Mom Friends

I really do like typing on a keyboard so much better. I am in need of a new laptop, mine is so old they are no longer supporting the operating system (oops). So, I’ve done a few posts typing into my phone directly onto the blog site, but the screen is so tiny if I want to see all of my words…….basically all that to say I miss the app when it worked. It was so easy to just type and post pics. I just need to get on w/ it and buy a new laptop.

Lots of interesting things I’ve been thinking about lately….making new mom friends, kindergarten in the fall, job stuff, how I’m feeling……where to even begin.

Making new mom friends---I’ve learned that this is sort of like dating. They aren’t always going to work and you have to try a lot out. For some reason I had envisioned that once you had kids you just gravitated towards others w/ kids and you instantly became friends because of it.  That is SO not true. I actually don’t have any mom friends with kids my daughter’s age, and only one mom friend (who I used to work with) that has a son my son’s age…although we see each other maybe once a month.  We did have the family that lived not that far from our house w/ the 4, 2, and baby…..the mom had gone through IVF as well so I thought great, a lot in common.  It was strange, but we just never ‘clicked’. We’d see each other at the park sometimes, or at different events in the area and it was always kind of a hey, how’s it going, what’s going on your house, but never really more than that. Very casual.  I think our biggest disconnection was she was a stay at home mom…..she had her kids in all kinds of things….on those fronts we didn’t connect at all.  And they recently moved out of the neighborhood. It was just weird because I had seen them not that long ago and we were talking about kindergarten, etc..and she said I should let her know if I hear anything about registration, and next thing you know there is a sign on their front yard. Oh well.

And now that I’ve decided I don’t want to move anywhere….I want to just stay put for awhile even if that means going to another company, I need to start trying more to make new friends.

SO, I was so proud of myself because a few months ago I ran into a mom at the park and struck up a conversation w/ her and her husband….she has a daughter going to the same school/kindergarten as my girl. I also remembered her from the pool last summer, she was very pregnant w/ her third. She told me about a lady that was organizing a ‘kinder-crew’ for the kids in the neighbourhood going into kindergarten at our school. I said great! And she forwarded me her email and the organizers email. Well….I emailed both of them back.  I heard nothing from either.  I emailed the organizer a second time just to ask if she was the right person and she at least responded that she was busy, but will include me in any events coming soon. I emailed the mom again too and gave my number…I’m sure the mom w/ the 3 kids has her hands full…not sure she was a stay at home mom, but she seemed so nice so I was disappointed not to hear back again.

I find that I am really envious of the people who still have their best friends from a long time ago, or families that live around each other, and have babies at the same time…..basically built in mom friends. I just had none of that. When I had my girl, all of my friends were from work and they were single too, except one friend had older kids. Of course once you have children things change w/ now having schedules, etc.. And not having my mom around, or really close family there have been times where it’s been really lonely.  

I started reading articles and researching about building community, etc as a single parent and at least feel better that feeling lonely is VERY common.  I don’t dwell on it that much, of course, because I have a lot to be grateful for……I just would like to have a new friend I connect with that has kids the same age as mine too. Don’t think that’s too much to ask!

I heard over and over from friends, ‘once they get into school, you will start meeting new people’. Yes, that is true. However, our preschool experience was interesting that way because a) I didn’t do drop/off and pick up where most conversations would start and b) when I did go to events, the parents really stuck to themselves…I didn’t see much bonding or interaction at all w/ the parents. I think I talked about this before but I found it so weird. I even tried a few times w/ some parents to strike up conversation and I could only get a few sentences. We also did go to a couple birthday parties we were invited to and I spent most of my time shepherding my children around. Birthday parties w/ a 4 and 2 year old are not relaxing or conducive to adult conversation.

I realize a lot of people have husbands, family around, friends from their lifetime and frankly, just don’t want/need to make new friends.  That’s not me so I’m going to have to be more proactive in finding ways to meet them.  I’ve thought about a moms group, but for some reason I just don’t want to do that. I remember years ago I went to a SMC event and while it was nice to go, I didn’t connect w/ anyone, was chasing around my crawler, and found that most of them had known each other for a long time and really stuck w/ themselves.

