No Wieners

I know in some old posts I've said pregnancy is not for wieners. Well, I really do mean it this time.  Whew. I have to say this past Wednesday had to have been the worst I felt since the beginning of all this---physically and mentally.

Since coming home from hospital last Friday, I tried to take it easy...relax, but not too much. Well, I think I got too much sleep over last weekend (which is usually the start to a spiral down), and my shortness of breath, indigestion, fast pulse were in overdrive.  The Holiday came, then I was still pretty fatigued and not feeling well Tuesday, so stayed home sick from work.

So Wednesday I said okay, get it together, get to work.  It seemed from the moment I opened my eyes, took a shower, I was short of breath.  I pushed through thinking once I get to work it would be better.  I huffed and puffed my way to my desk space.  Couldn't seem to breathe well all morning.....and headache was back.  Then, I went down in our office building at lunch....and during that walk just wanted to cry. Emotionally I felt so drained and physically I could walk, but it felt like I was 80+ years old and weighed 500 lbs.  I was getting light headed as well.
Finally got something to eat and made it back to my work space.  I was done. I had left a message for the nurse that morning and she called around 1pm.  I told her of my continued issues and she said I should probably come in and have the Dr. re-evaluate me that day.

Headed over to Dr. and when I got there I just said this isn't working...I felt so rotten, and barely able to function. I was worried she was going to hospitalize me again, but at that point I didn't really care.  She checked if I was retaining fluid (no), checked fluid around baby(good), checked my weight gain (9 lbs good), checked my blood pressure (122/80).  Her response was what we had talked about before. She believes that the additional blood and fluid volume is just really hard on my body and its not coping well.  But prior to her saying so she looked very serious, turned to me and said "there's no turning back now".  She said the baby is at a point that if I was in distress, they would have to deliver her. And she's not ready.  I just simply responded w/ "I know". Scared the bejeezees out of me.  My anxiety went to a whole new level worried about my baby and preterm delivery. All the complications, etc. I just could hardly think.

She felt like she wanted to get another set of eyes on me so she did refer me to a pulmonary specialist that I will see on Tuesday.  Just to rule out any other problem (other than what she's identified).  Oh, and when I asked her about work she said it seemed to her I could barely function...yes, true. So, I asked if I should work from home.....she said she'd write me a letter stating that is was necessary.  Her guidance is that I need to keep the least amount of stress on my body and keep my heart rate down.  It's bedrest in a way, but I'd like to think of it as modified.

Because saying BEDREST scares the bejeezees out of me too.....My emotional state being what it is, isolation like that is something I can't fathom right now. 

As you can see, this week has been very tough.  But, I have thought about what I can do during this time.....here's what I've done and will do:
1) went to see counselor twice this week
2) Called my good friend and cried it out.
3) Texted a few friends out of town and asked if they would come stay w/ me in next several weeks....they all said yes
4) Talked to my sister and she is coming in town next weekend for 4 days
5) Upon advice from close friend...I called one of their nurse friends and walked through situation. Wanted to see if doing the right things, missing anything. Nurse friend is totally on board w/ Dr. viewpoint and plan.
6) Made myself a schedule. MUST be up by 9am....work, eat breakfast, work, lunch/shower, work until end of day, go to apt pool and just sit or wade. It makes my body feel good. Go out of apartment from 5:30-around 7pm.  Come home, TV, bed at reasonable hour. It is CRITICAL I don't let myself sleep too much and control the things I can control...like getting out of bed.
7) Blogged.
8) Plan in place to talk to boss about whole issues since last week, and come up w/ a workable schedule.

That's all I can think of for now, but thought a pretty good list.

Yesterday and today I worked from home. Had two full days of work, stuck to the schedule....and have felt better. THANK YOU LORD.  I am going to continue trying to keep my heart rate down, to keep the shortness of breath/headache at bay. 

I still worry that something will happen to me or baby during this time....that nagging thought still there. I suppose reasonable given the scares I've had so far.

Gotta take it day by day.  That's all I can do. (Sometimes minute by minute :)   )