Benched.

The universe has benched me.  Sure enough when I went to get my ultrasound this morning they found 4 cysts, 2 on right and 2 on left. The one on the right was pretty big, too.....
ARGH!
That is not at all what I was hoping for. I had just gotten all the medication delivered yesterday, checked it all off, and was totally ready to go. And now....

WAIT 4 weeks...........hurry up. Wait.......................

It stresses me due to the timing. I am in the middle of looking for another job and my insurance will change. I was just so hoping I would have at least my egg retrieval complete with some viable embryos before ending it.  I just don't know if that's going to happen now.
Dang it all already. So frustrating.  I have to accept that I may have a timeline, but my body has another.  I just didn't expect there to be these bumps.....we didn't have any issues last time and it was pretty smooth overall. But, yes I am 2 years older, so that may be playing into it.....or, it's just bad luck that the Dr. changed the protocol to one where my eggs didn't respond to the trigger, causing me to have a failed IVF and now some super cysts.

Today I drove to the city where my interview is and I am sitting in the hotel room now. I had some time after I got here to drive around and get a 'feel'. It seems okay. I've been here a few times before, most recently about 3 years ago.  I can say the interview process is nerve-wracking and overwhelming and a roller coaster all at the same time.  One minute I feel good, like yah, I got this.....then I see the corporate building and get somewhat intimidated.....then I think wait a minute, I've got great experience, I am highly educated, I got this.....then....well, another thought rolls around.
It is stressful to say the least.

Also, mama got really sad leaving baby at nanny's house today.  I went in, brought all her stuff in, got her settled, then when I was heading out my nanny, her daughter, and baby came out and baby was waving.....then they all turned to walk inside.....pang. I didn't cry. But, I don't spend time away from her. I've spent one night away from her in 13 months.  Not saying it isn't good for me/her, but I didn't think it would bother me as much as it did.  Then I turned back and looked at where her car seat normally is.....empty.  This is sounding super dramatic, not intentionally.......I just love the kid, what can a mama say. I checked on her a bit ago, around 7:45pm. She is normally sleeping by 7:00. Um, apparently she was wide awake and not close to sleeping. Hey boy I have no idea what I will be coming home to tomorrow.

Lots on my plate. I have to focus on just staying calm, one day at a time.