Acne, Spit up, and more......

The baby, not me.....yes, I was so proud of my baby's soft skin, looking so perfect when she was born. My baby couldn't possibly get baby acne, right?  Well, she's got a small case of it....comes in patches, then goes away, then another set comes on. I am wondering if it's in reaction to anything I am doing, so will have to watch it.

Tummy troubles galore starting from week 3. On Tuesday we hit week 7, so that is about for the last month.  At first she started arching her back, pulling her legs, fussing a lot because she was so uncomfortable, had LOTS of stinky gas....pee-euw!..in addition, she didn't have a poopy diaper for about a week! I called the Dr. 3 times during then to make sure it was ok. Dr. said it was.  In addition, she had been spitting up sooooo much.  It started to become every single time I fed her, and sometimes it came up so strong it would come out her nose, poor thing. With all that, I thought maybe she had reflux.
Took her in to the Dr. and Dr. agreed and gave her 1 RX, didn't work....tried another....didn't work...tried a THIRD and it didn't work.  In the meantime, with the RX's really bombing out, I've been trying different formulas to see if that would help also.

In the last month we have tried going on 5 formulas now....she started on the simi for spitup, then I tried simi for gas and fussiness, then I tried enfa AR which is supposed to help w/ spit up since they put a bit of rice in it, then the Dr. recommended the specialty formula for cow milk sensitivity (not allergy). This stuff seemed to be okay, but man does it smell.....but tummy and spit up issues continued......so just last night I researched online and found a lot of people had success w/ the soy formula. So, got that today and we tried it in 2 bottles now.  It seems to have impacted the spitup as she only spit up once afterwards and was able to burp w/out her formula coming out w/ it!!
Crossing my fingers it helps.......

I also started reading some baby books---the whisperer book, the what to expect first year book.....some good information in the whisperer book. She talks about what type of baby you have, how to comfort/communicate w/ that type...what different cries mean, etc.. The one thing she said that is sticking w/ me is that your baby is an individual and you need to respect her space i.e. tell her everything you are doing. For example, if you are changing her diaper, rather than quickly undress, move her legs around, etc..which  might be alarming and confusing to baby, you simply need to explain what you are doing to her and walk her through it.  It sounds silly, but her philosophies are pretty interesting.....she is also an advocate of a structured routine...I don't want to say schedule, because it can be somewhat flexible....but it talks about eating, then play, then sleep, repeat....it will then get your child to sleep through night.  I actually found this helpful because I was thinking that after feeding she should go right to sleep and was wondering why she wasn't. Seems she was smarter than I and was already following the book.
I also learned that there are things that my baby can do now, even this early...I haven't been doing too much in terms of stimulation. I just assumed since she's so little she should be sleeping all the time. Well, she should, but she can also do way more than I knew....for example, I got a stuffed animal out w/ stripes on it. I showed it to her and she really stared at it intently.....then I moved it and she tracked it w/ her eyes. Then I took her hand and told her how soft it was, etc...It was actually really neat to be interacting w/ her like that. It just hadn't occurred to me....

I can say, though, that it's really easy to put a lot of pressure on yourself about what you are/are not doing....there are so many books and advice out there...what do you follow?  I'm at least reading some recommended books...step one....then trying some of those things out.  Heck, we don't come wired w/ knowing how to do all this stuff!

I've been super focused on her tummy issues that I haven't really done a whole lot else.....oh, my nanny started 2 weeks ago.  So far, everything is going well. She has come in, on time....done some extra things around the house (she asked me to buy a mop. I certainly didn't expect that she would do heavy cleaning). I need to pull together our agreement about what she does when she's here so that we are both on the same page....but right now since it's only 4 hours M, W, TH from 10-2, it's fine for now.  Honestly, what I do mostly when she comes is hibernate in my room and sleep.  It is just so nice to sleep w/out having to have the baby listening ear out. I can completely relax.

I am really really glad I have the nanny right now. It helps to give me some space and breaks. I actually could see her coming even more during next 5 weeks I have left for maternity leave.  The thing I am not sure about is that it is really expensive when I start back full time. I knew it would be, but I reasoned that daycares were about 3-400 cheaper per month, so for the convenience of not having to drag her to a daycare, the germs, etc.. it is so worth it.  That is until a friend of mine recently came over and shared that a daycare she uses quite close to me is less than HALF of what I will be paying the nanny for full time. OH WOW. When you look at it that way, that is a significant difference.
So, I plan to just go and check out the daycare and see what it is like. Get a vibe for it.  I also am thinking about networking to see if another family close by wants to do a nanny share....that may be a good solution i.e. can still have nanny here, but costs go down.....will see.

