AND I MADE IT! I am so so proud of myself that I've made smart financial decisions, taken risks in real estate, and moved multiple times in my career....all which contributed to my goal.
What does this mean, what does it look like? Well, I am working through April 3, 2020. My boss and I talked and I told him I just think this is a good time for me to step away and refocus on myself. I've talked through all of this w/ my new therapist and she made a statement that is ringing w/ me......that 2020 is the year of me!
What I'm not sure of yet is how to manage with the nanny. I do want her to stay on for a bit so I can transition more easily, so likely she will work through end of April. I'm going to just see on that one i.e. see how I feel/how it goes.
I'm working w/ my therapist on a plan to make this year successful. My biggest focus is my health, the other is just finding 'me' again. I've spent the last 10 years focused on building my family and then taking care of my littles, that I got lost somewhere. I really haven't turned the mirror back at myself for such a long long time.
Im nervous--how will I feel w/ no income coming in? Can I really do this? How do I even begin? .....but, even w/ the anxious thoughts and worry, there is no better time. I'm really just tired of feeling so tired, overweight, and exhausted all of the time. I'm at my highest weight ever--in fact I weigh now what I did when I was 9 months pregnant w/ my son. That's sad.
I keep saying this to myself.....nothing will change unless I change something. Some examples....
I know this will mean I have to make a lot of changes i.e. stop drinking caffeine, limit eating out, working on a sleep routine (no napping), start exercising regularly, focus on my nutrition.....just to name a few things.
My therapist is helping me structure the next month, then summer, then fall when kids go back to school. I asked her honestly, does she think this is all doable....she said I just need support.
She's totally right. She's a firecracker....she's really smart....and I see her more of a life coach versus a therapist. She's helping me focus forward on what needs to change and steps to make that happen.
One of the things we discussed is I'm always looking forward, what's next. I've done this especially w/ my current home. I've had boxes lined up against my bedroom wall for 4 years now. Mostly because it wasn't a priority for me , but also.....I never really fully moved in here. I'm not wanting to commit to new furniture or anything because well, what if it won't fit in the new space? A few thoughts she had: the room I spend the most time in is the most disorganized (well, not including the toy room at the moment). And she's totally right. Why is that?? I've worked out of my bedroom for 2 years now and I just don't enjoy the space anymore. Also she says.. why don't you get a desk?? And yes, of course I need a desk.
So my homework was, look at buying a desk. Interestingly enough that turned into, I don't really want an office space in my bedroom. I want that space totally clear. So then I said, why don't I call my designer friend who helped me w/ construction house to come and make my home more of what I want i.e help make the space I have more functional for me and the kids. The reality is, we'll likely be here for the next year to two (I don't want to commit longer than that!), but why not make it a home I love, that I'm proud of the way it looks, etc..
So, I'm going to focus on that and just do it. Not look at magazines for 4 months and not complete it.
I'm kind of excited to already have a project I can focus on.
Overall there are big changes coming, but I am SO so excited......nervous, anxious....but mostly looking forward to getting strong and healthy again. The reason I wrote at the top (maybe taking a break) is that I'm not sure how I'm going to think/feel. So, I'm giving myself a year. I may go back to work after that, I may work part time, etc.. but I want to at least say one year--it seems more palatable to me and less overwhelming to think about.
Speaking of other new beginnings.......we needed to re-set expectations in the house. There started to be a lot of arguing, fighting, etc.. and they both (well, mostly my girl) were really pushing things w/ the nanny.
SO, we made up new house rules and consequences. They apply to me too. I sat them down in the living room and I explained why we needed these rules, and they jumped on board helping to create them AND to come up w/ the consequences. I feel like it really really has helped give us some structure again. They are behaving much better as well. I was really proud of how quickly they stepped in to share what they were thinking and come up w/ a solution.
Here they are. They are written out and taped up above our fireplace.
Another first in the house: my girl is going on her first sleep over at her friend June's house tonight. I can't believe she's old enough for this! This little girl was in her class last year, but this year they became much closer and are now BFF's. We went to June's birthday at her house a few months ago, she's come here for a playdate (which was interesting because she's not used to having a little brother following all around, so wasn't too fond of that and went home early). But my girl and June have been hatching a plan to have a sleep over for like two weeks. She's super excited.....however, I've been trying to delicately say she can always come home if she needs to. Her brother is having a fit. He's been walking around all week saying, 'That's not fair!'. Poor guy...when we first learned June's mom said yes, he asked where he was going to sleep? I had to explain that just his sister was going and he's been frustrated ever since. I told him we'll do some fun stuff too and to not worry. Maybe we'll even get donuts.
My girl is always making something, so here's some cute things I've captured......
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| I love her spelling. "Cat Dance Party".... |
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| Her trap for the tooth fairy. See the tape on the magnets and animals? Her tooth is in the magnet box (she lost it at school) She even made a little Welcome sign. |
We just finished flag football for the first time w/ my son. He loved it. Although it's supposed to be 'flag football', he tended to actually tackle a few of the kids. Oh em gee. He does this at home too....constantly tackling his sister. I had to actually put it in the rules....tackling ok ONLY if the other person agrees. It was about two months of Saturdays, and the next sport we are off to is soccer at end of March through May. My girl said she's ready to get back into sports again. She's feeling so much better....we've added vitamin D drops to her daily and it really has seemed to help w/ the fatigue.
One last new beginning....my son learned how to read!! Shortly after his 5th birthday last fall, I noticed that when we watched football he was always saying the right teams. I assumed he just memorized their mascots, etc.. but as the season continued, he'd say hey mom, the ravens are playing the eagles, or something like that. I would always ask him, 'how do you know that'? He'd say,
I just know". Then after football was over, we've started watching basketball. And then it became, hey mom, Kansas is playing Wisconsin, the score is 20 to 10.....Kansas is rated, the other team isn't, etc.. He started understanding records, ratings, and scores. Which I LOVE because watching sports is something I've always enjoyed. Anyway, just recently he started reading words out of books and words on things/papers he saw. It was so exciting!!
I think it's hilarious that my son learned to read from watching sports and could read most NFL and basketball teams before even reading in an actual book.
Such a boy.
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