 

Maybe when she starts kindergarten it will be different…..maybe when she starts soccer this summer, etc..it will be different…..and just like in dating, you never know when you are going to meet the right one!

4 going on 34

Sometimes I have to remind myself my girl is only 4. Well, she'll tell you she's 4 and a half!
I continue to be amazed at how she picks up concepts, verbalized things, and is just plain hilarious sometimes.
Here's an example of her way beyond her years.....this past weekend my son was pretty cranky. He was fussy, didn't know what he wanted, wanted what he didn't have. He is two!! Well, I had the two of them sit in their chairs at the kitchen table for snack and  you would have thought I said he couldn't eat. He wailed and wailed pointing to the other chair. Clearly the one I put him in wasn't right. By that time I was tired of the cranky and needed to just calm down so I took a deep breath and walked towards my room.
My girl hopped out of her chair, came over to me and said "mama I know you are mad. But....all he wants is to sit in the other chair. If he sits there I'm sure he'll be fine".
I paused and quickly realized my 4 year old was handling a situation better than I was. But then I was  just amazed because clearly she recognized my emotion, tried to come up with a solution and verbalized it. What felt like a big parenting fail turned into me just being proud my girl.
Maybe I am doing something right.
She's very big into talking to resolve conflict. Whenever she feels she was wronged or something isn't right she says mama, can we talk? I always say sure because I want her to know that I always listen to her point of view. I may not agree and I explain to her that she might not like what I say but we can always talk about things.

She's has also been saying the most awesome things to hear as a mom--like:
--mom, you are the best mom ever!
--mom you cook the best meals
--I want you to be my mom forever
--I'm riding with the two in the trailer and we are going up a hard hill. I say let's cheer mom on and she yells out  'mom I know I can count on you"!
--I just love you SO much

I do not know what's turned this on, but it warms my heart so much. I kinda want to get a video of her saying all these wonderful things for playback when she's a teenager and I'm sure she won't think I'm as cool.

I've been getting so many hugs and kisses....it's just been wonderful.

And my son has turned into a kissing monster. He's learned how to kiss where it's not slobbery,  it's a real kiss with a peck and kiss sound. He even air kisses. It is just beyond cute he'll catch my eye from across the room and just give me an air kiss. I air kiss back. Just love.....
He will be sitting at the table and I'm at the sink doing something. He'll stop eating, jump out of his chair and come over and kiss my leg, hug me, then run himself back up to his chair.
Unprompted kisses and hugs all day long.

It's just been a love fest at our house and it's been so awesome.

They of course still have their moments but they have been playing more and more together...well, she bosses him around regularly but he doesn't seem to mind and if he does, he just walks away like he can't hear her. Completely ignores. It's kind of funny because she just keeps asking him do something and he just half smiles and keeps it movin. He may just be the smartest one in the room even though he's not using his words yet.
Back to speech therapy next week.

I've also done a ton of thinking about my career. I may have another opportunity to move back to Midwest with my current company but I  just still don't think it's right for us.......I think I've come to the realization I just want to stay put right  now. I'm tired. Tired of starting over. I went online to look at housing and nannies etc and I just said ugh . I really don't want to do this.
I posted on a job in another part of our organization where I don't have to move and am waiting to hear about that. I really want to stay w current employer until April 2018 so all of my savings plant etc vests.
So, my plan for now is to try and settle. Try to make this home and not just a temporary stop. I am proud because our neighbor asked us if we wanted to stop by yesterday for a small party. This is the couple to the right if us that have 3 grown kids. Anyway I might have said no but then thought, why not? We went and wouldn't you know I met someone who works at my company and knows someone I went to grad school with. She also had her kids go through the school we are about to start kindergarten and they raved about it. The mom and the 15 year old daughter. For  some reason that made me feel so much better about starting school here.

And darn it I am going to get some curtains and our family photos put up in the wall!

Spring Break

Can I just say we had a really good spring break?! It wasn't just enduring or getting through the days....we really had a ton of fun and enjoyed a bunch of family time. We ended up not traveling and stayed home the whole time. I couldn't bring myself to pack and drive with two small kids.

