Great news.....there is a baby w/ a heartbeat!! I went to the Dr. yesterday and through ultrasound we could see the tiny little flicker. I felt such a weight lift off my shoulders and I just breathed for the first time, it seemed, in a few days. It's crazy because I was convinced, due to the dramatic symptom changes, that it wasn't good. But good 'ole little one was measuring 6 week 3 days.
And sure enough, my symptoms are slowly returning....the nausea is really the only major one so far, other than some heartburn. Just low-grade flu yucky feeling. Not hungry but need to eat, type sickness.
I'll take it.
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
Bumpity-Bump-Bump
If only that meant my stomach. Nope, it's a good analogy to how things have gone since moving here. I couldn't have predicted the issues I've run into and I'm not too fond of this city.
Lately, as for child care, still looking for a nanny......I had a good lead on one, was supposed to meet up w/ her this past Saturday. We got it all set up and she was a no call/no show. I am thankful she showed her flakiness now instead of after going forward, but it took a lot of time to try and work this out. I have a few others I am still looking into, but still rotating babysitters. They can't do this full time or long term, so I have to make something happen soon.
My apartment is an allergen-magnet (even though it looks like a nice apartment). Since moving in, I've had to go back on allergy medication to stop the wheezing, but the sneezing and being on the brink of not breathing well is enough for me. Everyone keeps saying it is the season, etc. Well guess what? I've had allergy-induced asthma for years and I know when it is the environment or when it is the season. Trust me. So, I was avoiding the leasing office to extend my lease to 6 months until I decided what I was going to do......and I finally decided I will move out after the 3 months is up. One month down already. It is NOT what I had planned, but I just don't want to stay here when it affects my health, and likely my baby's. People at work tell me there is a lot of 'crud' in this city...not sure if this is what they meant. So, I am now looking for rental homes because I've decided I am not buying here for now. There is not much on the market (have looked since October) and frankly not sure this will be long-term enough for me to warrant purchasing. I've had lots of thoughts over the last week or so that I will continue to stew in my mind.
The hardest thing to cope w/ over the last week or so was yesterday. I think I hit almost the bottom w/ dealing w/ the continued issues of housing, my baby's care, this city, with the addition of this happening..........
I was sitting in a meeting w/ a colleague close to lunch yesterday and was feeling so nauseous. Morning sickness had kicked in pretty good. But for me it's low grade all day. Well, in the meeting as I was looking at him I thought to myself, hmmm..., I feel better. Wow, I really feel better. It was kind of like waking up in the morning you sort of are conscious, then more and more you realize you are awake. Same thing, the more and more I felt so much better. You might think this is a great thing....well, my first thought was, why is my morning sickness going away suddenly?
So what did I do, search the internet. Of course there are pretty bad stories out there about miscarriage, etc. so I got super worried. Then last night I started having cramping and this morning my breasts started un-hurting. So, I called my Dr.'s office this morning and they said that unless there is bleeding, it is common for symptoms to come and go. I asked her if you can miscarry w/out bleeding and she said in all her years of experience, it would be unusual.
However, w/in a 24 hour period all of my pregnancy symptoms had stopped. But, during today I started to feel a bit crappy again and my breasts started hurting somewhat.
I have a Dr.'s appointment tomorrow to see what we can see. It still may be too early to see if there was even a healthy baby heartbeat. I have not started any kind of bleeding so I am holding out hope, but just not sure right now.
To say the last few months have been tough is an understatement. I am trying to focus on one...day...at...a...time.
Lately, as for child care, still looking for a nanny......I had a good lead on one, was supposed to meet up w/ her this past Saturday. We got it all set up and she was a no call/no show. I am thankful she showed her flakiness now instead of after going forward, but it took a lot of time to try and work this out. I have a few others I am still looking into, but still rotating babysitters. They can't do this full time or long term, so I have to make something happen soon.
My apartment is an allergen-magnet (even though it looks like a nice apartment). Since moving in, I've had to go back on allergy medication to stop the wheezing, but the sneezing and being on the brink of not breathing well is enough for me. Everyone keeps saying it is the season, etc. Well guess what? I've had allergy-induced asthma for years and I know when it is the environment or when it is the season. Trust me. So, I was avoiding the leasing office to extend my lease to 6 months until I decided what I was going to do......and I finally decided I will move out after the 3 months is up. One month down already. It is NOT what I had planned, but I just don't want to stay here when it affects my health, and likely my baby's. People at work tell me there is a lot of 'crud' in this city...not sure if this is what they meant. So, I am now looking for rental homes because I've decided I am not buying here for now. There is not much on the market (have looked since October) and frankly not sure this will be long-term enough for me to warrant purchasing. I've had lots of thoughts over the last week or so that I will continue to stew in my mind.
