So, as you know I've had little things here and there that haven't gone smoothly w/ my nanny. It started out okay, but then as time went on I realized that she's hard headed and melts down when I try to have an open conversation w/ her about something I don't like.
Here are some of the issues that have occurred prior to this past Friday:
- Started w/ the bottles. I did not want her to microwave, she kept doing it....even after I told her I didn't want it done that way. We had that blowout where I caught her doing it and she got all flustered, defensive, and mad. I think to this day she still does it because I see the micro with numbers on it (meaning it's just been used) and no one ever has tea or any food around
- The log book. I've asked over and over for her to put everything in the book. She simply just doesn't. Over last two weeks I knew baby had different food because nanny's daughter was with her and daughter says, " Oh, baby had my r.a.me.n noodle w/ shrimp". Would have been good to know. Also, last week I get a text at close to 6pm. I fed her eggs. Great. Thanks. Just in case she's sitting her in hives I'll know why. Honestly! I don't care that she is trying new food, just tell me about!! I really don't think it's that hard.
- She eats my food. I've never told her she couldn't, but over time I've noticed fruit missing, or carmel corn, or ice cream sandwiches....she never asks or says anything about it.
- She never really asked to bring her daughter with her over the summer. She just did. Now, it's not an issue because baby girl needs company, but would have been nice of her to ask.
- She is coming later and later all the time. She is supposed to be here at 7:30am and she gets her at 7:40, 7:45. Rarely on time now. It's not that big of deal except you add that up for one week X 4 per month and it adds up. I am sometimes late, but I am also sometimes early. Sometimes she'll go home like an hour and a half early if I have to take baby to Dr. or something and I don't doc her pay. I can't think in the last month maybe once she was early. I don't mind if it goes both ways because I don't want to be held to exactly 5pm, but it just hasn't happened that way.
- She got that second job where she said she needed to leave at 3, which then was agreed to 2:30, then all of a sudden when push came to shove, she actually needed to leave at 2pm, but didn't tell me until she started leaving at 2pm. Then said she told me that's what we agreed to. Ummm....no, it wasn't.
- She doesn't really do much w/ the baby other than go outside or play toys. All day long. I remember she told me she really likes arts/crafts, etc. and only once have they done something like that.....drew one pic and put it on refrigerator.
- Finally, communicating sensitive things is difficult. She shuts down immediately and gets angry and defensive.
I didn't react.
Just answered with, "Oh, that's nice...sounds like you had a good day". Did not want to make a scene in front of her daughter.
In my mind I was boiling inside thinking, "How dare you take my baby ANYWHERE without asking for permission, how dare you think that it's okay for you to run personal errands WHILE YOU ARE WORKING, HOW DARE YOU THINK THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME WHERE YOU TAKE MY BABY??!!
Here's the thing, the nanny said nothing. Nada. Not a, hey I was going to tell you.....hey, I'm sorry I forgot to tell you....NOTHING. Even after she got busted by her daughter. Because guess what, kids don't lie. Here's the worst part, I just don't think it's the first time she's done it. One day she showed up at my house all dressed up....hair fixed, makeup, dress on. I asked her where she was going? She said oh, nowhere. It didn't sit well so I asked again before I left if she had plans....nope.
Yah right.
I'm not sure I've been that mad in a long time. I've stewed about this all weekend. But I can tell you basically as of Friday, I am so done. Just done w/ her. She's been pushing the line, pushing the line. That was part of my biggest fear come true.....that nanny takes baby somewhere in her car, without permission and something terrible happens to baby......obviously thank goodness nothing happened, but you never know...
So, my first inclination is to find a new nanny, so I started scouring my mom network...I'm on a few boards and a few networks. I sent a few emails and did stumble across a posting where a nanny just got back in country and is looking. I actually met her today. There always seems to be a....she's okay, BUT.......this one has a daughter who is going to start school near my home. However, she is a single mom and will need to drop off and pick her up everyday. Which means my baby has to be lugged out everyday, and the child would need to come here for a few hours everyday. I asked her how it would work if her daughter got sick and she looked at my blankly...obviously she hadn't thought about that. It would mean my baby would be around another sick kid, that's what it means.
Not ideal at all, and honestly I don't think the lady is interested. She said she's maybe looking for part time. Great. It also may be about the money. I emailed the lady she was with for 7 years and she told me they paid her 12/hr. ummm.....12x45x4 = 2,160 a month. No freakin way. AND, they allowed her to take her baby there all day with the other kids. So yah, good set up.
Finding a new nanny might be hard, especially because I can't afford that kind of money.
I thought about center care and I just haven't been impressed by those that I have seen. Unless I find one I could be comfortable at that doesn't thave a one year wait, then it's not an option.
I even thought about an aupair....however, my house just doesn't seem big enough for another adult. I only have one story and I really really need my space. That's how I unwind. I even thought, maybe it's time to bite the bullet and move to the suburbs so I can have more space and more options. But, then it makes my commute about 2 hours each day and that's even less time I can see my baby.
This is very stressful to say the least. I am bent over a barrell until I find a new childcare situation so I am not going to pull the plug w/ my current one. I will ask her tomorrow why she didn't tell me about going to the bank and see what she says. I will also tell her that I'm keeping the carseat with me and for now, I don't want her going anywhere. Maybe later on she can ask for it if needed, and I need to know everywhere she intends to go.
Not much else I can do right now....that I can think of.
I've been in a grouchy mood most of the weekend and my child either felt it, or she was grouchy too because oh man was she stubborn today. I tried to take her final monthly picture and she wasn't having it.....she twisted, turned...and the stupid battery was low anyway so I said to heck w/ it. She is now putting her arms up to shield me from putting on her shirt. It's her least favorite thing to do. I had to fight w/ her on that by holding her arms down so I could get it over her head. Then, she whined and screamed in the car on way home from the grocery store....then she screamed crazy when I tried to wash her body in the tub.
Mama is just tired, stressed, and a little beat down tonight. Am hopeful next week goes a little better. I am on my tenth day of dairy and gluten free per my Dr.'s recommendation. Turns out my adrenals are 'fatigued'--I didn't pass my salivary test (easiest way to describe it). And a multitude of things can be causing that--life stress, dietary allergens (gluten/dairy), infection in stomach, etc...The Dr. not sure what causing so they gangbusters try to treat everything...I am dairy/gluten free, now take vitamin D, omega, B12, and some immune boosting sprays, creams, coconut oil at night, etc...Might sound like nonsense, but I'm somewhat of a believer because my symptom of excessive sweating has decreased a lot. Not perfect yet, but much better.
Anyway, that's enough for now. Thought maybe typing it out would make me feel better....I actually think it just riled me up again.
I've been incredibly lenient with my nanny and like you have let a lot of things go without making as big a deal about it as I would like. That being said, I know she loves my son. She tells him that on a regular basis, and I see them interact. She's also very flexible, and is willing to frequently stay late when I need her to, and come early when needed. Also, when I found out she'd been out with him without telling me, and I told her that was unacceptable, she has been incredibly consistent and good about telling me when she's going somewhere, and asking before she ever does any personal things like stopping by the store (and she'll pick up things for me when she does).
ReplyDeleteI'm telling you all this because I do understand the leniency - but in my case I felt the good outweighs the bad. In your case...not so much.
I found my nanny on ca.re.com. I posted an ad that said this is what I want, and this is how much I'll pay, and got tons of responses. Out of all those, I phone interviewed maybe 7 people, and in person interviewed two. It was hard, but if I have to do it again, I think it will be much easier. I HIGHLY recommend doing that, and finding someone new. Your daughter and you both deserve better!