3 days

It was only three days from my last post when things just fell apart in our house. Again.

Sunday night my boy was in his highchair eating his eggs when he started coughing. I thought maybe he got food stuck but then he looked at me kind of strangely and bleh--out comes all his food. I wasn't sure if he had choked or what but he seemed fine shortly thereafter.

The next morning our nanny had just gotten him out of his crib and asked what was in his hair--huh? It looked like flakes. I quickly go in his room to see splotches of vomit. Poor baby had gotten sick during the night.

It made sense though because he had slept 3 hours for his naps sat and sun which was very unusual for him.

My girl went to school while I took half a day vacation so I could meet the rodent guy. Apparently our pest control saw there is or was a raccoon or possum living in our attic. Good news--not recent and I'll just have to fix some entry points they could get in.

However after my girl got home from school she didn't look so good. I was showing her a bunch of craft things I got her and she just walked away toward the bathroom. Next thing I know she starts vomiting. Again and again and again.

My poor poor baby vomited every half an hour for the next TWELVE hours--noon to midnight. Where it took an even worse turn was around 4pm. 

I started feeling queasy and sweaty but said maybe just as a reaction to all the sickness.

6pm Picture this--my daughter is laying on a rug in front of the toilet with her head on a pillow with a blanket. I was starting to get my son ready for bath when all of a sudden I just knew. I started swallowing, sweating...and had to crawl over my child who just vomited to go and vomit myself. I just said sorry baby it's mommys turn to get sick.

All while my son is screaming in the background because he can't be in the toilet room too.

It was nuts. And it didn't stop there. I got sick probably 3 more times and she didn't stop til midnight. I also had the unfortunate experience of having diarrhea as well all night. I didn't know which way to head into the bathroom.

And my son woke up several times--I remember at 1 and 3. At 3 I was so sick and exhausted I just fed him a bottle and prayed that would do the trick.

My girl woke up about every hour until 6 am when she vomited again-- then all I could do was wait for nanny to get here at 7am. My girl on one end of the couch and I was on the other.

My girl got sick a few more times yesterday but I did not. We were both in recovery mode late yesterday and today.

I know my muscles hurt from being sick like that and I can't imagine how my baby's feels considering she got sick over 20 times. Gut-wrenching, violent throwing up. When I had my hand on her back her whole little body just heaved. Oh this poor kid.

I don't even know what to say about this whole episode. I think I'm still recovering.

In terms of asking for help--I did ask the nanny on Monday after I started getting sick if she would consider an overnight. Sent her a text but didn't hear back. Not surprised because her daughter had come home early from school sick as well.

That's about as long as my list is. I just don't have anyone for emergencies like this. The only people I know are neighbors and coworkers. And let's just say our neighborhood isn't super neighborly. I have to think through what to do in the future because frankly I can't always do it all. This was an awful reminder.

I will always say things can be worse.

They can.

But, this.....this was a tough one.

I'm supposed to go out of town on Sunday for a work trip so hopefully I can pull it together.

Just when I was starting to think through my next post hey! Things are looking up we are all getting better.....oy vey.

Broken Purse

I recently read an article that made me feel good about myself. It went something like this......

The lady was talking about how people keep telling her it gets worse as the kids get older--she has a 4 year old and a baby.  She thinks to herself how could it get worse--she's already sleep deprived, no social life, no personal time, barely enough time to take a shower and keep everyone fed and happy.

Why this made me feel better is that that's exactly how I've felt lately. And she has a husband to boot!

I think a more simple way of putting it is I feel burned out. I'm tired. All the time. It's been about almost a year that I've worked full time with 2 small children. You better really want to be a parent if you sign up for this. Thank goodness I do!

I think what's been particularly difficult is that for months we've been battling sickness something or another. Between both kids and myself someone's been sick since Halloween. That's 5 months!!! With 2 ER trips, countless dr visits...I don't even want to think about what it cost let alone all the sleep I've lost.

Speaking of sleep......my son has had such a terrible time with teething for all these months as well. It seems to hurt him SO badly. He's been miserable. So he wakes up regularly because of the pain. Even with the Mot.trin before bed. Just fiercely chewing his hands and wanting his nuni 24/7.