The hardest thing to cope w/ over the last week or so was yesterday. I think I hit almost the bottom w/ dealing w/ the continued issues of housing, my baby's care, this city, with the addition of this happening..........
I was sitting in a meeting w/ a colleague close to lunch yesterday and was feeling so nauseous. Morning sickness had kicked in pretty good. But for me it's low grade all day. Well, in the meeting as I was looking at him I thought to myself, hmmm..., I feel better. Wow, I really feel better. It was kind of like waking up in the morning you sort of are conscious, then more and more you realize you are awake. Same thing, the more and more I felt so much better. You might think this is a great thing....well, my first thought was, why is my morning sickness going away suddenly?
So what did I do, search the internet. Of course there are pretty bad stories out there about miscarriage, etc. so I got super worried. Then last night I started having cramping and this morning my breasts started un-hurting. So, I called my Dr.'s office this morning and they said that unless there is bleeding, it is common for symptoms to come and go. I asked her if you can miscarry w/out bleeding and she said in all her years of experience, it would be unusual.
However, w/in a 24 hour period all of my pregnancy symptoms had stopped. But, during today I started to feel a bit crappy again and my breasts started hurting somewhat.
I have a Dr.'s appointment tomorrow to see what we can see. It still may be too early to see if there was even a healthy baby heartbeat. I have not started any kind of bleeding so I am holding out hope, but just not sure right now.
To say the last few months have been tough is an understatement. I am trying to focus on one...day...at...a...time.
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
18 months
I'm struggling w/ this blog a little bit. Most of the reason is that I sometimes want to work through things, use this is a journal, of sorts....but there are people IRL that read it. I've thought about going private w/ a password and maybe I'll look into that. I want to be censor-free, and right now I think through too much what I want to put out here.
In the meantime I have to share about what's going on w/ baby girl.....she turned 18 months old and is doing/saying some pretty cute things. I keep thinking 'oh I need to capture that' before I forget, so I will do it here.
What stands out is she loves books. Many times throughout the day she will grab a book and bring it to me, crawl up in my lap, and we read it. Over and over and over. We read a book tonight pajama time--4 times. It doesn't bother me, though, because it's great snuggle time for me and she really loves it. She is starting to say some of the words like pajama - de - bop...she says 'BOP'. She also anticipates when it will come up based on what she sees on the page.
Language has been interesting. Early on she had list of words she would say like up, etc. but now doesn't say them much and has started saying new words/mostly parts of words....she'll say 'bo' for fatboy (cat) 'bah' for bottle. Although when I was in the car the other day she said something plain as day...'sh*t'. It was too funny I just had to laugh. And guess what she calls me? 'DA'. What?! Yes......when I am in the other room and she's looking for me she says super loud 'Daaaaaa'. I respond and say here I am, I'm in the bathroom and here she comes. I did want to see if she could say mama or mommy....so in the car I practiced w/ her and said, can you say book, ball, etc. and then said mommy. She said mommy mommy mommy clear as day. It melted my heart. I'm still DA to her, but that's fine. When she was little I would try and teach her I am mama by patting myself and saying mama. Well, now when I ask her 'who is mama?' she pats herself! I know what she means.
It's actually great to see her more herself again i.e. active since she had been sick for almost a month with one thing or another. She learned a new trick of opening/closing doors. I was in her room, she would go in my bedroom and close herself in, then open. I started to say, bye-see ya, so now she runs over and says 'bah' and 'see', closes the door....and underneath the door I can see her little feet running to the otherside of the room, run back, open the door, and say HI....over and over. She loves this little game.
