Comprehension and plate of beans.

Two totally random things, but both occurred this week.

First, comprehension....my baby is starting to anticipate. It is the neatest thing to watch. I first noticed it when we do 'jammy' time.  Every night after the bath we go into her room and I say it's jam-jam time.  Once I put her on the changing table (and after she screams like she does every night because she doesn't like getting dried off), I get out jammies and ask her if she likes them.  She usually smiles so I say ok, cool. The way we put on jammies is the same every night so here's what she started doing.....
I put feet in first so as soon as I get the bottoms ready, she lifts her feet up. Then pull those up and get the shirt....I put over her head and she then lifts her arm for the right arm first, then lifts for left arm. Then, she wears a sleepy sack. So when I have it close to her, she puts her feet up again, then puts her right arm out through the slot, then I normally pull her up, but she pushes herself up now at the right time to get it from underneath her. I lay her back down and she puts her left arm in.
Really boring to read, but we just went through this process and she knows exactly which arm, when to do legs, when to push up, etc....it really is interesting to watch her.

We also started the "I'm gonna get you" game.  She anticipates me coming and tickling her....she starts giggling as soon as I say it. Then I crawl around and lunge and tickle and she laughs so hard. I love that game. Sometimes I blow on her belly and she loves that too.
It's just fun.

The other thing she recently started doing is following multiple commands.  For example, I wanted her to pick up her shoes and bring them to me. So, I said go get shoe, shoe. She walked over picked it up, then I said to bring to mama and she did. I tried it with some other things and it worked. She's picked up socks, shoes, clothes, etc.....this could get helpful!

Not related to above--she is a really tall baby. She is 14 months....close to 15 months and most people guess her to be 2 years old.  She is not.  She has a ton of teeth now...I counted 12--4 top, 4 bottom and molar on all four sides.  I know they are only baby teeth, but they have grown in quite straight. Donor and I both have good teeth, so I am not surprised.  She is going to get her shots soon too. Hey boy.. Last time was rough.

So, the plate of beans.....what that is about--we had a company family event this past weekend and I took baby.  There was a couple there that we know and have been to their house before.
As soon as lunch was ready, I was looking around to see where to sit, etc. and the guy came up and said hey, I'll make a plate for you. I said sure, that would be great.  The reason it made me think so hard is I can't remember the last time I was with baby girl out, and someone took care of us like that. It made me think, wow, this may be what it's like to have 4 hands in a family. I take care of one thing, you manage the other, etc..It was so simple, but for some reason it hit me about how hard it can be to do all this myself. And what a relief it is to have some help sometimes.

Not sure what I do with that knowledge, but I was so appreciate of the kind gesture....it was just a plate of beans, but for some reason it just made me feel good.

I'll have you know that I did some more research on my fears I wrote in last post....I didn't have to internet too far and a bunch of articles/storeis came up...So, I'm not crazy.
--One of the biggest worries for IVF patients is the possibility that the staff could have screwed up and mixed their eggs and sperm with someone else's.--
I feel somewhat validated.

Changes

We are in for a bunch of changes.  I accepted new job. We will be moving. I will be buying a new house. I will most likely sell my current house. AND I will be starting another round of IVF as soon as I can. Oh, and throw in a flight for thanksgiving holidays.

I'm trying to keep it all together, but there is a lot going on and coming up. I have no idea when I will squeeze in a house hunting trip in the middle of stimulating for next cycle. Oh by the way, the Dr. said that if no cycle happens this weekend, on Monday he wants me to start a medication that will start process (that takes another 10 days!) So MORE waiting.

Not sure how I am going to manage it all, including childcare in the interim, when we initially move, and for longer term.  I've not relocated w/ a baby before and there is a lot more to think through. Just focusing on what needs to be done today, tomorrow, etc..and take it slow. I'd really like a few weeks off between jobs to take care of things, so I'm going to try and swing it.

Not much else to update other than weather is great...finally....and baby girl has started her whininess again. Don't know why. I've tried everything I can think of to get her to stop--I ignore her, I say shhhhhh, shhhhhh, I say stop fussing...nothing works.  I did notice tonight that she's got some upper molars coming through, so that could be it. She's also waking up a lot over last several nights.

Something I've been noodling on for quite some time are all of the common things people say when they have babies--and gosh darn it if you don't feel that way, is there something wrong w/ you?