To round out the last debacle of sickness I had a stomach virus last week and my daughter caught another cold, and it was spring break! No school germs. I've never had a bug such that it's been over a week and I'm still having stomach cramping, etc.

All of this to say I feel like I'm a hamster on the wheel but I'm slowly not keeping up. My purse strap has been broken for 2 months. Haven't bought a new one yet and it irritates me everytime I have to hold it. That's my story right now with everything.

My taxes aren't done

My fridge is making awful noise

My car needs serviced

My cat probably needs to go to a vet because he has licked/chewed off his fur in a line on his belly.

And I stopped brushing my teeth at night because I pass out on the sofa and wait for one of the kids to wake me (from anywhere between 11-3am) before I haul myself to my room.

I get so mad too because for some reason I STILL think a few weekends of getting to sleep 3 extra hours when I have a babysitter should make it all better. And of course it doesn't and I get mad that it costs me so much money just to sleep!

I think I really just need a break. I need to not be at work OR parenting. And the only time that happens during the work week is after my babysitter shows up at 7 am and I crawl back in bed until max 8am. However Our nanny does come on Sunday a few hours and I spend that time usually resting as well. So it's not like I don't have any time.

I think I just felt better reading the article because I felt less upset about being so exhausted. I will have a work trip coming the first week in April where I fly to Colorado on the 3rd Sunday and don't come back until that Friday. That may very well be the longest I've been away. 

I know it's been tough but I don't want to leave the impression nothing is going well. My girl is doing SO WELL in school and she really likes it--says it's fun. I just went to the Easter party today and her teacher said she has transitioned very well socially and academically. She's a sponge. The other day out of the blue she said that an asteroid is a rock in the sky. Also, she was playing a doctor and said I need to be healthy and shouldn't eat trans-fat! Where does she get this stuff?

Some other hilarious things:

--we were going through the grocery store parking lot and we went over the bumps and she says "Mommy! Did you run over someone?!"

--they must have a color system at school because when we were playing school she said I wasn't a good listener and i needed to go to yellow. Then she said "If I put you in orange im going to contact your parent"!

For the first time she's naming things. She told me there were twins Jeffrey and Jason. At first they were teeny tiny somethings and then they ended up being her animals. I can't keep up.

We've also got our nighttime Cinderella story down to about 2 minutes.

Ahem

Cinder.ella went outside and put her head down on the bench.

And her fairy godmother showed up and she said bippity-boppity....Baby girl says boo.

She made Cind.erella a carriage and a beautiful dress.

Cind.erella went to the ball, danced with the prince.

And the clock said--we both say dong. Dong.dong.

Cind.erella ran down the stairs and her glass slipper came off. Baby girl says-she should have worn shoes.

And the prince tried it on the first step sister and her foot was toooo?....baby girl says big.

And the prince tried it on the second stepsister and HER foot was too?....baby girl says big.

And he tried it on cinde.rella and it was juuuuust?.....baby girl says right!

So they got married and rode off into the sunset.

The end.

At least my son is still a ham and loving getting us to laugh. And pretty much running! 

I'm still resisting bottles being taken away. I just want them to be my babies. I won't know how to function since I've had bottles in my life for 3 1/2 years!

The hits

Just keep on coming. I haven't written since its been a bit of a &"@! Storm in our house.

Everyone was sick. Infections and coughing and runny noses galore. Then to add to it my baby boy broke his arm!!

On the 25th of feb I had gotten home from work and hear a thud in the toy room then scream. I pick him up off the floor in front of our train table that's only 1 1/2 ft off the ground. He's laying arms out legs back superman style. I instinctively knew something was wrong. But tried to see if a little time--maybe he scared himself--would help. About half hour later I go to get them ready for bath and after taking off his shirt he goes to crawl and fell on his face--couldn't put any pressure on it. Decided then to go to ER at children's hospital close by. Old nanny was in town to visit so she stayed w baby girl. She felt terrible--she found the train table.

There's not much that happens quickly at an ER for things like this so we do triage and wait and wait. Dr finally gets to see us and after manipulating his arm around says he's 99%sure it's not broken. I ask about an X-ray and he says we can do it but if it were his child he wouldn't. Felt a bit strange to not even X-ray but ummmm ok.