Her personality is hard to describe. I think of it more in how she behaves.... She can be intense and focused on something, she can belly laugh when tickled, she can walk up to me and give me an open-mouthed slobbery kiss.....at the same time she can stand at my feet and whine whine...wanting picked up or who knows what.....she can be devious. She knows she isn't supposed to play w/ the DVR. Well, she walks right over to it, turns around and stares at me, while pushing buttons. No pun intended. She can be pretty determined....if she can't get something one way, she will try many ways to accomplish. But, she does get frustrated and cry and fuss if she can't figure something out. She is still pretty outgoing w/ other people, however I've realized that only occurs if she has a 'safety post', like me, or babysitter. Once she is not w/ someone she knows, melt down city. She is still very curious....she wants to touch and experience everything, including climbing on everything. I always think it's interesting when people say, my baby laughs and smiles all the time. Do they really? My baby does not, and in fact sometimes can be downright challenging. She demands attention in many ways, shapes.....forget talking on the phone when she wants my attention. These are times when I wish my mom was here so I can ask her what I was like as a kid......if I think through how she is now, and knowing myself, I can suspect she will be a lot like her mama. Others have told me that too.
One other thing....she does like music. Whenever she hears some, she will start this bend her knees, bounce up and down, thing....sometimes she even throws some arms in there, swinging one from side to side. And she is pretty much on beat. No idea where she got this from since I have no rhythm.
The other funny thing is she likes to 'run'. What this entails is scrunching up her little arms at armpit height, walking, but really fast...'toddling' from side to side. The bathroom is connected to her room so she will whizz by w her little scrunched up arms, go back the other way, whizz by the bathroom door that leads to the hallway.....it is one of the cutest things I wish I could capture on film. Will have to try.
Overall, at this age she can be challenging (mostly due to the continued whining), funny, cute as a button when she 'speaks' to me/others...which she does a lot--hey, she knows exactly what she is saying, smiles and I can see her upper teeth and her lower teeth, and just......well......' my girl'.
In the meantime I have to share about what's going on w/ baby girl.....she turned 18 months old and is doing/saying some pretty cute things. I keep thinking 'oh I need to capture that' before I forget, so I will do it here.
What stands out is she loves books. Many times throughout the day she will grab a book and bring it to me, crawl up in my lap, and we read it. Over and over and over. We read a book tonight pajama time--4 times. It doesn't bother me, though, because it's great snuggle time for me and she really loves it. She is starting to say some of the words like pajama - de - bop...she says 'BOP'. She also anticipates when it will come up based on what she sees on the page.
Language has been interesting. Early on she had list of words she would say like up, etc. but now doesn't say them much and has started saying new words/mostly parts of words....she'll say 'bo' for fatboy (cat) 'bah' for bottle. Although when I was in the car the other day she said something plain as day...'sh*t'. It was too funny I just had to laugh. And guess what she calls me? 'DA'. What?! Yes......when I am in the other room and she's looking for me she says super loud 'Daaaaaa'. I respond and say here I am, I'm in the bathroom and here she comes. I did want to see if she could say mama or mommy....so in the car I practiced w/ her and said, can you say book, ball, etc. and then said mommy. She said mommy mommy mommy clear as day. It melted my heart. I'm still DA to her, but that's fine. When she was little I would try and teach her I am mama by patting myself and saying mama. Well, now when I ask her 'who is mama?' she pats herself! I know what she means.
It's actually great to see her more herself again i.e. active since she had been sick for almost a month with one thing or another. She learned a new trick of opening/closing doors. I was in her room, she would go in my bedroom and close herself in, then open. I started to say, bye-see ya, so now she runs over and says 'bah' and 'see', closes the door....and underneath the door I can see her little feet running to the otherside of the room, run back, open the door, and say HI....over and over. She loves this little game.
Her personality is hard to describe. I think of it more in how she behaves.... She can be intense and focused on something, she can belly laugh when tickled, she can walk up to me and give me an open-mouthed slobbery kiss.....at the same time she can stand at my feet and whine whine...wanting picked up or who knows what.....she can be devious. She knows she isn't supposed to play w/ the DVR. Well, she walks right over to it, turns around and stares at me, while pushing buttons. No pun intended. She can be pretty determined....if she can't get something one way, she will try many ways to accomplish. But, she does get frustrated and cry and fuss if she can't figure something out. She is still pretty outgoing w/ other people, however I've realized that only occurs if she has a 'safety post', like me, or babysitter. Once she is not w/ someone she knows, melt down city. She is still very curious....she wants to touch and experience everything, including climbing on everything. I always think it's interesting when people say, my baby laughs and smiles all the time. Do they really? My baby does not, and in fact sometimes can be downright challenging. She demands attention in many ways, shapes.....forget talking on the phone when she wants my attention. These are times when I wish my mom was here so I can ask her what I was like as a kid......if I think through how she is now, and knowing myself, I can suspect she will be a lot like her mama. Others have told me that too.