So we took advantage of local places to go--we went to a bouncy house, painted pottery, went out to eat here and there, read lots of books, vegged out on cartoons--they are into peppa and umi, did some shopping, went to the bike shop, went  on walks to the park....I'm sure I'm forgetting something but as you can see we stayed busy!

What I've never done since I had children--or really as long as I can remember--is take a full week of vacation. I take days here and there but not really long blocks. I like to have several smaller breaks rather than one big one. So, without a babysitter I did it. And you know what? I really liked it.

I think what it allowed me to do was disengage from work better (of course still checked email at night), but it really felt like I was a stay at home mom vs a working mom. 

I didn't think my job affected me that much, but when I was able to take that out of the equation I found parenting much....easier maybe? It really was awesome to just focus on kids, plan meals--I cooked!!, play, bond, etc.

I think I was on a high for about 4 days, sun-wed. Then, I started to get fatigued when I didn't sleep that great, my son got up early, and we didn't get going right away. If I try to 'rest' in the chair in the morning w one eye open it just made me more tired. By Sunday I was pretty tuckered out but a physical tired is way better than emotional/stressed tired. I felt like I really accomplished something.

So overall I'm super glad I took the break and decided to just 'be' with the kids.
Lots of good memories.

The waiting.....

Well, I still haven't figured out since my last post exactly what my next step is regarding guardianship so I haven't made any decision. I did reach out to my cousin and we had a really good, long conversation. She said that her husband said sure, why not right away and she said she wanted more information. When we talked she said that she would want to know much more about what I would want for the kids i.e. college choices, cars, dating, money, careers, etc....And from the perspective of a parent who is closer to raising older kids than I am, those types of things she JUST went through w/ her children (her last one is a sophomore in college). And to be honest, I hadn't thought about them at all. I think what I was more focusing on is--I really would want unconditional love for my children like I give them. The problem is you can't force or make that up. It's there or not.
What it made me think through, also, is that while she is my 'blood' relative, she doesn't know me, know me. We are cousins that saw each other once or twice a year my whole life. Her sister is the one that is 3 weeks older than I am and we talk on the phone probably every month and have for years.....my issue there is she already has 5 kids aged 2-13 and her husband is really hard to get to know (and I've seen a temper that is not cool).  It is really really bothersome to me that not one person I know lines up in all the areas that are important to me.  I think what I have to do is a gut check on what are the 'most' important areas to me and go from there.....

We've spent the last week sick....I was at home 3 days this last week with fever, headache, junky cough, etc.., but not to think I was resting, OH no....I was working and plugged in most of the time. Certainly the farthest from relaxing. Lots is going on at work and I just wanted/needed to keep up. In addition, we will hear in two weeks what the 'decision' is about our individual status. Will our job move to new city? Will we be asked to move with it? Do we want to go? any option to stay and for how long? This whole thing has been weighing heavily on me and causes some stress and anxiety. I kinda want to just say boss, you know already what you are going to do....spill it and let's get on w/ it. The biggest issue I have is I need to stay at this company until my 401k, etc.. vests. That is not until April of 2018....so I will do what I have to to make that happen. I don't think it's wise to make any moves until I get the cards i've been dealt.

So, the kids have been sick this whole past week....fevers, my son croup and gross runny nose, my girl respiratory junky cough--it's been going on for more than a week so while I stayed home sick nanny took the kids on Friday. Not seeing infection of ears, etc.. thankfully so we keep on doing until we get better.

It made for a really really aggravating day with my son (mostly) today. To start with we are all tired and haven't slept well. He's into hitting now. When he's mad, he swats. At least it's on your leg or arm, unlike my girl who slapped faces (SO not okay). He's also into just doing the exact. opposite. of. what. I ask. Like hey son, keep walking (since it's raining and there's goose poop on the sidewalk). So what does he do? Just kneels down on the sidewalk. Why? who knows. Then I tell him no, hold his hand and start walking. He does the hanging trick now where I hold his hand and he just won't put his feet down. Hangs from one arm.......Do you know how MAD this makes me? He simply is completely ignoring what I'm asking him to do. This was at the library this morning.
Before we even went to the library my girl woke up so excited that's what we were going to do....after breakfast it was somehow meltdown city. She didn't want to go, yelling at her brother, crying, going to calm down in her room, being very short/smart with me.

