Umm.........Check it out

Folks,
I knew I couldn't go another day and not test again.....today it took a much shorter time to pop up.  It just might be the real thing. Here's what's funny....I really don't feel much different. Is that normal?
How I do feel? I am still having some mild cramping and stuffy nose, and my mood is pretty level. My chest is still sore, but less so.  The places I have been injecting the progesterone hurt and I have lumps back there.

Ummm...........What?!

I got up early today and went to the Dr. to get a progesterone blood check. Then I ran a few more errands and came back to my house for an hour or so until my contractor appointment.  I started googling about when you can do a home pregnancy test after IVF transfer. The information out there is so varied, I honestly couldn't get a good feel, so I said to heck w/ it, I'll just take a test and see what happens.

And

This

Is

What

Happened.......

Ummmm....what? I didn't have time to process much because I had to go to see contractor, then do some additional errands.  But, if I am totally honest in the moment, a part of me was scared for either result, but more scared for the positive. Yikes.  All I said out loud was, "Oh wow".

I hesitated even posting this on the blog because as I am sitting here doing more googling--it may be too early to test, could be a false positive.  After 11am today I am now in my 8th day pa.st 3 d..ay tra..nsfer.  That means it is 13th day since HCG shot. I would think it would be out of my system by now, but don't know for sure.

I am just not celebrating yet.  I need a few more positive HPT's, then a positive blood test next Friday, then doubling for Monday to make the claim that it worked.


For those that know me in real life, please do not share this news. It could just as easily turn out to be false, so I would like to be really really cautious. Thanks for supporting me.

Stuff and 6d.....p.....t

This has been a craptastic few days, for a variety of reasons....and I have been crying on and off so much my eyes are way puffy.

First, my contractor bailed on me today.  We couldn't come to terms w/ labor costs for my whole house remodel.  We have spent hours working on this and down to the last minute he backs out saying it's due to money. My biggest mistake was not getting 2 or 3 other bids going at same time so I am not left in this position. Live and learn.

Second, I have a crappy head cold with a nasty sore throat. Yuck.

Third, I was w/ my sister in the store yesterday. I had crouched down to look at something on the bottom shelf and totally just fell backwards. Since I was crouched, not far to go, but I landed really hard on my hip, which ties to my back. Hurts. On ice now.

Fourth and most importantly, my cat who is only 5 years old is one test shy of being diagnosed w/ congenital kidney disease. We are in testing phase right now. To try and make a long story short, he had been coughing hairballs months ago.  Then the hairball medicine stopped working (or so I thought) so I decided I should take him to the vet last month.  He was on two rounds of antibiotics but neither knocked it out. Next step was to do a blood panel. I took him this week and the Vet called last night and gave me his blood numbers and they were WAY off the charts for kidney function--this was not even related to the coughing problem, and my Dr. said he was surprised because this is extremely unusual for a cat that is only five years old.
What the heck?! I brought him there for coughing and you tell me he has kidney disease and want to put him on IV, etc..  This was only the 3rd time I have taken my cat there....in fact, prior to that my cats had never been to the vet. Call me a bad mom for it, but they are indoor only and had never ever been sick w/ anything before. Anyway, I just didn't trust the results. I really didn't. Their office is so chaotic, I wondered if they mixed up the lab sample....how could he be so sure, etc...? What about doing other tests to rule things out, etc..?

So, I decided for my heart's health I needed to get a second opinion.  I found a different vet today that treats cats only. I called them up and explained the situation, had the other vet fax over their labs to this vet and went today at 2:30pm.  They do most of their testing in house....and I got the same bad news again.  The blood labs tested the same.  His kidney function is way off. She also did a urinalysis that showed his urine was 'lighter' than it should be. They are sending a second urine sample out that she is calling me about tomorrow. They also did a chest x-ray for the coughing and she thinks that is only allergy related bronchitis.
The only thing left to do to is do a kidney ultrasound next Wednesday to determine if the poor kidney function is related to an infection of some sort or congenital kidney disease i.e he was born w/ it.

Who would have ever guessed a routine visit to vet for a cough would turn out that my cat might have kidney disease. Jeepers.  The vet bill today was 425$ bucks, w/ probably another $150 to go for the ultrasound. I had some idea of the cost because I asked before all of the procedures. But, this is a time when peace of mind over-rode and I just said do it.


So, based on items 1-4 above, I have been a bit of a wreck.  I melted down at the Vet's office when I was picking him up today. I was looking in his little face and just felt sooo sad. Everytime I looked at him in the car or heard him cry on the way home I just kept sobbing. Boy that was tough. It also brought up some really strong emotions I felt throughout my mom's illness......just watching someone you love so much just get more sick despite your efforts. It hurts deeper than anything I can describe on this page. 

I know a lot is going on right now and I have every right to be emotional over what has happened, but I haven't cried like this since grieving about my mom....really unpleasant.

