Can't believe it's been this long

This is the longest I've gone w/out blogging since I've started this blog.
I will first say that:

I am okay
My daughter is okay
New baby is okay

Since blogging last I've been working through my first trimester sickness, moved to a new rental house, went on a trip/flight for my niece's graduation, went to several Dr.'s appointments, and seen my daughter grow/change right before my eyes.

I am having a hard time admitting this, but it's the real deal...get it.....anyway, since relocating here a friend of mine who I've known over 10 years and I haven't really connected (and we are in the same city). Not sure the reasons why but I just didn't want her to follow what I was doing over a blog rather than call me.....it was bothering me. So, I just stopped writing.  But, after some time (gosh it's been almost two months) I realized my blog, working through things, and capturing memories is more important that anything else.
So, I'm back.

It feels like so much has happened since I wrote last.....first and foremost, with the new baby, everything has gone really well.  I had the C.V.S test and it all came back normal.  I also just had the first anatomy scan and all is well that they could see. Just last week I felt the baby kick for the first time and it was just like I remembered.  This baby is breech position just like my first was the entire time, so baby's head is pushing up my innards and kicking on my stretching ligaments.

I am just over 20 weeks.
AND
IT's
A........................drum roll........................

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I FOR SURE thought it was another girl. I just 'felt' girl.....so much so that I asked after my c.v.s. test if they were sure......and she said yes, of course. It is a chromosomal test so they know for sure if XX or XY.
I am really really excited. It will change the dynamic of our family in many ways but I think having some boy/male energy is great for us.

As for how I've been feeling, once I crossed say 18 weeks the morning sickness got a little better and now 2 more weeks later I feel much better. I also had a lot of fatigue (this is not all gone), but that also was probably brought on by being a single mom w/ a toddler!
I've been very thankful that my boss has allowed me to work from home as needed and that has been a life saver in terms of making it past the first trimester part.
I've been saying all along 'knock on wood' I haven't been hospitalized yet so it is a much better pregnancy thus far overall.  I haven't gained any weight yet which is great. I've been eating better than last time.....still craving carbs, but I also still want fruits and vegetables which did not happen last time. Since I am taller and bigger now you can't really see a bump, but I am feeling it. Carrying high. I go to the Dr. every two weeks for monitoring/scans etc.. My blood pressure has been just fine and no protein in urine.

Now, on to my baby girl.  Wow have we had some backtracking w/ sleeping.  She has been fighting naps tooth and nail.....she's not been doing well going to sleep at night either.  There are several reasons for this. We've moved (twice), she has two babysitters who have taught her some new habits like wanting someone to rub her back until she falls asleep and staying in the room w/ her while she sleeps. Neither of which I did. She is also in a new house, but actually once we got out of the apartment, she has taken to the house/napping better than apartment. We had screeching/screaming fests back there and sleep was even worse.... I look back pre-move to this city and it used to be so easy--well compared to now. I'd put her to bed around 6:50-7pm. She lay right down and take her bottle.....jibber/jabber to herself for 20 minutes or so and go to sleep. NOT that way now.  She has a hard time falling asleep, staying asleep, and napping. All of which means it is more stressful for mama. And, I haven't even taken her bottles away yet.
What has been great to watch and experience is her communication skills really taking off.
--when she wants you to do something, she will come over, grab your hand--even say HAND if you don't go w/ her right away, and take you to whatever she wants.
--she says poop after she poops. The babysitter thinks she's ready for potty-training. Probably so since she knows when she is going.
--she had her first sentence: No pee-pee.  I asked her in the tub if she had pee-pee and she answered.
--she said her first three-syllable word--oc-to-pus.
--she asks to hold my hand in the car when she is in her car seat and I am up front.
--she loves loves fruitsnacks.
--she still brings books over and wants to read, but her new obsession is sh.r.ek the movie.  She wants to watch it every night when drinking bottle before bed and she wants to watch it every morning when she has her morning milk.  She says sheck. sheck.  She has started anticipating the parts, the one where he pulls the wax out of his ear....I used to say AGH, gross.....and now before it comes up she says gross, gross and looks at me for acknowledgement.
--She thinks everyone she sees is someone she knows.  She has the babysitters and their daughters and husbands. All of those names she'll use when seeing someone in the store, in a magazine, etc. I have to explain, no honey that's not X, they are at home. She insists.
--She's giving more hugs and kisses than before. It is super sweet.
--her curls are growing in and they are the cutest thing ever.