I think what REALLY makes me mad about how the kids act with me is I know this is totally NOT what they do for the nanny. Not even close.  I can not figure out what I do different other than I'm mom. We have house rules now, calm downs, etc....but it truly is they just let it all out for me......and normally when I've worked and had a break, I can manage much better, But after being sick all week myself, I just had no patience today. That's what it is....I'm out of patience.  At least when I yelled I apologized to my son, especially, since most of it was directed at him-- and told him mama was sorry for yelling and I would do better tomorrow.

I'm in the process of selling one of my rental homes. I had to do a lot of work to it after last tenant skipped out early on the lease (he had a large dog that did some damage) and the rental market is just so soft. No really good explanation. It stayed on the market for 3 months and I said heck w/ it......the only reason I originally kept it was I would maybe move back in when I moved back to this city. When I drive through the neighborhood, I just feel a sense of peace like aaaaaah, I'm home.  I lived in that neighborhood 2 times and 8 years now and that house is where I brought my girl home to.  It's down the road and on the same street where my mom passed away in my first house in that neighborhood.  I'm kinda sad to see it go.
But since coming back w/ kids closer to school age the burbs was a better choice. I just couldn't see moving back into it mostly because the education options are so limited. The school situation is awful i.e. the public schools around there, no way. They'd have to test talented and gifted and MAYBE be selected in a lottery to a different school we weren't zoned to.....and after elementary most go to the burbs or private school.
Contract is ready to go, closing in a few weeks. Sigh........

Spring Break is next week....I still haven't figured out what I'm doing yet. My nanny is off the whole week w/ paid leave. I didn't ask my sister to come like I did last year. Our old nanny isn't able to come at all that week. So, my default was I was just going to take vacation all next week and hang out w/ the kids. But, part of me want to take a trip out of town to see our old nanny/and friends over there so it gives us lots to do. I'm just not sure I'm up for a 5 hour drive w/ a 4 and 2 year old and we all are still sick/starting to recover......
May get a wild hair and just do it!

Hard Decision

I've been thinking A LOT about my children's guardianship lately. Maybe because I ordered a suze or.man life documents kit online because I felt like it was time to update all of my legal docs. I currently have everything in place, but the one thing that I've struggled with is where I think the best place for my children would be if something were to happen to me.  I'm obviously hoping for the best and we don't ever have to worry about it because I'll be an awesome grandma someday, but I am adamant that I owe it to these kids to make sure they are taken care of to the best of my ability.  I learned all too well what happens when my mom passed how people's not so nice sides come up, and fast.

Currently, my children would go live w/ one of my very best friends and his husband.  I really really trust him and he's been a good friend in my life.  The thing that is hard for me to accept, though, is that in that situation, they would not have a mother.  I've expressed my concern to both of them and they've tried to say that no matter what, they would be there and accept the responsibility and do the best that they could....and I know that is true. BUT, there's a part of me that worries about that a lot. It's just something they can't provide.  The other thing is, they both are very well-travelled, travel a lot, and indulge in a great lifestyle...kid free. They take the crying and whining and early bedtimes in small doses (just like I did before I had kids).....They really don't know what it's like to parent, how self-less you have to be...but would do it because they love us.  How would children living w/ them impact their life, could they adjust, how would that be? Would they be resentful that children turned their life upside down?

