Twister

That's exactly how I feel inside my brain. I have become obsessive compulsive again and it won't turn off. The topic this time is trying to figure out how I can not work and be a stay at home mom. It's amazing the amount of things I have been researching until like 2 am...not good for sleep, but I just can't stop.  So, some of the things are:
1) can't live in my home, too expensive, so looking at real estate here, real estate near extended family.
2) Health insurance.
3) Financial Advisor on whether it is better to rent my current home or sell
4) Realtor on the fees for renting
5) what car I can buy and pay outright so I don't have a car payment
6) excel scenarios of living by myself, living with my sister, not working at all and how little can I live off of
7) my finances overall
8) mortgage girl to check out rates and how much I could possibly borrow for a second home
9) Google mapping homes to see how far they are from important places like the Y, etc

I could keep going but I honestly have been driving myself insane w  all of the research I have been doing. If I am spending all of this time on the internet, when am I working, might you ask? Totally can't get into it. At. All.
I realize it is very soon...I just got back to work and this is only my second full week back....but I don't expect it to get easier.
How sad is this....I purposely don't look at my baby's picture at work because I then miss her and wonder what she is doing and my heart hurts a bit. I am looking at her now and I just love this little kid. She is so cute and squishy and starting to smile back at me....she even LAUGHED at me for the first time...I had to call my sister.

I don't know the right answer.  Although, my view of a stay at home mom might be skewed somewhat because I had the nanny working part time when I was on maternity leave. Dont expect to have that going forward if I didn't work....I just don't want someone else raising my child. I didn't have her so someone else could enjoy her more than me!

Any Sugar Dads out there? Sign me up.
Joking of course.....but the idea of someone else paying all of my bills sounds great to me right about now.

We went back to the hospital today to get a follow up ultrasound. She had her hips checked because she was in breech position. Apparently this is normal.  Well, one of the scans showed some slight issue they wanted to check out again. The Dr. said that normally it corrects itself, so not too worried.  My big girl did such a good job. She didn't cry at all!! She just looked around and probably wondered what that silly wand was doing and why she had to lay on her side, with mom making funny faces at her.