One other thing....she does like music. Whenever she hears some, she will start this bend her knees, bounce up and down, thing....sometimes she even throws some arms in there, swinging one from side to side. And she is pretty much on beat. No idea where she got this from since I have no rhythm.
The other funny thing is she likes to 'run'. What this entails is scrunching up her little arms at armpit height, walking, but really fast...'toddling' from side to side. The bathroom is connected to her room so she will whizz by w her little scrunched up arms, go back the other way, whizz by the bathroom door that leads to the hallway.....it is one of the cutest things I wish I could capture on film. Will have to try.
Overall, at this age she can be challenging (mostly due to the continued whining), funny, cute as a button when she 'speaks' to me/others...which she does a lot--hey, she knows exactly what she is saying, smiles and I can see her upper teeth and her lower teeth, and just......well......' my girl'.
Thursday, February 6, 2014
Thank You
After reading through my last post I realized that I singled out a blogger who comments regularly and didn't acknowledge everyone else!!
So, this is my thank you to all of those who read and comment on my blog. I really appreciate the congrats from yesterday....in addition, all of your notes, advice, words of encouragement, and sometimes just acknowledging that I am not crazy!
THANK YOU!!
So, this is my thank you to all of those who read and comment on my blog. I really appreciate the congrats from yesterday....in addition, all of your notes, advice, words of encouragement, and sometimes just acknowledging that I am not crazy!
THANK YOU!!
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
5 days pa.st tra.nsfer. And........
I am now 5 days pa.st tran.sfer and searched on the internet about how soon people test. It varied so much that since I was home today (w/ a still sick baby) I dug out my testers from last go-round. They were underneath my sink where I just threw all of my crap since I needed the bag they were in, but didn't feel like organizing it all--and just threw a lock on it.
Why not just do it.....so, I did what I did last time and used a cup versus holding (too messy). And wouldn't you know I totally spilled the cup. Gross.
I pretty much thought it was too early to test, wasn't sure it worked and expected to see not pregnant on the stick. The timer kept flashing and took super long--so I was fully prepared since last go round it popped up pretty quick.
If you
Can't
Believe
This one........................
At only 5 days pa.st tra.nsfer. I was so surprised I just yelled 'NO WAY'........and then more quietly said 'wow'.
BFP :)
The feelings I had right away were just happiness and peacefulness. It just feels right to expand my family and I am so thankful that it's on right track. Of course, of course long ways to go w/ getting the actual blood test, first ultrasound, making it past 12 weeks, having the C.VS test to ensure normal, etc..etc. BUT, given how my last pregnancy started out (w/ blood clot at only a few weeks along) and I spent most of the pregnancy in fear for both of us, I'd just not prefer to do that right now.
I'm choosing just to be happy! Also, I think there's just not the pressure of 'will I ever be a mother', so my mind just feels more relaxed. And let's face it, I've learned a heck of a lot from baby girl.
I emailed my sister and a couple of friends the picture above, so fun sharing the good news.
If any of you reading this know me in real life, and some of you do, please keep this to yourself until I'm able to share much later on.
I asked baby girl tonight would she like a baby brother or a baby sister? She said "yeah".
Ha.
Also, thanks S for your comments on my blog--I read every one of them and appreciate the support and advice. It really helps a lot--especially coming from someone who's 9 months ahead of me on the baby2 journey. Good luck w/ your delivery!
Why not just do it.....so, I did what I did last time and used a cup versus holding (too messy). And wouldn't you know I totally spilled the cup. Gross.
I pretty much thought it was too early to test, wasn't sure it worked and expected to see not pregnant on the stick. The timer kept flashing and took super long--so I was fully prepared since last go round it popped up pretty quick.
If you
Can't
Believe
This one........................
At only 5 days pa.st tra.nsfer. I was so surprised I just yelled 'NO WAY'........and then more quietly said 'wow'.
BFP :)
The feelings I had right away were just happiness and peacefulness. It just feels right to expand my family and I am so thankful that it's on right track. Of course, of course long ways to go w/ getting the actual blood test, first ultrasound, making it past 12 weeks, having the C.VS test to ensure normal, etc..etc. BUT, given how my last pregnancy started out (w/ blood clot at only a few weeks along) and I spent most of the pregnancy in fear for both of us, I'd just not prefer to do that right now.
