Lord have mercy. We have just had the roughest couple of weeks. I think it was mostly because she wasn't feeling well for almost two weeks. Now that we've had a few days that have been somewhat easier, looking back. Oh em gee.
Note--all phases seemed to be exacerbated by her not feeling well.
Phase I-No. Everything is no, no, and no. Do you want this? No. Do you want that? No. Do you want rice to eat? No. Do you want some juice? No. Apple? No. And not just once.....No, no, no, no......Noooooooooo. Many different ways but it is all the same. I started internet searching to find out what was happening to my kid who before this has been pretty amenable. She has been a whiner, yes, but this took it to another level. She is practicing being an independent person. Her brain can now comprehend that she can impact her world by saying No. It is also the 'refusal' stage I read somewhere. It helps them assert their independence.
Ummm.....okay, ready for it to stop.
Phase II-Throwing. She seriously is throwing e-v-erything. Her food, books, the remote, blankets, clothes, doesn't matter. She will look you straight in the eye, hold something at throwing angle, and just let loose. Checking your reaction just after the fact. For the most part, go ahead. Doesn't bother too much except when she throws something hard at someone. I read that this is also completely normal. They are fascinated that they can coordinate enough to let it loose and I even read that you shouldn't stop them from it. First of all it won't work they will still throw and you will just get angry and second it might affect their self-esteem. Oh boy can you read anything on the internet.
Phase III--No sleep. Napping has now become a battle. She shows signs she is tired, gets cranky, etc. right after lunch. Routine in the past was lunch 11:00-11:15, in crib by noon. Sleeping w/in half hour or so. On a good day she'd nap for 2 1/2 hours, okay day maybe 1 hour. Now, well, she's in her crib alright, but once she finishes her bottle she mostly gets wound up again....so much so that sometimes she uses the rail and jumps in there like a trampoline. No matter how much milk, if she's changed after poopy diaper, etc. it doesn't matter. Some days it just doesn't work. I read that at this age it is normal for them to resist napping.....their brains are going so fast they just don't want to miss anything. I saw where it's like reading a great book and someone says put it down, take a nap. Okay I get it, but this child still needs naps. If she doesn't take one, close to dinner she is a complete mess, crying fits, battle at bathtime, whining, etc. It isn't pretty and it quite stressful.
Phase IV-Separation Anxiety at sleeping. This one was probably one of the toughest yet. Our routine used to be for nap and for bed I'd walk her in her room, put her down (she still has bottle), tell her it was time for nap or nigh-nigh, and I would walk out, wahlah. OH MY did this one change. She started having complete freak outs when I would try to leave the room. Not just cry cry for 5 minutes.....she would scream so loud, turn red, sometimes start spitting, almost making herself sick, scream mama mama at top of her lungs, it really was tough. I just didn't know what to do and pretty much tried everything. If I left her in there she just wound up more....couldn't get herself under control and it just got worse. If I went in and patted her back for a few minutes she would calm down, but the minute I tried to leave she'd start all over again. I tried lying next to her crib.....she would calm down, until I tried to get up and tip-toe out thinking she was asleep and it started all over again. Sometimes I gave up and laid there for an hour on the floor next to her until she fell asleep. But if she woke up after all that, I would just have to let her cry for several more minutes until she fell asleep. Sometimes I would just keep going back in there if she couldn't calm down. The one thing I didn't do was let her cry it out in her totally upset state. It just didn't seem right because she was soooo upset.
It was exhausting....to say the least. Draining on the patience and energy.
However, about a week ago, something shifted. I put her down for bed and said time for sleeping, I need to go have dinner. And she laid down and I walked out of the room. Um, what?? I haven't been able to do that for over a month. I kept waiting for her to start wailing but she put herself to sleep again. It hasn't been completely consistent, but it's starting to get back on track.
Thank you universe. This one riled me up the most because I kept thinking, it's bed time, she should be sleeping. The longer she didn't sleep the more upset I got......mainly because I don't fully relax until I know she's sleeping.
Continued Phase-Whining. This has gotten better now that she's feeling a bit better.
So, hadn't figured out quite yet whether she was sick over last few weeks due to virus or allergies. The Dr. recommended we do some over the counter allergy medication for a few days just to see. Well, lo and behold her nose cleared up, on/off fever reduced, etc.....but it could have been timing such that whatever it was is out of her system.Not sure but I do believe she is on the mend.
Looking back these last several weeks have been really rough w/ her. She wasn't feeling well and everything else followed behind that. When you are in it, it is quite stressful and frustrating.....but you don't realize how much so until it lifts a little and you reflect back. And say, boy that was hard.
I am hoping for a better few weeks. We will still do napping but if she doesn't sleep, at least she will have quiet time for an hour and half or so. She still needs it.
I am almost 6 months along and feeling better. The sickness pretty much gone and fatigue, well, that one is still so-so. I have had the itch to ride my bike, though, so that is a good sign. My stomach actually gets quite hard by the end of the work day. I'm not sure why. I also have a lot of ligament stretching and lower pelvic pain. Sometimes like a knife cutting, sharp like that when walking. I asked the Dr. and she said completely normal.
So, just hanging in there.
The only other thing going on is I am considering moving again. I can't believe I am typing this but the house I am in isn't nice at all. It is large, yes, but several things have broken since being here....landlord is nice guy and fixed most everthing, but he had leaks in the den roof and it caused water spots. I know it will get mold, and most likely there is other mold. My allergies have been a disaster really since moving to this city, but I haven't stopped sniffing/stuffy nose since moving in over here. I am off the wheezing medication, which is great, but still have symptoms. Going to allergist tomorrow to hopefully sort it out. But the main reason I was getting worried and would move in a second is that if my daughter has allergies that are from the house (really have no way of knowing for sure), then it just isn't acceptable. The thing is, it could be just the same or worse somewhere else. Two of my colleagues said that living in this city (in the south) they now have allergies and take medication regularly and never had them before.
Guess will see.
Wednesday, June 25, 2014
Monday, June 16, 2014
Not so great day
Just when I acknowledged to the universe I was having a great day.....we had yesterday and today.
Yesterday my baby girl had the biggest, most epic meltdown I've seen out of her--ever. We were going w/ some friends out to lunch for Father's day. They said since I am mother and father, I should be treated. Who can argue? Anyway, we all piled in the car and on the way over to the restaurant I heard a lot of whiny and no, no, no......once we got there it just got worse. She started fussing/crying while we were waiting so I took her to a separate area. She threw herself on the floor and wouldn't get up. I tried to put her on the bench but that made it worse. Then my friends came out and she started again w/ the no, no, no....no idea what she was saying no to, maybe she only wanted to be w/ mama who knows. I took her outside even and tried to calm her down. It seemed to be okay until we came back in. She threw herself down again, this time only laying on the floor (gross) and I was so anxious and sweaty, finally I called it quits....I felt like it was only going to go downhill from there after she started spitting.