Next day he kept holding his wrist and tucking in his arm--basically bending at elbow and holding it to his body. I just felt worried like something could be wrong and so did nanny and old nanny so we all agree to take to pediatrician.

After getting there our peds was pretty fuming. She said why on earth did they not do an X-ray!! She said its uncommon for babies to sprain or strain so if they are compensating most likely it's a fracture. She said she was pretty sure that's what they would find.

We went right back over to the hospital as outpatient to radiology and my son was a champ. Hardly cried even on the X-ray table--except in one position he yelped.

Went back out to the front waiting and w/in 10 minutes the nurse came out and said he had a fracture right below his left shoulder. Clear as day.

I was calm and professional but let them have it that we were at the ER the night before and was told 99% not broken, no X-ray.  Had I not gone to the peds office and followed my gut who knows.

They sent us straight over to ortho and once dr came in he said basically that because of his age and because of where the break was--it's too high to cast, if he were older they would sling, but since he's a baby they would let heal on its own. Babies bones this age heal aggressively and w/in a couple of weeks should be better.

Good news no cast but bad news there's no protection. This kid falls all the time since he's a new walker. He's continued to hold his wrist after almost every fall. They said no follow up needed because it will heal but I'm still going to call them since he still seems to be hurting.

It's amazing though how even though he's a baby how he's compromised--when he falls he immediately puts out his right hand. He walks around w it tucked like it is in a sling.

Although he's cried more from the teething than his arm.

This poor kid. Add to it the terrible ear infection--even dr said that it was bad, respiratory infection...and a first skinned bloody knee yesterday along with a busted lip 30 minutes later.

He's a mess. I feel SO SO bad for him.

I have taken the blankets for a pillow as I've laid next to him and just held him and rubbed his back during the night. He's been waking in the 4 am time frame and oh nelly has that been rough. With my sickness finally clearing up I'm able function a bit better. 

We've been knocked for a loop over here. All of us. Several weeks of yuck and scrapes and bumps and broken arm. I will always say things can be worse. So I've just done what I could to get by. Called in old nanny reinforcement, took a few 1/2 day vacation days just so I could sleep. Actually took a sick day when i couldn't do much but lay there, and tried to cuddle and help my babies as much as I could.

Sick to the fourth

You want to know the highlight of my evening? I didn't get puked all over.

It's been torturous in our house since last Thursday--mainly because that's when I got sick too. The kids have been having runny nose, coughs, low grade warmness for a few weeks now but oh nelly did it kick up a notch this last week.

Last Thursday I started feeling crummy, achy, sinus-y so stayed home from work, urgent care Sunday.And of course this week was the fullest week at work w a few projects due i.e. HAD to be there kind of things.

My girl went to peds office Monday said to try allergy med first but if in few days no good start antibiotic. Tuesday morning she was NO better so we started her then. My son started to really spike fever Tuesday nite so nanny took him Wednesday when I was at work. Raging ear infection.

He started antibiotics Wednesday. He was so pitiful. His eyes were so red, sunken, all he did was moan. Wednesday he took his RX but by night he was still so hot when I took him to bed. He laid down for an hour or so then started crying out. He was due for his Motrin dose but when I took it to him in his room he clamped shut and most of it went down his face. So took him to the kitchen and he was refusing again.

I should have listened to him--cue mom guilt.

I tried to give whatever I could but as soon as we went back to his room and sat down in his rocking chair...vomit--all over both of us. Clearly he was nauseous.

Whisk straight to the tub. I cleaned him up--this was a bad one i.e. Had to take clothes outside to hose off chunks--so gross on top of me being sick already.

We just get cleaned up... I worry about dehydration so try to see if he'll take some water--extra no--second round of vomit here we go.

Get us both cleaned up again and had the smarts to just rock him. I held him for quite some time then tried putting in crib. Cried out some more--can't blame him--but by this time it had to be like 2am. I just got a blanket, laid next to his crib, and there we were.

