I am glad that I can report improvements....!
In my overall well being--since going on modified bedrest I have slowly felt a bit better w/ the shortness of breath, fast pulse, headaches, etc.. And I know when I do too much/stay too long at work because the symptoms start coming back. I know that my muscle mass is dwindling away, but that's what after baby is about...building my strength back up. If I can just maintain and keep her where she belongs, that'd be just great w/ me. Since that really big dip after my hospital stay in physical/mental health....my emotions/mind has seen improvement. I feel much more "normal" than the wreck I was.
Baby--I have just crossed 27 weeks and am looking towards 28 weeks next Tuesday! 7 months, 3rd trimester, close to the finish line (but not too close that she doesn't need to stay put!). She weighs 2lbs 4 oz and is still growing right on track. While I was at last ultrasound I got to see her move her hand in front of her face. So cute. She is moving moving moving. Mostly after dinner, and then when I lie down to go to sleep. It's almost like she's trying to get comfortable too.
Place to live: Believe it or not, I put in an offer on a house. We are still in inspection period and have uncovered several things. It is going to depend on how much the seller willing to negotiate when we bring the $$$ amount to them. We have to finalize a deal by Friday--two days--or contract will not go. It has been a bit overwhelming over last few days, but what tipped me over the edge on buying was: house came up on great street, my old neighborhood, 1 block from park, 4 blocks from school, and sort of okay price/shape. The other thing was about money.....no surprise. I was realizing I kept needing to bump my rental budget up because a lot of what I was seeing wasn't big enough, not in really good shape, etc.. It got bumped up so much that it just rivaled going ahead and buying a house for equal payments. Really a no brainer when you consider interest rates so low, etc.. So, why not. Will see.
My sister came for a visit this past weekend and it really was nice. She helped out so much w/ the 'physical' stuff like helping to recycle, do my 3 loads of dishes, clean bathroom, laundry, grocery shop, etc.. We've both come to terms w/ the fact that her strong suit is not the emotional, but the physical. So, that's what she came to do. I also had my last OB appointment w/ her and she got to see the ultrasound for the first time, meet my Dr., etc.. She was amazed--and I never get tired of seeing my baby move around..showing signs of good health. It was really nice having someone here, to go places w/, to talk to...etc.. Really a good visit. She may even come back down if the house goes through to help me move in.
I have not had pressure at work to be there or be at home. They kind of take it as I can do it. It's been great. Not to say I still have guilt because of what I know I could do if I was 100%. But, I am not. I've gotta just deal.
I'm slow to update in my blog these days....no real reason. I've been reading others and really continue to learn/appreciate what others going through too. This is a non-conventional, often tough road. I know for me it's just begun since baby not here yet. But, I heard a quote on TV the other day that is sticking w/ me....
"Life begins when you step outside your comfort zone" unknown author
And boy has it for me!
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Friday, June 1, 2012
No Wieners
I know in some old posts I've said pregnancy is not for wieners. Well, I really do mean it this time. Whew. I have to say this past Wednesday had to have been the worst I felt since the beginning of all this---physically and mentally.
Since coming home from hospital last Friday, I tried to take it easy...relax, but not too much. Well, I think I got too much sleep over last weekend (which is usually the start to a spiral down), and my shortness of breath, indigestion, fast pulse were in overdrive. The Holiday came, then I was still pretty fatigued and not feeling well Tuesday, so stayed home sick from work.
So Wednesday I said okay, get it together, get to work. It seemed from the moment I opened my eyes, took a shower, I was short of breath. I pushed through thinking once I get to work it would be better. I huffed and puffed my way to my desk space. Couldn't seem to breathe well all morning.....and headache was back. Then, I went down in our office building at lunch....and during that walk just wanted to cry. Emotionally I felt so drained and physically I could walk, but it felt like I was 80+ years old and weighed 500 lbs. I was getting light headed as well.
Finally got something to eat and made it back to my work space. I was done. I had left a message for the nurse that morning and she called around 1pm. I told her of my continued issues and she said I should probably come in and have the Dr. re-evaluate me that day.
Headed over to Dr. and when I got there I just said this isn't working...I felt so rotten, and barely able to function. I was worried she was going to hospitalize me again, but at that point I didn't really care. She checked if I was retaining fluid (no), checked fluid around baby(good), checked my weight gain (9 lbs good), checked my blood pressure (122/80). Her response was what we had talked about before. She believes that the additional blood and fluid volume is just really hard on my body and its not coping well. But prior to her saying so she looked very serious, turned to me and said "there's no turning back now". She said the baby is at a point that if I was in distress, they would have to deliver her. And she's not ready. I just simply responded w/ "I know". Scared the bejeezees out of me. My anxiety went to a whole new level worried about my baby and preterm delivery. All the complications, etc. I just could hardly think.