The crux of my issue is that I have a really limited circle of people I would even consider, and within that, most I would cross off the list for one reason or another.  For example, I've written before about how my sister who I stay in touch w/ is not the right answer. It just isn't....and I know she isn't too happy about that, but it's how it is.  Another strong consideration was our old nanny Amy. I KNOW she loves and adores my kids and they her too. She is the MOST involved in our lives out of anyone we know (she really is like family) and just cares so much about us.  Seems like that would be a good alternative, right?? Well......her extended family (that live close by her) are not that nice. In fact, I would call one of her sisters bat shit crazy--and she actually agrees--and I don't want my children near the crazy. I even told Amy that I considered her but because her sisters are crazy, it just wasn't right for me.
Now, after my girl was born I did reach out to my Wisconsin cousin who I'm not super close with, but they did a great job raising their 3 kids and are empty nesters--not sure she's 50 yet. I asked them to be my back-up guardians in case something happened to my good friend as primary guardian. They said yes back then.

Ideally I would like a two parent, mentally stable, healthy, have parented before, mother included duo that would love my kids unconditionally and raise them well.  Sounds great, but my circle isn't that big and no situation meets all of those criteria. I've been struggling w/ the fact that this is not an easy answer for me and for some reason that makes me sad. Maybe a little grieving about how I would 'want things to be' if I had my way.

SO, in thinking through the people in our lives, my thought is.....maybe I change the primary guardian to my Wisconsin cousin--they meet most of the criteria above. But since we aren't super close how would they bond with my children?....I could just leave it as is, knowing that I'm really worried about them not having a mother should something happen to me.  I could take a chance on one of my single girl friends that I've known for years, but they don't have children yet, or even most of them have a significant other? And I'm not super close w/ most of them i..e they aren't in my children's lives as much as I would hope.

I feel like there is not an answer that I am at peace w/ yet in thinking through it today. Over time things may change and an answer may become clearer....but a big part of me wants to make sure all handled now. After I did the documents four years ago, I felt such a relief and peace that everything was taken care of.  just don't know on this one.  Oh, and if you happen to know me in real life (not sure anyone I know reads this) but if you do....please keep private.

I don't know if others struggle about these things, but I suspect they do.

42 with a 4 and 2 year old!

Man. I'm 42. Forty two. Not 40 or 41. It even sounds strange to say that's my age because it just sounds...old. Yes I had a birthday and need to update my bio.
And you want to know what I was doing last night? Looking up if 42 is too old to have another baby. For some reason I got the itch to research older mothers, etc. mostly I found if your heart says do it, go for it. I'm not saying that's where I am at, but what prompted me thinking about it was my birthday AND annual storage fees were due on my 3 grade B embryos. I just wonder are they boys or girls, would they look like my girl or my son, are they healthy and viable?  Although it's hard to imagine anything other than my babies now.
Let's face it, I've got my hands and heart full. BUT if for some reason I wanted to lose my mind and 'go for it', it would have to be soon...beyond my age now (and even AT my age) it's hard for me to imagine. I've not read any stories or blogs about single moms and by choice having 3. Lots about the 1-2 debate but I think beyond that it just seems nuts.

We hit a major milestone....my girl got her first haircut at 4!!!! With curly hair it's been amazing thus far in that it just keeps curling up, no real need to cut it. I figured though we should trim it and at least get the ends, or about an inch 1/2 or so. Well it shrunk like 5 inches!  I've slowly adjusted to it being shorter because seeing her longer curly hair is just oh so cute.

BEFORE

DURING--didn't get an AFTER!

We've gone back to preschool in the new class and she's doing awesome! She LOVES this new teacher and seems so happy. I am confident I made the right move by advocating for her and myself that the old teacher just wasn't a good fit. Easier to do in preschool I think because kindergarten I think you get what you get. Speaking of, she goes in the fall. To kindergarten!! I have to call our school because I think there has to be some round-up and the way preschool works it wouldn't surprise me if it's now.

What actually got me more was that we just did preschool registration for my son! We are sticking with the same school for him and we went to the open house last weekend. He will be in the 'older twos' class since his birthday is October and he'll be three.  There are only two teachers and I just put our preference as the one who seemed I connected with best. I wasn't sure about 3 or 2 day but I decided to try 3 at first.

