First Day of Pre-K

It's only 10am and I've already cried like a baby today. My son started his first day of pre-k today. He's been funny about it....I tried to get him excited by talking about it, telling him what he'll be doing, making friends etc. and for some reason, his response is 'It's boring'. No matter when I've asked him, or how I ask him.....he's used the word 'boring'. I have no idea why.


I really was doing well this morning....nanny and my son dropped my girl off at school this am. Her school starts earlier this year i.e. starts at 8am and goes until 3:20. Last year the public school went 8:20-3:40 (which I much prefer due to giving more time in the morning) but now that it's earlier, we have to leave the house no later than 7:35-ish to make sure she gets to class before the bell rings. I told her still no bus this year. Anyway, I did ask if she wanted to go with brother to take him to his first day of school--he is in the same classroom w/ the same teacher she had when she was 3--and she was too worried about being late for school. So, they dropped her off, then came home and we left around 8:30. His school is from 8:30am-11:45am Monday through Thursday. 
When we got there we took pictures in front of the fountain.

His reaction when talking about school.

At least we got a smile!


There is a long hallway before getting to the classrooms and he at first was running his hands along the wall--it's a metal wall that makes a cool sound when running your fingers over it...but as we got closer to the director he hid underneath my shirt. So we kept walking that way and when we got to her, she says, 'well hello my son's name'.....'I can see you under that shirt and we are so happy you are here'....If he could have hid his whole self he would have.  The funny thing is he's spent the last 2 1/2 years running up to her, talking to her, giving hugs etc...I guess this is just his way of saying, 'If I can't see anything, it doesn't exist'!

Then the classroom was right around the corner so we waited our turn to check in. He still kept covering his eyes w/ his arm. I just stood next to him, making sure he knew I was close by. And here's when the waterworks started...I saw another mom walk by all red in the eye, and that just did it. My tears just sprung. Of course I was wiping them away as fast as I could because I certainly didn't want to alarm my son or worry him. We then walked in the classroom and I helped him find his cubby and hang up his backpack. He then ran over to the kitchen area to start playing.

He didn't seem to be too sad or concerned at all.  We had done a meet the teacher day last Thursday so he was able to go in and see the classroom, play with some blocks and some toys, and meet some of the other kids. There will be 12 boys and 3 girls. Oh wow.

Nanny and I stood in the room for a minute and I decided it was best to go while he was playing, so I walked over to him, hugged and kissed him, told him I'd be back soon, and walked out of the room.

Why do these things get me so much? I am crying now reliving it. My heart just starts aching because I worry when he realizes mom isn't there, will he be ok? Will he cry? Will he ask for me?

I did stand at the door just to make sure if he looked up and didn't see me that he would be ok. He had gone to another table to play with different blocks....so as I stood there in the hallway w/ tears just streaming, I decided it was okay to go....so we walked down the long hallway back to the car.  Some of the teachers or helpers were standing in the hallway....they were so sweet when they saw me wiping my tears I heard one say 'awwwwww.....you did good mom, it will be ok'. I waved, but honestly I felt so sad. And kind of empty. It felt so strange to be walking down the corridor w/out a little one with me. When we got to the car and there was no one in the back seat, I just cried some more. I have had a child, and then a second child in tow for 6 years. It's such a huge change to have a silent backseat.

I haven't gotten any calls from the school, so I am really hoping he is doing okay. It's about 10:45 now and we will leave here in about 45 minutes to go pick him up.

I took the day off of work.  Not just for this, but I'm glad I did so I can take him and pick him up. I also think we will go have a special lunch to celebrate.

Guess this is why sometimes people decide to have another baby. Ha. Can't say it didn't cross my mind this morning....however...let's get through this change. I know he will be ok and it probably is harder on me......but that's what all this is about right? getting them ready to grow and learn.

Speaking of that, I think my son has gone through a developmental stage over last several months. His verbal skills have just taken off (saying he's invisible, saying how bugs are so 'interesting') and he is doing more make-believe play, asking lots and lots of questions about 'how do they make....X'. Windows, rocks, babies, etc.. At night when I sit next to him we talk and he's got a lot to say.  AND, he's been not sleeping well since January, but I noticed over the last 3 weeks or so he is finally sleeping through the night again. I'm thinking, hoping, that we are over the hump of whatever that was, because we've both been exhausted.

Interestingly.......we went to the pool on Saturday and Sunday for labor day. My sister came to visit since she wasn't able to come for my girl's birthday, and it was a good visit. Side story but she's finally seeing a doctor that is helping to get to the root of some of her issues and changing her medication. She's been diagnosed w/ a mood disorder (kind of like, duh..) and it's been a big positive change just addressing that, and they are still working through her other things too. She still has issues w/ medicating, not feeling well, getting quiet, etc.. but seemed to be doing better. She sometimes has a hard time w/ my girl because my girl is very stubborn/hard headed, and so is my sister. The thing I have to keep reminding my sister of is.....my girl is 6. She's only 6. Unfortunately my girl's behavior this weekend wasn't the best. She had a few calm downs. I think she's still adjusting to going to school full time.

Anyway, we went to the pool and my son and I were swimming together....he saw a little boy and asked me what he was doing.

Me: 'Playing with his daddy'.

Son: 'Do we have a daddy?'

Me: 'No, we have a mommy, a my girl, and you'

Son: 'I wish we had a daddy'.

Me: 'You do?'

Son: 'Yup'.

Me: 'Well son, all families are different. Some families don't have a mommy, can you believe that?. And some have two daddies, grandma's, etc..'.

And that was the end of that. He just started swimming again and there you go.  The first time he's ever verbally expressed that he noticed a) we don't have a dad and b) that he wanted one.  I feel good about how I handled it, just matter of fact, really. And he didn't seem upset at all.

I know it will come up again, and we'll keep talking about it......If I remember correctly, this was about the age my girl started noticing and verbalizing about a dad...around almost 4. Interesting. I wonder if it's due to a developmental stage they go through?

Okay, and now it's getting close to going to do pick up. I sure do hope he made it ok. I'm sure he did.