And it did.
While we were walking towards the car she screamed no, wanted to walk by herself, was wriggling out of my arms, and started spitting. That is her new thing when she feels out of control....she spits, hits, throws, kicks, etc. Once in the car she let it loose....she kicked the back of the seat, screamed no no, spit running down her face, snot running down her nose.....she didn't want anyone looking at her, touching her, talking to her.....she just kept screaming. All the way on the 20 minute ride home.
I looked back at her a few times and I actually started crying myself. She was so angry, out of control, upset, and inconsolable.....I just felt so bad for her. I know she's getting ready for terrible 2's, but this was a tough one.
Once we got home I got her a bottle, put her in my lap, and we rocked for several minutes....finally did she calm down.
I truly think yesterday's episode is due to the fact that she is still not better. This is going on 11 days....she's had a variety of things....fever on/off, diarrhea, not eating much, sleeping poorly, sooo whiny/cranky, moved to cough/congestion/runny nose. Well just today the babysitter brought her home early because she had been tugging at her ear saying hurt, hurt. I called the Dr.'s office and nurse said to bring her back....they had an appointment today so we took it, even though she was there just 4 days ago. She was sooo fussy and still just not herself so I threw us in the car and we went over. In fact, she kept asking for her babysitter so I had her come too.
Believe it or not she does not have an ear infection or any kind of infection. She didn't have a fever in the office....her ears were clear, her throat looked good, she didn't have swollen lymph nodes.
What the heck......the Dr. said that she is the 4th child in a row that she's seen that has had similar symptoms, but related to virus. I was even worried she may have chickenpox because she had 4 raised spots on her head. nope. The only issue is that it continues to carry on. I asked if it could be allergy related and she said it's possible. We can try some over the counter ben.a.dryl in p.m. and zy.r.tec in am for a few days to see if it helps. Dr. said we need to continue watching her and of course if fever spikes to come back. I realize if virus not much we can do, but I worry so much.......I just hate seeing her feeling bad and just not getting better.
Not only that, I am exhausted too. It takes a lot a lot of patience to deal w/ her in this state and some nights she wakes up and can't put herself back to sleep. I am not feeling the best either, mostly I think due to my allergies. I stopped taking my rx for the wheezing to see if I would still wheeze. I have not, actually....however, my sinuses are all plugged up, and hurt some. I am not sure I can go w/ no medicine, but I'll wait and see.
I actually had taken a vacation day today becasue the thought of working after these past several days just overwhelmed me. I did sleep until 11:50 then went out and was productive, so felt good about that.
Now, if we can get my baby in a better place I will breathe a big sigh of relief.
Yesterday my baby girl had the biggest, most epic meltdown I've seen out of her--ever. We were going w/ some friends out to lunch for Father's day. They said since I am mother and father, I should be treated. Who can argue? Anyway, we all piled in the car and on the way over to the restaurant I heard a lot of whiny and no, no, no......once we got there it just got worse. She started fussing/crying while we were waiting so I took her to a separate area. She threw herself on the floor and wouldn't get up. I tried to put her on the bench but that made it worse. Then my friends came out and she started again w/ the no, no, no....no idea what she was saying no to, maybe she only wanted to be w/ mama who knows. I took her outside even and tried to calm her down. It seemed to be okay until we came back in. She threw herself down again, this time only laying on the floor (gross) and I was so anxious and sweaty, finally I called it quits....I felt like it was only going to go downhill from there after she started spitting.
And it did.
While we were walking towards the car she screamed no, wanted to walk by herself, was wriggling out of my arms, and started spitting. That is her new thing when she feels out of control....she spits, hits, throws, kicks, etc. Once in the car she let it loose....she kicked the back of the seat, screamed no no, spit running down her face, snot running down her nose.....she didn't want anyone looking at her, touching her, talking to her.....she just kept screaming. All the way on the 20 minute ride home.
I looked back at her a few times and I actually started crying myself. She was so angry, out of control, upset, and inconsolable.....I just felt so bad for her. I know she's getting ready for terrible 2's, but this was a tough one.
Once we got home I got her a bottle, put her in my lap, and we rocked for several minutes....finally did she calm down.
I truly think yesterday's episode is due to the fact that she is still not better. This is going on 11 days....she's had a variety of things....fever on/off, diarrhea, not eating much, sleeping poorly, sooo whiny/cranky, moved to cough/congestion/runny nose. Well just today the babysitter brought her home early because she had been tugging at her ear saying hurt, hurt. I called the Dr.'s office and nurse said to bring her back....they had an appointment today so we took it, even though she was there just 4 days ago. She was sooo fussy and still just not herself so I threw us in the car and we went over. In fact, she kept asking for her babysitter so I had her come too.
Believe it or not she does not have an ear infection or any kind of infection. She didn't have a fever in the office....her ears were clear, her throat looked good, she didn't have swollen lymph nodes.
What the heck......the Dr. said that she is the 4th child in a row that she's seen that has had similar symptoms, but related to virus. I was even worried she may have chickenpox because she had 4 raised spots on her head. nope. The only issue is that it continues to carry on. I asked if it could be allergy related and she said it's possible. We can try some over the counter ben.a.dryl in p.m. and zy.r.tec in am for a few days to see if it helps. Dr. said we need to continue watching her and of course if fever spikes to come back. I realize if virus not much we can do, but I worry so much.......I just hate seeing her feeling bad and just not getting better.
Not only that, I am exhausted too. It takes a lot a lot of patience to deal w/ her in this state and some nights she wakes up and can't put herself back to sleep. I am not feeling the best either, mostly I think due to my allergies. I stopped taking my rx for the wheezing to see if I would still wheeze. I have not, actually....however, my sinuses are all plugged up, and hurt some. I am not sure I can go w/ no medicine, but I'll wait and see.
I actually had taken a vacation day today becasue the thought of working after these past several days just overwhelmed me. I did sleep until 11:50 then went out and was productive, so felt good about that.
Now, if we can get my baby in a better place I will breathe a big sigh of relief.
Saturday, June 14, 2014
Great Day
Yesterday had to be the best day I've had in 5 months......
I woke up w/ baby--she still wakes up around 7-7:30. It was my day off, but the babysitter was still coming to get her. Our usual routine is once she wakes up I change her diaper and give her half a bottle. Then we go to the living room and she snuggles on my lap while we watch s.h.reck--her recent obession. She kept turning around and giving me kisses and hugs repeatedly, which she normally doesn't do. Then she would proudly say 'kiss!'. While we rocked I chatted w/ the babysitter.
I have to say this last week has been really really rough because she's been off for about 7 days--on/off fever, diarrhea, not eating much, not sleeping well, cranky, whiny. Thought she might be teething but then it moved to her sinuses and congestion. She's got a small cough now so think we are through it. Did take her to Dr. and they just said to watch her and keep hydrated.