Thursday, yesterday, was tough--my girl coughing terribly, my son spiking terrible fever still, my antibiotics did nothing at all. Same thing happened all over again last night--took my son to bed--vomit all.. Over... Us... Again! This time I couldn't move us fast enough and we hit carpet, chair, everything.

After we got everything cleaned up again I was rocking him to sleep and what do I hear? My cats stomach lurching and HE threw up too. 

Guess he wanted to join the party.

This morning I said enough--I had already scheduled an appointment for me at 9-- I had the sense Thursday to get on ball and schedule at a primary care that I can hope to establish and its close to house.

But called peds dr this am at 745 and was able to get both of them in at 940. 

Basically both of their sickness not responsive to antibiotics so we changed to a different one. Started this afternoon and tonight they added a cough rx for my girl since she spent the better part of an hour last nite coughing.

I was given a steroid shot (have had a ton of wheezing and coughing) and a new antibiotic as well.

I walked out of the pharmacy with an entire bag of medication.

No vomit tonight.

I suppose it's typical of any mama but when they get sick I go into what I call hyper cortisol-flowing state. In the back of my head I'm worried about everything---hospital, oh no what if fever doesn't go down, what can I do to fix this--now! And it just makes me so so wound tight.

Basically the complete opposite of go with the flow. I should know they will get sick, have high fevers, and it will be ok.

But in the middle of it, it just feels fight or flight for me and I'm a complete mess.

Part of me wonders if it is a bit of a trigger from all those times over the years my mom got sick and I could do nothing but watch. Of course comfort her and take care of her but I probably couldn't describe adequately what days/weeks/months of fighting with every ounce of fight--to no avail.

My kids sick is one of the hardest things for me as a parent. It's when I wish the most for s second set of hands. I'm still building my local community but last weekend current nanny couldn't help, back up babysitter busy, friend who comes every now and then was sick.

So just picked up my sick bootstraps and did the best i could.

I can only hope we are all on the mend. I'm physically and mentally exhausted.

There's a walker in the house!!

At 16 months my son finally decided it was time to walk! It couldn't have been more exciting. Our old nanny was in town and it was February 6 getting close to bath time. The four of us were playing in my room(which has become a second toy room) and literally out of nowhere he just turned away from the bed and started walking. It was funny because he was sort of shuffling sideways but we all just looked at each other and screamed and clapped. I HAD to get it on video so I paused just to go get my phone. Hoping he'd continue to do it, which he did. He even got himself up from the floor and started walking. Just like that.

Now because he crawls freakishly fast he still prefers that way to get around, I would too, but he is practicing more and more. Still quite wobbly. The part I will be so happy about is him not picking up so many germs from crawling on the ground, dr office floors, the sidewalk, basically anywhere you let him.

His personality is starting to shine through and this kid is a ham! He loves to make funny faces when someone is looking at him. He's also doing this lifting one shoulder up to his head and smiling like.. Aww aren't I cute.

Since he's into his nuni now it's hilarious he's mostly quiet with it but if he has something to say he'll take the nuni out, yell, grunt, whatever, and pop it right back in.

He can find his nose now. He's into pointing at everything so we've been practicing eyes....eyes....nose...mouth and he is now starting to point to his own when you ask him where is his nose? He smiles SO proud of himself.

Teething still has him in fits. He has been waking up during the night--like 330, 4, 430, and 5 (last nite) and I find him just chewing away at his hands. 

A moment we had---yesterday we were all sitting in the rocker and he usually faces out so he can see what's going on. But he sat himself up and laid right on my chest w his head snuggled in and his hand underneath his sisters arm. Oh that was peaceful. We just rocked and rocked. The get a 3 and 1 year old to sit still....at the same time. Magic.

Part of it might be due to sickness. 

Again--well continued. My girl has had cough, off/on mild fever, runny nose for ever it seems. My boy too w just crud.

I finally got it this past Thursday and was off work. By yesterday I was feeling so bad that I went to urgent care. Such a debacle--it was highly rated so thought why not try it. I went there around noon and after check in I was still there almost 2 hours later. They did say urgent right?  My babysitter had to leave by 2 so not much other choice but to leave the appointment and drag both kids back. How nice of them to 'keep our place'.