Here are some examples:

I'm glad the baby chose me to be their mom: I don't understand that one. Maybe I'm thinking too literally, like, a thought-process choice and cells don't do that. All I know is I haven't said that.

It's like I've known this baby my whole life: For baby and I, I think we are still getting to know one another and bonding continuously. One of the things I still have a tough time with is I was completely out (general anesthesia) when baby was born. I didn't even hold her until the next day, when I was quite drugged. I didn't see her come out of my belly, didn't get that skin to skin contact.....that initial bonding time, and I think that makes a difference. I think the other thing that plays into our getting to know one another is she's been a very independent baby from the beginning. She preferred to be in her ro.ck.a.nd. play to soothe versus being held. If I tried to cuddle her close, she would push away. I realize all babies are different, but it took a while to learn that not all babies are cuddly, who knew?

I fell so immediately in love with this baby: I think that's different for everyone. Not sure how I feel about this one. I know I love my baby because my heart aches when I am not with her, a massive mother bear comes out in me if I am worried about her for something, and I get all warm and flush when I look at her picture at work. But the immediate part, what does that even mean? I can hardly comprehend it. Maybe that's my problem too, I'm not a super-emotional person. I'm quite logical, and some things just can't be explained.

My baby is so happy and laughs all the time: No they aren't.  Just admit it peeps. I don't know why this one bothers me, but it does. Because it is against human nature to be happy all the time. Your baby has to scream/cry/temper tantrum, spit out food, kick, etc.. Right?

These are just a few that I've thought of. I thought it might help for someone reading this to maybe relate and say, Wow....I thought something was wrong with me. No there isn't. And now you know at least one other person like you!

And now for the thoughts that probably are just plan weird....or just anxiety....or just a result of going through assisted reproduction. Every now and then I wonder: how do I know the hospital or lab didn't mess up? It's super crazy, but without being present and seeing it all. And let's not forget, she looks nothing like me. Now, she does look just like her donor, curly hair and all....but....I think it's just that I didn't conceive naturally: eggs taken out, fertilization in a tube or dish, placed in my uterus, baby taken out of me.....all without me controlling any of it, or even seeing most of it. Other humans did it, and other humans mess up sometimes.
Okay maybe I'm weird on these thoughts, but if someone else has felt that way, would be good to know.

Why bother

WITH TOYS!.................

The other day I finally got out some new to us toys a friend gave us.....there were really cool things in there like a walking toy that made sounds, a train that moved by itself, some wooden pieces, etc.

And after about only 5 minutes......................

She chose to play with a flip flop and a garbage bag (no worries she was completely supervised). She decided the garbage bag should be a purse and kept putting the red strap around her arm and dragging it behind her.

She is now 14 month old and starting to walk more and more. Now that we've gotten a break from the 90+ degree temps, we go outside after I come home from work. She walks herself all over the sidewalks/or still crawls when she feels like it. She is super stubborn, though, because I was trying to turn her another direction and she was oh so persistent. If she couldn't walk that way, then why not try crawling that way--over and over..... Then, when it got time to go back in the house she pulled the arched back/arms up/ wiggly/kicky thing and cried her eyes out. Sheesh.  I just bring her in, put her down and let her flop herself down and cry until she calms down. I distract her by asking her if she wants water, and that usually helps.

A LOT has happened on the job front. I went to the other city, interviewed, and it went really well--I am getting a job offer this week! Here's a twist.....I am getting another job offer from another company too!  I am really proud of myself for making this happen in such a short amount of time. I decided it was time and just went after it.  There are pros and cons to both companies.  But, regardless of which one I choose, I will have to move.  One city is 5 hours from here and the other is 3 hours from here.  I have friends in the 5 hour city and don't know anyone at the 3 hour city.  I don't know what the package will look like yet from both, but should have all the details in next few days.  I am finally starting to feel relieved that the job front will work itself out. Yes!
It is feeling overwhelming to think about moving, so I'll just put it out of my mind for now.  Although, one reason I am not too upset over moving is that I should do pretty well when I sell my house and my allergies have been terrible since moving in....won't miss that.

And yes, I am still moving forward w/ IVF. I will have to wait a couple more weeks to start again, and the timing makes me nervous about transfer....he seems to be doing more transfers frozen, which would delay that part past when I think I'll be at my current job. I am going to try and stay at current until end of October, take several weeks off, and maybe start new one Dec 1 if I can negotiate out that far.

Lots going on here, that's for sure.