OY

So last week was just plain rough.  Egg retrieval Monday and Tuesday....and for the last week it has been quite painful. This did not happen last time around what so ever, so I was a little blind-sided. Last time the second day wasn't great, but I recovered quite quickly. This time not even close.  I actually went back to the Dr. last Friday because I had such pain/pressure in my abdomen.  The Dr. did an ultrasound and he said there was some swelling, but no hyper stimulation, thank goodness. I felt like I had an inflated balloon in my abdomen, with the upper area having a lot pain, worse in the evening. I spent a lot of time on the internet checking to see if my symptoms were common and it seems many people experience this after egg retrieval.  Perhaps it was worse this time because they went in twice.  I actually took prescription pain medicine most of last week, which I try to avoid because while it helps in the moment, when I stop taking it I usually get an emotional dip before I start feeling better--and that did happen.
The good news it seems to be a bit better today, but man.....it's been over 7 days. Because it was so long I started searching my symptoms letting my mind run crazy worrying something serious was wrong.

I am also in the middle of a job search and am spending a lot of time and energy on this. I have a face to face interview this coming Monday in another city, so had to shop for a suit and secure arrangements with nanny for sunday night baby will stay w/ her until Monday night. I think baby being with her overnight will be fine. She's done it once before.

Lots of stress and drama at my current job. I don't want to even get into it and work myself up, but let's just say finding a new company is really the best thing for me.  I'm just anxious about all the timing working out. Very anxious.

Something else that's been bothering me is that I have a friend who seems to be not quite supportive of me going forward w another baby. They've made some comments and i just have to put them out of my mind and seek support from those who understand......and keep reading my bloggy land where many of 'us' are looking to expand our families. I always feel better when I read my regular blogs and see that others are doing it too and making it work...just fine.

I have also started to really decline in my progress with sweating, feeling better, etc.. With us going forward w/ IVF, the Dr. had asked me to stop all of the supplements I was on. I did that, but was still eating gluten/dairy free. Then slowly I've been adding back in both. However, just over the last few days I realized how crappy I feel......my energy level is low, I sweat just thinking, my sleep is horrid (waking up so many times a night).  Just overall blah and back to how it was before.
The positive side of this is I know there is a regime that can help.....not sure if it was the supplements, the diet, or combination of both.....but I'd really like to find some way to help this again. Maybe I'll call that Dr. and see what she might recommend while I'm going through IVF. Again.
I'm just glad that I was seeing improvement, because it really opened my eyes to how bad I really was feeling....and just functioning like that like it was my norm. Well, I guess it has been since before my mom passed.....which by the way we just crossed the 5 year anniversary. Miss her and think about her everyday. I've had a lot of pangs about missing the support she gave....just having that unconditional love. I remember going home it always just filled up my soul......like someone was there to worry about me, take care of me.....just mother me.  Okay, that is bringing tears so I will switch topics.

My baby......she is starting to communicate more and her cognitive ability is really blossoming. She is trying to sound out words and it is the cutest thing. For shoes she says sh-sh-sh.  For up she says puh-puh-puh (like up, without the u).  She still calls me: eee-me-me-me, and sometimes mama.  She says ba-ba-ba-ba for bottle sometimes. I haven't figured out if she is on track w/ her language development, but I'm assuming so. She doesn't really use one word for this...it is multiple sounds...but I suppose can internet that too. I asked her to find her shoe the other day and she went right to it, same with the ball. The one that melted my heart was I said, "Where is mama?" and she patted my chest. I just was trying it with her and had no idea she would be able to communicate that to me. It was just so awwwwwww.
She also holds her hand up when she wants help walking.  Today I played a game to see if she was starting to understand colors.....we practice...a lot.  We have these cup holders that are red, yellow, blue, green. I held up two and asked her which one was blue......and she focused on the blue one.  Then I said which one is yellow, and she looked at the yellow one. Could have been a fluke, but she seemed to comprehend.
She's also starting to super test boundaries.....the biggest one is sitting down in the tub. She stands up several times every night when she takes a bath. When she does I say, "We sit down in the tub". Then she usually sits down. But lately the stinker just stands there and stares at me as if to say, "Now what are you gonna do?". We have a small stare-off, I raise my eyebrow at her and give her the "look", but to no avail. So, I help her sit back down as a last resort.
Turkey.
She has been up in the middle of the night for the last 3 nights...I've given her a bottle and she finishes it, so I assume she is hungry. She is also teething right now--well still---and that doesn't help.
Something else is I really enjoy taking her to any store, really.....like the grocery store. She loves looking at all the things, colors, people, etc. and most every time someone interacts with her. That part is great because I want her to stay used to people.
She is also starting to be more brave walking. She is taking many steps now and is practicing often. However, when she wants to get somewhere fast, she plops down and crawls away.
She still prefers to crawl.
She is 13 months old now.

Something that people always say about kids is: Enjoy it, it goes really fast. For some reason this piece of advice irritated me because I didn't really get it. Yes, kids grow up, they go through stages, etc... it happens. I feel like I try to enjoy her for what she is doing now. But, I might have caught a glimpse of what they mean. Just today when she was starting to walk several steps it just occurred to me that shortly she won't be a crawler anymore--and I had an emotional reaction to it....like wow, she really is growing right before my very eyes....she is tall and is starting to look more toddlerish than babyish. And once you past the baby stage, time and her growth keeps moving forward. She won't be a baby again. I'm sounding more dramatic than how I feel about it. I think it's simply a recognition that sometimes you just look at them and they seem bigger/different, and it catches you by surprise.

I feel like I wrote a novel.....and there are still a few others things that I didn't get to like my Dad hounding me on two weekends by phone to ask me if I got the present they sent for baby's birthday. I just didn't have the energy to deal w/ him so I didn't call back.  That brings up other sets of emotions that I just don't have the capacity for right now.
Also I gained 6 pounds during this last IVF cycle.
I am going through IVF again and after egg retrieval (assuming they get eggs) I may wait several months for the transfer.  My plate is so full right now.

I am hopeful I get a better night's rest.