The crazy thing was when I checked in there were only 6 patients ahead of me. 

Turns out I have sinus infection--along w major cough/achy/fever.

It is just plain tough to take care of sick children when you are sick. Of course we got through but I didn't feel bad about watching a gazillion George and Daniel and I didn't cook a thing--ordered them pizza. I haven't had an uninterrupted night of sleep in I can't even remember. Maybe when I was out of town for work travel!

School

My baby started school January 19, 2016.

Today we are on our 9th day of school (3rd week this week). The short story is she's done really well, but it's not been easy.

Before the first day I tried to hype it up by talking about how much FUN and all of the new friends she will meet. The first morning we all planned to go--nanny, me, and brother.

In my angst of worrying about how she would handle the change I forgot to get one of those cutsie signs where you say first day of school, etc so as we were rushing to get out the door I just had to write on a piece of paper--but couldn't find the black marker so used a little green one. SO bummed you can hardly read the paper and she wasn't into helping to take the amazing adorably cute photo I had planned in my mind.

But We were off and she was excited, smiling.

We get to school and because it was Tuesday they went straight to chapel. They suggested we wait until class comes back before bringing her to classroom so it's not too much for her. While we were waiting we walked around her new room finding her cubby, her chair, until the class came back at 9.

Then we went in the hall and she started dancing!

Once the classes started filing back from chapel a LOT of people were around. She started to get a bit timid and held my hand. Once the teacher was back she came to us in the hall and knelt down and said hi/introduced herself. She then took baby's hand and walked her in the classroom. I asked what I should do and she said best to go now--not follow in classroom. I watched baby girl walk into the room and she turned around briefly because she was unsure where to go and teacher showed her the table where they had her chair and play do. She didn't cry but I could tell she was nervous.

That was it.

I stood there for a minute w nanny just trying to catch more glimpses of her and make sure she wasn't crying.

As soon as we started walking away tears were just streaming down my face. I'm such a sap--just reliving this I am wiping fresh tears. My baby.

I ended up taking 1/2 day vacation in the morning so I could be the one to take her AND pick her up.

I was just a mess worrying about her. I was stressed so went through a drive through for breakfast--then my phone rang. It was school. My stomach dropped as I answered thinking--oh no they only call if they can't handle a tantrum or something. But, It was the admissions lady saying she had checked in on her and she was doing great! She was the weather girl! That made me feel loads better.

When we went to go pick her up we walked toward the classroom and the second I walked up to the door and she saw me from inside of the room she starts running towards me, arms outstretched, yelling MAMAaaaaa....I scooped her up in my arms and we both hugged each other SO tight-her arms and legs wrapped around me and I'm hugging and kissing her. It's a moment I won't forget. I'm seriously crying again just thinking about it.

The teacher said she did so well. She did say she missed mama a few times during class but she was able to follow along and do quite well for not having been in a school environment before.

I was just relieved--but thinking it couldn't be this easy. And it wasn't, actually.

I ended up taking her everyday because I wanted to be sure she was ok.

The next two days were actually harder, and her second day was tough. They go to music on Wednesdays and they take them out of the room to a different one and there is a different teacher. AND she doesn't like loud noise. So poor baby sat to the side and cried during the class the teacher told me. She didn't want to participate.

Third day still not wanting to look up.

The third day was toughest because teacher said baby girl can up to her every 10-15 minutes saying she missed her mama. Cue tears. They try and redirect by saying nanny will be back to pick up in a little while.

I talk to her every night about school, what she learned, asked what she liked the most etc.  last week was a little easier and this week so-so. Still almost every morning she says "but I will miss my mama all day" "I will miss you at school". I tell her it's ok to have those feelings, I miss her too during the day, etc. some mornings she has real tears--I know the difference--and I take more time with her to reassure her that it's ok, she will have fun. Yesterday she got nervous because nanny was taking her instead of me and she legitimately was upset. I came out of my room as I was still getting ready for work and scooped her up and walked with them down to the car to buckle her in. Not sure it helped but nanny said she was ok, no tears at drop off.