Anyway, yesterday was the first day she wasn't sooooo whiny and it was a nice change.
And the best part about it, when we were sitting and rocking I actually just felt better. There was a small feeling I haven't felt in a long time.......it resembled energy! Like I actually wanted to DO something yesterday. I didn't realize how tough the fatigue has been until it lifted some. Wow, what a difference.
So babysitter left w/ baby around 8:30am....I just sat in the rocker.......by myself. Quiet. It was just nice. I had new baby Dr. appointment to get ready for.
This was a great visit at the Dr. office--they needed to complete the anatomy scan from before and everything checked out great. Also, my blood pressure was below 120/80, my weight has not gone up at all, and the baby weighs now about a pound and a half. The student ultrasound tech asked me how far along I was and I said 5 months.....she said wow, you look really good. Oh that's nice to hear. I was on the table for an hour or so, though for the whole scan. The Dr. said she's very pleased w/ how everything is going.
Then I went and caught some friends who hadn't eaten lunch yet, so went to nice little mexican restaurant. Afterwards I went to a home store.....I had made the decision to just buy a new washer/dryer. I am in a rental house that doesn't have one, so I bought a pair from my colleague. Well, it is a front loader washer and unfortunately it's got the musty smell I just can't get rid of, plus I can't even use the dryer becasuse it is electric and the house is gas. The previous people had left a dryer that I did have a plumber come hook up, BUT it leaks gas into the dryer and you can smell it when you open it up in your clothes.
Smelly washer. Smelly dryer. NO WAY.
Not an expense I wanted to spend, but for something I use every single day, it will be worth it. I got the same model I had back in my old house which I loved. They were in stock, on sale, I had a 10% off coupon, they could deliver today. This was the quickest 'big buy' I've ever made.
Then quickly went through grocery store to buy some of the organic items I use like milk, strawberries, etc. and got home w/ enough time that I was able to 'decompress' before baby sitter brought her back.
My baby actually ATE dinner for the first time in a week, and I then got to relax because a friend was over and said she would do bath routine. Um, great!
Overall a great day yesterday. Mostly because I just felt better than I have in a while, my baby boy is growing nicely and kicking more, my baby girl is starting to feel better, and I took care of something looming over my head--washer dryer.
Here is the picture I was going to post the other day.........love these curls.......
This was from Easter where she was trying to open the egg. She learned quick there was candy and fun stuff in them.
Her new thing she asks for now is 'kitty'........aka.....candy.
Mama treats her every now and then.
I woke up w/ baby--she still wakes up around 7-7:30. It was my day off, but the babysitter was still coming to get her. Our usual routine is once she wakes up I change her diaper and give her half a bottle. Then we go to the living room and she snuggles on my lap while we watch s.h.reck--her recent obession. She kept turning around and giving me kisses and hugs repeatedly, which she normally doesn't do. Then she would proudly say 'kiss!'. While we rocked I chatted w/ the babysitter.
I have to say this last week has been really really rough because she's been off for about 7 days--on/off fever, diarrhea, not eating much, not sleeping well, cranky, whiny. Thought she might be teething but then it moved to her sinuses and congestion. She's got a small cough now so think we are through it. Did take her to Dr. and they just said to watch her and keep hydrated.
Anyway, yesterday was the first day she wasn't sooooo whiny and it was a nice change.
And the best part about it, when we were sitting and rocking I actually just felt better. There was a small feeling I haven't felt in a long time.......it resembled energy! Like I actually wanted to DO something yesterday. I didn't realize how tough the fatigue has been until it lifted some. Wow, what a difference.
So babysitter left w/ baby around 8:30am....I just sat in the rocker.......by myself. Quiet. It was just nice. I had new baby Dr. appointment to get ready for.
This was a great visit at the Dr. office--they needed to complete the anatomy scan from before and everything checked out great. Also, my blood pressure was below 120/80, my weight has not gone up at all, and the baby weighs now about a pound and a half. The student ultrasound tech asked me how far along I was and I said 5 months.....she said wow, you look really good. Oh that's nice to hear. I was on the table for an hour or so, though for the whole scan. The Dr. said she's very pleased w/ how everything is going.
Then I went and caught some friends who hadn't eaten lunch yet, so went to nice little mexican restaurant. Afterwards I went to a home store.....I had made the decision to just buy a new washer/dryer. I am in a rental house that doesn't have one, so I bought a pair from my colleague. Well, it is a front loader washer and unfortunately it's got the musty smell I just can't get rid of, plus I can't even use the dryer becasuse it is electric and the house is gas. The previous people had left a dryer that I did have a plumber come hook up, BUT it leaks gas into the dryer and you can smell it when you open it up in your clothes.
Smelly washer. Smelly dryer. NO WAY.
Not an expense I wanted to spend, but for something I use every single day, it will be worth it. I got the same model I had back in my old house which I loved. They were in stock, on sale, I had a 10% off coupon, they could deliver today. This was the quickest 'big buy' I've ever made.
Then quickly went through grocery store to buy some of the organic items I use like milk, strawberries, etc. and got home w/ enough time that I was able to 'decompress' before baby sitter brought her back.
My baby actually ATE dinner for the first time in a week, and I then got to relax because a friend was over and said she would do bath routine. Um, great!
Overall a great day yesterday. Mostly because I just felt better than I have in a while, my baby boy is growing nicely and kicking more, my baby girl is starting to feel better, and I took care of something looming over my head--washer dryer.
Here is the picture I was going to post the other day.........love these curls.......
This was from Easter where she was trying to open the egg. She learned quick there was candy and fun stuff in them.
Her new thing she asks for now is 'kitty'........aka.....candy.
Mama treats her every now and then.
Monday, June 2, 2014
Can't believe it's been this long
This is the longest I've gone w/out blogging since I've started this blog.
I will first say that:
I am okay
My daughter is okay
New baby is okay
Since blogging last I've been working through my first trimester sickness, moved to a new rental house, went on a trip/flight for my niece's graduation, went to several Dr.'s appointments, and seen my daughter grow/change right before my eyes.
I am having a hard time admitting this, but it's the real deal...get it.....anyway, since relocating here a friend of mine who I've known over 10 years and I haven't really connected (and we are in the same city). Not sure the reasons why but I just didn't want her to follow what I was doing over a blog rather than call me.....it was bothering me. So, I just stopped writing. But, after some time (gosh it's been almost two months) I realized my blog, working through things, and capturing memories is more important that anything else.
So, I'm back.
It feels like so much has happened since I wrote last.....first and foremost, with the new baby, everything has gone really well. I had the C.V.S test and it all came back normal. I also just had the first anatomy scan and all is well that they could see. Just last week I felt the baby kick for the first time and it was just like I remembered. This baby is breech position just like my first was the entire time, so baby's head is pushing up my innards and kicking on my stretching ligaments.