She felt like she wanted to get another set of eyes on me so she did refer me to a pulmonary specialist that I will see on Tuesday. Just to rule out any other problem (other than what she's identified). Oh, and when I asked her about work she said it seemed to her I could barely function...yes, true. So, I asked if I should work from home.....she said she'd write me a letter stating that is was necessary. Her guidance is that I need to keep the least amount of stress on my body and keep my heart rate down. It's bedrest in a way, but I'd like to think of it as modified.
Because saying BEDREST scares the bejeezees out of me too.....My emotional state being what it is, isolation like that is something I can't fathom right now.
As you can see, this week has been very tough. But, I have thought about what I can do during this time.....here's what I've done and will do:
1) went to see counselor twice this week
2) Called my good friend and cried it out.
3) Texted a few friends out of town and asked if they would come stay w/ me in next several weeks....they all said yes
4) Talked to my sister and she is coming in town next weekend for 4 days
5) Upon advice from close friend...I called one of their nurse friends and walked through situation. Wanted to see if doing the right things, missing anything. Nurse friend is totally on board w/ Dr. viewpoint and plan.
6) Made myself a schedule. MUST be up by 9am....work, eat breakfast, work, lunch/shower, work until end of day, go to apt pool and just sit or wade. It makes my body feel good. Go out of apartment from 5:30-around 7pm. Come home, TV, bed at reasonable hour. It is CRITICAL I don't let myself sleep too much and control the things I can control...like getting out of bed.
7) Blogged.
8) Plan in place to talk to boss about whole issues since last week, and come up w/ a workable schedule.
That's all I can think of for now, but thought a pretty good list.
Yesterday and today I worked from home. Had two full days of work, stuck to the schedule....and have felt better. THANK YOU LORD. I am going to continue trying to keep my heart rate down, to keep the shortness of breath/headache at bay.
I still worry that something will happen to me or baby during this time....that nagging thought still there. I suppose reasonable given the scares I've had so far.
Gotta take it day by day. That's all I can do. (Sometimes minute by minute :) )
Since coming home from hospital last Friday, I tried to take it easy...relax, but not too much. Well, I think I got too much sleep over last weekend (which is usually the start to a spiral down), and my shortness of breath, indigestion, fast pulse were in overdrive. The Holiday came, then I was still pretty fatigued and not feeling well Tuesday, so stayed home sick from work.
So Wednesday I said okay, get it together, get to work. It seemed from the moment I opened my eyes, took a shower, I was short of breath. I pushed through thinking once I get to work it would be better. I huffed and puffed my way to my desk space. Couldn't seem to breathe well all morning.....and headache was back. Then, I went down in our office building at lunch....and during that walk just wanted to cry. Emotionally I felt so drained and physically I could walk, but it felt like I was 80+ years old and weighed 500 lbs. I was getting light headed as well.
Finally got something to eat and made it back to my work space. I was done. I had left a message for the nurse that morning and she called around 1pm. I told her of my continued issues and she said I should probably come in and have the Dr. re-evaluate me that day.
Headed over to Dr. and when I got there I just said this isn't working...I felt so rotten, and barely able to function. I was worried she was going to hospitalize me again, but at that point I didn't really care. She checked if I was retaining fluid (no), checked fluid around baby(good), checked my weight gain (9 lbs good), checked my blood pressure (122/80). Her response was what we had talked about before. She believes that the additional blood and fluid volume is just really hard on my body and its not coping well. But prior to her saying so she looked very serious, turned to me and said "there's no turning back now". She said the baby is at a point that if I was in distress, they would have to deliver her. And she's not ready. I just simply responded w/ "I know". Scared the bejeezees out of me. My anxiety went to a whole new level worried about my baby and preterm delivery. All the complications, etc. I just could hardly think.
She felt like she wanted to get another set of eyes on me so she did refer me to a pulmonary specialist that I will see on Tuesday. Just to rule out any other problem (other than what she's identified). Oh, and when I asked her about work she said it seemed to her I could barely function...yes, true. So, I asked if I should work from home.....she said she'd write me a letter stating that is was necessary. Her guidance is that I need to keep the least amount of stress on my body and keep my heart rate down. It's bedrest in a way, but I'd like to think of it as modified.
Because saying BEDREST scares the bejeezees out of me too.....My emotional state being what it is, isolation like that is something I can't fathom right now.
As you can see, this week has been very tough. But, I have thought about what I can do during this time.....here's what I've done and will do:
1) went to see counselor twice this week
2) Called my good friend and cried it out.
3) Texted a few friends out of town and asked if they would come stay w/ me in next several weeks....they all said yes
4) Talked to my sister and she is coming in town next weekend for 4 days
5) Upon advice from close friend...I called one of their nurse friends and walked through situation. Wanted to see if doing the right things, missing anything. Nurse friend is totally on board w/ Dr. viewpoint and plan.
