Thoughts

I feel like maybe I'm losing my mind.  All I can think about is SMC/Babies/Fertility. I search the internet constantly, read blogs like there's no tomorrow, and get this.....even at the park I went to today and walked the whole thing (so proud of myself because I didn't think I could do it) I kept checking out all of the jogging strollers.

My mind at the park: "Oh, there goes a stroller w/ an infant seat...that baby is probably 4 months old at the oldest...too young to be in a really bumpy stroller, right?...I wonder if the baby is cold? Ooooh, I like that red one, and look, it's got storage at the bottom!  Oh my, I bet these guys are identical twins....I wonder if she had IVF to make them? And on and on for the entire walk around the park......

I'm obsessed.

One thing I notice I am doing....oh wait, I must confess...I did another home pregnancy test today. I thought it would be ridiculous to post another picture of the same thing 3 days in a row....but good news, it was the same.  If only that darn blood test would hurry up.
Back to what I am starting to do....I am starting to be super-hyper sensitive to all feelings going on my body. Any little twinge my mind says "Is that the baby un-implanting?" How many are in there, maybe 2, and one is not strong enough? Could it be burrowing deeper?"  I am also sensitive to the fact that even though the stick reads pregnant, I really don't feel any different.  I am thinking I should be thankful right now since some people start getting all kinds of crazy.....but it just makes me worry, like it isn't real and it didn't work.

I'm obsessed.

A friend asked me today if I was super excited and I honestly had to say not yet. I guess my cautious side is keeping me from celebrating. I did get a pang of excitement when I thought about shopping for my own little one.  The other thing I am worried about is weight. The weight I have now, and the weight I will get. One thing I can control is how much I exercise and that is something I commit to doing regularly.

I hope all of this is normal....maybe not the completely obsessive part, that's just part of my personality.