And get this--the first school event for us tomorrow? Dads and donuts. Really. I've been just waiting for her to ask where her dad is and I'm sort of nervous for it. But for now she hasn't. We don't have any males close enough that can go tomorrow so I'm going!

What came to me this morning if she asks is to just say all families are different and ours has a mama, baby girl, and baby boy--oh and fatboy our cat.

I do think school is a positive thing for her so we will keep going. I did put our name in the hat during registration at the other less expensive preschool right near current one-well still 385/mo for 4 days am/pm all days--and they told me I ended up 45th on the wait list for that class. What?! For real?

I'm thankful I went to current schools open house for the fall on the 24th because I got to meet the 4 year old teachers--there are 3 of them--and learn an important thing. Even though current students get first day of registration, church second, general public third day, the director told me that current families camp out--they've had to put signs up to discourage people doing that. I couldn't imagine why they would do that since there would for sure be spots. She said they do that so they can be first in line for their TEACHER preference. This is just insane to me. I was dumbfounded and realized again I was behind 8 ball because I was just planning to turn in form sometime that next day. Clearly I needed to change course. I thought about getting up early to go stand in line--I guess there is one teacher they all rave about that does 4 year old class 5 day week. But then decided no, I'm not sending her 5 days week, the other teachers seemed fine, and I wouldn't participate in the madness.

Funny enough when we were waiting to drop off Monday morning the list of people who had come early was still sitting there with names and teacher preferences. One guy walked by and pointed to his wife--see honey, that's me, second on the list. All proud of his accomplishment. Wonder what time he got there for that? Ridiculous.

I've been keeping a log of other things she's said--too cute/funny.

Baby girl: you put me in time out when I'm fussy.

Me: yup

Baby girl: I don't like that

Me: well, what should I do with you?

Baby girl: just give me my bottle with milk. That helps calm me down

The other day I asked her what she wanted to be when she grew up. Maybe a teacher? She said no, I want to be a mommy just like you.

Awwww.

She'd make statements and finish with--and that's the truth!

She'll call me from her bedroom--oh yooo hoooo. Mommay....

On a regular basis she says "you're my best in the whole wide world"! I tell her that it warms my heart.

The other day she said just her and I should go on a bike ride. I asked her what we should do with baby boy? She said he can stay with fatboy. Fatboy will play with him.

A for effort!!

My son walked 6 steps last week but is back to crawling. He was on an early morning sleep plan getting up as early as 450-500ish am. these last few weeks. Agh!

He's also picked up a new habit that we thought helped w teething but now he just plain likes it.

The big day is almost here

I'm a mess. My girl is starting preschool tomorrow and here I sit with tears in my eyes. I can't believe how much emotion is coming out of me for school!

I'm wondering if our terrible experience trying daycare when she was 18mo old is clouding the situation now. That experience was nothing short of torturous. She would scream after me and my heart was breaking in pieces. I left sobbing myself several days. I have a lot of worry and anxiety about her being overwhelmed, scared, and sad mommys not there. Here I go again fresh tears in my eyes. 

We did go visit on Friday the 8th and got to see her classroom--kids were off since it was a Friday--and meet her teacher. My girl was in a mood that day and everything wasn't fair and she wanted to go to the playground and couldn't. She wasn't listening or following instructions. Cue the cringing inside hoping the director wasn't judging me.

However, they couldn't have been any nicer and the admission lady was sweet as could be--very warm and positive. It reinforced my decision about going there--even though it's expensive.

I did go to the other preschool just to put our name on the list for fall--so we have an option if this one doesn't work. The other is cheaper but I don't have high hopes of getting schedule we'd like. And sometimes the saying is true you get what you pay for.

For now, we chose m-th it goes 845-1145. That is considered the full curriculum. In the fall I will add a few afternoons so she will go until 230.

I'm having a much harder time than she is, I'm sure. When I talk about school some days she says great! Some days she says she doesn't want to go. 

The teacher sent an email Sunday night and it really was nice-she gave me some tips for tomorrow and sent a selfie pic of her and the assistant to show my girl. She also took a pic of the schedule and sent it. She reassured me that it will be fine and my girl will do great.

Was such a nice, personal note.

I felt better after reading.

So, here goes to the start of our school  days!!