6) Made myself a schedule. MUST be up by 9am....work, eat breakfast, work, lunch/shower, work until end of day, go to apt pool and just sit or wade. It makes my body feel good. Go out of apartment from 5:30-around 7pm. Come home, TV, bed at reasonable hour. It is CRITICAL I don't let myself sleep too much and control the things I can control...like getting out of bed.
7) Blogged.
8) Plan in place to talk to boss about whole issues since last week, and come up w/ a workable schedule.
That's all I can think of for now, but thought a pretty good list.
Yesterday and today I worked from home. Had two full days of work, stuck to the schedule....and have felt better. THANK YOU LORD. I am going to continue trying to keep my heart rate down, to keep the shortness of breath/headache at bay.
I still worry that something will happen to me or baby during this time....that nagging thought still there. I suppose reasonable given the scares I've had so far.
Gotta take it day by day. That's all I can do. (Sometimes minute by minute :) )
Saturday, May 26, 2012
Hospital (again)
Well...had quite the eventful week. Was back in the hospital on Wed to Fri. I know I've mentioned here my shortness of breath, maybe my persistent headache, tingly in my hands/feet upon exertion etc...and I just kept feeling worse. So, I stayed home from work on Tuesday, called the nurse, and finally spoke to her on Wed afternoon. I told her my symptoms and she wanted me to come and see the Dr. that day.
So Wed afternoon headed over there and the Dr. did the ultrasound--baby looks great--but mama not so much. She said I need to be admitted. She was worried about blot clot again given my history, current symptoms, and the testing I need couldn't be done in their offices.
The hospital is adjacent to the Dr.'s office so I just walked myself over there and got admitted. For next few days we did a lot of testing to rule out blood clot. I'll spare you the details of the hospital stay...it was fine. But, I was pretty isolated and it was somewhat lonely. I thought I was going to go home Wed night, but the Dr. decided on more testing. Then thought I'd go home Thurs night....again more testing. I didn't call anyone to come visit, assuming I was heading home both nights. Anyway, was there until late Friday afternoon.
Good news. No new blood clots. So why the symptoms? The Dr. thinks that my body just isn't tolerating the additional volume of fluids as well as it should. My body now has 40% more than before baby, and will gain another 20% before birth. She wants me to rest for next many days. She says my body needs no additional stress on it. I was given several breathing treatments to open up my lungs and it seems to have helped some. Headache still here, but as long as we know not a clot causing it, I can relax and just deal w/ it.
If any of you have been admitted, hospitals are not very restful places. Once I got home yesterday I laid on sofa and fell asleep w/in minutes...then slept all last night. I laid in my bed today until 1:30pm. Rest, yes I can do that. After awhile it is not much fun, but if it will help me feel better and cope w/ the symptoms, I'll do that.
This certainly has been physically tough on me. Emotionally too, I suppose. I thought a lot of my mom during these last several days. Her support that she would have given. I even imagined her walking through the door of my room, sitting next to me, and putting a comforting hand on mind. Stroking my hair back telling me it was going to be okay. In a way that only my mom could do--because I would believe her. Really brought me to tears. It is right now, actually. Of course I was afraid of what they might find, worried it would impact the baby....taking a big sigh of relief when they put the stomach heartbeat monitor on and her heart is beating away. I have to say my baby has been a trooper. She is continuing to show her presence and kicks away at the monitor (doesn't like it much), and certainly didn't like the loud noises of the MRI--she let me know that by doing many punches/kicks/somersaults during the procedure.
I know I am in good hands w/ my Dr. and the hospital I have chosen. It helps, but doesn't erase the roller coaster ride this has been for me. Never could I have predicted how difficult this would be. I keep telling myself that the harder things are to come by, the more you learn and appreciate later on.
Thank God for the people in my life who love me and support me.
So Wed afternoon headed over there and the Dr. did the ultrasound--baby looks great--but mama not so much. She said I need to be admitted. She was worried about blot clot again given my history, current symptoms, and the testing I need couldn't be done in their offices.
The hospital is adjacent to the Dr.'s office so I just walked myself over there and got admitted. For next few days we did a lot of testing to rule out blood clot. I'll spare you the details of the hospital stay...it was fine. But, I was pretty isolated and it was somewhat lonely. I thought I was going to go home Wed night, but the Dr. decided on more testing. Then thought I'd go home Thurs night....again more testing. I didn't call anyone to come visit, assuming I was heading home both nights. Anyway, was there until late Friday afternoon.
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| My View |
If any of you have been admitted, hospitals are not very restful places. Once I got home yesterday I laid on sofa and fell asleep w/in minutes...then slept all last night. I laid in my bed today until 1:30pm. Rest, yes I can do that. After awhile it is not much fun, but if it will help me feel better and cope w/ the symptoms, I'll do that.