That is if we are here in the fall. My company announced a move and I don't know what it means for our group yet. Unsettling for sure but I'm trying to just do my job and stay focused until I know something and can then decide what to do.
Honestly I am just tired of starting over. So many moves and with children as a single parent it is exponentially harder--I know because I've done it both ways. In addition to the move, I had the opportunity to talk to a manager in Chicago about a different job still  with my company and after talking through, I turned it down. I just didn't see enough upside of that location, that job, and financial considerations.

In meantime I'm trying to focus on decorating the house I have whether I stay here or go. I still have not hung anything on the wall and it's been over a year. So sad! I did try working with a decorator and I found that she was bringing her style in way too much, not hearing or 'getting' what I was envisioning, and cost a lot of money for not a whole lot. Live and learn. The reason I did it was these things overwhelm me and I have limited time, but the experience not great so I'm going to try and finish myself, still trying to finish picking out curtains.

I had gone through my emails from 2016 so I could write this nice summary of the year, reflect, and set out my plan for 2017. We'll, my phone ate my notes and I don't have it anymore. Gah!
What I do remember was it was a hard-ish year. My girl started preschool in January, and soon after that lots of  health stuff--my son broke his arm in February,  we had wave after wave of sickness, we took our first family flight in November, and a lot of no sleep. I had a lot of testing for eyes and digestion and sleep and a lot of time and money later nothing any more other than what I already knew--benign bleph.aro.spasm and mild sleep apnea. This getting older thing--I had shoulder surgery for sports injury (slap repair) in 2003 and I think it's just now acting up again. Add it to list for this year.

What I am focused on this year is getting stronger physically. Am doing more exercise with kids and want to keep it going by getting back into the gym for resistance/weights. I miss doing it.

I feel like I'm coming out of the haze/fog of raising babies and now can exhale a bit and get to know my girl as a blossoming precocious 4 year old and get my son to start using words to communicate as a 2 year old. I really am blessed with these children. The days are not easy but they are getting easier physically as they can do more for themselves.  My energy is returning (when no one is sick that is) and it feels good. I've stopped drinking diet soda w exception of maybe one or two a week. I find that I am much less anxious and sleep better without it.  I had been toying w starting Jenny eating program and just decided to do it two weeks ago. It is--ok. I find that it is very restrictive and I don't feel that great, lots of hunger. No bueno. So I will do the 3 weeks I signed up for them figure out a new game plan.

2017 will bring some exciting things our way, we are ready.

Grrr blog.ger. I wanted to add some detail about my birthday day at the top but can't figure out how. So I'll just add here it really was great. I was resting in my room and when I can out the nanny and my children had decorated my door, outside my door, the dining area--balloons, streamers, cake, present, and hande-made cards from the kids.
It was so unexpected and SO awesome to walk out to, it just made my day. And my girl couldn't have been sweeter--she kept hugging me and wishing me happy birhday ALL day and it never got old. I'm sure that's what my son would have said too ;)

Happy New Year 2017!

You know I've got a four letter word to describe our holidays.....S...I...C....K. In fact I looked back over 2016 posts just to remember all that happened and that little word was part of most of our year.

I want to first share a few pictures from the holidays...

I absolutely LOVE this picture with Santa

Here's what happened afterwards!

Poor kid....my son in these pictures had a respiratory infection and pink eye. Thanks to his sister.  This was right before Christmas so both of them had it......then right AFTER Christmas it came to me in the form of gunky cough and most likely strep throat. I went to Dr. finally after 6 days and got some antibiotics. I am finally on the mend.

So, that means we had sickness in our house from Dec 19 - January 6. Happy new year indeed.

Our Holidays....on the bright side I was so happy with the presents I gave everyone....my girl got her crutches and sparkly pink drum.....my son got a push shopping cart that he hasn't stopped pushing since Christmas.  I ended up with 6 presents each and that felt about right. Although when we added the presents from friends, relatives, and my sister....it was a lot under the tree.  My goal is to make Christmas not SO big.....I want them to enjoy presents, but not be overwhelmed and just unwrap one gift, throw it down, and go on to the next.

We did go to Christmas eve candlelight service at the church my girl goes to preschool at. It's the first time my girl could hold her own candle, and first time my son went.  Let's just say it was not easy keeping him busy during the service. He wanted to be BUSY...MOVING....and not sitting, and not keeping his hands to himself. He spent time drawing, coloring, getting up, getting down, taking a diaper wipe and 'cleaning' chairs and other people.