Wow...lots of things on my mind, I guess...I know this is a bit of a "debrief" post and I haven't really gone into my feelings.  What I will say is that the one thing I am obsessed w/ and think about a lot is that my baby is starting to look more and more like the donor. She has his eyes and nose, I think.  I don't know why this is sticking me so much.....and it's bothering me. Maybe it's the unfamiliarity of her being more like someone I really don't know well......maybe it was the expectation I had that I hoped she looked like me.....not sure. And yes, I do know that she is only 7 weeks old almost and she will for sure keep changing.....but I can't help it for now.

I am thankful for the followers that I have and those that comment. I read every single one.  I am also thankful that I don' t have a lot of followers. I would feel a lot of pressure to keep things interesting, keep lots of posts coming......so for those that read this, thank you. I appreciate your support.

It is now 1:49am and I need to sign off. I had caffeine today....oh boy.

Mommyhood

I am so happy to say the title applies to me.  Sometimes I look at her and think it's still hard to believe that I was already 9 months pregnant, gave birth, and she has been home and she is 5 1/2 weeks old.  It's like yesterday I walked into the living room where she was sleeping and just caught myself realizing I have a baby. It sounds strange to say, because of course I have a baby....but I think maybe it's all still sinking in.

There are also a lot of other things I am realizing....like it's so great to connect w/ other moms about what my baby is doing.  I had a photographer here (my friends gave me this awesome gift as a shower gift), and she recently had a baby too...hers is 5 months old.  We were talking about the reflux (which my baby still has and we still haven't gotten it better just yet) and her baby had it too. She told me all the things she tried, then the medicine routine (same as what I just went through), and told me about the rock and play sleeper that has been so helpful --I went out and bought one today.  For some reason it just felt soooo good to talk w/ her. I just felt such a connection and a relief to talk to someone who "knows".

The realization is that I need to get joined up w/ other moms.....the baby and I are sort of in our little cocoon--don't get me wrong we go out to stores, friends' houses, restaurants, and many people have come over to visit...but it would also be nice to meet up w/ other moms--in whatever way.  It just makes me feel soooo much better about what is happening, her growth, things I can expect, tips/tricks, etc...

Also, the love for this baby keeps growing and growing.  I looked at her the other day and she does this half smile and makes this noise like he-hehe. A bit like a giggle. Even though it is involuntary it is the cutest thing ever.My heart just swelled.

She is still pretty little....but she weighed 7lbs 5oz at last Dr. visit.  That's up a pound and a half.  That's great! But, she is putting on weight in spite of the reflux problem.

It's hard to get much done during the day. I spend a lot of time thinking about things I think I need to do, but crossing maybe one thing off every few days.  And the thing is, most of the "stuff" I think I need to get done is silly stuff like catalog some receipts, enter my cat reward points, call X, Y, Z, order furniture, etc......stuff that really isn't all that important, but for some reason I have this anxiousness about it like it really is...
It's hard for me to disconnect my mind from the tasks I've given myself and just be in the moment.   I have to consciously do it...which I have been successful many times....but it is not natural and takes effort.

I am hopeful others relate to this......I don't know why we do it.....

Other than my mind straying and thinking I need to get a bunch of stuff done....I have spent  alot of time holding my baby and just looking at her.  I love doing that.

1 month

W-O-W.  Tomorrow will be 1 month since having baby girl. I can believe it, and I can't.  Since first week was spent in the hospital, we have actually been home about 3 weeks.  The transition home w/ a new baby has gone really really well. I am not sure what I expected....maybe a screaming baby 24/7, me tearing my hair out, crying because I am so overwhelmed, depression creeping in....I don't know. But, honestly none of those things have happened. 
I am quite surprised at how 'easy' this change has been for me. It feels natural and calm with her, so I am not stressed out.  Where I do get stressed is if we are coming home from somewhere and it is past her feeding time and she is really crying...that has happened only once and it made me a wreck...so I try to avoid at all costs. Maybe it's my mindset, because I often remind myself to "be calm"....and I do believe the baby feeds off of my energy.