This certainly has been physically tough on me. Emotionally too, I suppose. I thought a lot of my mom during these last several days. Her support that she would have given. I even imagined her walking through the door of my room, sitting next to me, and putting a comforting hand on mind. Stroking my hair back telling me it was going to be okay. In a way that only my mom could do--because I would believe her. Really brought me to tears. It is right now, actually. Of course I was afraid of what they might find, worried it would impact the baby....taking a big sigh of relief when they put the stomach heartbeat monitor on and her heart is beating away. I have to say my baby has been a trooper. She is continuing to show her presence and kicks away at the monitor (doesn't like it much), and certainly didn't like the loud noises of the MRI--she let me know that by doing many punches/kicks/somersaults during the procedure.
I know I am in good hands w/ my Dr. and the hospital I have chosen. It helps, but doesn't erase the roller coaster ride this has been for me. Never could I have predicted how difficult this would be. I keep telling myself that the harder things are to come by, the more you learn and appreciate later on.
Thank God for the people in my life who love me and support me.
Sunday, May 20, 2012
What a difference
Last week at this time I was having my most productive day in MONTHS. I went to the gym, went to the grocery store, started my dishes, wiped off surfaces, AND cooked a meal.
And today......I haven't left the apartment. Got up around 11:30am. Then took a nap. So ridiculous. I don't need this much rest. However, I will say my short of breath is starting to get more and more. I shaved my legs and by the time I was done you'd have thought I ran a few miles.
I have made some progress on my "list to do". A coworker and I went to go start my baby registry. It's not quite ready and done, but we made progress. I must say I got totally overwhelmed in the store. The very first aisle we went down, she started asking a few questions.....and I just started tearing up. I just realized how much I don' tknow about taking care of a baby. So many things you need, so many gadgets and stuff. And sticker shock to boot. But, I collected myself, got it together and we finished. There were some things I wanted to research more like carseats. So amazing how they've marketed a product w/ so many choices. To the point you just don't know where to turn. For example, you can have an infant car seat that can carry up to 22lbs, 30lbs, 32lbs, or 35lbs. Of course the 35lb-er seat is much heavier than the 22 lb-er seat. BUT, you can carry the baby longer in it. So, which do you choose? I haven't quite landed that yet. And not only that, once you decide on infant seat, what kind of stroller do you want? Do you want a travel system...or do you want a snap and go that just holds the infant carrier and the child doesn't "grow into it". If you go the snap and go it is MUCH lighter and more convenient than a travel system, BUT, once the child doesn't fit in the infant seat, you are done and need another stroller anyway.
Starting to see what I mean? And for someone who does not like making decisions and gets overwhelmed shopping in general....this is tough.
I really want to say, "back in my day" things weren't fancy and we survived. Do I really need to get caught up in all of this?
On physical front, feeling not bad. Still can't see baby, but she is in there moving around a lot. Mostly at night. The digestion/burping/heartburn, etc. has been terrible. I went w/ a friend of mine to an Italian restaurant yesterday. Bad move. Oh wow, when Tums doesn't help you know it's bad. I was up 6 times last night. Staying away from that. I weighed myself yesterday and still +8. I know I am losing muscle weight, which isn't great...but I am happy I'm not blowing up. I think my metabolism is higher than usual because I still eat regularly. Still have acne, and the shortness of breath is the most troublesome. I get winded climbing my 3 flights of stairs. I sometimes get winded just taking a shower. I think because I can't really get a good, deep breath. I know the bigger she gets the more it will be.
Emotionally doing okay. Again, thankful I've stopped the tabbs. I feel much more even.
Next check up in a few weeks.
And today......I haven't left the apartment. Got up around 11:30am. Then took a nap. So ridiculous. I don't need this much rest. However, I will say my short of breath is starting to get more and more. I shaved my legs and by the time I was done you'd have thought I ran a few miles.
I have made some progress on my "list to do". A coworker and I went to go start my baby registry. It's not quite ready and done, but we made progress. I must say I got totally overwhelmed in the store. The very first aisle we went down, she started asking a few questions.....and I just started tearing up. I just realized how much I don' tknow about taking care of a baby. So many things you need, so many gadgets and stuff. And sticker shock to boot. But, I collected myself, got it together and we finished. There were some things I wanted to research more like carseats. So amazing how they've marketed a product w/ so many choices. To the point you just don't know where to turn. For example, you can have an infant car seat that can carry up to 22lbs, 30lbs, 32lbs, or 35lbs. Of course the 35lb-er seat is much heavier than the 22 lb-er seat. BUT, you can carry the baby longer in it. So, which do you choose? I haven't quite landed that yet. And not only that, once you decide on infant seat, what kind of stroller do you want? Do you want a travel system...or do you want a snap and go that just holds the infant carrier and the child doesn't "grow into it". If you go the snap and go it is MUCH lighter and more convenient than a travel system, BUT, once the child doesn't fit in the infant seat, you are done and need another stroller anyway.