I'm choosing just to be happy! Also, I think there's just not the pressure of 'will I ever be a mother', so my mind just feels more relaxed. And let's face it, I've learned a heck of a lot from baby girl.
I emailed my sister and a couple of friends the picture above, so fun sharing the good news.
If any of you reading this know me in real life, and some of you do, please keep this to yourself until I'm able to share much later on.
I asked baby girl tonight would she like a baby brother or a baby sister? She said "yeah".
Ha.
Also, thanks S for your comments on my blog--I read every one of them and appreciate the support and advice. It really helps a lot--especially coming from someone who's 9 months ahead of me on the baby2 journey. Good luck w/ your delivery!
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
4 days pa.st tra.nsfer
Well, I just don't know about this one folks.....I've been on the fence about whether this transfer worked, or not. A few times I've said yup, a few times I've said it just hasn't. As for symptoms, I haven't had many, and maybe that's why I'm not sure.....I did have a lot of twingy crampy zingers the first few days, but now on 4 days after I just don't feel a whole lot. My breasts aren't unusually sore like I wrote about last time, not much seems different. The only thing I think I see is some blue veins show up more on my breasts, but I could be imagining that. I tested 7 days after transfer last time and I think I'll do the same again. If this doesn't work I know stress can play a big role in success......and I've certainly had my fair share of stress w/ the move, daycare not going well at all, and sickness galore for both of us.
I've decided to interview some nannies. Just yesterday she refused to nap and eat most of the day. She kept pulling at her ear so they thought maybe she sick again. When we got home I fed her dinner and she ate fine (so obviously she upset at school), but I could tell she wasn't feeling well at all. Took her to the Dr. this morning and wouldn't you know, she has a bad sinus infection. Oh em gee.....she's been sick since we moved here w/ general cough, runny nose, stomach bug, and now sinus infection. didn't realize how bad the transition would be to daycare. Just not good at all.
Thank goodness I have a great boss who has helped me work through some of this craziness.
I've decided to interview some nannies. Just yesterday she refused to nap and eat most of the day. She kept pulling at her ear so they thought maybe she sick again. When we got home I fed her dinner and she ate fine (so obviously she upset at school), but I could tell she wasn't feeling well at all. Took her to the Dr. this morning and wouldn't you know, she has a bad sinus infection. Oh em gee.....she's been sick since we moved here w/ general cough, runny nose, stomach bug, and now sinus infection. didn't realize how bad the transition would be to daycare. Just not good at all.
Thank goodness I have a great boss who has helped me work through some of this craziness.
Saturday, February 1, 2014
1 day pa.st tra.nsfer
I am sitting here in my hotel room on bed rest until tomorrow.
What's happened so far:
I drove over here Thursday night--well arrived fri morning 1 am as it takes 5 hours to get here...and checked into my hotel. I was going to stay at my house but at last minute decided it would be better to get hotel thurs night, get all settled-not have to lug a bunch of bags to my room after transfer-, and be here through sunday. I tried one of my other friends to see if I could stay w/ her but she had company in town this weekend. so, hotel it was.
On fri morning I got up around 10am and decided I needed to get some food for my stay before I went to the Dr.'s office. Stopped at a grocery store and got some fruits/veg/sandwich stuff, etc. Then, worried I was going to be late, got over to the Dr.'s office at 11:15 for 11:30 appt time. As usual there was a bit of wait, which was fine, so I could eat some breakfast and relax before getting started.
It's kind of funny but it didn't even bother me that I was there by myself. I drove there, checked in, and the really nice office manager came out--who I talk to almost every time--and we chit chatted about the procedure, how she was doing etc, . It almost felt like I had a friend there anyway.
They have you drink a lot of water because you need a full bladder. Last go round they had you take the valium in the lobby, but this time, she came to get me, had me put on gown/booties, etc and take the valium then. Then I went back to the suite and laid in the same curtained area I did before my last embryo transfer. As I was laying there I was talking to myself saying, just relax.....breathe.....relax your muscles, etc. Trying to get as comfortable as possible. The valium was kicking in somewhat and I started to get sleepy. The Dr. came to talk to me and he said that of the 5 embryos they had, they thawed the 2 5-day grade A, both survived, so he would transfer both of them. The odds are 75% for one baby, so that is good. While I was waiting the Dr. went in to the other curtained area right next to mine (basically you can hear everything) and he was telling them about their report. I guess they only had 3 embryos and 2 were not good, and one had some chance of implanting. I really felt for them as I guess she had a tubal pregnancy before. He wanted to just transfer all, but they got nervous and said to only do the one okay one, and the other not okay. He said said sure, no problem. They were after me, so I got to hear the whole story.