I think what's helped is I've done my best to incorporate 2 pieces of advice that almost everyone says....sleep when baby sleeps AND enjoy these newborn times since they go quickly.  Yes, there is a lot of laundry. Yes, I am tired.  BUT, when I hold her and caress her arms or feel her little feet kicking on my leg, it is quite wonderful.  I'll be honest and say that it is challenging when there are times I just want her to go back to sleep because it's the middle of the night, or I need to eat dinner myself......but I keep it in the front of mind always that when I am tired to take a deep breath, relax, and know that sleep will get better.

The hardest part has been when I have had people here, and then they go home.  I quickly get used to having a second pair of hands, then when they go, I get anxious realizing it is just me again. By myself.  I had my good friend here for the birth and she stayed almost two weeks. The amount she did for me is incredible. She took care of all those things I wouldn't have even thought of...and more. I cried buckets when she went home.  Then this past 5 days my sister came to visit. It was also wonderful having her here because a) she loves my baby and it was the first time she met her b) she made me get organized and clear out all boxes left over from the move. She also did a lot of other things, cooked, cleaned, loaded up the car so I could take donations to thrift store (and it was 2 carloads!). She did a lot of the heavy lifting, no pun intended, and it was just so nice to have her here to talk to, relax with, share baby care duties, etc..
She left this morning and I cried a lot again.  There is this sadness/emptiness that washes over me when someone I care about goes home. Certainly more pronounced since having the baby.  Perhaps hormones have something to do w/ it because I continue to sweat a lot too! Right now I have to keep wiping my forehead.

It just makes me think about my proximity to extended family and my future here. I am here for a reason now 1) to become pregnant and have baby girl and 2) my career 3) give myself option of having baby number 2 w/ the company I work for because they have insurance for IVF.  But, I just see myself wanting/ really needing to be closer to family however that turns out.  I continue to look at job sites back home, but realize the type of career I have here wouldn't be the same there--industries are much different.  And that may be ok.  I honestly could see myself moving back, buying a house outright so no mortgage to worry about, working part time (with health insurance) and spending the other times being a mom.  That is what I can envision for myself.

In lieu of family here, I have sought childcare options. I put an ad on one of the websites for nanny care, and I have also tapped into my network. Through the network I've been in touch w/ 2 nanny's and I've interviewed one. She seemed very positive and could be a good fit. I interview the second one on Wednesday this week, then I will decide. I plan to start one part time (about 12 hours a week) until I go back to work, then full time. But, I still haven't made up my mind about whether I go back to work full time right away, do part time, reduced schedule, or take another month of two off.  I actually only have 8 weeks left for maternity leave. I am so thankful I have so much time--12 weeks total--. I'll think about it some more.  My worry is the nanny I choose will not want to do part time for that long and I'll have to find someone else.  Cross that bridge when it gets here, I suppose.

Baby is stirring so time to check on her. I am amazed I got this post written w/ her sleeping through.

Lots of changes, but I'm hanging in there and feeling pretty good.

Good News

Since having baby girl (BG) and coming home, things have really gone in a positive direction.  I don't know if it's luck, per se, but I have been blessed w/ a really good, calm baby.

Update on baby girl (BG): She weighed 5lbs 14 oz when born and 17 inches long.  When I brought her home she weighed 5lbs 8 oz. On Tuesday we went to her second Dr. appointment and she is back up to almost 6 lbs--yay! I actually think I can tell because her cheeks are filling out a bit and so are her arms/legs.  This coming Saturday will be two weeks since we've been home. As for feedings: I really would like to nurse her directly, but because we needed to work on gaining weight, I nurse once/twice a day, and give her a bottle the other times.  She also falls asleep when i nurse her, so perhaps lactation consultant in our future.  I am doing a mixture of formula and breast milk which seems to be working pretty well.  She eats every 2-3 hours and I'm trying to get her to nap in her crib rather than mama's arms!

Birth Story: This will have to come later because there are a lot of details. But, suffice to say it came quick, 5 weeks early, broken water at 1:30am, c-section, recovery, NICU for baby, we both came home together after 5 days in hospital.

