I did some research last night on injectables versus IVF. It seems a lot of women struggle w/ the what next? question. When the simple method of oral meds don't work, how aggressive do you get and how quickly do you get there? Some were concerned about cost w/ injectables, which I thankfully don't have to worry because my insurance covers these meds. I also read a few places that women who did the clomid/letrozole with no luck, then did injectables and got pregnant. But, if my sample has low motility, my lining doesn't thicken as much as it should, and I am not getting a lot of follicles....would more IUI's (even w/ injectables) really make a difference?
I am really thinking that if the Dr. thinks we should try injectables, I will do it once. Then, I want to be done w/ IUI and will go to IVF. Yes, it will be way more expensive, but I'm not too concerned. I'm more concerned w/ whether my body can actually get/and stay pregnant. I don't know what my ovarian reserve is, FSH, etc..I know they were checked, but I'll have to ask the Dr. That's why surfing the internet isn't always the best idea. I got concerned when I was reading some of the IVF websites about diminished ovarian reserve, that your egg quality, etc. changes so much the older you get. It just gave me anxiety like I needed to hurry up or I'll never have my own child. I already knew most of what I read, but it was just staring me in the face.
Oh yah, you wouldn't even know I was in a 2ww by the way I'm so focused on the next cycle. But I have almost zero hope this worked. Numbers were bad, I feel nothing....and I'd be fooling myself, or making up symptoms to think I maybe had a chance--rather just face it and move on.
The thing I am trying to figure out is holidays. For Thanksgiving every year we would go to my mom's side--her only sibling brothers' house---and stay at home for Christmas. Since my mom passed away, they have really not had the draw they used to. I would get so excited planning to fly back home, eat some amazing food, and get the best hugs in the world from my mom. Man I loved her w/ all my heart. Clearly things have changed. It's hard going home because my Dad and I don't have a close relationship at all. I have so many mixed emotions when I am around him....sadness, he can be stressful to be around, so much anger at how he was so absent when my mom was sick, how he was emotionally absent growing up. Ironically, I also feel sorry for him. I feel guilty that I don't call him more. He's not in the best of health and that makes me worry about him....despite all of those other feelings I have about him. Very conflicted and emotionally draining. Last time I saw him (Easter this year) the minute he walked in the door I went upstairs and just cried. It was so overwhelming and just sad for me.
The thing is, it's not just my Dad....I have an estranged middle sister w/ 3 kids that we hardly see. And a brother that is just distant. The only one I am really close w/ is my oldest sister, and that relationship has had its many bumps in the road. The only one I had unconditional love and pure joy with was my mom.
I have only gone home once this year. That is unusual for me....
So with all that being said, I haven't booked my Thanksgiving flight--not even thinking about Christmas plans yet. I've been watching prices and yes, they are expensive. Also, the holiday falls right over my next cycle (assuming things same as last month). This baby-making is my priority, so I've thought about not going to Thanksgiving at my mom's brother's. I kinda want to focus on this and any holiday would be secondary.
What I will probably do is after my appointment w/ Dr. on Monday, I'll know what he wants to do and I can plan backwards.
I am not opposed to a last minute flight, so I am going to keep my options open.
Big sigh.......
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