First Cold and Family stuff

Oh my little cookie has her first cold. My two really good friends came in from out of town this weekend. One of them had a cold and I assumed he got sick only because he was run down. He had been working like a dog. Well, I underestimated that little bug, because both baby and I got it.  Yesterday I had a really scratch throat, stuffy nose, etc.....and I should have known baby wasn't feeling well because she was pretty fussy from 6-12 midnight last night. She didn't want bottle, pacifier, rocked, held, nada. She seems to have these episodes when something is off. Like last time this happened she filled two diapers w/ poopy at the end of that night!  About early 3am she started sneezing greenish stuff and being totally congested.  Nanny came today and while I slept for the 4 hours she was here, she gave my baby some vapo rub.  When I woke up I checked her temp and she had a 'slight' fever at 99 degrees. Gave her some tylenol, held her....and am feeding her whenever she wants. She's only eating an ounce or so....but I'm not pushing it.  I know what it's like to feel like crap.

One thing that's got me bunched up is my family...or so-called family.  I have a Dad, mom passed away 4 years ago, 2 older sisters, and one younger brother.  My sisters are 41, 39, I am 37...brother 32.  The 41 year old is the one I am closest to and talk to about every day. We've had our own bumpy past, but since my mom died we have really grown much closer. The 39 year old is married to an emotional alcoholic abuser and has 3 kids. My nieces are 16, 12, and nephew 14.  My brother is not married.

Basically I am a bit disappointed/irritated at everyone except my 41 year old sister. 

First, my Dad has yet to call and say congratulations about the baby. Yup that's right....she was born 2 months ago.  I assume it's because I didn't call him to tell him I was pregnant during the pregnancy. I just didn't feel the need....we don't have a relationship and honestly I think he has Asperger's.  He's been a major source of stress throughout my life and is not fun to be around....you always had to walk on eggshells. He was physically there, but not emotionally there....not towards my mom either.  Anyway, he's one of those who would say, "Why should I?  She didn't call me!".  It is soooo typical.  Not that there would be a normal grandparent/grandchild relationship since I live here.....but at least acknowledge.  I recently got some pictures for family/friends and my 41 year old sister asked me if I got one for my Dad. Sad to say I hadn't even thought of him when I ordered.  Anyway, she said I should probably send one. Well, I caved and did.  I even put my phone number in the little letter.  He called my siblings to ask my address awhile ago. Why wouldn't he call me and just ask?  So irritating and typical.

Next, I called my sister in the abusive relationship about the holidays last week. I asked her what her plans were and would it be easier to meet up at Thanksgiving or Christmas so they could all meet the baby...I would flex my flight plans depending on what she could do.  I could tell her husband was sitting there when I called because she always has this "tone" in her voice....and she then would ask him what they could do.  Seriously.  Since they are only 2hours from my uncles, I was thinking it would be easier for her to meet us there.  Anyway, during the call last week she said they would talk it over and she would for sure call me and let me know what would work.  I asked to let me know soon because I would need to book my flights.
Do you know I have yet to hear from her?
Of course this is not a shocker.....holidays are always a source of contention.  When their kids were younger, she/her husband "withheld" the kids from our family during holidays as punishment when they would be upset about something. This really upset my mom sooo much....but since her passing my other siblings and I don't play that game. We say if you can make it fine, if not fine.  Up to you.
But this year there is a new baby....my baby....and her cousins (16, 14, and 12) are dying to meet her.  And her stupid ass parents can't get their shit together so their kids can meet their cousin.  So,  I went ahead and booked the Thanksgiving flight based on what worked best for me and baby.  Can't worry about them.

Finally, I am not too close w/ my brother, but I decided to call him a few days ago to check in.  Left a voicemail....heard nothing.  Then I texted yesterday that I would be going to Thanksgiving (which coincidentally is 2 hours from him too), and if he wanted to meet his new niece there he could.  Nothing.  So today, I sent a text saying, "ummm....are you there?".....Nothing.  What the frack?!

I think I am upset because there must have been a small part of me that thought w/ the new baby in the picture, they might behave differently. Might make an effort. Might show they care enough to make an effort to meet their niece.....just a little bit. Well, I should have known.  It's disappointing, but mostly it makes me feel lonely....like my family unit really is dissolved since my mom died and it's just me and my sister.  I have to be thankful for that, but even that relationship is tough sometimes because my sister is somewhat emotionally unstable and has highs and lows.  I am not at a place where I can rely on her to "be there" for me.....

I can't think too much more about it because it will just get me upset.  I just feel bad that my daughter won't have much of a relationship w/ my immediate family, and of course she doesn't have her biological father side of the family.  What does she have for family? What does that leave her?  Yes she has me and my sister.....but that's so little.  She deserves much more.  It just makes me feel somewhat selfish that I brought her in this world---wanting her so much---knowing that her extended family would be limited.  She wouldn't have any grandmas.....she doesn't really have a grandpa.  Her aunt and uncle are ridiculous.  I knew this already.  But, my drive to mother her overrode those shortcomings.....I guess what I am really saying is....will I be enough for her?  Only time will tell if she thinks so. 
The other thing I realized is I miss someone mothering me.  When push comes to shove, I don't have the big hug to turn to from my mom....no spouse....it just is tough.  Sometimes I just want someone to take care of me too, you know?

And to top off my day, my cat threw up all over my formal living room sofa.