But wait, it hasn't been JUST for the bottle....pretty much anytime I've told her NO for anything she's melted down. She'll get mad, throw something, then tell me to go get what she's thrown....ummmm, no. When I don't get it she starts w/ the tantrums and yells 'I want bottle...bottle.....bottle" over and over again. Serious meltdowns. Nothing has worked. I ask her, "do you want to go to your room?!" Sometimes she'll even say yes so I pick her up-she starts flailing in my arms-and I put her in her room until she can calm down. I've tried ignoring her and she'll be on the floor and scoot close to me and try and hit. It's just been ridiculous. I've said "stop crying" about 50 times a day.
The logical side of me can say that I am sure there is a lot going on in the background for her. She's super tired and it took awhile for her to feel better. It wasn't until just today she ate somewhat normally and that's been 7 solid days. I gave her the benefit of the doubt the last few days because I just wasn't sure if her tantrums were due to still not feeling well, but it's just continued.
The emotional side of me just feels exhausted and spent....let's face it, it wasn't fun this past week. Not at all. A friend sent me an email link to someone's blog who wrote about being a parent and how it can be amazing, wonderful....and in the next moment can turn you into a woman on the edge of insanity. Or something to that effect. I felt better after reading it because she articulated things in a way that just made so much sense. And I felt normal again.
All I can hope is that things get better w/ more food and better sleep. I haven't even mentioned that my son also decided this past week to go back to waking every 3-4 hours and wanting to get up at the crack of dawn. Good timing, eh?
So I really want to leave on a positive note: we had an impromptu photo session on the couch today.
I've been stalling for awhile mostly because my girl really didn't take to it. She wasn't sure if she liked it...I just looked at our video from then and it was too cute....she did some shakes and shudders and it took awhile before she ate that way.
Not my boy.....I put the cereal in his mouth....he moved it around a little, swallowed....looked like he was deep in thought like "Hmmmm....what is this....do I like....um, yes....like...give me more". He actually opened his mouth for more after a couple of spoonfuls, I could hardly believe it. The nurse said they have to learn how to eat since sucking from a bottle is quite different, never thought of it that way. Looks like this kid learns quick. I asked the babysitter to feed him also so I could take some pics too.
 |
| Feed me. |
The logical side of me can say that I am sure there is a lot going on in the background for her. She's super tired and it took awhile for her to feel better. It wasn't until just today she ate somewhat normally and that's been 7 solid days. I gave her the benefit of the doubt the last few days because I just wasn't sure if her tantrums were due to still not feeling well, but it's just continued.
The emotional side of me just feels exhausted and spent....let's face it, it wasn't fun this past week. Not at all. A friend sent me an email link to someone's blog who wrote about being a parent and how it can be amazing, wonderful....and in the next moment can turn you into a woman on the edge of insanity. Or something to that effect. I felt better after reading it because she articulated things in a way that just made so much sense. And I felt normal again.
All I can hope is that things get better w/ more food and better sleep. I haven't even mentioned that my son also decided this past week to go back to waking every 3-4 hours and wanting to get up at the crack of dawn. Good timing, eh?
So I really want to leave on a positive note: we had an impromptu photo session on the couch today.
 |
| Uh Mom...I think she's got my ear! |
Tuesday, March 3, 2015
Missed February and Changes
I just had to reread my last few blog entries to figure out where I left off. I can't believe I missed the entire month of February blogging. I am not sure I've ever done that in the several years I've had this blog. I kept telling myself I needed to write but just didn't make the time to do it. Many reasons for this, no excuses. I've missed writing.
The main reason I've not written is there are a lot of changes coming to our family.
I GOT A NEW JOB! And we are moving back to my old city!!! I did the face to face interview in Jan, I think, and really wasn't sure how it would turn out. I was confident in my abilities/experience, however since I live in another state I was worried that local candidates would be more attractive since relocation not an issue. But, lo and behold I got it! I actually didn't interview w/ any other company because I told myself that if this didn't work out, then I would stay put. I even thought about changing careers again. It's funny about all the thinking I do...I can tell you what I don't want, but not really what I do want. Something I don't think I want now (at least at these ages) is being a stay at home mom full time (w/ no paid help). For some reason I feel guilty typing this because I think shouldn't we all want this if we can do it? My mom was so amazing, so I should be too, right? Well, even w/ help it's pretty stressful and honestly I am much better w/ them overall when I get a break. When it is constant I am obviously more tired, irritable, and let's face it, it's exhausting w/ a 2 year old and a baby. It is juggling their needs all day long and w/ a baby that doesn't nap during the day it's hard to manage getting quality time w/ my two year old. Also, when my baby cries I just get anxious. I worry something's wrong, wonder why I can't calm him sometimes....I haven't learned how to relax and be okay w/ the fact that this is just what babies do.