I am just over 20 weeks.
AND
IT's
A........................drum roll........................
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I FOR SURE thought it was another girl. I just 'felt' girl.....so much so that I asked after my c.v.s. test if they were sure......and she said yes, of course. It is a chromosomal test so they know for sure if XX or XY.
I am really really excited. It will change the dynamic of our family in many ways but I think having some boy/male energy is great for us.
As for how I've been feeling, once I crossed say 18 weeks the morning sickness got a little better and now 2 more weeks later I feel much better. I also had a lot of fatigue (this is not all gone), but that also was probably brought on by being a single mom w/ a toddler!
I've been very thankful that my boss has allowed me to work from home as needed and that has been a life saver in terms of making it past the first trimester part.
I've been saying all along 'knock on wood' I haven't been hospitalized yet so it is a much better pregnancy thus far overall. I haven't gained any weight yet which is great. I've been eating better than last time.....still craving carbs, but I also still want fruits and vegetables which did not happen last time. Since I am taller and bigger now you can't really see a bump, but I am feeling it. Carrying high. I go to the Dr. every two weeks for monitoring/scans etc.. My blood pressure has been just fine and no protein in urine.
Now, on to my baby girl. Wow have we had some backtracking w/ sleeping. She has been fighting naps tooth and nail.....she's not been doing well going to sleep at night either. There are several reasons for this. We've moved (twice), she has two babysitters who have taught her some new habits like wanting someone to rub her back until she falls asleep and staying in the room w/ her while she sleeps. Neither of which I did. She is also in a new house, but actually once we got out of the apartment, she has taken to the house/napping better than apartment. We had screeching/screaming fests back there and sleep was even worse.... I look back pre-move to this city and it used to be so easy--well compared to now. I'd put her to bed around 6:50-7pm. She lay right down and take her bottle.....jibber/jabber to herself for 20 minutes or so and go to sleep. NOT that way now. She has a hard time falling asleep, staying asleep, and napping. All of which means it is more stressful for mama. And, I haven't even taken her bottles away yet.
What has been great to watch and experience is her communication skills really taking off.
--when she wants you to do something, she will come over, grab your hand--even say HAND if you don't go w/ her right away, and take you to whatever she wants.
--she says poop after she poops. The babysitter thinks she's ready for potty-training. Probably so since she knows when she is going.
--she had her first sentence: No pee-pee. I asked her in the tub if she had pee-pee and she answered.
--she said her first three-syllable word--oc-to-pus.
--she asks to hold my hand in the car when she is in her car seat and I am up front.
--she loves loves fruitsnacks.
--she still brings books over and wants to read, but her new obsession is sh.r.ek the movie. She wants to watch it every night when drinking bottle before bed and she wants to watch it every morning when she has her morning milk. She says sheck. sheck. She has started anticipating the parts, the one where he pulls the wax out of his ear....I used to say AGH, gross.....and now before it comes up she says gross, gross and looks at me for acknowledgement.
--She thinks everyone she sees is someone she knows. She has the babysitters and their daughters and husbands. All of those names she'll use when seeing someone in the store, in a magazine, etc. I have to explain, no honey that's not X, they are at home. She insists.
--She's giving more hugs and kisses than before. It is super sweet.
--her curls are growing in and they are the cutest thing ever.
Most recently we flew (for the first time since Thanksgiving) to the midwest for my niece's graduation. Family can be so complicated. I stayed at a hotel w/ my sister.....back-up-she had come down to visit about a month before and it was not the best trip. I was really frustrated because my baby girl didn't take to her very well and was in the middle of her crying/screeching phase....so my sister sort of just sat back and said oh well....didn't try much, and hung out in the chair most of the time. Was not helpful for the most part and didn't really talk much. Just not a good trip. I called her on it, and she said she'd do better next time, but sort of blew it off. That upset me even more, but at the end I just have to realize she is who she is....she's not a mom and doesn't always know what to do...So this time I said I need her to help more.......
The flights were quite stressful (we had a connection). She's an active toddler. When we had room in our row it was better so she could climb up/down/up/down.....but when we were scrunched, hold the phone it was tough. At one point she was flailing her arms because she just didn't want to sit on my lap and she threw her bottle. We were surrounded by older people and I heard a guy say 'good thing she didnt' hit anyone in the head with that bottle'. I just bit my tongue......I felt the judgement but not much I could do in that situation. She was exhausted, so was I, she hadn't napped....we had been traveling all day. Not only that, once we arrived my sister was late picking us up at the airport. I get so frustrated w/ her about this because it is a constant theme. No matter how much I fuss about it, she still does it. AND, she didn't have directions to the hotel. Seriously.....after traveling 8 hours w/ an almost two year old, my patience was gone.
I was already stressed about going on this trip at all........when the family gets together now w/out my mom, things can get outta hand quickly. I didn't really want to meet my Dad's new wife, and my sister's husband is a complete jerk and has done some terrible things to our family and his own over the years. Screwed up his kids, etc.. I can't remember the last time we saw him......but of course he'd be there because it's his kid graduating. He even had the nerve to pull his same old crap........his daughter wanted to spend the night at the hotel and we had just arrived....now 9 hours after traveling w/ a toddler. I said sure fine. Then my sister calls back and says well, they are down to one car and would we mind going to pick my niece up. UM WHAT? Did she really just ask me that? I said listen, we just got there, we were exhausted, they have the car so drive the 9 miles over to the hotel and drop her off.
Well, guess what......they didn't do it. It's the same shit he did w/ my mom over the years.....you can see the kids IF you follow what I want you to do. He is so ignorant it's hard to even put into words what a low-life he is. I didn't play the game.
The next day we had a dinner w/ my dad, his new wife, all of us kids (my 2 older sisters and younger brother), my daughter, and my sister's kids--2 nieces and nephew before the graduation. It went okay for the most part. I actually liked 'showing off' my girl to everyone. She looked darn cute in her outfit and they hadn't seen her since she was itty bitty. She was saying everyone's name, sat pretty well at the table, etc.. that part I enjoyed. Getting to share my baby. It's a luxury that most who have family surrounding them don't probably even think about. Or at least in my mind, they take it for granted.
And sadly enough, we missed the graduation part....well, not all of it. It was at 8pm at night, so already past bedtime. But, it was hot, and in the midwest they don't typically have air conditioning in the gyms so in there it had to have been in the 90's. I was sweating bullets, watching my child climb up/down/tyring to keep her contained....finally after 30 minutes I said forget it. I was starting to feel sick....so I packed us up and we went to the a/c car. We drove around until my brother and sister were ready to go. I felt really bad for my niece because while I left early, I learned later that my sister and brother left after they saw her get the diploma. They didn't stay until the end when they turn the tassels and you go up and hug them etc.. I was kind of frustrated w/ them because it was hard for me to do, but I thought they could have handled it and chose not to. It really was the right thing for them to do because my niece was disappointed. Realize I can't control it all.......
