WTF

So...I got a package in the mail today for the baby from my 'Dad'.  The first thing I noticed is that it didn't seem like his handwriting.  Considering my Dad has never sent me a package in my entire 37 years, I can only assume it came from his new wife......and he certainly wouldn't pick out a baby outfit w/some cute socks, an ornament that says baby's first Christmas, and a little doll that says baby's first doll.

The thought was there, I'll say that.  However, I am really really bothered by the card that was sent.  The first thing in the card reads...."I was quite happy to get your phone call.  Now the rumor that you had a baby girl is put to rest with fact".

WTF... let me say that again WTF....RUMOR?! Seriously?! I know for a fact my sister called the day my baby was born to say that I had had the baby and was in the hospital.  She told me how the conversation went and that she explained my baby was from donor, etc etc..  How on this earth can that be construed as rumor, and to then send that in a card?! 

I can't explain how I feel about this totally right now.....I am quite tired so perhaps am taking this too harshly, but for my Dad to consider my baby a rumor just because I hadn't said anything is completely ridiculous and downright hurtful.  He KNEW she was born because my sister had called.  And for some reason, that wasn't enough for him to call himself for the last 2 1/2 months of her life and say Congratulations, or even just acknowledge.What kind of immature bullshit game is that to play?  I had a feeling it would come down to, "Well, you didn't say anything....so I wouldn't say anything...".  When I had talked to him on the phone he did call me out about my trip home this past April. He said that I must have been pregnant then, and I said yes.  He said, "And you didn't say anything?". I said no, I didn't...because I wasn't ready to share about it.  He said ok. Well, clearly it was bothering him, otherwise he wouldn't have made such an issue out of it.

I didn't want to be petty on the phone, but I could have brought up the fact that he wasn't forthright to any of us about getting remarried.  My sister just happened to find out when she was having lunch with them last year.  His new wife pulled my sister aside and said...oh by the way we got married. My sister called me hysterical.  It wasn't even HIM that told my sister.

See.....honestly even in the good of a gift I have a hard time accepting.  The bottom line is that it really isn't from him.  And...then throwing it in my face that apparently my baby didn't exist until I said so.
What an asshole.

That is why I am not interested in having a relationship with him.  He creates stress, anger, and anxiety most of the time.  Has for my whole life.  Perhaps this situation could have been avoided if I had shared w/ him back in April that I was expecting a baby, but I didn't share because I didn't need his judgement of my situation, ask me about why I wasn't marrying the donor, or be disappointed that I didn't get the support acknowledgement that I would have wanted, but couldn't expect.  I suppose my behavior before was a defense mechanism to avoid any hurtful situation about anything relating to my baby.  I'm not interested in my baby getting to know him....he's not a typical grandpa even to the grandkids he's got.  He's not an involved and supportive father....so why?

My resentments of my father are a long-standing issue that are well beyond what I wrote in here.  I've decided that I am ok w/ my baby not having a father because even if she did....he could not be healthy for her anyway. 

Enough for tonight...maybe some rest and a fresh perspective tomorrow will make this seem like no big deal. Pretty much chalk it up to....same ole crap.