Now it was my turn and I walked back to the procedure room. I laid on the table and on a screen on the wall they put up your name and you can see your embroys. They ask if it was me, and yes....One of the embryos looked very circular, lots of cells, the other looked pretty funky. I think I even said so in the room. The Dr. took the ultrasound and pressed pretty firmly on the outside of my uterus...kinda hurt, actually....but he looks for one particular spot to transfer the embryos and marks in on the screen. Then you see on the wall where he gets a tube? not sure what it is.....and he 'sucks up' the embryos in them. Then he positions it and puts the embryos in his spot. Walah! The 'procedure' took less than 5 minutes once we got started. This was the easiest part about the last 5 months. I then schooched myself onto another gurney and they roll me back to where I started. You stay there for 30 minutes, then are released w/ instructions to go home on bedrest, continued medication schedule, etc..
Once I got back to the hotel, it was superfull and no parking close by so I had to walk a little bit back to my room. I was pretty sleepy so ate some lunch and laid down for a really good nap.
Once I woke up I laid really still to see what I was feeling:
I was feeling some pressure in my uterus, definitely some pings and zings in different areas, but mostly on the left side. I thought I noticed my breasts being tender a bit. I feel pretty much normal otherwise. I just went back to read last go round to see how I felt and it is pretty much the same first day after transfer. But last time I had 3 day fresh versus this time 5 day frozen.
I got this from the new york fer.tility ce.nter webpage (where had good description I looked up before) to see what's happening and it seems if all worked, the blastocyst is beginning to hatch out of its shell.
Today, I still feel some twinges in my lower left part of uterus and it has a 'fullness' feeling. I still feel pretty normal and good. Yesterday I had some anxiety about gosh what if this works/doesn't work stuff and I kept thinking about my girl. I really really want to have a sibling for her and I have never seen myself w/ an only child. Is this going to be hard......heck yes. But when I get overwhelmed I need to just take it one day at a time. And have backup plans for childcare.
Speaking of my girl, after nap yesterday I called my friend to see how baby did at daycare on Friday. Drop off went better than w/ me. She did cry, but went to go play after about 10 minutes....that part was good. The rest of the report was so-so....apparently she had pulled someone's hair--maybe the helper? because they asked my friend what do I do when she needs consoled. She has hit/scratched/pulled hair, etc. on me before when she is super tired and mad, so suspect that's exactly what she was. Makes me so sad/stressed to hear that she is having such a hard time. I know it will take time but man o man it's hard. For good measure she threw up on Thursday night right before I left town.
I am going spend the rest of today and tomorrow relaxing, then go pick up my cat! who I have not seen in 10 days at my house, and drive back over to our new home/apartment. Good news there since the contract I put on a house got outbid, I suspected I will be in apartment for 6 months. SO, got them to update lease to 6 months--saves me 1200. I was very happy to hear they worked w/ me on that.
This has been a bit of a 'report out' and maybe not to interesting to read, but I wanted to keep note of as many details as I could.
What's happened so far:
I drove over here Thursday night--well arrived fri morning 1 am as it takes 5 hours to get here...and checked into my hotel. I was going to stay at my house but at last minute decided it would be better to get hotel thurs night, get all settled-not have to lug a bunch of bags to my room after transfer-, and be here through sunday. I tried one of my other friends to see if I could stay w/ her but she had company in town this weekend. so, hotel it was.
On fri morning I got up around 10am and decided I needed to get some food for my stay before I went to the Dr.'s office. Stopped at a grocery store and got some fruits/veg/sandwich stuff, etc. Then, worried I was going to be late, got over to the Dr.'s office at 11:15 for 11:30 appt time. As usual there was a bit of wait, which was fine, so I could eat some breakfast and relax before getting started.
It's kind of funny but it didn't even bother me that I was there by myself. I drove there, checked in, and the really nice office manager came out--who I talk to almost every time--and we chit chatted about the procedure, how she was doing etc, . It almost felt like I had a friend there anyway.