Anyway, it was quite a stressful trip, I was pretty exhausted from traveling, having no breaks for 4 days, worried the family was going to get crazy, so much history w/ everyone, getting frustrated that noone really helped me w/ her. Even at the picnic day after graduation everyone just plopped themselves down in the shade for about an hour while I chased my child down, watched her do somersaults, run towards the road, steal others' shoes and footballs, etc.. I was exhausted. So after about an hour I said I was really tired, and did my other sister want to go. She said no, she was fine. I told her I'd be fine too if I just had to rest in a chair for an hour. I was tired and wanted to go. At least she was okay w/ that.
I know this trip sounds horrible and it wasn't all horrible......it was stressful and w/out much help it was super tiring. But, I hadn't seen my brother for awhile so that was nice, I got to show everyone my girl, she charmed them all, and we took some family pics w/ baby girl.
I'm glad we are back (just got back yesterday) and getting back to routine.
.....much needed for this mama.
I will first say that:
I am okay
My daughter is okay
New baby is okay
Since blogging last I've been working through my first trimester sickness, moved to a new rental house, went on a trip/flight for my niece's graduation, went to several Dr.'s appointments, and seen my daughter grow/change right before my eyes.
I am having a hard time admitting this, but it's the real deal...get it.....anyway, since relocating here a friend of mine who I've known over 10 years and I haven't really connected (and we are in the same city). Not sure the reasons why but I just didn't want her to follow what I was doing over a blog rather than call me.....it was bothering me. So, I just stopped writing. But, after some time (gosh it's been almost two months) I realized my blog, working through things, and capturing memories is more important that anything else.
So, I'm back.
It feels like so much has happened since I wrote last.....first and foremost, with the new baby, everything has gone really well. I had the C.V.S test and it all came back normal. I also just had the first anatomy scan and all is well that they could see. Just last week I felt the baby kick for the first time and it was just like I remembered. This baby is breech position just like my first was the entire time, so baby's head is pushing up my innards and kicking on my stretching ligaments.
I am just over 20 weeks.
AND
IT's
A........................drum roll........................
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I FOR SURE thought it was another girl. I just 'felt' girl.....so much so that I asked after my c.v.s. test if they were sure......and she said yes, of course. It is a chromosomal test so they know for sure if XX or XY.
I am really really excited. It will change the dynamic of our family in many ways but I think having some boy/male energy is great for us.
As for how I've been feeling, once I crossed say 18 weeks the morning sickness got a little better and now 2 more weeks later I feel much better. I also had a lot of fatigue (this is not all gone), but that also was probably brought on by being a single mom w/ a toddler!
I've been very thankful that my boss has allowed me to work from home as needed and that has been a life saver in terms of making it past the first trimester part.
I've been saying all along 'knock on wood' I haven't been hospitalized yet so it is a much better pregnancy thus far overall. I haven't gained any weight yet which is great. I've been eating better than last time.....still craving carbs, but I also still want fruits and vegetables which did not happen last time. Since I am taller and bigger now you can't really see a bump, but I am feeling it. Carrying high. I go to the Dr. every two weeks for monitoring/scans etc.. My blood pressure has been just fine and no protein in urine.
Now, on to my baby girl. Wow have we had some backtracking w/ sleeping. She has been fighting naps tooth and nail.....she's not been doing well going to sleep at night either. There are several reasons for this. We've moved (twice), she has two babysitters who have taught her some new habits like wanting someone to rub her back until she falls asleep and staying in the room w/ her while she sleeps. Neither of which I did. She is also in a new house, but actually once we got out of the apartment, she has taken to the house/napping better than apartment. We had screeching/screaming fests back there and sleep was even worse.... I look back pre-move to this city and it used to be so easy--well compared to now. I'd put her to bed around 6:50-7pm. She lay right down and take her bottle.....jibber/jabber to herself for 20 minutes or so and go to sleep. NOT that way now. She has a hard time falling asleep, staying asleep, and napping. All of which means it is more stressful for mama. And, I haven't even taken her bottles away yet.
What has been great to watch and experience is her communication skills really taking off.
--when she wants you to do something, she will come over, grab your hand--even say HAND if you don't go w/ her right away, and take you to whatever she wants.
--she says poop after she poops. The babysitter thinks she's ready for potty-training. Probably so since she knows when she is going.
--she had her first sentence: No pee-pee. I asked her in the tub if she had pee-pee and she answered.
--she said her first three-syllable word--oc-to-pus.
--she asks to hold my hand in the car when she is in her car seat and I am up front.
--she loves loves fruitsnacks.
--she still brings books over and wants to read, but her new obsession is sh.r.ek the movie. She wants to watch it every night when drinking bottle before bed and she wants to watch it every morning when she has her morning milk. She says sheck. sheck. She has started anticipating the parts, the one where he pulls the wax out of his ear....I used to say AGH, gross.....and now before it comes up she says gross, gross and looks at me for acknowledgement.
--She thinks everyone she sees is someone she knows. She has the babysitters and their daughters and husbands. All of those names she'll use when seeing someone in the store, in a magazine, etc. I have to explain, no honey that's not X, they are at home. She insists.
--She's giving more hugs and kisses than before. It is super sweet.
--her curls are growing in and they are the cutest thing ever.
Most recently we flew (for the first time since Thanksgiving) to the midwest for my niece's graduation. Family can be so complicated. I stayed at a hotel w/ my sister.....back-up-she had come down to visit about a month before and it was not the best trip. I was really frustrated because my baby girl didn't take to her very well and was in the middle of her crying/screeching phase....so my sister sort of just sat back and said oh well....didn't try much, and hung out in the chair most of the time. Was not helpful for the most part and didn't really talk much. Just not a good trip. I called her on it, and she said she'd do better next time, but sort of blew it off. That upset me even more, but at the end I just have to realize she is who she is....she's not a mom and doesn't always know what to do...So this time I said I need her to help more.......
The flights were quite stressful (we had a connection). She's an active toddler. When we had room in our row it was better so she could climb up/down/up/down.....but when we were scrunched, hold the phone it was tough. At one point she was flailing her arms because she just didn't want to sit on my lap and she threw her bottle. We were surrounded by older people and I heard a guy say 'good thing she didnt' hit anyone in the head with that bottle'. I just bit my tongue......I felt the judgement but not much I could do in that situation. She was exhausted, so was I, she hadn't napped....we had been traveling all day. Not only that, once we arrived my sister was late picking us up at the airport. I get so frustrated w/ her about this because it is a constant theme. No matter how much I fuss about it, she still does it. AND, she didn't have directions to the hotel. Seriously.....after traveling 8 hours w/ an almost two year old, my patience was gone.
