Burnout

So my bright idea about buying an investment property helped me get to a pretty major place of burnout this summer. That’s why I haven’t written in 3 months. Well, to be fair, it wasn’t just the house....it also coincided with a reorganization I was supporting at work. The process to go through that effort is massive, so not only was the workload high, but stress was even higher. And that was due to having such short deadlines, political crazy, a boss that sucked, a coworker that couldn’t get his shit together so my colleague and I were not only doing our work, but doing his and fixing his too. My colleague and I worked late at work, went home and put our kids to bed, then got back online for more...and then weekends too. We did this for about 2 months. On top of that trips to the construction house and major decisions to be made. On top of that.....my son’s sleeping was just terrible. He was getting up in the middle of the night, waking multiple times a night, getting up at 4 or 5 something. Kind of just like a newborn. I didn’t even know which way was up half the time.
I cried some. I called in reinforcement from old nanny a few times.
 It. Was. Nuts.
At the end of all that craziness we notified 150 they no longer have a job. It’s a hard thing to be part of that side of corporate America. Seeing people cry, grown men cry...just ooof. And of course our own function is going through a reorg at the same time. Why not, right.

I’ve been in corporate America since coming out of grad school in 2002 and I’ve had a lot of great experiences. I’ve gotten to travel the globe to places like the UK, The Netherlands, Singapore, Doha Qatar, etc. and met some amazing people/friends along the way. I’ve worked for one of the best bosses ever from the UK, but I’ve also had 2 bosses that were beyond terrible (one I work for right now). I’ve also seen and experienced a lot of ugly. It’s not for the faint of heart because gone are the days where people retire from one company (mostly) and it’s a dog eat dog culture. Here one day, gone the next. A really good friend of mine was just told she’s being laid off after 17 years at one place. And she truly loved that company, kind of part of her identity. A change in leadership can decide whether you are awesome, or now suck.
My heart hasn’t been fully invested in my career in awhile. I’ve stayed in it this long because it’s provided a really good lifestyle for me, and now me and my children.
I think everyone from time to time questions what they are doing for their career, their lives, etc. especially when things are tough. I’ve done that a lot lately. Every morning when I see the herd going in the doors to sit at their computers, do the same thing mostly that they did yesterday, and go to important meetings to feel important.....and climb the ladder to where again? As much as people don’t believe it, everyone is replaceable in corporate America.
I know I sound pretty jaded and this sounds depressing. I’m personally not depressed, I just know  there’s much more to my life than spending my time doing that.
SO......I may take a big step and walk away from it. At least working in the ‘big machines’ and slow it down a little. I think other countries do this so much better than America. I’m all for siesta times and smelling the roses.

In the background I’ve been planning with my financial advisor the ability to have options—and I’m at a point where I’m so very proud of myself that I now can decide what I want and be able to afford it ie work part time, work somewhere else, take a break, etc...I’ve really been thinking through where I want to raise my children. It’s been part of my thinking since having them really. Just a few months ago I started thinking about the Midwest again. The schools are pretty great and the value system, people etc are just different than in a major city. I crave community. So I’ve been searching real estate there. However, I’m  not sure I’m ready to pack it all up and go, so I’m exploring things here I.e maybe we move to construction house back in town? That certainly wouldn’t be before the end of this school year, though. Even so, what do I reeeeeaaally want to do?? To answer honestly I’m not sure.

So many other things happened over last few months...for my girl a 6th birthday, first day of first grade, first lost tooth. For my son, I’ve decided...he talks a lot. Like really a lot. He spent his summer talking. And swimming. From the kid that was in speech therapy none the less.

I’ll have to come back with some pictures, but since I’ve thought about posting so many times, now that I’ve finally done it, I can start up again and it won’t feel so overwhelming.

I’ll just end with a saying my son says almost every night to me—and we talk now because I’m sitting in the recliner next to his bed until he falls asleep since he was in the phase of jump out of bed as many times as I can in one night....the camera broke so rather than buy a new camera for a 3 year old a said no way, here I will sit. It does work to keep him in and me more calm...but does take time. It worked out fine this summer because it helped to quiet my mind—and since  I was so exhausted that after lying in there until he fell asleep I’d often wake up realizing I fell asleep too.

‘Mommy I love you whole in my life’ and sometimes I’d get an additional ‘in my heart’...and  if he’s feeling extra loving, ‘you are my best mom’.
Awwwww. ❤️