Some hope

Well, to make a long story short we got 5 eggs today.  I do not know the quality or won't know the fertilization report until tomorrow. Still anxious about what will happen, but I found myself praying to my potential embryos, "C'mon you guys, you can do this".....

Before the procedure the Dr. said that this (not getting any eggs after all signs point to eggs) has only happened in about 3 cases for him........and he has been in practice for a looong time. He said he doesn't know what happened. He did find HC.G in my system so that means I did get the medicine correctly. He actually only uses the HC.G as a top off, because the lup.ro.n was supposed to be the trigger. I took one Lu.pro.n dose 36 hours before, then 24 hours before, just like I was supposed to. He thought for some reason maybe it wasn't enough for me, or it was just plain ineffective.

Rewind to this morning I got there around 9:30am and was a bit concerned going forward for a few reasons 1) I had to pay another 600 for anesthesia that is not covered under insurance and 2) didn't know the liklihood of finding any viable eggs even if we did go forward.  So, if we went forward and it didn't work, most likely I'd be doing this all over again.  Egg retreival is not comfortable and this would be a second day in a row I would be under anesthesia.

So, since the Dr. was running waaaaay behind today, the nurse suggested I do an ultrasound to see if my follicles were still there.  Yup, they were. So, I finally decided to just try and see.

It took almost 3 hours for them to get me back for my procedure--that's how late he was today. With no food/drink since 8pm the night before, I am sure you can imagine how good I felt. Once I got back, though, everything went quickly, and smoothly.

After I finished I went to one of my favorite restaurants and ordered some sweet potato fries, yum.

Crossing my fingers we have something to work with tomorrow.  When I was recovering the nurse said I would need to reach out on cycle day 1 since we will do a frozen transfer. I'll have to talk to nurse tomorrow because I can no way predict and want to know when we 'call it if nothing happens.

I didn't do frozen last time, so this is new for me.  I know that they did fresh due to the limited embryos/how they looked, so just don't know what this means now......

There's a piece of me that is disappointed in this outcome. I was hoping for more eggs...for a lot of reasons. In case a first transfer doesn't work, in case I have trouble carrying, whatever the reason.  When I go to a new company, my insurance will change. I was just hoping to have everything squared away before any new insurance. What would be upsetting is if we do the transfer and it doesn't work, I no longer have insurance, then we have to start all over again.
That's where some of my anxiety is sitting right now.

I will say that while I was waiting around today I thought about ok, what would life be like if I couldn't make more eggs, if I wasn't blessed with another baby.  I truly felt a pang.....which I believe to be the maternal instinct that adding to our family is such the right thing for us. I just know it. And I think I have to put time and cost aside and keep going for it. I've said before that I'd rather be unemployed and follow my dream, than give up on something because of money.

Saying that is much easier than letting myself just calm down and 'go with it.  This is a rollercoaster to say the least, and the drugs I've taken over last two weeks don't help. My abdomen is super puffy and sore, my ovaries still ache, and there is a lot of pressure in my belly/lower stomach.

Gonna get a snack and just watch some tube. I am at home tomorrow so can keep recovering. Here's hoping for some good news tomorrow.