And now that I am home I have only eaten a sandwich today and don't have an appetite. Totally switcharoo from where I was last week.  I am also having some mild cramping that feels monthly, but not sure. I have a Dr. appointment tomorrow to check my progesterone level. Would be nice if they said I could stop the shots since they really do hurt.  Also, the twinging in my uterus stopped. There were two distinct spots that I could feel it. Maybe implantation? Who knows.....

Since I don't want to wallow (except about my cat).....I did get on the ball today as soon as I knew I needed a Plan B or C for my house. I googled a bigger contractor in my area and we will meet tomorrow at 1pm. Don't hold lots of hope because since they are a bigger = usually means more $$$$.  The other thing I have cooking is networking through my realtor. We've known each other for several years and I sent her an email to see if she could help me. She knows people in the 'remodel' business and asked a guy who used to do whole house remodels to give me a ring. He called this afternoon and we are going to meet up next week. He would be a mentor of sorts since he only builds new houses now, but he would hook me to his contractors and I would work out the plans, etc.. I am confident in my abilities, just not confident about the how much time it will take for me to do. 

Gotta keep goin'....that's what I gotta do.  I hope I sleep tonight.

4 da.ys pa.st 3 da.y tran.sfer (4d....p....t)

Things are happening in my body. My breasts are still so tender it actually hurts to change my clothes. I have been having some regular cramping starting yesterday. It sometimes is a very strong twinge, then it subsides....then I'll have another one on the other side--so the feelings are not always in the same spots. It doesn't feel like it is in my ovaries, though. Definitely lower.  I was driving w/ my sister  today when I had a much stronger 'twinge' than I have had before that lasted about 5 seconds. Of course I am wondering, is that implantation occurring? The timing lines up w/ what's listed in last post.  But, it also lines up w/ progesterone and estradiol!!  Not trying to be too obsessive, especially knowing the medications can cause all of this.  I've done some reading on line for what others describe and I think it is just so individualized, you just can't tell for sure.  One thing I can say is the progesterone shots really do hurt--sometime giving them...but what's left behind makes my muscles really sore.

My sister seems to have shaken her mood today which has made our time together much nicer.  Sometimes you never know why, just have to roll w/ it.

The only thing that is really bother me right now--and I think about multiple times a day--is my weight. I have eaten w/ almost no filter since Thanksgiving and the scale is proving it. I think part of the problem has been the medications, but a larger part if my food choices and stress eating. When I look back I think I was more stressed about this process than I was aware of--who wouldn't be--and have been feeding the anxiety that way. I think what I will do is if this cycle is not successful is take some time off to get this weight off and then try again.  I just can't see starting the process in the shape I am in now.

I'm also scared. Scared it worked. I've read that on a few blogs that women in my shoes have felt this way. For some reason I haven't been excited....more nervous than anything. Thinking about my body, my future, etc.. I've got a lot of thoughts running around in my head.  I don't feel super anxious, but I do think it is creating some anxiety and stress....low grade such that it doesn't come into my consciousness....but I should know better because I am stuffing my face.

What is happening now? 2 Days Pa.st Tran.sfer (2d...p...t)

I searched online to understand what is happening in my body right now. I found the attached list on NY.U Fer.ti.ilty site. Why I chose this one, who knows....but it was one of the first I found to list out in a succinct way.
I may have morulas developing into blastocysts right now.

3-Day Transfer
Number = How many days after transfer
1--The embryo continues to grow and develop, turning from a 6-8 cell embryo into a morula
2--The cells of the morula continue to divide, developing into a blastocyst
3--The blastocyst begins to hatch out of its shell
4--The blastocyst continues to hatch out of its shell and begins to attach itself to the uterus
5--The blastocyst attaches deeper into the uterine lining, beginning implantation
6--Implantation continues
7--Implantation is complete, cells that will eventually become the placenta and fetus have begun to develop
8--Human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG) starts to enter the blood stream
9/10--Fetal development continues and hCG continues to be secreted
11--Levels of hCG are now high enough to detect a pregnancy 


Physical symptoms....my breast are extremely sore. This started yesterday when I started the vi.vi.velle patches--estradiol. I am still pretty bloated and feel so full. Not helping that I am eating so much w/ the holidays. jeepers.  I woke up today w/ quite a bit of anxiety. This is done. It's also not helping that I sent an email to my known donor several days ago and haven't heard back. It is making me wonder if he changed his mind about this being open. And that makes me nervous and upset. I know it's the holidays, and all....but still. It is clear that I have absolutely no control over any of this w/ the donor. I told my sister I was nervous about this and her response was, "didn't you think about that before?". That is not what I needed to hear and of course I thought of it. These are the things my sister says sometimes that make it difficult for me.  And unfortunately she has been in a real crap-dog mood since she got here. This is the first time she's been this way in a very long time. She was taking care of me on bed-rest, but whenever I asked for something the first word out of her mouth was 'No'. She would end up doing it, but made it harder than it needed to be.  I would ask her to do something and she would say she's in control and would handle it.  That wasn't sitting with me very well.  She apologized last night for being in such a bad mood...which was fine, but this time was about me.  I'm bummed to even type this, but it's one thing I've known for awhile...emotionally I can't depend on her---I'll say at least up until now-I don't want to put finality to it, and at least keep it open. I haven't tried in the past, my mom was always there, and my good friends. 