Starting to see what I mean? And for someone who does not like making decisions and gets overwhelmed shopping in general....this is tough.
I really want to say, "back in my day" things weren't fancy and we survived. Do I really need to get caught up in all of this?
On physical front, feeling not bad. Still can't see baby, but she is in there moving around a lot. Mostly at night. The digestion/burping/heartburn, etc. has been terrible. I went w/ a friend of mine to an Italian restaurant yesterday. Bad move. Oh wow, when Tums doesn't help you know it's bad. I was up 6 times last night. Staying away from that. I weighed myself yesterday and still +8. I know I am losing muscle weight, which isn't great...but I am happy I'm not blowing up. I think my metabolism is higher than usual because I still eat regularly. Still have acne, and the shortness of breath is the most troublesome. I get winded climbing my 3 flights of stairs. I sometimes get winded just taking a shower. I think because I can't really get a good, deep breath. I know the bigger she gets the more it will be.
Emotionally doing okay. Again, thankful I've stopped the tabbs. I feel much more even.
Next check up in a few weeks.
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Gone with the Tabs
Well, I think I might have found the problem....I stopped taking the fabb tabs and I have not had a "low-low" since then. I have actually felt pretty good (except up until last two days, but that was more physical). I feel like i should have trusted myself earlier because I thought they were a problem the first time I took them. I could have possibly saved me some tough days....Live and learn.
I am now in my 22nd week....wow. Inching closer to 30, then 38 then baby time! My stomach is definitely harder in my lower stomach--and it is catching up to my upper stomach stick out. But, I notice because it's me. I still think if some friends saw me that hadn' t for awhile, they might just think I got fatter in my midsection--still no noticeable OMG there's something in there. I am starting to be grateful (now that I know baby measured perfectly last check up), because I'd rather be this way than the opposite! I honestly started worrying my baby was too little because I ran into someone who was just two weeks ahead of me--waaay bigger in the belly. But Dr. assured me everyone carries differently.
Still having headache every now and then, digestion issues, fatigue that comes on stronger every now and then, short of breath sometimes, bloating, very thirsty, stretching pains in lower abdomen, acne.....this gig is not a joke. It is physically tough...at least for me it is. Can't say I was prepared for it.
What is wonderful? Feeling her move. It's still not very strong, but I notice it after I eat food, especially something sweet--must be sugar. She punches, turns about...it feels stronger than muscle twitches, but not quite a jab.
The question everyone asks me about is, "Do I have any names picked out?". I have some circling in my mind, but I think I won't announce until I see her and probably keep it quiet until then. My sister was not too happy about that plan. In fact, she told me doing that was stupid. I told her when she has her own kids she can do things how she wants to. I later told her it really bothered me--her reaction. It seemed like the judgemental sister came back for a brief instant. I told her it would have been much better if she put a filter on and said that it hurt her feelings that I didn't share this w/ her. She did agree and said would be more sensitive in the future. Time will tell. She sometimes has problems w/ the filter.
Work is going okay. I did talk to my boss about my flexible schedule--I wanted to open the door in case he had any issues, had gotten complaints, etc.. He has not and basically went the opposite direction and said if I need more flexibility or whatever, he'd be open to that. He really has been extremely supportive. In fact, he has intentionally not put a lot of pressure my way to make sure I feel okay. There is a piece of me that feels guilty, though.....because I know what I am capable of, I know how I've produced in the past. The truth is I have a hard time pushing myself, as I've always been externally motivated by deadlines. And it's even harder now to be motivated because I am so absorbed in this baby growing process.
I just tell myself "do the best I can"....my priority is my health, physical and mental, and the health of the baby. It will have to just work itself out.
Other things I've been thinking about is still finding a place to live, getting registered for baby, get into a class at the hospital, thinking about new car...I have a two door and it will be ridiculous if I don't upgrade to a four door, especially w/ my back problems...just need energy to focus on that.
I'm just wishing for me to continue feeling better and that baby keeps on growing like she should.
I am now in my 22nd week....wow. Inching closer to 30, then 38 then baby time! My stomach is definitely harder in my lower stomach--and it is catching up to my upper stomach stick out. But, I notice because it's me. I still think if some friends saw me that hadn' t for awhile, they might just think I got fatter in my midsection--still no noticeable OMG there's something in there. I am starting to be grateful (now that I know baby measured perfectly last check up), because I'd rather be this way than the opposite! I honestly started worrying my baby was too little because I ran into someone who was just two weeks ahead of me--waaay bigger in the belly. But Dr. assured me everyone carries differently.
Still having headache every now and then, digestion issues, fatigue that comes on stronger every now and then, short of breath sometimes, bloating, very thirsty, stretching pains in lower abdomen, acne.....this gig is not a joke. It is physically tough...at least for me it is. Can't say I was prepared for it.
