Things are happening in my body. My breasts are still so tender it actually hurts to change my clothes. I have been having some regular cramping starting yesterday. It sometimes is a very strong twinge, then it subsides....then I'll have another one on the other side--so the feelings are not always in the same spots. It doesn't feel like it is in my ovaries, though. Definitely lower. I was driving w/ my sister today when I had a much stronger 'twinge' than I have had before that lasted about 5 seconds. Of course I am wondering, is that implantation occurring? The timing lines up w/ what's listed in last post. But, it also lines up w/ progesterone and estradiol!! Not trying to be too obsessive, especially knowing the medications can cause all of this. I've done some reading on line for what others describe and I think it is just so individualized, you just can't tell for sure. One thing I can say is the progesterone shots really do hurt--sometime giving them...but what's left behind makes my muscles really sore.
My sister seems to have shaken her mood today which has made our time together much nicer. Sometimes you never know why, just have to roll w/ it.
The only thing that is really bother me right now--and I think about multiple times a day--is my weight. I have eaten w/ almost no filter since Thanksgiving and the scale is proving it. I think part of the problem has been the medications, but a larger part if my food choices and stress eating. When I look back I think I was more stressed about this process than I was aware of--who wouldn't be--and have been feeding the anxiety that way. I think what I will do is if this cycle is not successful is take some time off to get this weight off and then try again. I just can't see starting the process in the shape I am in now.
I'm also scared. Scared it worked. I've read that on a few blogs that women in my shoes have felt this way. For some reason I haven't been excited....more nervous than anything. Thinking about my body, my future, etc.. I've got a lot of thoughts running around in my head. I don't feel super anxious, but I do think it is creating some anxiety and stress....low grade such that it doesn't come into my consciousness....but I should know better because I am stuffing my face.
I think its normal to be scared. I wrote a post about it a while back too. I think what happens is that we are so singlemindedly focussed on the task of getting pregnant that the actualy being pregnant/having baby is pushed to the back, so sometimes when one realizes that there is chance this may work, one gets a bit fearful. I think its normal....dont worry.
ReplyDeleteGlad to hear that your sister got out of her mood.
ReplyDeleteI hear you about the weight! Between both IVF cycles, I've put on 15 pounds which I feel and see every day. I was planning on hitting the gym like a mad woman after my first IVF failed, but I focused instead of doing and taking every supplement under the sun to ensure I didn't fail the second time around. Thought I didn't actively TTC between my first and second IVF, once you are on the TTC path.....you are always trying. During my 2nd IVF, I was really planning to take a break and even quit the supplements because I was both physically and emotionally exhausted from the entire process. I wanted to feel like me again--not just emotionally but physically.
When I first found out my 2nd IVF worked, I was first and foremost relieved. But, 7.5 weeks into, I am still waiting for the over the moon happiness. Worries that I never really focused on seemed to come out o the wood work. Instead of worrying about if I could get pregnant, I now worry about will I stay pregnant, will I really have twins, will I hear the heartbeats at the next ultrasound, how will I afford this, who will watch my kid(s) if I have to out of town at work, will my conservative mother say something hurtful when I finally tell her I'm pregnant....etc. Some of the worries, I like to think, is part of becoming a mother.
What you are feeling is perfectly normal!
Both of your posts have made my evening....thank you so much. I was starting to wonder what was wrong w/ me because I wasn't over the moon about this right now. Fear, worry, anxiety seems to be all part of this journey. Sometimes I forget that and am pretty hard on myself.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the reminder!
I felt the same way when I first looked at my pregnancy test. I don't remember when it turned to excitement but it did eventually. Hang in there. So many major things are going on with your body so its only natural to react.
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