I was already stressed about going on this trip at all........when the family gets together now w/out my mom, things can get outta hand quickly. I didn't really want to meet my Dad's new wife, and my sister's husband is a complete jerk and has done some terrible things to our family and his own over the years. Screwed up his kids, etc.. I can't remember the last time we saw him......but of course he'd be there because it's his kid graduating. He even had the nerve to pull his same old crap........his daughter wanted to spend the night at the hotel and we had just arrived....now 9 hours after traveling w/ a toddler. I said sure fine. Then my sister calls back and says well, they are down to one car and would we mind going to pick my niece up. UM WHAT? Did she really just ask me that? I said listen, we just got there, we were exhausted, they have the car so drive the 9 miles over to the hotel and drop her off.
Well, guess what......they didn't do it. It's the same shit he did w/ my mom over the years.....you can see the kids IF you follow what I want you to do. He is so ignorant it's hard to even put into words what a low-life he is. I didn't play the game.
The next day we had a dinner w/ my dad, his new wife, all of us kids (my 2 older sisters and younger brother), my daughter, and my sister's kids--2 nieces and nephew before the graduation. It went okay for the most part. I actually liked 'showing off' my girl to everyone. She looked darn cute in her outfit and they hadn't seen her since she was itty bitty. She was saying everyone's name, sat pretty well at the table, etc.. that part I enjoyed. Getting to share my baby. It's a luxury that most who have family surrounding them don't probably even think about. Or at least in my mind, they take it for granted.
And sadly enough, we missed the graduation part....well, not all of it. It was at 8pm at night, so already past bedtime. But, it was hot, and in the midwest they don't typically have air conditioning in the gyms so in there it had to have been in the 90's. I was sweating bullets, watching my child climb up/down/tyring to keep her contained....finally after 30 minutes I said forget it. I was starting to feel sick....so I packed us up and we went to the a/c car. We drove around until my brother and sister were ready to go. I felt really bad for my niece because while I left early, I learned later that my sister and brother left after they saw her get the diploma. They didn't stay until the end when they turn the tassels and you go up and hug them etc.. I was kind of frustrated w/ them because it was hard for me to do, but I thought they could have handled it and chose not to. It really was the right thing for them to do because my niece was disappointed. Realize I can't control it all.......
Anyway, it was quite a stressful trip, I was pretty exhausted from traveling, having no breaks for 4 days, worried the family was going to get crazy, so much history w/ everyone, getting frustrated that noone really helped me w/ her. Even at the picnic day after graduation everyone just plopped themselves down in the shade for about an hour while I chased my child down, watched her do somersaults, run towards the road, steal others' shoes and footballs, etc.. I was exhausted. So after about an hour I said I was really tired, and did my other sister want to go. She said no, she was fine. I told her I'd be fine too if I just had to rest in a chair for an hour. I was tired and wanted to go. At least she was okay w/ that.
I know this trip sounds horrible and it wasn't all horrible......it was stressful and w/out much help it was super tiring. But, I hadn't seen my brother for awhile so that was nice, I got to show everyone my girl, she charmed them all, and we took some family pics w/ baby girl.
I'm glad we are back (just got back yesterday) and getting back to routine.
.....much needed for this mama.
Monday, April 7, 2014
It's a.....................
Not telling yet, HA!!
Actually I just had my C.V.S test this past Thursday and it went pretty smooth. I was quite nervous, even though I had done it before, so a good friend of mine went with me. It really brings up a lot of emotion going to the baby Dr. Mostly about family. When I go I am usually the only one by myself. Especially where I live now, southern city, it seems magnified. Women come w/ what I assume are husbands/boyfriends, parents, in-laws, you name it. This one woman had 5+ people with her. Now I know that I can make up in my mind how great it is to have all this family around and maybe they all don't get along, or the woman would rather be by herself.....not sure. But, I decided this time I wanted someone there w/ me.
I have to say......it was soooo nice. It's the first time I've had someone w/ me for a procedure i.e. in the room. It was like a rock in the corner and I could just know that I had support. Felt good.
It was kind of strange once the Dr. got the sample he had it under a microscope right there to see if he had what he needed. He did. They sent it off to the lab and I got a call today.....
The nurse said that the preliminary report was all positive i.e. they found no issues. However, the final report takes about another week, so I won't be fully celebrating or saying what the baby is until then.
This past week has been a rough one. I stopped taking the medicine for morning sickness because while it did help, it gave me an intolerable headache that ty.lenol would not control. It wasn't worth it. So, back to nothing. I also recently stopped all of my reproductive medicine (yippee), but I suspect the drop in those levels has contributed to how yucky I feel.
And, baby girl got sick.....again. Yesterday she woke up pretty fussy and didn't want her morning snack. That was odd, so at lunch I tried again and she pushed it away after a few bites. When we were walking out to car she hunched over, grabbed her belly, and started crying. Once we got home I gave her some water w/ a touch of pedia.lite. She continued to grab her belly and sure enough, when we were sitting in the chair she vomited all over me, her, the chair, the floor, everything. We went straight to the tub. Poor baby girl. It came through her nose which I know hurts.
We got all cleaned up, disinfected everything, threw in laundry.....she still was grabbing her belly. It is hard to contain a toddler who is used to going going....she didn't really want to lie down or sit still. And everytime she did that it upset her tummy. So, she was walking toward kitchen, grabbed her belly and vomited again. Oh that poor baby. I picked her up again and off to the tub we went again.
I was soooo hopeful that she wouldn't vomit again....there wouldnt be much left, and she looked so sick. And thankgoodness she didn't. However, throughout the day toward night she started getting a fever. I laid her down to bed at her normal time and she did fall right to sleep. However today she didn't want to eat hardly anything again.....and she got another fever. Have kept fluids in her, she likes the 'juice' since I've only given her plain water, so I'm not worried at all she will get dehydrated.
She just feels terrible. She also had some really messy diapers, so her system is just all troubled.
It is so stressful when she is sick. I am just so hyper-worried about her.
We are both a pair right now and yes, it is hard.
Had a lead on another nanny....it all looked great and then, she sprung on me yesterday via email that she didn't have a car. And, she just got her license. She is a college grad and guess she never needed it but really? She said she is planning to get one by summer, but being a new driver just may be a deal breaker.
Jeepers.
Actually I just had my C.V.S test this past Thursday and it went pretty smooth. I was quite nervous, even though I had done it before, so a good friend of mine went with me. It really brings up a lot of emotion going to the baby Dr. Mostly about family. When I go I am usually the only one by myself. Especially where I live now, southern city, it seems magnified. Women come w/ what I assume are husbands/boyfriends, parents, in-laws, you name it. This one woman had 5+ people with her. Now I know that I can make up in my mind how great it is to have all this family around and maybe they all don't get along, or the woman would rather be by herself.....not sure. But, I decided this time I wanted someone there w/ me.