What is wonderful? Feeling her move. It's still not very strong, but I notice it after I eat food, especially something sweet--must be sugar. She punches, turns about...it feels stronger than muscle twitches, but not quite a jab.
The question everyone asks me about is, "Do I have any names picked out?". I have some circling in my mind, but I think I won't announce until I see her and probably keep it quiet until then. My sister was not too happy about that plan. In fact, she told me doing that was stupid. I told her when she has her own kids she can do things how she wants to. I later told her it really bothered me--her reaction. It seemed like the judgemental sister came back for a brief instant. I told her it would have been much better if she put a filter on and said that it hurt her feelings that I didn't share this w/ her. She did agree and said would be more sensitive in the future. Time will tell. She sometimes has problems w/ the filter.
Work is going okay. I did talk to my boss about my flexible schedule--I wanted to open the door in case he had any issues, had gotten complaints, etc.. He has not and basically went the opposite direction and said if I need more flexibility or whatever, he'd be open to that. He really has been extremely supportive. In fact, he has intentionally not put a lot of pressure my way to make sure I feel okay. There is a piece of me that feels guilty, though.....because I know what I am capable of, I know how I've produced in the past. The truth is I have a hard time pushing myself, as I've always been externally motivated by deadlines. And it's even harder now to be motivated because I am so absorbed in this baby growing process.
I just tell myself "do the best I can"....my priority is my health, physical and mental, and the health of the baby. It will have to just work itself out.
Other things I've been thinking about is still finding a place to live, getting registered for baby, get into a class at the hospital, thinking about new car...I have a two door and it will be ridiculous if I don't upgrade to a four door, especially w/ my back problems...just need energy to focus on that.
I'm just wishing for me to continue feeling better and that baby keeps on growing like she should.
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Sunday
Well, I've traveled a bit over last few weeks. One for work and one to visit family. Figured I better get these trips in now.
Things have been progressing fine w/ baby. I'm almost 21 weeks and I have my next check up this upcoming Friday. I also think I felt her move. Of course, since I didn't know what to expect, I think I've been feeling it for a little while now. At first I thought it was just muscle twitch, unsettled stomach (NOT gas bubbles as people tend to say). But, I've been noticing them more and finally put two and two together. It's so slight that it's hard to catch. I notice it more after I eat/drink. I laid on my bed today totally flat (which is hard to do w/ a bad back) to see if I could see anything on the outside. Not yet. Interestingly, I stepped on the scale and it seems I've lost some. So, my total weight gain is +6 lbs. I think the biggest swing in numbers is water weight. I bloat up fairly easily AND I drink so much water a day (probably almost 100 oz)--imagine retaining that much water!?. But, this weekend I haven't eaten a ton and laid around a bit. These two activities get my kidneys working well and flushing out a lot of fluid. So really? Not sure how much "true" weight I've gained. Still no real bump. I can still wear all regular clothes, although some friends of mine went w/ me to get some more pants. One pair for work just wasn't cutting it. I just bought a bigger size non-maternity. They are working just fine.
I am still looking for a place to live. I've decided buying probably isn't best for me now, so I'll rent. I've decided that due to my budget what I'll probably do is rent a smaller place and leave most of my things in storage where they already are. The combination of those two is still less than a bigger place where my stuff can be delivered. I honestly don't want to go through all those boxes now and I haven't used/needed anything in them for a year. The only sentimental thing in there is all of my photo albums.
But where to rent and what? I've narrowed down my options to staying in this complex in a 2 bedroom instead of one on the first floor (it really is decent living here) OR, rent a smaller house. (which would be less expensive than here believe it or not). The only thing is they don't have a two bedroom first floor opening until July!! And I'm not sure how I feel about people above me. I've done it before and it can be annoying for sure. I've been scouring the real estate leasing site and have stumbled upon a few houses. But good catches move quick.
I can't believe I've been in this apartment over a year now.
It's good that I have friends. They are keeping me on track about the planning "stuff" for baby that I don't do well. One friend called the other day and said have I moved? No. Have I started childbirth classes? No. Have I registered for baby stuff? No. Have I started preparing a nursery? No. Do I have support lined up after baby? No. I'm 5 months along and probably a little behind. Another work friend insisted I put a date in two weeks on our calendars so she can go baby register w/ me. She has 3 kids and knows a lot about what I do/don't need. I have no clue.
My emotional state has had its ups and downs, but I decided to do an experiment and stop taking my Fabb Tabs--folic acid plus a few other things in them. I noticed when I first started taking them in my first few weeks of pregnancy I got a bit of an emotional reaction and stopped taking them. Instead, I took over the counter for awhile at 400mcg. But, when I said that to my Dr. she said not enough, I need at least 1,000 mcg a day. So, back to the fabb tab about 4 weeks ago. And as you know I've had some pretty low lows over last several weeks. SO--I stopped them a few days ago and found an over the counter at 1,000mcg and going to try that. Will see....but initially things seem to be better. I'm willing to try.