Me: HORMONES! the first week was really up and down.  I cried a lot.  I cried when thinking about her. I cried when we were getting ready to go home from hospital. I cried once home-- a lot.  Now that I am past 2 weeks of recovery, it is getting much better. I feel much more centered and calm. 
Here is what is amazing: I have actually lost all the baby weight and weigh 2 lbs less than when I first got pregnant!!!!!  All that in just over two weeks!  I asked the Dr. if that was normal/okay and she said yes and I should keep it going.  I have more to lose for my health, so I will stay on this breast feeding 'diet' as long as I can!  you can really tell in my face.....and the swelling in my body is finally going down. I can see my feet again, with no cankles.
The only recovery snafu is that my incision opened up last Thursday (been about a week of healing now). I woke up to blood all over my pajamas--it looked like I had been stabbed. I initially panicked until I realized what had happened.  I have had to irrigate it and pack it w/ gauze 3 times a day.  Been to Dr. twice and she said it looks really good, and I haven't gotten an infection! YAY!  Also, the right side of my incision is really really hard. I asked the Dr. about that and she said it is keloid (scar tissue). Sometimes your body does that when healing. She said I can massage it and hopefully it will soften over time.  It does pull on my insides so I do hope that it gets better over time.

Things w/ baby have been going really well.  Aside from getting up multiple times a night and feeling quite tired in the mornings, I feel like I have adjusted quite well.  I have tried to think through my feelings about being a mother, developing a bond, the change in my life, etc.... and I just don't have the words yet.  Overall it is good, I have no regrets. None.  I know that I love her to pieces....I kind of feel like the more time we spend together and interact, the more we get bonded.  The most coolest, amazing thing did happen in the hospital....she knows me.  When I first was wheeled into the NICU and up to her incubator I started speaking and she literally opened her eyes and turned her head towards me.  It brings me to tears just typing it out now.  It was just an amazing experience.

What I do worry about is getting a lot of things in order like guardianship/my will, part time nanny care, back up emergency care. I want to be sure all of these things are in place for her.  I have struggled w/ figuring out the best environment for her (and hopefully will never have to worry about it) but will figure it out.

Time management has become the most challenging thing.  I try to cram in everything I can while she is sleeping, and sometimes feel like I still don't get much accomplished.  Honestly if I do 1-2 things a day it is a success.  I made a list of things I need to do and that has helped me focus on ticking things off, rather than mentally spinning them around in my mind constantly worrying I need to get them done.

Overall, things have been going quite well and I just keep learning more and more.
Oh, and the best part about this....I do believe she looks much like me! Can't be happier about that.
Also, I can't fail to mention that I have some of the most amazing friends....because she came early my friends got together and fixed up the nursery, got all the supplies I didn't have, and have come to visit and made sure I have support needed.....so blessed.

She's HERE!!!!

I have been MIA because I moved, then 4 days later I had my baby girl (exactly 5 weeks early)!  I was so surprised when my water spontaneously broke last Monday night at 1:30am, then hospital, then C-section (general anesthesia because of blood thinners didn't have time to get out of my system) on August 7th, recovery through Saturday, got home at 9pm.....been home Sat night/Sun/Mon/Tue....first Dr. appointment for baby today now that she is 7 days old.  She first weight 5lbs 14 oz....down some now at 5lbs 8 oz. We are working on that with the feedings.

So much has happened in such a short amount of time. I can't even begin to capture it now.  What I can say is I love this little baby to pieces. I also can say that hormones have gotten me crying a lot.  I'll write more about that later, but I am taking it one day at a time. Trying to keep it all in perspective.....and recover from surgery too.

I'm not sure about sharing her name or photos on here just yet. I know that is what I enjoy about seeing other SMC blogs....so we'll see.

Whew!

Boy these last few weeks have been extremely busy!  Once my house closed I have been furiously moving the contractors through different work items in the house, then my friends came in town, shower this weekend, moving next week.  A lot going on in a short amount of time.