One moment that made me cry was when one song came on (there was a lot of music) both of my kids spontaneously decided to 'dance' in front of their chairs and with each other.....I just looked over at both of them and my heart just welled up. In that moment I would say I felt joy. Joy at having my children, seeing them so happy, healthy, and free to express themselves.....it was just wonderful.

On the downside...some of my sister's visit.  You never really know how it's going to turn out, and this one wasn't a great one.  I don't know what happened, but most of the visit....so--much--tension.  It all started when we were doing some shopping on the 23rd and I was exhausted from everyone being sick and not sleeping that I was a little irritable.  I noticed it and apologized to her. Well later into that day and into Christmas Eve she just started talking much shorter, talking less, and being quite snarky.  As an example, we were wrapping gifts on the 23rd in different rooms and we were sharing tape...for some reason I only had one. When I came out I stuck my arm out so she could give me the tape so I wouldn't look at all her presents--she throws the tape on the floor instead of giving it to me. Rude. Then later after we all wrapped our gifts she starting putting the presents under the tree....I said we should probably put them in the closet so the kids wouldn't get into them and she snaps back, "Why, don't your kids know the meaning of No?". Ummm.....yes they do, in fact. However you can't expect a 4 and 2 year old not to touch a big heap of presents under the tree. Gimme a break.

So later that evening I came out and tried to talk w/ her....I told her I didn't appreciate what she said about my kids and how she was acting towards me. She says, "I'm sorry" in a snarky tone. I said it didn't seem like she sounded sincere and she flips off, "Well, it wasn't".  I ended my attempt at talking w/ her after that. In fact, I simply decided I'm not going to feed into it and we simply didn't talk much.  It made Christmas eve and Christmas day just not a lot of fun. You could cut the tension w/ a knife as they say. She was barely talking and I didn't feel like trying to mend it. I tried, didn't work......and frankly I got so upset in my mind that I kept saying over and over....she needs to be accountable for her actions. She needs to understand that she can't just come here, act rude, and expect it to just be fine when she decided to start talking again (which she did closer to when she went home).

I wholeheartedly feel like she owes me an apology. The thing that gets me is I paid for half of her flight. For her to come and act like this with no apology? No thanks.

What I hoped was that my children didn't feel the tension, but they are pretty perceptive. In fact, since there isn't much conflict in the house in general, I think my girl felt some of it and it probably was strange for her....my girl would tell my sister--you need to speak nicely to mommy! (even if my sister was kidding about something).

There were some good times sprinkled in there.....the three of us played go fish at night, my sister cooked a lot and our Christmas day dinner was absolutely amazing (prime rib, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, sparkling juice), opening presents and seeing the excitement.

Interesting though, my son wanted NOTHING to do w/opening gifts. Same thing he did at his birthday. He walked around, went into the kitchen, played w/ a toy here and there. He didn't want to open anything.

Overall it wasn't the easiest of times this holiday.....all the sickness, the up and down visit w/ my sister, the lack of sleep, etc...but we still managed to have some fun, decorate inside and outside the house, get the tree up, put up all the ornaments, got everything I wanted to get for everyone, and enjoy some time together...and some special moments w/ the kids.

I was going to review 2016 and talk about 2017 but I may save that for next post.

We spent new year's at home w/ the kids and our old nanny amy came to stay w/ us shortly after my sister left until Jan 2--for 5 days. It was so nice having her visit. 

I didn't want to do fireworks for new years so as the kids were done w/ their baths, jammies on......we were all sitting in my girls room. She said she had an idea and got a bunch of rubberbands....she said they could be our fireworks!! It was such a GREAT idea!! So we started shooting them at each other, into the fan, etc. we had SO MUCH FUN! We even turned on Katy Per.ry's Fire.works song on and at the top of our lungs we were singing her song, shooting rubberbands in the air, and dancing in the room.

Now THAT's my idea of a Happy New Year! :)