Things just keep moving along....
Things have been progressing fine w/ baby. I'm almost 21 weeks and I have my next check up this upcoming Friday. I also think I felt her move. Of course, since I didn't know what to expect, I think I've been feeling it for a little while now. At first I thought it was just muscle twitch, unsettled stomach (NOT gas bubbles as people tend to say). But, I've been noticing them more and finally put two and two together. It's so slight that it's hard to catch. I notice it more after I eat/drink. I laid on my bed today totally flat (which is hard to do w/ a bad back) to see if I could see anything on the outside. Not yet. Interestingly, I stepped on the scale and it seems I've lost some. So, my total weight gain is +6 lbs. I think the biggest swing in numbers is water weight. I bloat up fairly easily AND I drink so much water a day (probably almost 100 oz)--imagine retaining that much water!?. But, this weekend I haven't eaten a ton and laid around a bit. These two activities get my kidneys working well and flushing out a lot of fluid. So really? Not sure how much "true" weight I've gained. Still no real bump. I can still wear all regular clothes, although some friends of mine went w/ me to get some more pants. One pair for work just wasn't cutting it. I just bought a bigger size non-maternity. They are working just fine.
I am still looking for a place to live. I've decided buying probably isn't best for me now, so I'll rent. I've decided that due to my budget what I'll probably do is rent a smaller place and leave most of my things in storage where they already are. The combination of those two is still less than a bigger place where my stuff can be delivered. I honestly don't want to go through all those boxes now and I haven't used/needed anything in them for a year. The only sentimental thing in there is all of my photo albums.
But where to rent and what? I've narrowed down my options to staying in this complex in a 2 bedroom instead of one on the first floor (it really is decent living here) OR, rent a smaller house. (which would be less expensive than here believe it or not). The only thing is they don't have a two bedroom first floor opening until July!! And I'm not sure how I feel about people above me. I've done it before and it can be annoying for sure. I've been scouring the real estate leasing site and have stumbled upon a few houses. But good catches move quick.
I can't believe I've been in this apartment over a year now.
It's good that I have friends. They are keeping me on track about the planning "stuff" for baby that I don't do well. One friend called the other day and said have I moved? No. Have I started childbirth classes? No. Have I registered for baby stuff? No. Have I started preparing a nursery? No. Do I have support lined up after baby? No. I'm 5 months along and probably a little behind. Another work friend insisted I put a date in two weeks on our calendars so she can go baby register w/ me. She has 3 kids and knows a lot about what I do/don't need. I have no clue.
My emotional state has had its ups and downs, but I decided to do an experiment and stop taking my Fabb Tabs--folic acid plus a few other things in them. I noticed when I first started taking them in my first few weeks of pregnancy I got a bit of an emotional reaction and stopped taking them. Instead, I took over the counter for awhile at 400mcg. But, when I said that to my Dr. she said not enough, I need at least 1,000 mcg a day. So, back to the fabb tab about 4 weeks ago. And as you know I've had some pretty low lows over last several weeks. SO--I stopped them a few days ago and found an over the counter at 1,000mcg and going to try that. Will see....but initially things seem to be better. I'm willing to try.
Things just keep moving along....
Monday, April 16, 2012
It's been awhile
I know....it's been awhile since I blogged. For a few reasons. Mostly because it's been a bit tough and I didn't want this blog to have a 'negative', 'whiny' feel to it. And honestly, I didn't want to hear it from anyone that I need to think differently. I do want to say that there are a lot of good things happening w/ the baby i.e. she is continually growing like she should (sigh!) and things look pretty normal. Last ultrasound showed the bottoms of her little feet. It was really the cutest thing.
Physically: I am now at 19 weeks. Last check at Dr. I was up 8 lbs. total. Not too bad. Still not showing--just look fatter. I do feel a lot of the "stretching" or ligament pain due to the growth. My chest has grown and remains sore, mostly at night. I have a lot of indigestion, acid reflux, heartburn and have been popping tums like no tomorrow. I have had restless leg syndrome several nights which makes sleep pretty tough. I think the morning sickness might be waning because just this last week I felt a bit better. I have had some slight swelling in legs/feet if I am on them a lot that goes down after the night. Have had several random headaches (don't normally get them at all).
I think I've figured out that the mental and emotional roller coaster pregnancy can create is not for wusses. This takes some guts and perseverance.
Things I've been thinking about:
1) For some reason it is still hard for me to grasp that I will have a baby at the end of this. I don't know if it's still because I can't feel her yet and/or don't have a big 'ole bump? They tell me she's there but it's hard to relate since I haven't experienced her yet other than seeing her on the monitor. I wonder if other first time moms feel that way?
2) I still worry about whether she is ok, is she going to be fully healthy? Have I done what I can?
