First, thanks to chas.in.g rain.bo.ws for the comment to my last post. I appreciate your insight because I follow your blog regularly and know that you have a nanny as well. I agree with you and appreciate your comments.
However since I wrote that post......Curveball One impacts nanny situation: I need to get a new job. I have said for a long time that my company was unstable. There has been a lot of uncertainty about our company/department, and last week I got wind that things are looking worse. So much so that I have launched a full on job search. I certainly prefer to stay in the city I am, but I have to be open to moving for the right company/opportunity. That clearly impacts my whole childcare arrangement. I can start to look for a new nanny now, but it really doesn't make sense until I know what where my job search may take us. I don't want to change too many things because I have a lot on my plate. I did talk to her the Monday after that post and she apologized profusely and said it would never happen again. She said she completely forgot to tell me and that she didn't hear her daughter tell me about the visit. She did seem genuine....well, enough for me not to fire her and just let it be for now. If I do stay here, I will be looking for a new nanny because I feel like her attitude is just not the best anymore. Another example: She told me this past Friday at 5pm she wanted to be late on Monday due to taking her daughter to school for first day. Totally get it, but I had already booked 2 meetings that am that were not moveable (well, not at 5pm on Friday). She stormed out of the house and slammed the door on way out. Whatever, but what bothered me the most is baby and I always walk over to the door and baby waves/or slams on the window/ when nanny goes home everyday. Nanny didn't even turn back around. She's also made comments that next year she is going to only work 4 days/week. Hey boy.
Curveball 2:
Regardless of my work situation, my number one priority is to build my family. I thought only a few minutes about interviewing while pregnant, what if I am hospitalized again, what if morning sickness is worse, starting a new job and then needing to go out on maternity leave so early, etc..and then just put it all on the backburner. I still have the IVF insurance and by god I am going to use it. Since I was planning to try in Oct/Nov, I had had my IVF consult on the books for today.
Here is the curveball: trying for baby number 2 is on--right now!!!
I assumed since we didn't do many labs last time I was at Dr. that this would just be a hey, you need to do XYZ lab, THEN we'll talk about protocol, you need to do a month of birth control anyway, etc.. Well, to my surprise, he had ordered whatever fertility labs last time and had all the data he needed.
GREAT NEWS: my numbers look great. I didn't go into too much detail about the numbers w/ him because I would obsess. That's his job. I know something is a 7.9 and he said he has women with 2-3 (totally not like me not to dive for more detail and know exactly what test it was, but I just didn't). He says that due to that, he expects we might get a good number of eggs. He is changing protocol from last time because of two reasons 1) if my numbers were this good, I should have produced more eggs last time (more than the 7) and 2) I had a blood clot last time.
The process is fast forwarded because normally he does 1 month of birthcontrol, but due to the blood clot, we are skipping that part and going right to getting ready for stimulating w/ drugs. What was so great was that after the Dr. visit, because we are fast-forwarding, he wanted me to see the IVF nurse who does the IVF calendar, orders meds, etc. Believe it or not they were able to work me in today right after I saw him. Then on top of that, they actually squeezed me in the schedule for this coming Tuesday for my hysteroscopy where they do a biopsy/scratch to prepare the uterine lining. They do it under light sedation so I will need a ride, but whatever. SO, all I need to do is wait for cycle day 1, which should come in its own in next few days OR, if it doesn't, after the procedure on Tuesday, because bleeding will occur, they call it cycle day one. OMG. It went from me thinking about it and talking to myself about being ready just this morning, etc.. and then WHAM! we are full on in baby-making mode.
I forgot to mention something new this time too is that he is starting to do less fresh transfers in order for women's estrogen levels to normalize, then do a frozen transfer the next month. For me, he said we will monitor my estrogen at retrieval, then decide on fresh or frozen at that time. He thinks he will transfer two. He seemed very confident I would end up with embryos (several), so I am following his lead and being confident too.
What I am excited about is that I feel good about it. It feels right, so I am totally going with it. I am going to try and not overthink, keep any anxiety that creeps up at bay, and jump in head first. I can't say I'm not a little nervous, but what I think is different this time is 1) I've gone through it before and 2) I already have the most wonderful daughter. I'm not freaked out that I will never be a mom. I AM a mom. Upon reflection last time, I realized how much anxiety I had the whole pregnancy.....I kept worrying about me not making it, baby not making it, baby being sick/having diseases, etc..I can now say that that is exactly what anxiety is and what it does to you. It makes you think up all these scenarios and stew in them like they could be reality. I didn't realize how intense it was for me until looking back when I don't have it now and can actually name it.
I'm just in a different place right now.
Curveball 3: I may soon have a walker. She took her first step this past Saturday. I was laying on the kitchen floor...don't ask....she crawled over to me, stood up, I let go, and she took one step towards me, unassisted. I clapped so wildly for her. So proud.
That's it for now. I am going to review my paperwork for all of the meds/the calendar, etc. and just become familiar again with it. I could be pregnant within the next 4-6 weeks. Whoooooo boy.
No comments:
Post a Comment