Getting a job offer sounds great, and it totally is, but that doesn't mean I don't still have hesitation. A lot of worry and fear has come up for me since accepting and I've stewed on all of it a lot. So much so that I worried this wasn't what I should do. I worry about leaving my 'nest' of babysitters here who treat us like family. It's been a long time since I've felt supported like this and it freaks me out thinking about leaving it. I have cried many times already. There is a LOT of stress when moving, starting a new job, and finding new child care--and let's remember I am doing it all by myself. I know how hard it is because I just did it January of last year w/only one child! I went to my old city for a house hunting trip last week and it was disappointing to say the least. The inventory of homes in the area I want is low and the prices are high. So that means I will be moving back to an apartment (w/ two kids) or my old house if my renters don't renew. The issue w/ that is the location of old house and suburb are very far apart and a nanny that would work in one location most likely wouldn't work in the other, so that's been tricky and I haven't figured it out yet. I put an ad on a care website but I haven't responded to anyone yet. Also, an irrational worry was (and sort of is) that the job is what I wanted, in the city I wanted, located close to the suburb I want to live, w the company I wanted, and promo from where I was. A piece of me is thinking, what's the catch?
Something that has contributed to the worry/stress (and maybe the irrational fears) is that shortly after December I was feeling very anxious in general. Different than I have ever experienced. I was worried that something might happen to me and it became intrusive. It's hard to explain to someone who hasn't suffered from anxiety but what I can say is it is real. I followed up w/my doctor and he thought my medication was just not effective--which could have been caused by all the changes after having a baby, etc. and we should change. I was totally on board, but transitioning is not easy. I am feeling better in general, but not sure we are exactly where I need to be yet. It is a trial and error game.
I know this post is sounding negative after such a great announcement that I got a new job......I'm not sure why but it really has been hard for me--I am just trying to work through all of my fears and worry. Something I thought about this morning is I've learned the most when I stare fear straight in the face and do it anyway. Hard as heck, but that's what I need to focus on. I need to hold tight to what is in the best interest of my kids and long term it is to have them in a school system I want and that we plant some roots. I haven't been able to see our long term future here, so it probably is best we go now. Doesn't mean it won't be super hard.
My son just turned 5 months old and is still not napping and night time sleeping is inconsistent. A new change is that he is now sleeping in his crib overnight. Since he was born I had him in the rocker next to my bed and it really was more of a comfort to me, having him so close. But, the doctor pointed out at his 4 month check up that he needs room to stretch out, etc. and of course she was right. So, we moved him over and he seems to be doing just fine. I still worry about his flat head but she keeps telling me not to. He's up to size 3 diapers and has cute chubby--his arms/legs, etc. I love to just squeeze it....it is so mushy and soft.
Major issue w/ babygirl. I just came back from my trip and woke up yesterday to find my girl had a pretty high fever and she said it hurt to pee-pee. Assumed bladder infection so took her right away to the Dr. and sure enough her fever was at 104 and that's what it was. I've been super worried about her because she's continued to spike fever even w/ the meds the Dr. has prescribed. Last couple of nights have been super tough because she hasn't slept well and neither has baby boy. Not sure I got a total of a few hours last night, actually....so thankfully the babysitter today watched them both so I could rest several hours.
So far tonight she didn't go to sleep until 745pm, and woke up at 8:30, 9, 9:30 and 10. I've gone in and she's been sweating so I am hopeful the fever is breaking, but I know it is uncomfortable for her. I'm just going to hope she is feeling better tomorrow morning. Her diaper was dry too, even though she's been drinking a lot so worried about dehydration, kidney issues.
The theme has been worry all the way around. I know things will be okay, it will get better, etc etc but it's been tough, I have to be honest. There are a lot of positive things to look forward to and that's what I plan to focus on these next several weeks.
The main reason I've not written is there are a lot of changes coming to our family.
