About Me

I am 36 years old (37 now)(38 now)(49 now!), single, and want to become a mother. I had my ideal of marriage, house, baby, happiness. Well, life teaches you that nothing is certain and we all need to forge our own path. This is mine. UPDATE: and baby girl makes family :) And now baby boy makes bigger family!

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Home

Still at home today. 3rd day. My fever was starting to get better yesterday, but today I woke up and just couldn't imagine going in office. Still had headache, still having dizzy spells (think due to weaning off meds), and very fatigued. It's funny how the more you rest, the more tired you feel. But, I know I've needed it because I am still sleeping at night and dreaming...that's the sign for me to know I'm not getting too much sleep.  I've basically been cooped up in my apartment, going out only twice for meds and food.

The thing that I worry about is I feel guilty for not being at work. Even though I am legitimately sick, I worry that maybe someone is keeping 'tabs' and thinking I am out too much. Let's face it, I go to the Dr. all the time...for baby (tried to make most of those appointments in the am before work), in past for my back, my counselor. Just all those appointments for my health stuff. Also, I am not an early bird....I get to work usually by 9:30am. That may be really late to some people. And, when I am less busy, I might leave early.  But, know for sure that if something needs to get done and I have to stay until 7-8pm, I'll do that too, no problem.

I think there is a couple of things going on here 1) I am a 'rise to the occasion' kind of person. The more I have to do, the more efficient I am. I work at the last minute, always have.  Things are kind of less busy right now at work so it's hard for me to get really 'into' it.  2) I am really focused on the whole baby journey. It has kind of eclipsed anything else in my world. I am obsessed about it/by it, and work is coming secondary.

I worry about this because I need to be viewed as doing well. This is a small company and there have been some recent changes in our department i.e. some high level folks let go. I know I am a great professional at what I do, no doubts there.  Maybe I need to just give myself a kick in the ass and/or have a talk w/ my new boss about his expectations. Just somehow make sure I am on course. 
Yah....think I'll work on this next week.

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