I have to say......it was soooo nice. It's the first time I've had someone w/ me for a procedure i.e. in the room. It was like a rock in the corner and I could just know that I had support. Felt good.
It was kind of strange once the Dr. got the sample he had it under a microscope right there to see if he had what he needed. He did. They sent it off to the lab and I got a call today.....
The nurse said that the preliminary report was all positive i.e. they found no issues. However, the final report takes about another week, so I won't be fully celebrating or saying what the baby is until then.
This past week has been a rough one. I stopped taking the medicine for morning sickness because while it did help, it gave me an intolerable headache that ty.lenol would not control. It wasn't worth it. So, back to nothing. I also recently stopped all of my reproductive medicine (yippee), but I suspect the drop in those levels has contributed to how yucky I feel.
And, baby girl got sick.....again. Yesterday she woke up pretty fussy and didn't want her morning snack. That was odd, so at lunch I tried again and she pushed it away after a few bites. When we were walking out to car she hunched over, grabbed her belly, and started crying. Once we got home I gave her some water w/ a touch of pedia.lite. She continued to grab her belly and sure enough, when we were sitting in the chair she vomited all over me, her, the chair, the floor, everything. We went straight to the tub. Poor baby girl. It came through her nose which I know hurts.
We got all cleaned up, disinfected everything, threw in laundry.....she still was grabbing her belly. It is hard to contain a toddler who is used to going going....she didn't really want to lie down or sit still. And everytime she did that it upset her tummy. So, she was walking toward kitchen, grabbed her belly and vomited again. Oh that poor baby. I picked her up again and off to the tub we went again.
I was soooo hopeful that she wouldn't vomit again....there wouldnt be much left, and she looked so sick. And thankgoodness she didn't. However, throughout the day toward night she started getting a fever. I laid her down to bed at her normal time and she did fall right to sleep. However today she didn't want to eat hardly anything again.....and she got another fever. Have kept fluids in her, she likes the 'juice' since I've only given her plain water, so I'm not worried at all she will get dehydrated.
She just feels terrible. She also had some really messy diapers, so her system is just all troubled.
It is so stressful when she is sick. I am just so hyper-worried about her.
We are both a pair right now and yes, it is hard.
Had a lead on another nanny....it all looked great and then, she sprung on me yesterday via email that she didn't have a car. And, she just got her license. She is a college grad and guess she never needed it but really? She said she is planning to get one by summer, but being a new driver just may be a deal breaker.
Jeepers.
Monday, March 31, 2014
BY-NOO (or MY-NOO)
I have had a few posts roaming around in my mind...mostly things I want to capture of things baby girl is doing. Really new, fun stuff.
The title of this post is what my child says for Balloon. Her language skills have started to really ramp up--she is trying more and more words and saying new ones almost by the day it seems.
For example, just the other day I said we have to throw away something. Then a little later she came up to me w/ something in her hand and said 'away'. Plain as day. I actually knew what she meant and I told her she could go throw it away. She ran right over to the trash, lifted the lid, threw it away, put the lid down and came back. She was SO proud of herself. And of course I showered her w/ praise. However, I have to watch her because she likes to 'away' things that don't go there like bottle or cups. And she will also dig things out......but she's learning and that's cool.
Some other new words are: done, more, purple, baby (with the full ba-by), mama (she likes to tell everyone I'm her mama and I just love it). She knows her babysitters names.....everyday she says Joo-Jiss, which no idea where that came from but we all know what she means.
She's also starting to repeat things automatically. Before I used to have to ask her....can you say book, or can you say blue? Now, when she hears things she tries them out. We were watching a tv show w/ letters and they said T. She repeated T. It was cool.
She's still doing so much better at home w/ the babysitters so I am confident I made the right decision taking her out of daycare at that time. However, after continuing to interview FT nannies we just haven't found the right fit. Either they want too much salary, I'm not interested, or baby girl didn't mesh w/ them.....I'm okay to continue looking because 'just good enough' isn't enough for me. My one baby sitter can continue w the PT, but the other can't. So, I'm now going to focus on finding someone PT. Maybe that will open up a bigger pool of people. Will see.
This one has been hard.
On a positive note, I did find a cute (seems nice) rental house. It's good size, 3 bed 2 bath and we will move at the end of this month. Will be nice to get all my stuff in one place. It is quite expensive, but I think renting for the year will be better for me instead of buying. I'm not sure about staying here and buying just doesn't make sense in that scenario. So, I'll just have to know I'm not earning equity, etc. and be okay w/ it.
Good news on the new baby front. I had my last Dr. appointment and the baby was measuring right on track--I just crossed 11 weeks and heartbeat was good. She ran a lot of labs last time I was there and all came back normal (YES!). She wanted to be sure there wasn't anything specific that pre-disposes me to bloodclots and the answer is no. But, I still have to take the shots daily of a low dose blood thinner as preventative. I am just about to finish up my reproductive meds (ends at 12 weeks) so will be down to injections for only one med--yay~!
The only thing I've continued to struggle w/ is the nausea. It has gotten me pretty good. The Dr. office just prescribed something new (they normally do zo.fran.) but that didn't work well for me last time.....so it's a med that combines uni.som and B6. It's a 'lesser' med than the other anyway. You ramp up w/ it so it seemed to be helping but I fell asleep last night w/ out taking it so I am starting over somewhat. It did make me uber tired on Sunday but I think I prefer tired versus sick. I'll take again tonight and will see.
I have had to spend a lot of time on the sofa and can easily start to feel the guilt of not being as physically active w/ baby girl, BUT I feel good about the fact that I force myself to get outside when weather nice almost all the time (walks or park), and when we are inside, we still play, it's just she brings things over to me while I rest on the couch. Books, toys, you name it. She seems to be taking it all in stride and hasn't been overly fussy, so I'm very thankful for that. She knows her mama loves her--affection is not cut short here--and she gets many hugs, kisses, stories, coloring, etc.....even if it is lying down.
Something i am doing regularly is have her sit on my lap facing me and I ask her about her day. It is so cute. I'll ask her about what she did, where she went, what she ate, etc.. and she answers me--mostly I can't understand, but we are practicing conversation and it's fun.
Another game we play is, "Hey, where's my kiss?" When I say that she runs and giggles....when I get her I get my kiss.....but if she runs too far I'll say 'oh you turkey lurkey'.....and she repeats it. It sorta sounds like turkey lurkey but it is too cute.
It is hard, yes....not feeling well and taking care of another human being is tough. Throw the move, finding a nanny, needing to move again, starting my job, etc. it has been a lot.
But, I know in my heart that this was the right move for our family. I feel good about it and am thankful that 'knock on wood' I haven't been hospitalized and continue to do pretty well compared to last time.
Looking forward to feeling better and getting some energy back. Yah.
The title of this post is what my child says for Balloon. Her language skills have started to really ramp up--she is trying more and more words and saying new ones almost by the day it seems.
