Feelings

Not sure I am a fan of the new letrozle from the different manufacturer. I have more side effects than before...not very pleasant, and I have an overall feeling of Blah.  Today is strange and my mind is playing tricks on me. Several times I've felt like I am already in my two week wait and I just know it isn't working because I don't feel anything. Well of course I don't, I haven't had the IUI yet. It makes me wonder if my body 'knows' this next one will be a bust too?? Totally irrational, but today I just had a feeling like the next one isn't going to work.  However, just last week shortly I after my first IUI didn't work I was sitting on my couch when I got this feeling oh wow, the next one IS going to work. What the heck....is it, or not....? 

I never really question my feelings, just go with it.  Sometimes I ask my 'gut' will this baby journey work out?  Is it this time? And see how I feel.  This one has been all over the map, depending on when I am thinking about it.  It's not often that I have such varying feelings--they are usually pretty strong, and right on.  This is a new experience for me, so I am trying my best to just let it be, and happen.....hard to do when you just want to know...and now.

Off and Running

YAY! already onto next cycle....it happened pretty quick. Basically if you are not pregnant, you get right back in the game...I had to get the letrozole from the local retail pharmacy and it is a different manufacturer. I have noticed some slight differences in side effects i.e. feel bloated and have had a headache-ish for last few days. I'm just going to HOPE that it reacts the same or better than last month and it grows my follicles. C'mon and grow already.

In reflecting over last month, the thing that has stood out for me is that this can be somewhat of an isolating experience. I realized I hadn't reached out to any of my friends here lately, have been doing things solo most weekends, and live inside my head with all that I am reading and researching on the Internet. I can't seem to get enough.  It goes back to my somewhat obsessiveness when I get onto something that excites me. I do it non-stop.  But, social isolation is not good for me either.  Part of it is I am preoccupied, the other part is I am feeling bloated, not always 100%, and need to go shopping in a big bad way.  I need some clothes that perk me up.....nothing seems to fit right, I am barely getting by with what I have. For casual and work. I rotate three shirts at the corporate office, and wear jeans to the plant w/ 2 shirts. I am not joking.  Shopping has not been fun in the past, I look at it more of a necessity. Even when I was in shape.

Positive note--A great thing about this time of year in the South is the weather. October is A-M-A-Z-ing. I have been outside riding my bike, walking, and just soaking in some sunshine. Let's go Vitamin D! Happy for at least a few more weeks of this....

BF.N

Talked to the Dr.'s office today and the nurse said I didn't need the blood test because I am already on CD 2, I am a BFN. So, tomorrow I am going to get my baseline ultrasound to start my next cycle IUI #2. We are using the same protocol i.e. letrozole (femara brand name) on CD 3-7, trigger shot, then IUI insem 2 times.  Since the medication did what it was supposed to do, i.e. made me produce many follicles, we'll do again.  This clearly isn't an exact science and timing, egg quality, etc.. play a lot into whether this is going to work.  I'm not feeling nervous about trying again, and my BFN was almost a non-event.  I think because I just didn't 'feel' it, I didn't have my hopes up much at all.  Maybe it's strange to be this okay, but if I am still in this place many months from now, my attitude may be different.

The thing that I am thankful for is that the medication did not affect my mood, hallelujah!!  I have felt pretty good throughout....let's keep it up.

11 Day pa.st IU.I

I took the home pregnancy test this morning.....not surprised to find out it was 'not pregnant'. I know there are still a few more days until the blood test, but I've just felt like this wasn't it.

Right after the IUI, I really didn't know how I was supposed to feel. At that point I was neutral, could go either way because of the strange, new cramping and twinging.  But, around 6DPIUI it started to feel more familiar, with the added symptoms of bloating and weepiness.  Once that happened, I just kind of knew it was time to think forward.

Sure it would have been great for this first one to work....but I've been pretty realistic this whole time and haven't gotten too emotionally attached.  IUI success is certainly a lot less than IVF. From what I understand your chances for it to work are the same each time.  So, a little luck and good timing might be the ticket next month.

No more daily posts!  I will still confirm for sure outcome at next Dr. visit.

10 Day pa.st IU.I

I've decided based on how I feel that this one is probably a no go.  In fact, I've been exchanging emails w/ the Dr.'s coordinator last few days to ensure I have my medication to start the next cycle. That's a longer, more frustrating story about dealing w/ that coordinator. Won't go into too much boring detail, but let's just she's not very proactive or responsive.

After not getting anywhere w/coordinator for last 2 days, I finally convinced the operator to get ANY nurse on the line.  I really wanted to talk to someone before the weekend hit--in case we needed to order meds for next round today....thankfully the nurse supervisor was available live. She agreed that we should still do my official blood test on Tuesday, but we will also include a baseline ultrasound so I can go right into the next cycle.  She said worst case I can just pick up my meds at the retail pharmacy rather than getting them mailed.  I am sure there is a cost difference, but if I am crunched, I'll do it. She did mention that if it is a BFN then I also will need to see the Dr. again, typically before starting meds for next cycle, so we'll see where that fits in.

I'm thinking if I hadn't pushed, I very well could have missed next round due to timing.

9 Day pa.st IU.I

Not having a strong feeling about this one....will wait and see but I am mentally preparing myself for the next one.

On a happier note, I couldn't resist this pic of my 20lb cat.




What.....you callin' me fat?!

 

8 Day pa.st IU.I

Bloating worse....a bit more emotional (cried at silly show last night).  I am thinking this is inching away from a BFP.