Most recently we flew (for the first time since Thanksgiving) to the midwest for my niece's graduation. Family can be so complicated. I stayed at a hotel w/ my sister.....back-up-she had come down to visit about a month before and it was not the best trip. I was really frustrated because my baby girl didn't take to her very well and was in the middle of her crying/screeching phase....so my sister sort of just sat back and said oh well....didn't try much, and hung out in the chair most of the time. Was not helpful for the most part and didn't really talk much. Just not a good trip. I called her on it, and she said she'd do better next time, but sort of blew it off. That upset me even more, but at the end I just have to realize she is who she is....she's not a mom and doesn't always know what to do...So this time I said I need her to help more.......
The flights were quite stressful (we had a connection). She's an active toddler. When we had room in our row it was better so she could climb up/down/up/down.....but when we were scrunched, hold the phone it was tough. At one point she was flailing her arms because she just didn't want to sit on my lap and she threw her bottle. We were surrounded by older people and I heard a guy say 'good thing she didnt' hit anyone in the head with that bottle'. I just bit my tongue......I felt the judgement but not much I could do in that situation. She was exhausted, so was I, she hadn't napped....we had been traveling all day. Not only that, once we arrived my sister was late picking us up at the airport. I get so frustrated w/ her about this because it is a constant theme. No matter how much I fuss about it, she still does it. AND, she didn't have directions to the hotel. Seriously.....after traveling 8 hours w/ an almost two year old, my patience was gone.
I was already stressed about going on this trip at all........when the family gets together now w/out my mom, things can get outta hand quickly. I didn't really want to meet my Dad's new wife, and my sister's husband is a complete jerk and has done some terrible things to our family and his own over the years. Screwed up his kids, etc.. I can't remember the last time we saw him......but of course he'd be there because it's his kid graduating. He even had the nerve to pull his same old crap........his daughter wanted to spend the night at the hotel and we had just arrived....now 9 hours after traveling w/ a toddler. I said sure fine. Then my sister calls back and says well, they are down to one car and would we mind going to pick my niece up. UM WHAT? Did she really just ask me that?  I said listen, we just got there, we were exhausted, they have the car so drive the 9 miles over to the hotel and drop her off.
Well, guess what......they didn't do it.  It's the same shit he did w/ my mom over the years.....you can see the kids IF you follow what I want you to do. He is so ignorant it's hard to even put into words what a low-life he is. I didn't play the game.

The next day we had a dinner w/ my dad, his new wife, all of us kids (my 2 older sisters and younger brother), my daughter, and my sister's kids--2 nieces and nephew before the graduation.  It went okay for the most part. I actually liked 'showing off' my girl to everyone.  She looked darn cute in her outfit and they hadn't seen her since she was itty bitty.  She was saying everyone's name, sat pretty well at the table, etc.. that part I enjoyed. Getting to share my baby.  It's a luxury that most who have family surrounding them don't probably even think about. Or at least in my mind, they take it for granted.

And sadly enough, we missed the graduation part....well, not all of it. It was at 8pm at night, so already past bedtime. But, it was hot, and in the midwest they don't typically have air conditioning in the gyms so in there it had to have been in the 90's. I was sweating bullets, watching my child climb up/down/tyring to keep her contained....finally after 30 minutes I said forget it. I was starting to feel sick....so I packed us up and we went to the a/c car. We drove around until my brother and sister were ready to go. I felt really bad for my niece because while I left early, I learned later that my sister and brother left after they saw her get the diploma. They didn't stay until the end when they turn the tassels and you go up and hug them etc.. I was kind of frustrated w/ them because it was hard for me to do, but I thought they could have handled it and chose not to. It really was the right thing for them to do because my niece was disappointed. Realize I can't control it all.......

Anyway, it was quite a stressful trip, I was pretty exhausted from traveling, having no breaks for 4 days, worried the family was going to get crazy, so much history w/ everyone, getting frustrated that noone really helped me w/ her. Even at the picnic day after graduation everyone just plopped themselves down in the shade for about an hour while I chased my child down, watched her do somersaults, run towards the road, steal others' shoes and footballs, etc.. I was exhausted. So after about an hour I said I was really tired, and did my other sister want to go. She said no, she was fine.  I told her I'd be fine too if I just had to rest in a chair for an hour. I was tired and wanted to go. At least she was okay w/ that.

I know this trip sounds horrible and it wasn't all horrible......it was stressful and w/out much help it was super tiring. But, I hadn't seen my brother for awhile so that was nice, I got to show everyone my girl, she charmed them all, and we took some family pics w/ baby girl.
I'm glad we are back (just got back yesterday) and getting back to routine.

.....much needed for this mama.