For example, just the other day I said we have to throw away something. Then a little later she came up to me w/ something in her hand and said 'away'. Plain as day. I actually knew what she meant and I told her she could go throw it away. She ran right over to the trash, lifted the lid, threw it away, put the lid down and came back. She was SO proud of herself. And of course I showered her w/ praise. However, I have to watch her because she likes to 'away' things that don't go there like bottle or cups. And she will also dig things out......but she's learning and that's cool.
Some other new words are: done, more, purple, baby (with the full ba-by), mama (she likes to tell everyone I'm her mama and I just love it). She knows her babysitters names.....everyday she says Joo-Jiss, which no idea where that came from but we all know what she means.
She's also starting to repeat things automatically. Before I used to have to ask her....can you say book, or can you say blue? Now, when she hears things she tries them out. We were watching a tv show w/ letters and they said T. She repeated T. It was cool.
She's still doing so much better at home w/ the babysitters so I am confident I made the right decision taking her out of daycare at that time. However, after continuing to interview FT nannies we just haven't found the right fit. Either they want too much salary, I'm not interested, or baby girl didn't mesh w/ them.....I'm okay to continue looking because 'just good enough' isn't enough for me. My one baby sitter can continue w the PT, but the other can't. So, I'm now going to focus on finding someone PT. Maybe that will open up a bigger pool of people. Will see.
This one has been hard.
On a positive note, I did find a cute (seems nice) rental house. It's good size, 3 bed 2 bath and we will move at the end of this month. Will be nice to get all my stuff in one place. It is quite expensive, but I think renting for the year will be better for me instead of buying. I'm not sure about staying here and buying just doesn't make sense in that scenario. So, I'll just have to know I'm not earning equity, etc. and be okay w/ it.
Good news on the new baby front. I had my last Dr. appointment and the baby was measuring right on track--I just crossed 11 weeks and heartbeat was good. She ran a lot of labs last time I was there and all came back normal (YES!). She wanted to be sure there wasn't anything specific that pre-disposes me to bloodclots and the answer is no. But, I still have to take the shots daily of a low dose blood thinner as preventative. I am just about to finish up my reproductive meds (ends at 12 weeks) so will be down to injections for only one med--yay~!
The only thing I've continued to struggle w/ is the nausea. It has gotten me pretty good. The Dr. office just prescribed something new (they normally do zo.fran.) but that didn't work well for me last time.....so it's a med that combines uni.som and B6. It's a 'lesser' med than the other anyway. You ramp up w/ it so it seemed to be helping but I fell asleep last night w/ out taking it so I am starting over somewhat. It did make me uber tired on Sunday but I think I prefer tired versus sick. I'll take again tonight and will see.
I have had to spend a lot of time on the sofa and can easily start to feel the guilt of not being as physically active w/ baby girl, BUT I feel good about the fact that I force myself to get outside when weather nice almost all the time (walks or park), and when we are inside, we still play, it's just she brings things over to me while I rest on the couch. Books, toys, you name it. She seems to be taking it all in stride and hasn't been overly fussy, so I'm very thankful for that. She knows her mama loves her--affection is not cut short here--and she gets many hugs, kisses, stories, coloring, etc.....even if it is lying down.
Something i am doing regularly is have her sit on my lap facing me and I ask her about her day. It is so cute. I'll ask her about what she did, where she went, what she ate, etc.. and she answers me--mostly I can't understand, but we are practicing conversation and it's fun.
Another game we play is, "Hey, where's my kiss?" When I say that she runs and giggles....when I get her I get my kiss.....but if she runs too far I'll say 'oh you turkey lurkey'.....and she repeats it. It sorta sounds like turkey lurkey but it is too cute.
It is hard, yes....not feeling well and taking care of another human being is tough. Throw the move, finding a nanny, needing to move again, starting my job, etc. it has been a lot.
But, I know in my heart that this was the right move for our family. I feel good about it and am thankful that 'knock on wood' I haven't been hospitalized and continue to do pretty well compared to last time.
Looking forward to feeling better and getting some energy back. Yah.
Saturday, March 15, 2014
Exhale
 |
| My little heart is flickering away |
I know that people say every pregnancy is different....and I guess they mean it. I just couldn't really fathom what they meant, how could it be that different, you know? Now I know.
During last pregnancy I had no loss of symptoms what so ever. Not in the entire time of week 7ish to week 18ish. It was super difficult and hard to manage. I remember at about 11:30-12noon my symptoms would come on and get worse and worse throughout the day. Every day. I remember feeling like omg when would this ever get better.
This time, there have been two distinct times when I felt absolutely and completely 'normal'. No rhyme or reason, but I just felt good. Most would say hoorah, but I truly think after going through IVF (well me anyway) I am always just cautiously optimistic. When something is new my mind tends to jump to, oh no.....rather than ok, let's see. I was confident something must not have been right.
Thank you Lord I was wrong.
I am now 9 weeks along and that is an accomplishment. Baby is measuring w/in a day of where it is supposed to, heartbeat where it needs to be, and I am functioning okay. I definitely still have the nausea, tiredness, and some days of 'I can't do this', but overall I'm taking it slow. I have had a few meltdown days, but I think that's when I get overwhelmed w/ STILL trying to find a nanny and a new place to live. That's a lot on a mama's plate...work FT, find new housing, find a nanny, be a mama, and grow a new baby. I am not superwoman. I have to keep reminding myself of that. The apartment is a disaster, but I'm just not that worried. I have some good friends here who are super supportive and have allowed me to lean on/cry when needed, and one has even gone to look at a rental for me. Some friends become more involved during these times, some less......
Some positive things are that I have recently found a counselor here to just have someone else's objective opinion and guidance. It has been nice so far. Only met her twice, but she's given me some suggestions on building my network here. That makes sense that's what I need to do, but finding the energy is where I fall short. I am just happy that I get outside twice a day each day over the weekend w/ baby girl so she can play and we can continue to do things. Even when I don't feel well.
I also am connected to a really good Dr. here and I like her and her nurses. They have been supportive, informative, and responsive. The Dr. really listens to my concerns and has been great at explaining how she wants to move forward. I am going to do the CV.S testing this time as well (done between 10-13 weeks) to determine if there are any issues w/ the baby. It is an invasive procedure that is a test, not a screen, so we will know for sure. That was important to me.
I have still had the thoughts of flight and moving out of here.....but my rational mind says I need to 'hunker down' and make this work, at least through this pregnancy. The thought of moving again into an unknown situation is just out of my comprehension at the moment. There is time to think about where we live and what I do........my focus now is keeping healthy and being a good mama!
Here is the pic I was going to post the other day. She is now pretend-playing and it is oh-so cute.
She has been a trooper overall. She is doing so much better at home.
Thank you Ali for your supportive comment yesterday. I really appreciated it.
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