3) Where am I going to live? Based on how I feel about #4, I don't want to get tied up in buying something, but finding the 'right' rental has proven to be somewhat difficult as well. And when I am not sure what to do, I do nothing. Hence, I am still in my 1 bedroom apartment in my 5th month of pregnancy.
4) It's been tough to focus on my career and have passion/interest for it. This is not new for me. I had similar feelings awhile back when my mom passed--my whole perspective changed--and took 10 months off to figure out my life. Since nothing else screamed to me (besides pursing motherhood which clearly I am) I ended up going back to my profession, back in the city I left, and have done it again for about a year. At first, new company--very exciting. Being back in my city--felt peaceful. But lately (last few months) my thoughts have wandered again. Is this really want I want to do? I know that baby will change how I think as well. It truly is tough to be in a space of not being content. I have not questioned once my decision to choose the path of motherhood, but I continuously evaluate what I do for my career. It's been about 10 years that I've been in it, and it may just a factor of ready to do something different. But, I have to say the salary, benefits, etc. is very lucrative and it would be hard to walk away from that. I live a very good life from it.
Still processing what I think about all of this.
5) I worry if some of my feelings are related to depression creeping in. I have had several lows that I don't normally have. Thankfully I have bounced back, but they have confused me and worried me. Medication has always been able to keep things working well. But, obviously I've never been pregnant before. Maybe this is just another facet of pregnancy that is just more complicated for me given my history. Just not sure.
I think items 1-5 truly occupy most of my mental space. Most every day. I am thinking it would be good to get an outside opinion so I am going to schedule an appointment w/ my counselor. I do want to find a new one, but surprise I don't have the energy for that right now.
Overall, I can say without a doubt that I am glad I am on this path to motherhood. I can also say without a doubt that I was completely unprepared for the physical and emotional toll it would take. But, even w/ all that said, I wouldn't change my mind. I am moving in the direction that is right for me.
Physically: I am now at 19 weeks. Last check at Dr. I was up 8 lbs. total. Not too bad. Still not showing--just look fatter. I do feel a lot of the "stretching" or ligament pain due to the growth. My chest has grown and remains sore, mostly at night. I have a lot of indigestion, acid reflux, heartburn and have been popping tums like no tomorrow. I have had restless leg syndrome several nights which makes sleep pretty tough. I think the morning sickness might be waning because just this last week I felt a bit better. I have had some slight swelling in legs/feet if I am on them a lot that goes down after the night. Have had several random headaches (don't normally get them at all).
I think I've figured out that the mental and emotional roller coaster pregnancy can create is not for wusses. This takes some guts and perseverance.
Things I've been thinking about:
1) For some reason it is still hard for me to grasp that I will have a baby at the end of this. I don't know if it's still because I can't feel her yet and/or don't have a big 'ole bump? They tell me she's there but it's hard to relate since I haven't experienced her yet other than seeing her on the monitor. I wonder if other first time moms feel that way?
2) I still worry about whether she is ok, is she going to be fully healthy? Have I done what I can?
3) Where am I going to live? Based on how I feel about #4, I don't want to get tied up in buying something, but finding the 'right' rental has proven to be somewhat difficult as well. And when I am not sure what to do, I do nothing. Hence, I am still in my 1 bedroom apartment in my 5th month of pregnancy.
4) It's been tough to focus on my career and have passion/interest for it. This is not new for me. I had similar feelings awhile back when my mom passed--my whole perspective changed--and took 10 months off to figure out my life. Since nothing else screamed to me (besides pursing motherhood which clearly I am) I ended up going back to my profession, back in the city I left, and have done it again for about a year. At first, new company--very exciting. Being back in my city--felt peaceful. But lately (last few months) my thoughts have wandered again. Is this really want I want to do? I know that baby will change how I think as well. It truly is tough to be in a space of not being content. I have not questioned once my decision to choose the path of motherhood, but I continuously evaluate what I do for my career. It's been about 10 years that I've been in it, and it may just a factor of ready to do something different. But, I have to say the salary, benefits, etc. is very lucrative and it would be hard to walk away from that. I live a very good life from it.
Still processing what I think about all of this.
5) I worry if some of my feelings are related to depression creeping in. I have had several lows that I don't normally have. Thankfully I have bounced back, but they have confused me and worried me. Medication has always been able to keep things working well. But, obviously I've never been pregnant before. Maybe this is just another facet of pregnancy that is just more complicated for me given my history. Just not sure.
I think items 1-5 truly occupy most of my mental space. Most every day. I am thinking it would be good to get an outside opinion so I am going to schedule an appointment w/ my counselor. I do want to find a new one, but surprise I don't have the energy for that right now.
Overall, I can say without a doubt that I am glad I am on this path to motherhood. I can also say without a doubt that I was completely unprepared for the physical and emotional toll it would take. But, even w/ all that said, I wouldn't change my mind. I am moving in the direction that is right for me.
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