They have you drink a lot of water because you need a full bladder. Last go round they had you take the valium in the lobby, but this time, she came to get me, had me put on gown/booties, etc and take the valium then. Then I went back to the suite and laid in the same curtained area I did before my last embryo transfer. As I was laying there I was talking to myself saying, just relax.....breathe.....relax your muscles, etc. Trying to get as comfortable as possible. The valium was kicking in somewhat and I started to get sleepy. The Dr. came to talk to me and he said that of the 5 embryos they had, they thawed the 2 5-day grade A, both survived, so he would transfer both of them. The odds are 75% for one baby, so that is good. While I was waiting the Dr. went in to the other curtained area right next to mine (basically you can hear everything) and he was telling them about their report. I guess they only had 3 embryos and 2 were not good, and one had some chance of implanting. I really felt for them as I guess she had a tubal pregnancy before. He wanted to just transfer all, but they got nervous and said to only do the one okay one, and the other not okay. He said said sure, no problem. They were after me, so I got to hear the whole story.
Now it was my turn and I walked back to the procedure room. I laid on the table and on a screen on the wall they put up your name and you can see your embroys. They ask if it was me, and yes....One of the embryos looked very circular, lots of cells, the other looked pretty funky. I think I even said so in the room. The Dr. took the ultrasound and pressed pretty firmly on the outside of my uterus...kinda hurt, actually....but he looks for one particular spot to transfer the embryos and marks in on the screen. Then you see on the wall where he gets a tube? not sure what it is.....and he 'sucks up' the embryos in them. Then he positions it and puts the embryos in his spot. Walah! The 'procedure' took less than 5 minutes once we got started. This was the easiest part about the last 5 months. I then schooched myself onto another gurney and they roll me back to where I started. You stay there for 30 minutes, then are released w/ instructions to go home on bedrest, continued medication schedule, etc..
Once I got back to the hotel, it was superfull and no parking close by so I had to walk a little bit back to my room. I was pretty sleepy so ate some lunch and laid down for a really good nap.
Once I woke up I laid really still to see what I was feeling:
I was feeling some pressure in my uterus, definitely some pings and zings in different areas, but mostly on the left side. I thought I noticed my breasts being tender a bit. I feel pretty much normal otherwise. I just went back to read last go round to see how I felt and it is pretty much the same first day after transfer. But last time I had 3 day fresh versus this time 5 day frozen.
I got this from the new york fer.tility ce.nter webpage (where had good description I looked up before) to see what's happening and it seems if all worked, the blastocyst is beginning to hatch out of its shell.
5-Day Transfer
| Days Past Transfer (DPT) | Embryo Development |
| One | The blastocyst begins to hatch out of its shell |
| Two | The blastocyst continues to hatch out of its shell and begins to attach itself to the uterus |
| Three | The blastocyst attaches deeper into the uterine lining, beginning implantation |
| Four | Implantation continues |
| Five | Implantation is complete, cells that will eventually become the placenta and fetus have begun to develop |
| Six | Human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG) starts to enter the blood stream |
| Seven | Fetal development continues and hCG continues to be secreted |
| Eight | Fetal development continues and hCG continues to be secreted |
| Nine | Levels of hCG are now high enough to detect a pregnancy |
Today, I still feel some twinges in my lower left part of uterus and it has a 'fullness' feeling. I still feel pretty normal and good. Yesterday I had some anxiety about gosh what if this works/doesn't work stuff and I kept thinking about my girl. I really really want to have a sibling for her and I have never seen myself w/ an only child. Is this going to be hard......heck yes. But when I get overwhelmed I need to just take it one day at a time. And have backup plans for childcare.
Speaking of my girl, after nap yesterday I called my friend to see how baby did at daycare on Friday. Drop off went better than w/ me. She did cry, but went to go play after about 10 minutes....that part was good. The rest of the report was so-so....apparently she had pulled someone's hair--maybe the helper? because they asked my friend what do I do when she needs consoled. She has hit/scratched/pulled hair, etc. on me before when she is super tired and mad, so suspect that's exactly what she was. Makes me so sad/stressed to hear that she is having such a hard time. I know it will take time but man o man it's hard. For good measure she threw up on Thursday night right before I left town.
I am going spend the rest of today and tomorrow relaxing, then go pick up my cat! who I have not seen in 10 days at my house, and drive back over to our new home/apartment. Good news there since the contract I put on a house got outbid, I suspected I will be in apartment for 6 months. SO, got them to update lease to 6 months--saves me 1200. I was very happy to hear they worked w/ me on that.
This has been a bit of a 'report out' and maybe not to interesting to read, but I wanted to keep note of as many details as I could.
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