The shower....just wonderful. I had a great group of folks together, the decorations were just so sweet, and the gifts were very generous. It really made me feel a bit better about baby coming because a lot of things I needed, people brought as gifts.  Everyone there was so supportive, and it was also just relaxed and casual. I don't really play games, so we didn't have any. And it was great.  On the physical front, I was up and around a lot, so my stomach spent a lot of time really hard, and I got cankles. I've not had my feet swell up so bad before....and even w/ laying down over last few days somewhat, they still haven't gone all the way back down.
I am now just about 33 weeks and there is no mistaking there is a baby in there. My upper stomach has really expanded, especially by the end of the day. Around my belly button it had itched a few weeks ago and now I have some small stretch marks there. And along the sides of my lower stomach. Ah well.

My two friends from out of town were able to go to the Dr. w/ me today before their flight and saw the ultrasound for the first time.  They were in awe. AND, we got some good views of her heart, spine/ribs, feet, but just not her full face. We did see a chubby cheek, though!  She weighs 4lbs 13 oz and is basically standing in my uterus. Head up, as she always has been, and feet down, kicking around my lower uterus/bladder. I can certainly feel it, and it often hurts a bit. When I sit for long period and stand up, it really is hard to walk.
This weekend took it out of me for sure. I've been exhausted....but feel good I was able to keep up as much as I have.  Because remember, I am still supposed to be on modified bedrest.

I haven't really focused on the fact that I have about 5-7 weeks left. I have sort of focused on car, house, get house ready, move in house, get baby room ready, then have baby (in that order).  Well, when all is said and done that is coming quite soon.  I am not nervous right now, though, or anxious...which is good.

Lots of other thoughts rolling around, but I haven't written in awhile, so I wanted to at least update that things are moving along as expected and I am hanging in there!

Cars, Houses, and Babies...oh my!

Later update than I wanted....I actually did buy my SUV. And. I. Love. It.  It is so nice to be higher off the road, it smells brandy new w/ the leather....I can sit and just smell it all day.  My obsessiveness is coming over me, though, because I am sooo careful where I park. I don't want anyone to door ding me....and trust me that happens everywhere here. I know in time I'll get over it, but for now, I want to keep it as new as possible.

I close on the house on Tuesday. I have been very busy w/ calling/meeting contractors, window guy, painter, others to get ready. I've decided that the biggest thing I do need to do before remodel/paint is to get the foundation fixed--this is very common to have this problem in older homes in the south if they were built on slab.  I wasn't going to do it, but my realtor was right, yet again, that I don't want to spend money to remodel, and have it ruined when foundation may move. She is so right.  So, before I can get any work done, this is the first thing.  I left foundation people a message on Friday and hope to get a call back, or will call them tomorrow.  This may put my timeline back a little because I'm not sure how quickly I can get them scheduled. I know that the work only takes one day to complete.  If I had planned better, I could have had them lined up already. Ah well.

I do only have a few weeks to get whatever I can get done...done...because my stuff will be moved to the house August 1 that's in storage.  Then Aug 2nd I'll have my apartment stuff delivered (still have to line someone up for that, but that's no biggie).  My sister is going to come down that week to help move in, and hopefully buy a new car for herself. We looked when she was down here before and the deals are much better here (way bigger city) than where she lives. I already warned her I have no idea what shape my new house will be in.....but we'll have to make it work, whatever it looks like.

On tuesday I am 31 weeks.  W-O-W.  I am really happy about this. For some reason I had this huge fear of pre-term delivery all the way along. I realize that even now would not be the best and she still needs to cook, but the passing of that 30 week mark just makes me feel sooo much better for her.  AND, I also realized that if I deliver at 37 weeks that is only 6 weeks from now.  Ummmm....what?! I am nowhere near ready.  All of her stuff is still in boxes and a tub in my living room.  Don't even have diapers yet.

I have my friend baby shower in a few weeks. I'm looking forward to it, because this is w/ a lot of friends I used to work w/. A lot of them have been very supportive and clearly I need it.

Lots going on....it is going to fly by the next several weeks I think.  Good news is I don't have much time to worry---but believe me I still have time to stress some.  But, I have to focus and just do. I have to say I feel physically and emotionally better now than I have in awhile.  My Dr. told me my body has topped out in the amount of extra fluid, etc. and I should be able to maintain.  The key has been just letting my body rest by staying at home, and going in to the office occasionally.....and just parking it on the sofa after I go out for a few hours on the weekend.  Yes, I don't feel very strong or physically fit....but I can breathe better and feel like I can cope. 
That is good.