Bed rest sucks. My hips hurt terribly from laying on them for 2 days. My back is very sore. Also, I take for granted just jumping off couch, running around wherever I want to go. When I couldn't it wasn't pleasant. Bed rest sounds grand until you actually have to do it.

Wow, after reading through it hasn't been very rosy, has it!  I supposed I need to get used to it. Things will be up and down and I gotta roll w/ it.  Assume when I get back to being active and eating better, I'll feel better too.

Transfer

Well kids...it's done.  I have officially completed my transfer.   My friend this morning dropped me off around 8:30am, procedure at 10. At 9:30 I had to start drinking lots of fluid because they want your bladder full. Then I was also instructed to take the valium around 9:30 too.  I didn't think it was doing much at first, until I looked up and I was definitely not all with it. It also made me sleepy. 
Getting there early I had plenty of time to just think, and I was feeling nervous--but not so strong that I felt like running from the office. Wondering how many embryos he wants to transfer, what grade they were, etc..and saying there's no turnin' back now once transfer done.

They called me back and I got to change into this amazing gown and hairnet/booties...

Then I went back to the surgical suite. I laid there for awhile and there was a couple next to me in the other bed.  Not sure what procedure they were doing....believe me, I was listening hard!  Then the Doctor came in and explained what we had to work with.

Of the six that fertilized there two stronger ones at 8cellgradeB (not A due to some fragmentation), 7 cellgradeB (not A due to fragmentation), and a smaller one at 6cellgradeA.  Below is a picture. The Dr. recommended that we transfer all 3 based on their size and grades.  He said the chance of a single 75%, twins 25%, triplets 1%.  Those odds sounded okay to me, so I agreed. But, don't think I wasn't wondering oh boy, could I be that 1%.Yikes.

Upper left the 8B, upper right the 7B, bottom the 6A

The procedure itself was pretty quick. They showed my name on a screen for me to verify. Then the Dr. used an ultrasound guide to see the catheter and place the embryos where he needed. I saw it all on the screen. There was this white dot in my uterus when he was done that he said were the embryos.

Went back to the bed and laid there for another 30 minutes. My other friend picked me up....for a treat I had McDonalds for lunch and a donut for dessert, and we came back to my apartment for bedrest.  I laid on the sofa for several hours. Then before my sister gets here I wanted to at least have her presents wrapped. I didn't get the energy or desire to get a real christmas tree, so I made one. Cheesy, I know (you can totally see the tape on the star), but at least the thought and spirit were there for my sister!  I also bought a spicy cinnamon candle so she wouldn't feel totally jipped. Because I am on bed rest Dr. told me I couldn't pick her up from the airport so she has to take a cab. She should be here in an hour or so.

Well, I am now in a two week wait. I have to go to the Dr.'s office for a progesterone check next week, then blood test on Jan 6th, I think.  Overall my abdomen is still sore and uncomfortable. I am getting pings of pain here and there, but they go away. Still the bloating and fullness. I don't feel like I am pregnant, or any different really...but the Dr. says it takes a few days for them to implant if they are going to.  He seems to be pretty positive, so I'll go w/ that.

Happy Holidays everyone and let's hope a baby or two sticks around!

And the winner is.....

3 Day Transfer.  My nurse called me today and said the embryologist thought is best to transfer at 3 days versus 5. I was a bit disappointed and asked the nurse if I should be, and of course she said no. I guess I just wanted some super-strong embryos to make it to Day 5, thinking my chances would be better...? I don't know if science supports that, but I'll be finding out. She kept saying I was on the cusp, meaning the number of eggs I had to work with was lower. Not terrible, just not like 10+.  I read about 3 and 5 day transfers on people's blogs, and even those that get more than 10 eggs sometimes only end up w/ a few viable after 5 days. I assume their theory is I could end up w/ zero on Day 5, so Day 3 better option.

Transfer tomorrow morning at 10am. They will look at all the embryos, grade them, and take the best looking 2 and possibly a fair 3. I am really nervous about that, so will see what the Dr. has to say.  I gambled on my sister coming tomorrow and lost that bet. She won't be getting in until 5pm. Good news is that while she won't be here for transfer, she will be here to take care of me on bedrest for 2 days.

Nurse also told me I needed a ride for tomorrow. News to me since there is no anesthesia. So, I called on two of my good friends, one to take me and one to pick me up. So happy they are supportive and in my life...especially during the holidays!

I'm excited, not yet nervous. The only thing I am nervous about is I still feel a lot of pressure and pain-ish in my ovaries. I'm worried they are fluid-filled or something that may impact the transfer tomorrow. So when I talked to the nurse she said that we should worry if I have shortness of breath, can't urinate, have a fever. None of the above, thank goodness.

Wish me luck tomorrow and hope that I have at least 2 embryos to transfer, they are good grades, and implant! Oh, and stick around to make a healthy baby!