I GOT A NEW JOB! And we are moving back to my old city!!! I did the face to face interview in Jan, I think, and really wasn't sure how it would turn out. I was confident in my abilities/experience, however since I live in another state I was worried that local candidates would be more attractive since relocation not an issue. But, lo and behold I got it! I actually didn't interview w/ any other company because I told myself that if this didn't work out, then I would stay put. I even thought about changing careers again. It's funny about all the thinking I do...I can tell you what I don't want, but not really what I do want. Something I don't think I want now (at least at these ages) is being a stay at home mom full time (w/ no paid help). For some reason I feel guilty typing this because I think shouldn't we all want this if we can do it? My mom was so amazing, so I should be too, right? Well, even w/ help it's pretty stressful and honestly I am much better w/ them overall when I get a break. When it is constant I am obviously more tired, irritable, and let's face it, it's exhausting w/ a 2 year old and a baby. It is juggling their needs all day long and w/ a baby that doesn't nap during the day it's hard to manage getting quality time w/ my two year old. Also, when my baby cries I just get anxious. I worry something's wrong, wonder why I can't calm him sometimes....I haven't learned how to relax and be okay w/ the fact that this is just what babies do.
Getting a job offer sounds great, and it totally is, but that doesn't mean I don't still have hesitation. A lot of worry and fear has come up for me since accepting and I've stewed on all of it a lot. So much so that I worried this wasn't what I should do. I worry about leaving my 'nest' of babysitters here who treat us like family. It's been a long time since I've felt supported like this and it freaks me out thinking about leaving it. I have cried many times already. There is a LOT of stress when moving, starting a new job, and finding new child care--and let's remember I am doing it all by myself. I know how hard it is because I just did it January of last year w/only one child! I went to my old city for a house hunting trip last week and it was disappointing to say the least. The inventory of homes in the area I want is low and the prices are high. So that means I will be moving back to an apartment (w/ two kids) or my old house if my renters don't renew. The issue w/ that is the location of old house and suburb are very far apart and a nanny that would work in one location most likely wouldn't work in the other, so that's been tricky and I haven't figured it out yet. I put an ad on a care website but I haven't responded to anyone yet. Also, an irrational worry was (and sort of is) that the job is what I wanted, in the city I wanted, located close to the suburb I want to live, w the company I wanted, and promo from where I was. A piece of me is thinking, what's the catch?
Something that has contributed to the worry/stress (and maybe the irrational fears) is that shortly after December I was feeling very anxious in general. Different than I have ever experienced. I was worried that something might happen to me and it became intrusive. It's hard to explain to someone who hasn't suffered from anxiety but what I can say is it is real. I followed up w/my doctor and he thought my medication was just not effective--which could have been caused by all the changes after having a baby, etc. and we should change. I was totally on board, but transitioning is not easy. I am feeling better in general, but not sure we are exactly where I need to be yet. It is a trial and error game.
I know this post is sounding negative after such a great announcement that I got a new job......I'm not sure why but it really has been hard for me--I am just trying to work through all of my fears and worry. Something I thought about this morning is I've learned the most when I stare fear straight in the face and do it anyway. Hard as heck, but that's what I need to focus on. I need to hold tight to what is in the best interest of my kids and long term it is to have them in a school system I want and that we plant some roots. I haven't been able to see our long term future here, so it probably is best we go now. Doesn't mean it won't be super hard.
My son just turned 5 months old and is still not napping and night time sleeping is inconsistent. A new change is that he is now sleeping in his crib overnight. Since he was born I had him in the rocker next to my bed and it really was more of a comfort to me, having him so close. But, the doctor pointed out at his 4 month check up that he needs room to stretch out, etc. and of course she was right. So, we moved him over and he seems to be doing just fine. I still worry about his flat head but she keeps telling me not to. He's up to size 3 diapers and has cute chubby--his arms/legs, etc. I love to just squeeze it....it is so mushy and soft.
Major issue w/ babygirl. I just came back from my trip and woke up yesterday to find my girl had a pretty high fever and she said it hurt to pee-pee. Assumed bladder infection so took her right away to the Dr. and sure enough her fever was at 104 and that's what it was. I've been super worried about her because she's continued to spike fever even w/ the meds the Dr. has prescribed. Last couple of nights have been super tough because she hasn't slept well and neither has baby boy. Not sure I got a total of a few hours last night, actually....so thankfully the babysitter today watched them both so I could rest several hours.
So far tonight she didn't go to sleep until 745pm, and woke up at 8:30, 9, 9:30 and 10. I've gone in and she's been sweating so I am hopeful the fever is breaking, but I know it is uncomfortable for her. I'm just going to hope she is feeling better tomorrow morning. Her diaper was dry too, even though she's been drinking a lot so worried about dehydration, kidney issues.
The theme has been worry all the way around. I know things will be okay, it will get better, etc etc but it's been tough, I have to be honest. There are a lot of positive things to look forward to and that's what I plan to focus on these next several weeks.
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